HF,
IMHO (opinion of 1), all you can really do is to be the rock that your kids can lean on, to be there for them if and when they need to talk/vent/rant and to be able to pull that off without adding your own judgement/pain into the mix (NOT easy, believe me).
Example might be that D(oldest) comes to you and rants that her mom was there with some guy and gives the gory details. What she will likely need is someone to hear her, acknowledge and validate that she is feeling angry/confused/betrayed/let down but without the "Yeah, MLCW really has her head shoved up her ... fog... she is a beast... etc., etc." THAT part is not healthy and can really backfire
Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Survival Instructions for NewbiesSite Map A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A
REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
