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Author Topic: My Story BRAND NEW MAN 10

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My Story BRAND NEW MAN 10
OP: January 09, 2021, 02:58:29 PM
Today I ran for the first time this year. I don't necessarily have running goals in 2021 so I really have no pressure to run everyday. It was 37 degrees and windy at the beach this afternoon as I had to dress in full winter gear and totaled 7 miles.

Noon is the optimal time to run currently. The temps are at their best and with the aid of the sun it is possible to run. I was still crazy drenched afterwards so 7 miles was it for today.

Looking back, September 2020 was my best optimal running month. I accumulated 100 miles for the month and it broke down to 10 days of running at 10 miles per outing.

In contrast I ran 165 miles in April 2020 but it took me 25 days of running at varying amounts of mileage. In December I ran 150 miles and it took 22 days to achieve it. So I don't want to be running too many days in a given month.

My running focus this year is the Berlin Marathon. Everything I read says the world will be in a different place by next Fall so we shall see. Meanwhile I am registered with both my state and my employer for the vaccine and I do have a better chance of getting it through my employment.

Currently I have 4 marathons scheduled for next Fall as they have accumulated due to the pandemic so I have to defer the other 3 once that option becomes available. Usually marathons are run in the Spring and Fall. There will be no Spring marathons in 2021 as everyone has scheduled for the Fall.

The New York City Marathon, which is Abbott World Major #2, will be deferred to either 2022 or 2023. Its really that organizers choice as to which year I will get. Obviously I am declining 2021 because of Berlin. I would prefer to run the Abbott Majors first so I would choose 2022 for NYC but there is no guarantee that I will get that year because of the backlog from runners who missed the race in 2020.

The same goes for the Marine Corps Marathon as it will have to be 2022 or 2023. It will be the opposite of NYC as they are October and November races and cannot be run in the same year.

The NJ Marathon is usually run in the Spring and has been scheduled to be run in Oct 2021. Its probably to close to Berlin in September. So I will defer it somewhere or that may just have to be lost as I may not be able to find an opening to run it.

The Chicago Marathon, which is another Abbott World Major, currently has their lottery open with a 43% chance of being selected, however it maybe best to just wait as its scheduled for October 2021, just 3 weeks after Berlin.

I do have 4 days secure in Berlin for the marathon but those are the only plans I have made thus far.

So I was reading a funny article about dating a divorced man. Apparently I am labeled divorced for life and not single, lol. Apparently a woman should never ask a divorced man about his past. Also, do not press for commitment because said divorced man will run for the hills.

Meanwhile, no matter whom divorced man meets its allegedly going to be a rebound, which really just kills the entire notion of dating.

OK this last one has to be from the 1950's. A woman should go over to the divorced man's home and help him with his house chores, hahahaha. So I guess I will be just stuck forever divorced. IDK how women are supposed to meet a divorced man without all doom and gloom in their heads after reading this article, lol.

Tuesday night I will have dinner with S17 and we will see how it goes. I will continue to take advantage of my parenting time and it really will be his decision with what he wants to do with his life after he turns 18.

She thrives on keeping everyone off balance and S17 is her new target as she cannot reach me any longer. Tomorrow I will run in the mountains as I don't have many opportunities to run in January and February. I have to grab the sun while it is available.

Enjoy your day everyone

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11673.0
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« Last Edit: January 09, 2021, 04:07:37 PM by Watcher »

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 10
#1: January 09, 2021, 03:44:50 PM
Following your new thread, Watcher. Glad to hear you had your first run and have some marathon dates to juggle. I was beginning to wonder if something had happened to you.

I am very bad at numbers and usually shy away from them, but your list of numbers, the miles you ran, the dates of your possible next races, the numbers of the temperature, they're quite positive and keep the pace moving forward. Your numbers are strangely comforting to me.

That article about divorced men is terrible. Luckily I have you male LBSes to base my opinion of a divorced man on.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D26, D23, S16
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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BRAND NEW MAN 10
#2: January 09, 2021, 06:32:22 PM
Following along Watcher. Thanks for the updates. Hope all goes well with dinner with S17.

Quote
Apparently a woman should never ask a divorced man about his past.
Ha. I have not found this to be the current practice by any stretch. In my experience, I usually got a 21 question interrogation during the first coffee date.

Quote
Also, do not press for commitment because said divorced man will run for the hills.
Probably true for a lot of men. But you, like a lot of LBS men on this board, are not afraid of doing the work.

Quote
OK this last one has to be from the 1950's. A woman should go over to the divorced man's home and help him with his house chores, hahahaha.
Oh dear Lord.  ::)

In all seriousness though - when you get back out there, you're NOT going to have a hard time finding someone. If you've done the work on yourself, if you're a dedicated dad, and you are physically active (pretty sure you've got this one covered!), you're in demand.

Really hoping all goes well with your sons. It's been so good to hear your recent updates about spending time with them again. Hoping for a great 2021 for you.
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0

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BRAND NEW MAN 10
#3: January 09, 2021, 09:28:45 PM
Hi Watcher,

I found my way back here!  Good to know you're still running.  I know the boxing gyms down here are open but struggling.   Our Governor thinks everything should be open here, even though we have astronomical numbers.  But I haven't started back up, I had to heal from my double mastectomy and then covid hit. Oh well,  there's other forms of exercise,  although I've gotten lazy.  Maybe you will inspire me to start back up!

I hope all is well with you and your sons.  I know I've missed a lot.
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Married 11 1/2 years, together 18.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 50. OW 23.  Moved back 4/18.  Reconnecting and working on our M.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

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BRAND NEW MAN 10
#4: January 09, 2021, 09:42:30 PM
Hi Milly, PJ

Well I like to give myself a good laugh when I read some of these articles on life after divorce. I'm certainly not married however nor do I feel divorced yet.

I've been getting paperwork squared away this week. I had to setup my health insurance at work via their computer. I had to submit the divorce decree as proof. I have to submit actual paperwork for my life insurance policy as I'm switching the beneficiary to my sister for the time being. My son's are still too young IMO.

I have a second life insurance policy where I again need to submit physical paperwork so I can remove her as beneficiary , as well as, my 401K. That should cover the work paperwork.

The school principal replied to my latest reply to her. Again she stated she is willing to wait for payment until the house is sold eventhough she would prefer to receive payment before S17 graduates high school.

Well the latter is not happening as I have no control over when the home will be sold. Meanwhile I just find it odd that she keeps asking me to state each of our financial responsibilities when it really should have been established by the school and S17's mother as I didn't send him to that school.

The principal is not annoying me. However, I am beginning to question how much longer I will continue with my attorney. S17 turns 18 in early March. The home buyout deadline is March 15 and then at that point I don't see why I should continue to retain his services.

She and I have to agree on a realtor and I've always felt the home sale would be the most difficult aspect of the divorce. Now I don't like the fact that the 2 boys are losing their home, however I see no other way to get them out from this mess.

There is an entire house that needs to be emptied and she was awarded everything in it so I just don't see how she gets it done. Plus her parents still have their car in the driveway. Yes she can run to Florida, however my support is the mortgage until the home is sold. She doesn't get any support money if she runs to Florida without the home being sold.

Meanwhile, I do not want the home nor any of the items inside of it. So I just can't envision how it gets done. Again its damaging for the 2 boys to see the home get sold however this entire experience has already been damaging.

There is no talking to her because she is still irrational and mentally unstable. So this is where the system really failed my 2 son's. Everyone learned early on in this divorce process that their mother was unstable. Well now here we are at the point I always dreaded.

I am thankful that she has cooperated thus far with the parenting time however I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop.

My credit score jumped 56 points since last month as it went from 777 to 833. So IDK if paying off all my debt was finally noticed and thus the large jump. I only point it out because I was always swimming at 680 when I was with her last in May 2019.

Anyway thats part of my plan with organizing myself in getting myself continuing to move forward.

Yes hopefully Tuesday night will go well with S17.

Have a good night

Thank you

Oh I just saw you No Expectations.  :) Hello dear. Well just a quick recap. The divorce was final Dec 14th, 2020 and parenting time just started on Dec 15th. I have had 2 weekends thus far with S17. We have dinner every Tuesday night. So far his mom is cooperating but she hasn't changed any.

I have seen S20 a few times as his mom felt I was slighting him however he has only joined us twice as she likes to play her manipulative games with the 2 boys.

Again its all still new as we are just coming up on only 1 month. Well I am hoping you are taking good care of yourself as you do need time to heal. I am still registered at kickboxing however the gym closed in April and started back up in September but I'm just not ready yet to be indoors working out.

Also I filed in June 2019 and she dragged it out for 18 months while covid did not help matters with the court being closed mostly.

I hope all is well with you as you were my Kickboxing inspiration.  ;)

Thank you No Expectations. It was nice hearing from you.
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« Last Edit: January 09, 2021, 09:51:52 PM by Watcher »

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BRAND NEW MAN 10
#5: January 10, 2021, 05:02:13 PM
Four marathons scheduled for next fall?!  Man, you really are a machine.   I just keep running a 5K every week to keep in shape.  I thought maybe this year I'd train and sign up for a 10K but most everything seems to be virtual.   I've done a few virtual 5Ks but I'm a bit worried that if I signed up for a virtual 10K I'd wimp out before I got it completed! 

The whole house selling saga sounds a bit overwhelming but if it's the final nail then it, too, will happen.  Stay the course. 
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
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Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

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BRAND NEW MAN 10
#6: January 10, 2021, 06:14:10 PM
Hi Stillbaffled,

Yes I have 4 marathons scheduled next Fall because of covid but I have to figure out how I am going to defer them all over the next 3 years. Yea I only ran virtual mileage challenges in 2020 and everything is still pretty much shutdown through the Spring of 2021.

There were a few races this year in NJ, however one had to run single file and passing was not permitted, lol. I decided to wait.

Well you want to approach your 10K as you would your 5K. Just use the same 5K pace and see how long you can last. You easily have a 4 mile run in you at your current pace. So you have to see how you can handle the final 2.2 miles Stillbaffled. Also remember that walking is permissible while you figure out what your body, and mostly mind, can handle.

Right now I'm running everything at a marathon pace which is a lot slower than I would usually run. Its cold and I ran a lot of miles in December so I'm not ready to push myself until the Spring.

Today I went to the mountains to run and everyone was there as the sun was out at 40 degrees. So I had to nix that idea and instead went to a park to run a little over 5 miles.

I didn't have to wear gloves today so it wasn't as cold like yesterday. I think Thursday is my next run day as I am spacing them out a bit here in Winter. I have sore calves today which surprised me and it could be from the cold weather.

Next weekend the plan is to hike with S17 so I guess I'm scheduling my running properly now which is fine.

Yes I have to push through the home sale phase which should end this saga. Now she was awarded everything in the home only because I didn't want to contest it nor do I want anything as I am starting over from scratch and IDK how much of it is really salvageable.

As always there are just too many unknowns with her. So I do look forward to the day when I no longer have to deal with her unknowns. So once the home is sold then I really think that will be the final nail as you say as there will be nothing left to address.

It took 18 months to get divorced and the home sale commences on March 15th and it will be sold "as is" obviously. I'm not angry with her I think. Maybe its on standby. IDK. She hasn't changed and maybe that just reinforces that I made the correct decision. She just hasn't changed since BD.

I'm concerned about the 2 boy's and I pray they will decide when they have had enough of living with her and tap out like I did. It really doesn't come down to love or feelings in the end. Its really a simple tap out because this person just fundamentally changed their core beliefs, ethics and morals. Meanwhile she does have unresolved mental health issues.

So hopefully she will continue to cooperate with parenting time on Tuesday.

Have a good night

Thank you Stillbaffled
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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 10
#7: January 11, 2021, 04:04:22 AM
Watcher, I don't know how I forgot to say when I posted that I was so happy and excited to read that you were seeing S17 regularly on Tuesday nights and also had him for a weekend sleep over. Then for S20 to also join you was just so breathtaking for us here to read about. Can't imagine what it felt like for you. You are a great dad. I hope your boys find the strength to choose to stay close to you because I really think they need you.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D26, D23, S16
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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BRAND NEW MAN 10
#8: January 11, 2021, 09:34:58 AM
Following along....
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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BRAND NEW MAN 10
#9: January 11, 2021, 07:59:41 PM
Hi Milly, UrsaMajor.

Well I'm excited Milly but at the same time I'm trying not to be too excited because I know she can take the boys away. Thats why I keep saying she hasn't changed one bit. She is still that same crisis person that I have talked about for years now.

I think I'm trying to be realistic with myself and IDK if I could say anything to the forum if she did prevent me from seeing the boys because that would really be disappointing to report.

My sister was asking me tonight about tomorrow's dinner plans. Now I have ideas but I am only 100% sure when S17 actually enters my car. As with the forum, I wouldn't want my family to be disappointed either if there were a setback.

We were rolling along nicely until she started putting pressure on S17 last week about moving to Florida after graduation. Meanwhile its been a week already since I last saw him as this is the long side of the parenting schedule. Christmas and New Years Day sort of gave me extra days.

I've checked the weather for this weekend at least 100 times already, lol. So I'm excited. I just have to take tomorrow first and see what happens.

Believe me, I feel I've talked about the bad and ugly for years. So naturally I would like to share the good finally. I feel that my life is moving in a positive direction away from her and her crisis and I would like to be an active father in our son's lives.

For some reason S17 appears to like me  ::) so I know she cannot break our bond. Now she certainly can hinder it, while I would like to be able to establish some consistency and stability, which does not work in her disordered world.

So, yes, S17 and I can go months without seeing each other but I would really like it if we didn't have to have that happen anymore. S17 has always shown me a lot of promise since BD and I know he will continue to find his own voice.

S20 is going to take time.

So hopefully dinner will go as planned tomorrow night.

Have a good night

Thank you
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