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Author Topic: My Story At a total loss

P
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My Story At a total loss
#150: November 16, 2021, 02:06:47 PM




Let me put it bluntly..... "That person" does not currently exist. "That person" is suppressed to the point of non-existence. The person that walks, talks (at least in tone) and looks like the person formerly known as "Spouse" has been replaced with a Body Snatcher Pod in the Garden Shed or, if you are a "Men In Black"  fan, a "Bug in an Edgar" suit who's one and only concern is getting her next fix of "happy" and who doesn't give a rat's patoot who she has to run over to get it.



or


This  is what I have to keep telling myself. And thank you for the 2 x 4.  :)
Pacman- I feel every word your saying and you could literally be talking for me. We are living the same f’d up reality and we both have the same values and mindset. They are not living their best life. They barely exist. My XH did the same things. Lied she existed. Then when I found out said they were just friends. He even made up a story that she was an ex co- worker that he ran into at a fast food restaurant and she approached him to say hi. It’s insane.

I will tell you… he moved her in two weeks ago and he immediately started working 5 am to 8pm 7 days a week and now is traveling to get away from her already. They are not happy. It is so hard to see them this way. You want so bad for them to come to their senses, but it is going to be a long road. They have to travel it. That has never been clearer then seeing how he is handling this move in. Already escaping and avoiding her.

They created a lot of destruction and chaos and even if they see it they still feel compelled to ride it out. I would not put it past my XH to marry her shortly. He can not be alone and cant see a way back right now. Honestly. The road back as I see it looks pretty hard and  I am not crazy. So, I can only imagine how they see it all. I have told him recently their is absolutely no place in my life for him if he is with her and keeps on this path. For my own sanity I needed to move on and any friendship was not possible. If this is the way he wants to live and it is what he thinks will make him happy then he should live it, but I cant be a part of it.

We just have to do what all the great minds before us have said. Move on. Live our lives like they are not coming back. Focus on our selves. I an with you. There is no way I could get into any relationship with anyone now. We have been run over by a semi truck and there is just to much healing to do. For us and our families. One thing I do believe is We have to turn the focus on us. Get to a better place first. Our kids and families will all fall back in line after.

Take care of you Pacman. That is what Intend to do. We are way to busy trying to put all the puzzle pieces together for everyone else and we are not healing because of it. It’s just so hard, isn’t it? Let me tell you. I lost a D14 to cancer and I think this has been harder to deal with. That says a lot. This is a situation that you just can not rationalize and for a person who lives with honesty and integrity and puts others first… you just cant make sense of it.
The lies and lack of morality is just so immense.
I know that I am getting great advice here......it's just the step change that I struggle with daily.
Some days I would not piss on her if she was on fire.
How they "think" they are living their best life is totally beyond me.
Todays society is so throw away and fake due to social media. People just give up when it gets tough.
The blindness to the nuclear bomb they dropped and then run away from is just unfathomable.
I agree friendship is totally off the table. No way I'm going to be a part of her life if she continues with her AP.
I am sorry about your daughter  :(.
Moving on is where I struggle. Still in a massive rut and full of self pity. She says that she wants the best for me.......BS. That's for her guilt not because she really wants it.
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K
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At a total loss
#151: November 16, 2021, 07:22:59 PM
You shouldn’t have replied to her text about passing in the car.

You shouldn’t be having text exchanges.

You shouldn’t be discussing the relationship.

If she contacts you, you respond only if she is asking a question or if it is related to children. Don’t respond to anything before coming here, and re-read this website’s resources.

The more you interact, the more you’ll tear yourself apart.

I get that you’re hurting Pac. We’ve all been there. Isn’t it about time you did what you need so she can’t keep hurting you? ie stop interacting and start walking the other way.
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P
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At a total loss
#152: November 16, 2021, 08:16:17 PM
You shouldn’t have replied to her text about passing in the car.

You shouldn’t be having text exchanges.

You shouldn’t be discussing the relationship.

If she contacts you, you respond only if she is asking a question or if it is related to children. Don’t respond to anything before coming here, and re-read this website’s resources.

The more you interact, the more you’ll tear yourself apart.

I get that you’re hurting Pac. We’ve all been there. Isn’t it about time you did what you need so she can’t keep hurting you? ie stop interacting and start walking the other way.
Fair enough about the text.
I've given up talking about the relationship (because there isn't one).
No more questions from me as I believe she is going to lie anyway.

Hurting me? She did that when she had the affair, got caught and left the family.
Again, if she is as done as she says.....then do it. Grab her gear, take settlement and leave me alone. I know she isn't acting rationally

I've read all the resources numerous times but it all points to letting go, giving up, accepting it and moving on.
I'm not anywhere near ready to do that even though I've tried.
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« Last Edit: November 16, 2021, 08:27:33 PM by Pacman »
"Trying to taste green with my elbow ;-)"

H
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At a total loss
#153: November 16, 2021, 09:13:47 PM
I've read all the resources numerous times but it all points to letting go, giving up, accepting it and moving on.
I'm not anywhere near ready to do that even though I've tried.

Hi Pac,

It now has been over 1 year since BD for me and my W is still lying and off in her fantasy world.   I have worked to accept this and let go but I have not given up on my marriage although I am at the brink of D.   I am not moving on but moving forward with my life for me and my kids.   This MLC experience is awful but I still have joy in my life.   Keep posting  and in time it will get easier with each coming day.

HF
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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021

J
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At a total loss
#154: November 16, 2021, 09:34:58 PM
I've read all the resources numerous times but it all points to letting go, giving up, accepting it and moving on.

Seconding what HF said. It's not necessarily giving up, and you don't have to accept the situation but more the fact that you have no control over it. It's moving towards thinking with your head rather than your heart. It's a long slog, and you need strength in order to not give up. The strength you build will help you whether or not the outcome is what you're hoping for.

And as always, easier said than done.

JB
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P
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At a total loss
#155: November 17, 2021, 12:57:21 AM
I'll get back to responding....
But she just sent me a message that her mum who is in early stages of dementia has a brain scan tomorrow 

"I hope all goes well"???
Is that how I respond.
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S
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Re: At a total loss
#156: November 17, 2021, 01:13:37 AM
New thread please.

Thanks
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BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017 and still going with no sign of reconciliation.

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Re: At a total loss
#157: November 17, 2021, 10:12:12 AM
I'll get back to responding....
But she just sent me a message that her mum who is in early stages of dementia has a brain scan tomorrow 

"I hope all goes well"???
Is that how I respond.

That's a reasonable reply, Pacman.
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P
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Re: At a total loss
#158: November 17, 2021, 01:41:22 PM
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