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Author Topic: My Story Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!

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My Story Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
OP: October 15, 2021, 08:25:45 PM
Part 12!!
link to previous https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11770.0

Journaling (Monday):
We got thru the party on Saturday, W was able to do it without collapsing afterward: her best showing yet. I was impressed, and it was very good for her to interact with her family. Social interaction, so needed, so healthy.
I noticed the use of my name a lot more this weekend...... it's nice having a name. Strange how that comes and goes (just like everything else).
MIL her BF took us to dinner last night..... it was really good. Very nice time. At one point, I did something that used to be very normal (for me) and as I made a joke in the restaurant booth, I laughed and leaned over to bump W with my shoulder. This has not happened in years(?)...... W was shocked and froze...... I was shocked and froze. HAHAHAHAHA!! It was natural, just happened (good). An odd feeling to have something so normal happen once again, and reassuring that it's still in there.  ;)

Tomorrow I say bye to MIL and her BF. It was a good visit. I'm sure they are long since homesick (I would be)..... and it'll be just W and myself once again. That will be strange for a few days, but it won't be long until she runs away for the holidays, so I guess it won't be strange for long  :-X

(Friday)
What a week!! I had to go on the road for a few days for work...... it went great. MIL and BF departed while I was away...... but I had a really nice thing happen on the road: I like to visit malls when I'm on the road. Nice to walk around, nice to see something that reminds me of youth and better times, nice to see how stores are faring (usually not too well, sometimes the malls are half shut down and empty). Anyway, I visited a bookstore and got something I really wanted to read, and then went walking. Not a big mall, and on the way back I could see a woman walking in my direction (and looking at me)..... I like to people watch, so I looked at her then scanned the rest of the area, bringing my eyes back to her. She was still looking at me and getting closer..... even with the covid mask on, I could tell she was smiling, she had that squint in the eyes that you only get from a genuine smile. She was extremely attractive, and young. Very obviously a collage student, mid 20's, dressed very nice...... and I was still in a suit from work. As she passes she says "You look really nice"..... oh wow. HA HA!! Well that was a really good feeling. I have to admit, I was having a great time at the mall, dressed really nice, and it showed. My bag from Barnes and Noble was twirling in my hand, not a care in the world, loving life...... if music could be playing, it would have been "Staying Alive" because I wasn't walking, I was strutting (if anyone get's that John Travolta reference).  ;D

It's nice to have the house without visitors. W has been working late every night, and I'm back to my workout routine. Life is "normal" for what this normal is. I bought candy for the trick or treat'ers, we didn't hardly get any last year, I'm hoping for a better turnout this time. I feel for all the cooped up kids, what a ripoff Covid has been for them. I always buy good candy in the hopes that it will make some child happy.  :D
Always something to look forward to next, always something in the queue.  :D
With the holidays getting close and knowing that I will be alone once again, it's time to fill up the calendar with things to do. It so strange that since MLC began, I've been busier than ever doing fun things. Before I'd have been so concerned with work and missed these bits of life. Another reason to be thankful for MLC. Oh that reminds me to find a spook house.  :P

One day at a time,

-SS

 
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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
#1: October 15, 2021, 08:53:40 PM
Hey Offroad,

I promised to answer on the new thread.... (I don't know if this quote is going to work or not)



I also have a question.
Quote from: Standing Strong on October 07, 2021, 07:58:04 AM
I find that as LBS progresses the need, desire or acceptance of outside affirmation continues to wane. I wonder if there comes a point where outside influence is completely irrelevant. That is a sad thought. On one hand, it would imply strength...... but really it just says you are not vulnerable, and emotionally closed.


Why would a person feeling outside influence is irrelevant mean (to you, anyway) that they are not vulnerable or emotionally closed? I can see where that COULD occur, but not where if A, the B MUST follow. Do you not think you can you can think outside influence from someone could be irrelevant to whatever situation you are dealing with, yet still recognize that their attempt at influence is important to them and act accordingly? Kind of like when someone tries to give advice before they know the whole picture. They have no influence because you know they don't know the whole picture, but you know they are just trying to help. I don't think that makes a person emotionally closed off, just discerning on what is important. But perhaps I am not understadning your meaning?

What I was meaning is that it's very easy to become sealed off when you are protecting yourself.... and easy when getting stronger to discount things from others as you learn to rely on yourself. This is understandable since we can learn that one of the only people that doesn't let us down, is us. Given long enough, can someone end up in a place when they discount everything external as everything external is a potential threat? I know a lot of people who think they listen, but hear nothing. That would be easy to do. That is what I mean about being on guard for. I want to be open, to be vulnerable....... because even though being vulnerable leaves you open to pain, pain is ok. Just a fact of life..... and for me, pain is a reminder that I am alive, that I still care, that I'm still human and not a robot.  :P HA!!
The insulating stasis of limbo is devoid of feeling except for pains of the past. I'm eager for new pain, not for the sake of pain but what comes with it. Joy has elements of pain because highs can't wax eternal, and lows just mean a better time is coming. New emotions mean moving into and thru the present, and that is a great feeling because it isn't the past.
So while you could discount an external influence for various reasons rationally, even discounted things should come with feeling because all things all interactions with people should have an empathetic resonance to some degree. If that is missing, if that is shielded, then do we hear? We can listen, but that could only be words: Like the Charlie Brown teacher "Waa Waa Wa-Wa Waah"..... in one ear and out the other..... are we reached, do we consider, do we feel the intention of the outside input? Can we appreciate, or consider in depth? It would be so easy to lose this. That's what I mean.  :) ;) :)

-SS
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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
#2: October 15, 2021, 10:14:24 PM
In the words of Bart Simpson, There's only one thing to do at a moment like this: Strut. (I tried to post the gif, but couldn't figure it out after my limit of 37 seconds. Ursa, help me out here!)

I'm glad the big weekend went well, and it's funny how gestures (like bumping shoulders) can stick with you. I'm an early riser, and sometimes when I'd go to wake up W on the weekends, she would reach towards me and make a grabbing motion with her hand, as a signal to come snuggle with her. That was a cute one.

Thoughts are with you for the solo holidays, but at least it's something you've made it through before.

JB

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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
#3: October 15, 2021, 10:33:16 PM
Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!  Indeed (and LOL).

But yes.... You are doing well IMHO. I think it is kind of interesting that though our marriages took a very different route, the paths of inner (and external) growth both of us undergo and experience have been very similar.

Alvin

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At time of BD.... Me: 43, XW: 41
Kids: G19,G18,G14,G12,S5
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years

BD ("I don't love you"): Feb 2019, 
BD2 ("I don't want to fix this marriage."), Mar 2020
D filed May 2020, D finalized Dec 2020
I have moved on, and am in new relationship.

Lessons from Stoicism and REBT helped me to exit the chaos zone and become a better person. 

"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. - Epictetus"

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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
#4: October 16, 2021, 12:36:51 PM
Ah, thank you, SS. If I understand correctly, you were equating "completely irrelevant" with no emotional attachment  and maybe not caring about what someone else says or does ever and  I equated "completely irrelevant" as being inapplicable for any given situation, which in my mind has no bearing on vulnerability or emotional connection and is situational not a lifestyle choice :) . Much appreciated.

Glad to hear your party went well, and truly, there is nothing as attractive as a confident, loving life person. You keep doing you.
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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
#5: October 16, 2021, 04:19:40 PM
Quote
.. if music could be playing, it would have been "Staying Alive" because I wasn't walking, I was strutting (if anyone get's that John Travolta reference).  ;D
.

I just got the best laugh from this . I just love it and can visualize it in my head!  I think your sense of humour has saved you time and time again...how wonderful! I seem to have lost mine along the way but do need to search it out. Your positive vibes make you a rather unique LBS . I truly admire that about you. I also acknowledge a deep wisdom in you , I can feel it time and time again. Bravo to you!
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Bomb Drop April 2013
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The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
#6: October 16, 2021, 06:01:27 PM
Quote
Your positive vibes make you a rather unique LBS . I truly admire that about you. I also acknowledge a deep wisdom in you , I can feel it time and time again. Bravo to you!

I totally agree with what Barbie wrote. Thank you for sharing your journey...shows that life doesn't end with MLC
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
#7: October 16, 2021, 06:23:28 PM
Hi SS,
 I agree with others on your positivity and I also appreciate your descriptions of interactions with your W.  I only get short interactions with my W since she moved out but I do see similarities in their struggles.  It has helped me to better understand this journey.

HF

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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
#8: October 16, 2021, 06:48:33 PM
Joining you for this leg of the journey, SS, and also acknowledging your wisdom and positivity. You have been such a source of inspiration on this winding path.
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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
#9: October 16, 2021, 08:55:46 PM
Ugghh, I had a potentially triggering day...... but it turned out alright.
Was not planning on Journaling again so soon..... such is life.

I get up very early..... three hours before spin class. Normally I'd just stay up and read..... but W had one of those nights where she gets a little closer than normal. Not touching mind you, but almost. I think touch is one of the hardest things to do without. A couple years have ticked by now, no touch. So on nights/mornings like this, I enjoy something that is closer, maybe resembles a better time. I like to imagine that in her sleep, she's still able to try and seek me out..... which could be nonsense, but it suits me.  ;) So I climbed back into bed, smiled, and fell fast asleep..... missing my class (but it was worth it).
Later after getting up for real  ;) I start to read. W has been awake for hours on her phone while in bed (as usual).
She shows up in my doorway and says "we need to talk". Oh..... wow..... this hasn't happened in a long time. Ok. Good or Bad (normally bad, LOL!!). She says her "friend" down near her mom's..... his father just passed away. Ok. That's too bad, and difficult for anyone.... unconfirmed OM or not. She wants to "lend" him the money for the funeral. Several thousand dollars.   ::)  ??? >:( :o

Of course a bunch of things went thru my head. Clamping down on myself, I thought about it quickly as I walked to the doorway, and realized that really there wasn't much to think about. She makes money, she can do whatever she wants. I'm not her enemy, and I'm not going to make myself into one by throwing a barrier into this. So I tell her "It's completely up to you"..... And with that, I release all the potentially bad feelings I have about it. Her choice, not mine. I don't expect to see the money ever come back, but I really don't care about that. Her eyes tear up and she very obviously becomes emotional. She starts giving a spiel about "he doesn't have anyone", "he doesn't have money", on and on..... and I stop her and say again "It's completely up to you" and leave it at that. I think she was surprised, but I can't be sure. I have no idea what she expected from me, it just isn't my bag of rocks, and I won't let it be my bag of rocks.

For a moment, there was a flash of emotion in me. Some outrage. I'm virtually certain this person is one of her OM's (I think the most significant one). Since she can become emotional for him, and no one else except her mom..... it just screams WRONG..... and to drain some of our resources to help HIM...... yes.... for a moment, I flashed hot (on the inside). I guess I had hoped that situation had burned out more than it has (not that I would know anyway). She'll be going down there again soon enough. Just a crappy thing, right?

So I went about my day..... went grocery shopping. By the time I got back, she was off wiring money to him. The speed in which she moves for him..... another sign (to me) of being the main OM. The amount also..... she balks at helping her immediate family for much less. Seems clear as day to me, but unconfirmed. I will not accuse without total proof.  One day there will be a reckoning, but not today.
She was nice the rest of the day...... obviously. That is the way she is. When she wants something, or gets something big: extra nice, extra talkative..... for a short while.
It's so easy to forget it's not about us (LBS), and it's not. I doubt he has any way to pay her back, who knows if that matters or not, or even if there's any intention to do so. Perhaps he will burn her on the money and she'll care, or perhaps not. She'll have another thing to look back on later and (hopefully) reflect "what was I thinking?". All par for the course. It's too bad we get curves in the road like this. They stink.

On the plus side..... to improve the day I went shopping for pet toys (the little animals are innocent, and they deserve a good life), the little dog got a cow hoof. He's never had one before. HE LOVES IT!! As part of the "nice time", I took advantage to let him out for hours and hours as W and I watched some new show she found on Netflix (Maid, which is a GREAT show). He had a wonderful time, Such a joy to see the little creature be so happy. His life is so simple. He is so easy to be the happiest little boy on earth. So much can be learned from a little dog.  ;D

One day at a time,

-SS
   
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