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Author Topic: My Story Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 10: Rockin' around, the MLC tree have a happy holida

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SS, great post!  It's a great question, "what's my why?" 

I think the answer changes with time.  Right now, 6 months in, it's because I love her, I took a vow and I know this person isn't her.  I also know signing a piece of paper isn't going to change how I feel.  Now, I also understand that those feelings will change with time....

Isn't it interesting though....as the MLCer "may" be coming out of replay or getting closer to coming out of replay, we as the LBSers are becoming stronger and more detached.  If we were programmed robots, we would be programmed to meet right at the spot of coming out of replay/becoming detached.  But we all know life doesn't work like that. 

That's why I feel like us LBSers hold the power.  If and when they come out of this, will we be at a spot in our lives where we want them back?  Hard to fathom now, but I've seen it get there from other stories I've read
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Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful

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Definitely beautifully stated and resonated with me, even though mine has married and crossed my red line.

But I also haven't started the dating process.  Definitely trying to follow His lead, although I don't always get it right.

I think I am the stubborn calf that Jennifer Rothschild speaks about...

"The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall want my own way.
He will make me lie down in green pastures, but I will keep getting up and wandering off to eat dead grass.
He'll pull me to quiet waters, but I will refuse to drink.
He ends up dragging me along right paths and I dig my heels in the whole way.
So, when I end up in a dark valley, I am absolutely terrified because I am not sure He is with me.
I think He is, but, I am so self-absorbed that all I can see is the dark.
His rod and staff don't comfort me; they drive me crazy and I resent them.
He prepares a table before me, but I clamp my jaws and refuse to eat.
He anoints my head with oil and I buck and kick the whole time.
My cup would overflow if I would just be still, but I am bent on my own way.
Amazingly, His goodness and mercy still follow me all the days of my stiffed-necked life and despite myself, I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever...but, by golly, I will choose my own room!"



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The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

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Smiled at this, Faith  ;D

I think most LBS who are Standing reach a point - maybe a series - when we find our own big Why. What matters of course is how clearly you can see your own answer to that Why; doesn't matter if it is the same or different to anyone else's. And it requires some big booted brave honesty to look at it. Imho, I suspect that some of the real choice and nature of Standing starts here....perhaps it becomes more of a choice than a reaction, idk......and of course, allowing for it to evolve too as we move forward.

Thank you for sharing your reflections, Standing, and I hope that the process has given you a sense of peace with where you are at right now.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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HAHAHAAH FW, that's awesome  8)

Journaling:

Keeping busy and enjoying my days off. They go so fast!! Wish I could take a month off..... HA! Wish I could retire!! LOL!!

Tonight I get a text from W. It's been almost 2 weeks since I've heard from her. Which is very interesting, you see I was missing her a lot earlier today, and was VERY tempted to send her a photo of the birds. I didn't. I believe we are their mirror, and wouldn't you know it...... late tonight she texts.  :)
We have a nice back and forth. She says that she's been totally lazy and spent the whole time pretty much resting. I can believe that. She's in bed and sends me a drawing she's done. It's very pretty...... a winged women (naked) face down on a tree stump. It's pretty, but sad.
It looks familiar....... I compliment her on it and tell her it looks very familiar to me...... but I can't place it.
She is very curious and wants to know what it reminds me of........ I just said I don't know (LOL)..... but she pushes...... then it comes to me...... it looks just like her. I tell her, and she says it's how she feels. Well, that was obvious.  ;) but it is a glimpse into the MLC'er mind. Sadness, despair, collapse.
She eventually gets tired and goes to sleep.... but is was nice to hear from her.
Still no word when she'll return, and that's ok. Enjoying my time off  ;D

One day at a time,

-SS
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W - 40
M - 44
Together 25 years, M 23
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012

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Journaling:

Haven't heard from W, so I've been busy having a good time!!  :P

Yesterday was our anniversary (we have two), and this was the less important one. I reached out to check on her (not mentioning the day). She responded quickly and I asked about her head..... she sent me a picture, and it appears to be healing well. I'll see it for myself soon enough.
No mention of when she's coming back. It's funny how when an anniversary is due, that's when she runs. There's a connection there, so no reason to bring up that stress. Expectations...... even now, they are poison.

Well..... tonight I check the tracker, just to see if I can get a heads up....... (a little voice told me I needed to), and what do you know...... it updates close to the airport!! Same city anyway. Ah ha!! She's moving in the direction of coming home. Makes me wonder if her plan is to just show up like she's doing to other people.
I have a lot of cleaning to do.  :P HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
We men are so messy aren't we?
I know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow.  :D
Either I'll get a heads up tomorrow, or the door is going to open and *BAM* she'll be there...... if it's the door opening, I guess that's suppose to be a surprise. What will be a surprise is the house will be very clean (I started today, slightly). OOph.... I need to wrap the presents too.  :-X
HAAHAAHAHAHA!!
This is very amusing to me. I was soooooo on vacation.  ;D

Glad I had some rest, I'm energized once again. My reserves replenished.

One day at a time,

-SS
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W - 40
M - 44
Together 25 years, M 23
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012

H
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Hi SS!

Glad you are energized and may have your W home soon.  I am still learning how to deal and cope with my MLC W so your patience and optimism working on yourself and dealing with your relationship has ben uplifting for me.   Hope you have a wonderful holiday!
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W - 42
M - 45
Together 19 years, M 16
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021

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HI FW..... it is a lesson in patience isn't it?
LOL!!  :D

Journaling.......
The more things change, the more they stay the same!!

Last I had wrote, it appeared that W was going to be on her way back.... not because she told me, but because she was moving towards the airport.
Well... it occurred to me that maybe she would just hang out by herself for a bit once again (who knows), but it DID get me cleaning.... so that was very good. Got a ton done in the last two days.
Well yesterday I see she has moved somewhere new, not near the airport.... and I realize that I may have more time than I thought. Sure enough, today she returns to her moms. I'm not snooping, I'm trying to have an early warning, and make sure I'm done doing things around the house.

Well, the crafty MLC'ers.... they aren't so crafty.  :P W texts and wants to see how I'm doing, and what's going on. Mmmmmmm right..... I know better (and that's funny to me). The back of my mind is saying "just go ahead and say it"..... then she says that she'll be extending her trip, she's not ready to come back. All that small talk/text to get to that. LOL!! I tell her that's good, and I hope she's enjoying time with her mom. She's shocked and asks that I'm not mad? Nope. I let her know that there's nothing going on here, no Christmas displays, no parties, even family isn't getting together like normal.... that I'm happy she gets to do something better (which is all true). That seems to put her at ease, and suggests I go to her sisters for Christmas..... oh and BTW, can you get presents for the kids? LOL!!  :-X ::) You see that's what it was all about really........ the announcement that she would be gone (once again) for Christmas (and I'm guessing New Years too) and can you save the day by taking care of Christmas? Once I said yes (I've already taken care of it, she just didn't know) then she was ready to go and have dinner...... "I'll chat with you later".... and that's that.
No expectations. I thought from the outset she would be gone.... and I wasn't disappointed. There was always room for a surprise to the upside, and that hasn't happened. Maybe next year.

As for me, now I have even more time!! Hurray for me!! I'll use it well, and make the most of it.
I have a nice Christmas present for me, and if the mail wasn't delayed I'd be playing with it already  8)

Too bad about no Christmas displays. That was really nice last year (alone), and I was looking forward to it this year (unavailable). 

One day at a time,

-SS
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W - 40
M - 44
Together 25 years, M 23
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012

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With the MLCers, it's "hope for the best, expect the worst" mindset that we get into.  I'm personally hoping for some decent weather on Christmas Eve and Christmas day.  I'd like to go for a long LONG walk.  Crank the music and just enjoy me. 

She wants you to be upset with her and push her away.  See SS, I am a horrible person and don't deserve you.  Move on with your life.  Then you do the exact opposite.  I guarantee you got her thinking....

Holidays suck and I don't even celebrate Christmas. 

SS, you are so strong and such a leader to so many people on here.  Especially the men. 

Remember, "good things come to those who wait"
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Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful

F
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Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!  You seem content enough even with your wife gone!  It shows how far you’ve come!  You have been an inspiration in how you have treated her and handled yourself Standing! 
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Married 21 years
Husband is 44
Me-40
4 kids 7-16 years old
BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but superficial.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.
Oct 30 2020-He wants to get back together.  I am unsure.
August 2021-He has shown very gradual progress over the last 1 1/2 years.  I did allow him home on a trial bases and in another room.  We go to counseling, I do not currently allow touch.  So far so good.

C
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Seconding what several people have said here. I am so impressed with how you navigate your W’s crisis. You have detached and are leaving her to it; being present and loving but also not focusing on her too much at all. I know that I am detached from the outcome to a large degree but still way to focused on her and her actions and the possible underlying reasoning. And it’s all futile, I know, but being able to really just drop the rope is such an impressive thing.

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