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1
Our Community / Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
« Latest by AlvinTheMaker on October 15, 2021, 10:33:16 PM »
Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!  Indeed (and LOL).

But yes.... You are doing well IMHO. I think it is kind of interesting that though our marriages took a very different route, the paths of inner (and external) growth both of us undergo and experience have been very similar.

Alvin

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Our Community / Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
« Latest by JohnnyBravo on October 15, 2021, 10:14:24 PM »
In the words of Bart Simpson, There's only one thing to do at a moment like this: Strut. (I tried to post the gif, but couldn't figure it out after my limit of 37 seconds. Ursa, help me out here!)

I'm glad the big weekend went well, and it's funny how gestures (like bumping shoulders) can stick with you. I'm an early riser, and sometimes when I'd go to wake up W on the weekends, she would reach towards me and make a grabbing motion with her hand, as a signal to come snuggle with her. That was a cute one.

Thoughts are with you for the solo holidays, but at least it's something you've made it through before.

JB

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Our Community / Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
« Latest by Standing Strong on October 15, 2021, 08:53:40 PM »
Hey Offroad,

I promised to answer on the new thread.... (I don't know if this quote is going to work or not)



I also have a question.
Quote from: Standing Strong on October 07, 2021, 07:58:04 AM
I find that as LBS progresses the need, desire or acceptance of outside affirmation continues to wane. I wonder if there comes a point where outside influence is completely irrelevant. That is a sad thought. On one hand, it would imply strength...... but really it just says you are not vulnerable, and emotionally closed.


Why would a person feeling outside influence is irrelevant mean (to you, anyway) that they are not vulnerable or emotionally closed? I can see where that COULD occur, but not where if A, the B MUST follow. Do you not think you can you can think outside influence from someone could be irrelevant to whatever situation you are dealing with, yet still recognize that their attempt at influence is important to them and act accordingly? Kind of like when someone tries to give advice before they know the whole picture. They have no influence because you know they don't know the whole picture, but you know they are just trying to help. I don't think that makes a person emotionally closed off, just discerning on what is important. But perhaps I am not understadning your meaning?

What I was meaning is that it's very easy to become sealed off when you are protecting yourself.... and easy when getting stronger to discount things from others as you learn to rely on yourself. This is understandable since we can learn that one of the only people that doesn't let us down, is us. Given long enough, can someone end up in a place when they discount everything external as everything external is a potential threat? I know a lot of people who think they listen, but hear nothing. That would be easy to do. That is what I mean about being on guard for. I want to be open, to be vulnerable....... because even though being vulnerable leaves you open to pain, pain is ok. Just a fact of life..... and for me, pain is a reminder that I am alive, that I still care, that I'm still human and not a robot.  :P HA!!
The insulating stasis of limbo is devoid of feeling except for pains of the past. I'm eager for new pain, not for the sake of pain but what comes with it. Joy has elements of pain because highs can't wax eternal, and lows just mean a better time is coming. New emotions mean moving into and thru the present, and that is a great feeling because it isn't the past.
So while you could discount an external influence for various reasons rationally, even discounted things should come with feeling because all things all interactions with people should have an empathetic resonance to some degree. If that is missing, if that is shielded, then do we hear? We can listen, but that could only be words: Like the Charlie Brown teacher "Waa Waa Wa-Wa Waah"..... in one ear and out the other..... are we reached, do we consider, do we feel the intention of the outside input? Can we appreciate, or consider in depth? It would be so easy to lose this. That's what I mean.  :) ;) :)

-SS
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Our Community / Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 12: Klaatu Barada Nikto!!!
« Latest by Standing Strong on October 15, 2021, 08:25:45 PM »
Part 12!!
link to previous https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11770.0

Journaling (Monday):
We got thru the party on Saturday, W was able to do it without collapsing afterward: her best showing yet. I was impressed, and it was very good for her to interact with her family. Social interaction, so needed, so healthy.
I noticed the use of my name a lot more this weekend...... it's nice having a name. Strange how that comes and goes (just like everything else).
MIL her BF took us to dinner last night..... it was really good. Very nice time. At one point, I did something that used to be very normal (for me) and as I made a joke in the restaurant booth, I laughed and leaned over to bump W with my shoulder. This has not happened in years(?)...... W was shocked and froze...... I was shocked and froze. HAHAHAHAHA!! It was natural, just happened (good). An odd feeling to have something so normal happen once again, and reassuring that it's still in there.  ;)

Tomorrow I say bye to MIL and her BF. It was a good visit. I'm sure they are long since homesick (I would be)..... and it'll be just W and myself once again. That will be strange for a few days, but it won't be long until she runs away for the holidays, so I guess it won't be strange for long  :-X

(Friday)
What a week!! I had to go on the road for a few days for work...... it went great. MIL and BF departed while I was away...... but I had a really nice thing happen on the road: I like to visit malls when I'm on the road. Nice to walk around, nice to see something that reminds me of youth and better times, nice to see how stores are faring (usually not too well, sometimes the malls are half shut down and empty). Anyway, I visited a bookstore and got something I really wanted to read, and then went walking. Not a big mall, and on the way back I could see a woman walking in my direction (and looking at me)..... I like to people watch, so I looked at her then scanned the rest of the area, bringing my eyes back to her. She was still looking at me and getting closer..... even with the covid mask on, I could tell she was smiling, she had that squint in the eyes that you only get from a genuine smile. She was extremely attractive, and young. Very obviously a collage student, mid 20's, dressed very nice...... and I was still in a suit from work. As she passes she says "You look really nice"..... oh wow. HA HA!! Well that was a really good feeling. I have to admit, I was having a great time at the mall, dressed really nice, and it showed. My bag from Barnes and Noble was twirling in my hand, not a care in the world, loving life...... if music could be playing, it would have been "Staying Alive" because I wasn't walking, I was strutting (if anyone get's that John Travolta reference).  ;D

It's nice to have the house without visitors. W has been working late every night, and I'm back to my workout routine. Life is "normal" for what this normal is. I bought candy for the trick or treat'ers, we didn't hardly get any last year, I'm hoping for a better turnout this time. I feel for all the cooped up kids, what a ripoff Covid has been for them. I always buy good candy in the hopes that it will make some child happy.  :D
Always something to look forward to next, always something in the queue.  :D
With the holidays getting close and knowing that I will be alone once again, it's time to fill up the calendar with things to do. It so strange that since MLC began, I've been busier than ever doing fun things. Before I'd have been so concerned with work and missed these bits of life. Another reason to be thankful for MLC. Oh that reminds me to find a spook house.  :P

One day at a time,

-SS

 
5
Our Community / Re: JohnnyBravo's story
« Latest by Ready2Transform on October 15, 2021, 07:29:42 PM »
Quote
On the good news side, the instructor for my adult band class added more songs to our playlist. He put me on drums for Superstition, which is one of my all-time favorite grooves, so that will be fun to learn.

WOOHOO!!! This is news we need. What a fantastic GAL activity! Music heals. It engages your brain (and body) in a way that will refill a lot of those neurotransmitters that the grief from all of this LBS stuff depletes. Keep it up! Plus, it's good to know if we ever form an HS band, we've already got a drummer. :)

Quote
At least the radio silence from W is better than monstering. Next hurdle is our anniversary in a couple of weeks, and then her birthday. I'm assuming she won't contact me about our anniversary, and I certainly won't contact her.

Good that you already have a plan of NC. I honestly regret the times in the first year before divorce that I tried to reach out to my xH on those days, hoping to make some sort of connection with him. Instead he disappointed me (or worse, turned it into a monster event) and I still kind of get triggered by those things when I think back on them. Don't let her ruin your day (and future days) like that. Self-care as needed, but let yourself honor those days in a way that feels good to you. A nice meal on your anniversary, even if it's with friends or a good movie at home by yourself isn't a bad way to process through. Sometimes we're not ready to ignore things altogether, and that's okay too.

Quote
The strange thing is that a few minutes after that email, I received a FB password reset request email. It seems legit, no strange links, and I didn't try to reset my password. I'm overthinking, but it makes me wonder if W is just posting that to try to get a response from me, and tried looking at or getting into my FB page. (I unfriended her after she moved out.) I understand coincidences, but that's a big one. And as they say, don't believe anything you hear, and 50% of what you see. Weird.

Your gut is probably spot-on on this one. Some of us have experienced this, and still have to keep an eye for it, even after years. Just be mindful that your spouse is not the same trustworthy person they used to be, and keep your devices and accounts as secure as you need to.
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Our Community / Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
« Latest by Reinventing on October 15, 2021, 07:20:19 PM »
And a B12 deficiency in and of itself can cause depression even if your grades and performance didn't change because of some other reactions in the body that are dependent on B12 and affect the brain. All the more reason for her to not correlate the B12 deficiency time with depression due to life circumstances.

But sorry to hear that she is still concerned.
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Our Community / Re: JohnnyBravo's story
« Latest by marvin4242 on October 15, 2021, 07:15:37 PM »
I completely get it, I think a lot of us in the early days have an almost compulsion to “know” even when we understand it’s a negative experience. Also i remember how hard it was to keep telling people to NOT share anything. And having them still say “but I only am telling you xyz because you should know.” I had to start putting my foot down firmly.

I know for me the long periods where I could not hear from, hear about, nor interact with my wife was so helpful. I wouldn’t realize how much easier it was until I would spend some time with her or being exposed to her “plans” which honestly would constantly be contradictory. It still is the same to this day, but I am so removed from her that what once would drop me to my knees is now just a momentary pause.

Keep going your own way. Remind yourself whether you stare obsessively at what she does or look completely away will not make any difference to what she does. But it will make a world of difference about how many blows you will take.

Enjoy the fire!
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Our Community / Re: JohnnyBravo's story
« Latest by JohnnyBravo on October 15, 2021, 06:28:23 PM »
Thank you, Marvin. It does help knowing I'm not alone, and not the only person who has to go through this.

And what a great thing to not want to hear about it. In fact do you need to talk about it at all? Does knowing what your wife is doing in any way matter or help?

My heart does want to hear about it, but my head realizes that it wouldn't help me any, or change anything. My stepmom replied, "OK, I just asked because she laid out her plans on FB." Thanks, mom. Still not helping. :)

The strange thing is that a few minutes after that email, I received a FB password reset request email. It seems legit, no strange links, and I didn't try to reset my password. I'm overthinking, but it makes me wonder if W is just posting that to try to get a response from me, and tried looking at or getting into my FB page. (I unfriended her after she moved out.) I understand coincidences, but that's a big one. And as they say, don't believe anything you hear, and 50% of what you see. Weird.

It's a little early in the season, but it's cool enough out, and I've got a ton of firewood, so I started the fireplace to keep me company.

Thanks again for writing, Marvin.

JB


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Our Community / Re: JohnnyBravo's story
« Latest by marvin4242 on October 15, 2021, 05:38:26 PM »
JB, yes these things are a jolt as you say or impact us for a while. Its very hard for our emotions and psyche to adjust to this new version of a person we knew so long ago. All we can do is just let ourselves feel what comes, but remind ourselves this is not the same person we knew. So grieve these upcoming dates, because it is a loss. But also be kind to yourself.

Keep doing things for yourself, honestly every little bit adds up in ways that aren't always obvious. I remember how many triggers and waves I had the first year, then less the next, and less the next. It really does keep getting better if you keep working on yourself.

And what a great thing to not want to hear about it. In fact do you need to talk about it at all? Does knowing what your wife is doing in any way matter or help?
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Our Community / SOMEWHERE ON A BEACH
« Latest by Watcher on October 15, 2021, 05:10:12 PM »
I found this Irish Pub which was a 1920"s speakeasy. The wood is all cherry wood and its dimly lit with Tiffany lamps. Old newspapers are imprinted on the ceiling. This is how Darth Vader must have felt in the bacta tank.

It looks like Joe DiMaggio was a regular here as his memoribila adorns the walls. This place is called the Irish Pub and Inn. Rooms go for $36 dollars a night but there are no bathrooms. Apparently people didn't bathe back in the 1920"s. I'm not staying here because I'm not that hardcore into history.

Even the tiled floors are amazing. Someone just ordered a Yuengling and IDK how they are not being ushered out of this bar, lol. Yes my spell check is working overtime and this post is taking forever.

One of the perks of preparing for a marathon is drinking Guinness pints on a Friday night. The Guinness here is phenomenal as was the Irish coffee. Oh if the marathon were tomorrow it would be interesting. It could be a sub 4 hour or a disqualification, lol.

See, you too could enjoy a Guinness pint if you trained for a marathon.

I wonder if they have Guinness in Berlin. I already picked up my bib for Sunday. Apparently Bally's has a beach bar and that's where it was but I read online that this place was a hidden gem.

The Irish coffee was also great and ,yes, that is also a prerequisite for marathon training. This training is not for the feint of heart. I'm not going to remember this tomorrow so I need to journal it now.

So if you visit AC, you have to visit this Irish pub on St James Place. You too will know how Darth Vader felt in the bacta tank, lol. Tomorrow will not be as exciting.

OMG, edit for misspelled words is so annoying.

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