[HeavenlyFocus]

Hi SS,

My life is centered around upcoming dance competitions for my daughter in Las Vegas and Orlando.   I am only going to part of the Las Vegas competition as my girls will be with their mom.   With the Orlando competition, I get the girls for the entire week and then we have another week on the beach in Florida with my entire family.    It will be an exciting summer and I can’t wait to get away.

After that, don’t know about what I will do in the fall.  Just going to enjoy life and see where the wind blows.  Excited about my future.

HF

[HeavenlyFocus]

Wow!  I can't believe it's been since April since I last posted.   As I have entered year 3 since BD, things have just settled into the new normal with the occasional craziness from my XW.

My oldest D16 just got her license and we got her a call for her birthday.  She is so responsible and it has been great to see her mature as she has gotten part-time job at a fast food place and has focused on her studies.  I couldn't be more proud and life has really stabilized for her.

My youngest D14 (turns 14 tomorrow) is still busy with dance and school.   She has really good chance of being a professional dancer so I continue to support her on her journey.   We went to Orlando this summer for a dance competition and then met my family in Florida for a beach vacation.  It was the best trip that I have had since BD.

As for XW, she has been slowly doing more for our kids which I am grateful for.   She still isn't stable, often forgets things, and needs my help with the kids more when she has them (we split custody 50/50).   Funny story.  Probably the craziest thing is she called me from the ER to help come get her and take her home when she extreme back pain.  While I picked her up, she had to have a virtual call with her counselor as she would charged if she cancelled last minute.   I literally went to pick up her medicine for her while she sat in the parking lot talking to her counselor. 

For those that haven't followed my story, my XW almost died over 10 years ago and spent over 3 months in the hospital.   I was her caregiver throughout her marriage as she dealt with a chronic GI condition.   I honestly felt conflicted when she asked for me help, but I finally decided I would do the minimum to help her in need while my kids still live with her full time.   Things will change later when the kids are in college but I don't want my kids to remember that I ever abandoned their mother.  Now, I do it for them and not for my XW.

Most importantly is that my life has been really settling down.   My work was really crazy at the beginning of the year but the recent months have been really positive.   I feel back to my normal self which really feels wonderful.  I am also excited to go spend time with my Dad and two brothers at my brother's cottage in PA later this month.

Lastly I have really come to peace with the D and accepted my XW's current journey.  I am lonely at times but also know that my focus needs to be on me and my kids right now.  It would be nice to find someone someday but it will come in the right time.

Appreciate everyone's stories as I still read often and will continue to post from time-to-time when I have interesting things to share. 

HF

[FaithWalker]

Good to hear from you HF.  You continue to be the rock for your kids and choosing to do thing for their M is a great example of an honorable man.

[MadLuv]

I envy those that still have kids in the ages where you can enjoy their interests and activities. My kids are adults. My grandson recently started baseball and that has been so fun to be able to go watch.

I also agree that I am also in a good place, but it definitely can still be lonely and my kids are just now really feeling the loss and affects of their fathers disconnect on them.

I think showing support of your XW is a wonderful thing for your kids to see. I think to just know that there is some love for that person still no matter what lets them know that they did truly come from a place of love. My parents divorce was so bad. I questioned if I should even exisit for the longest time. So, don’t underestimate what that means and shows them.

[HeavenlyFocus]

Thanks ML,

I know your kids are older but you appear to be making memories for your kids going to NFL games and still creating the family atmosphere that they need.

Journaling:

We got to celebrate D14's birthday and she had a Taylor Swift Eras party where we had pizza out with her fiends and then went to see the Taylor Swift concert movie that came out this weekend.  All the girls dressed up for the movie and I even came in costume with a T Kelce shirt.  (ML, I am sure you have seen plenty of Taylor lately as she has become T Kelce's #1 fan.)

What was interesting is my XW really seemed to be struggling with working together for the party.  She went out of town this past week, and told me it was for work.  I'm pretty sure she is still lying and she went alway with someone.   With her being gone,   I took care of most of the planning and she got upset when I didn't get the right color balloons.  She then starting saying that we shouldn't plan parties in the future and should have our own individual partier for our girls .  I just responded that it would be best for our kids to have one party and I'm willing to work together next year.

At the party she basically ignored me and since then hasn't responded to our parent communication messages instead communicating indirectly through the kids.  Clearly she is struggling with balancing her "new life" while interacting with me civilly,   I am so glad I found this forum because it really helped me to detach and I'm not impacted by her craziness anymore.   I hope that we can continue to work together regarding birthdays for our kids but understand she may push away as she moves on to her new life.   Interested to see what happens as I can't imagine keeping things secret for so long.     My kids know what is going on but I can read their body language that their Mom is struggling.

For newbies, the more you can let the craziness of the MLCer go, the easier it is for you to heal.  I can only control me and I know have other relationships that are meaningful even if I'm not in a serious relationship with someone right now.

Going to visit by Dad and brothers this week as we plan to watch Ohio State play Penn State Saturday and watch the Cleveland Browns play on Sunday.   For NFL fans, the Browns defense is elite as we bullied the 49ers offensive line.

Just trying to GAL and find peace while ignoring the craziness.

HF

[forthetrees]

OMG- the color of the balloons. Just shows ta go ya that you cannot please an MLCer and shouldn´t even waste energy trying.

[Reinventing]

For newbies, the more you can let the craziness of the MLCer go, the easier it is for you to heal.

Well said. You sound good.

OMG- the color of the balloons. Just shows ta go ya that you cannot please an MLCer and shouldn´t even waste energy trying.

Yes, it wasn't us and it wasn't the marriage. So there is nothing we can do to please them and our energy needs to focus on getting us healthy and sound. Otherwise we get sucked into their confusion, dysfunction, and disarray.

[UrsaMajor]

OMG- the color of the balloons. Just shows ta go ya that you cannot please an MLCer and shouldn´t even waste energy trying.

Seriously....

That is a new one for the "The most WTF excuses given by the Mid-Lifer" list and rates right up there with "You let the dog get fat" and "You didn't cook the Bratwursts correctly."

[HeavenlyFocus]

Thank you everyone.   The one thing I have learned is to not react to my XW's outbursts.   It really was not about the balloons but instead was about her inability to prioritize our D's birthday.    She was obviously with the OM and came back into town late the morning of the party.   Although I never brought up the situation, I did let her know that I planned to continue to prioritize our kids's birthdays and would be open to working with her next year.   Seems she is struggling with some of her decisions so I will just let her be.

Cheers to everyone.  Hope you are having a great week!

HF

[UrsaMajor]

Thank you everyone.   The one thing I have learned is to not react to my XW's outbursts.   It really was not about the balloons but instead was about her inability to prioritize our D's birthday.    She was obviously with the OM and came back into town late the morning of the party.   

Ah yes. Blame-shifting at its finest.... MLC Life-Skill #2 on the resume, - directly following Projection.... and right before "Historical Revisionism."