Such good news about your sister, yay for that!
Turning to your last couple of posts…..
It’s probably important that you understand and accept the strong likelihood that right now your emotions (understandably) are running very hot. And a bit like the quote from Alice in Wonderland, you are probably having six different emotions before breakfast! Accepting this helps you create a gap between the entirely reasonable feelings - anger, fear, helplessness, grief et al - and the very normal impulse to scratch an itch by DOING something with the feeling. Strong emotions can be a good driver, but a lousy navigator
Don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying you should not take action. I’m just saying that you would be wiser to not take big actions or make big declarations while you are running hot. Give your thinking brain a chance to catch up with your feelings brain if that makes sense. If only bc your choices from here are about your life treasures - your children’s wellbeing, your future emotional and financial stability, your own sense of agency and where you invest the energy of your one precious life.
So, keep slowing your roll
On the other issues you posted about, I’m going to helicopter up for a moment and invite you to do the same. Hard for feelings brains to do, easier when we can engage our thinking brains, right? Which is why it’s also easier to do from the cheap high up seats over here lol.
With the great gift of hindsight, I think the core of the learning process for most LBS is about what I’d call Serenity Prayer Sees The Real Life Rabbit 101, regardless of whether one is a person of faith or not
Remember the Serenity Prayer?
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him Forever and ever in the next.
To accept the things I cannot change…..what are they?
Courage to change the things I can….what are they? And what fears do you need to navigate through to do that?
And the wisdom to know the difference….how do
you distinguish one from the other?
And, often forgotten when folks refer to the Serenity Prayer….
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time….or what we call GAL, what’s the balance between what I’m struggling with and this?
And
Taking, as He did, this sinful world As it is, not as I would have it….or what we sometimes call Detachment or Acceptance here, the extent to which we find our own way to deal with how it actually is at a given moment as opposed to how we want it to be or think it should be
So, I’m going to invite you to take a beat and run a scan over the issues you posted….everything from the date he goes, the kid’s holiday days, the Antalya flat, introducing ow, future holidays, his opinion or appreciation of you, his job choices, child support, the nature and extent of his relationship with his children, being knowingly married to this kind of man right now, what you want for your children, what you want for yourself, conversations you think you should have or intend to have with him…..the whole list, all of it, whatever you are chewing on big or small.
Use the Serenity Prayer as a kind of mental ruler.
And at least in the privacy of your own mind, or with a bit of paper, or in conversation with the Big Guy….
What can you
really control? And what can you not, even if you wish you could? And how do you find a way to make peace with accepting the specific realities in your current situation that you cannot change or control?
How can you find a way to live in the moments of your life with some joy regardless?
What does a pathway to Peace in your own life and spirit look like to you from where you are right now? There’s a Buddhist principle I’m going to maul now which is something to the effect that humans suffer when we try to fight reality bc reality tends to win lol…..peace and freedom from suffering, the kind of deep suffering that most LBS know sadly, starts to come when we find a way to work with reality not against it. But that takes a bit of time and intentional effort for most of us, ha ha.
And how can you grow and keep a clear eyed focus on As It Is as opposed to As I Want It To Be?
Sending you a very big encouraging hug from here. It’s easy to see that you are so much stronger, smarter and creative than you probably feel right now but we can see it, and that you will figure it out x