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Author Topic: My Story Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5

M
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My Story Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5
#10: February 16, 2021, 04:35:31 PM
UrsaMajor - LOL - yes that is about the expression I had all day with those lights. They make me so happy. They are very simple, functional lights, not like a chandelier or special fixture, but they are such an improvement over the flickering, temperamental fluorescents that had been down there.

IDK, a burrito, if done properly is very tasty. I do suggest Sangria or a Margarita with it though.  ;D

If I said "42" to my M she might give me the death stare. She has not been in a playful mood ATM. LOL

My sister came down to visit yesterday at my request. My sister has been good about pitching in when I now ask for help. I put her and D on lining up my parent's COVID vaccinations. I had started to help both of them, but I have too much on my own plate to try and think clearly, so they happily took it over and because they work in a similar manner, it was very efficient. Of course, when my sister told my parents that they would be going to one of the larger cities, both of them grumbled. My sister stood her ground, which was good, as it allowed her to get them in at the same time and she and D have said they will drive both of them there. End of discussion. They have both settled into the decision and are content with it, but my sister saw the resistance.

She also helped my M get her mind off of things by helping my M do some deep cleaning and tasks like rotating their Persian rug in their living room. My M faithfully used to do that every season, but she and my F cannot manage it on their own anymore. She was thrilled to have that done and my sister researched with her where to get it professionally cleaned in the spring, as it needs some minor repairs and a good deep cleaning.

I worked on the library today and made it more functional. I still have the trim to paint, but figured if I settled a room that maybe it wouldn't feel so overwhelming. I can roll the area rug up and work on touching up the trim when I feel better. It felt good to feel like one space in the house is at least on it's way to being completed. I had decided to swap out the rug in the den with the new one I had in the library. It somehow didn't work the way I envisioned, but moving them around made a huge impact. The one that was in the den was a bit larger and so it now touches the library walls, but it is very cozy and I am okay with it in this situation.

The contractor showed up earlier than I had anticipated. He looked at the bathroom and said my idea for moving things is not only doable, but makes perfect sense. He is also the zoning officer, thankfully and knows all the rules and regulations that have to be followed. The window - not an issue, except it will need to be tempered glass and he will order an obscured glass for it. It will be a vinyl window and they will put the proper waterproof trim around it to help with the moisture. The only part of the job he cannot do is the heat run, but that I think I can get help with moving.

I know he is booked way out and when I said I could work within whatever time frame or in between jobs, that would be fine. I will do the finish work, but he said he can easily fit in the different pieces for me. As we talked, I mentioned my priorities right now and he smiled and called one of his crew. He got off the phone and said he will be here tomorrow to install the toilet first thing in the morning for me. As soon as the heater is moved, we can install the tub and then we will work away at the different areas. I joked with him that I appreciated him taking pity on me. He reminded me of how many times I helped him out when we were working together in high school and college. I guess it pays to be nice.

I am so grateful he is willing to help me out. I know this is a huge favor he is doing for me by rescuing me. He doesn't need the additional projects as such - considering he is booked for huge renovation jobs until the end of the summer like all of the other contractors around.

I told my sister that it seems so ridiculous, but this toilet has been such a concern. Showering is an easier solution and I can go to my parent's house in the short term, but not having a functioning bathroom even in the most basic sense was going to really put a monkey wrench into being able to come home to recuperate. Now, I can at least be home most of the day and the dog can come back home. D will be able to move back as well.

I have to get some more work done on D's room, but that too will go quickly. Tomorrow, I will focus on packing and getting ready to have my surgery. I am nervous about it all, but I know it has to happen.

S called to tell me he will be coming home early on Thursday, as he can work remotely this Friday. That will be a huge help and D is glad to have him home with her.

Now, the question is going to be -not that I am really too worried about in the grand scheme - but I wonder if the support check comes this month at all or is Xh going to try and ding me on that. And if he does write out a check, will he return to his routine of putting the wrong name on it again? Hmmm.

In the grand scheme - I really am not too worried. I will be focusing on my "spa vacation" at my sister's house. I have already been informed by my nephew that he makes really good smoothies and he knows how to work the coffee maker.  :)
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5
#11: February 17, 2021, 03:20:17 AM
Hey, it is "only" the 17th of the month.... and the check is "only" due on the 1st..... Why change things now?  I'm guessing it has "slipped his mind" at the moment since he has been harassing S and stiffing D.... again... as usual.... or he'll claim he paid it via S's tuition....

I am glad that 1) Sis is now running interference with Mom... and 2) that Sis and D have gotten them lined up to get jabbed... That takes a couple of balls out of your juggling rotation...

The new Bath idea sounds good... I am guessing that the window needs to be tempered glass due to the proximity of humans and potentially the thermal shock of having warm/hot water splashed on a cold window ... Tempered glass is MUCH harder to break than normal glass but when it does, unless it is safety glass like a car, it goes off like a grenade.... If you've ever managed to break a Corning Glass Oven dish, you know what I mean... and the frosted glass will keep the bath private...



UM

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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5
#12: February 17, 2021, 08:23:44 AM
UrsaMajor - LOL. That is true. Xh does like to stretch those due dates.  ::) I am going to be very curious to see if he pays it at all and says he paid it with S's tuition.

In order for the window to be up to code, it must be tempered glass, which makes perfect sense. I wasn't thinking about the heat aspect, as much as the safety of if someone were to fall and crash through the window.

I have managed to break a Corning Glass Oven dish. And I have also had the experience of breaking a rear window in a car (and no, not by going all country girl and swinging a bat at it)  ::). I broke a rear windshield when a buckle from a piece of luggage wedged itself between the window and the trunk lid. I didn't see it in time and shut the trunk. The popping sound was unbelievable and all the people around me thought they needed to duck for cover.

This morning I was out the door at 6 am to go to the home improvement store. I arrived and thought it was still closed. It was so insanely quiet and I was the only customer in there at the time. I picked out the toilet and then took a walk down the tub aisle. I can't have that installed yet, but I figured I would see what was there. They had one model of the exact tub I had been looking at left and it was marked down to make room for the newest model of the same tub. It was for a left drain, which is what I need and they gave me a discount for it being the last one. I saved $75, so that was a good way to start the morning. I have to have it delivered or have S pick it up this weekend, but that is one more thing off the list. I will deal with shower fixtures later.

The contractor was here early and he believes even with moving the plumbing he can have the toilet in place by noon today.

I was thinking this morning how humbling this has been in many ways. I realize it has been a headache and stressful, but I also am so aware of how fortunate I am. I have had a place to stay while this has been going on. Oh sure, it has not been easy, but it is still something I am grateful for. I was able to get the electric, heat and water back on, so it was not a complete disaster. What stuck me though is I know some people don't have half of what I have. Yes, I have worked hard to maintain it, but I also know from so many of my students that some people don't have control over their circumstances.

I thought about one of my students from a few years back whose parents disappeared. He moved in with his grandmother and she worked 2 jobs to make sure he had what he needed. It was about this time of year when the hot water line burst in their house. He tried to fix it himself, but was unable to and they were saving up money to pay for the costly repair. He never complained and in fact, pitched in to help his grandmother by getting a job on top of his own school day. He put up with frigid cold showers for weeks until one of the other teachers got wind of the situation and went over on a weekend to repair the pipe.

This whole thing has been a huge inconvenience but I am so grateful the contractor was able to find time to at least start this rebuild today. It is not how I envisioned a home renovation. LOL.

I worked quite late last night, packing and making sure I have everything I am going to need for the surgery. When I went to bed, I felt this overwhelming sense of not wanting to go through with this whole event. And, I really wondered if it is going to be worth it. It didn't take long for me to get my answer. Within a couple of hours, I was doubled over in pain and I know this is what has to happen. My F reminded me that he felt that way when he had to have his hip replacement surgery. He was in agony beforehand, but right after the surgery, he said the pain he was experiencing from the surgery was more manageable than the pain prior. I keep telling myself that may be the case here. I have to believe this will help and it is just going to take some time to heal and by the warmer weather maybe I will be back walking my 5 mile walks. Something to look forward to.
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5
#13: February 17, 2021, 08:45:48 AM
Tuck us all virtually in your metaphorical pocket, Mourning....we are cheering you on  :)
Perhaps a bit like MLC lol, we adapt around pain more than we know until we get to have the joy of normal life without it again....listen to your wise F, young lady!  ;D
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H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5
#14: February 17, 2021, 08:53:01 AM
Mourning, I hope things going well with your upcoming surgery and can feel your anxiety surrounding it.  Things haven’t been easy recently but hopefully once this is behind you, things can begin to come back together positively for you!  Ou most certainly deserve it!  Take care, follow recovery instructions and know there is a plan for you!  Prayers for a successful surgery and recovery!  Hang in there! 
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If you are feeling down, know that God Has always had a wonderful plans for you.  Unfortunately, there are things that happen and forces that work to try and keep us from reaching what He has for us.  The good news is that there is healing at work.  God is always working in and through your life to try to get you to where He wants you.

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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5
#15: February 18, 2021, 05:50:48 AM
Another way to look at it is that, if you do NOT do this, you know it will continue and get worse the way it is. If you DO go through with it, there is an exceedingly high probability that, once the pain of the surgery itself is past, what you are currently experiencing will be gone.... Seems like a decent ROI with an acceptable risk factor... and a positive outcome...

Besides... You must


<insert groan here>

Have to try to send you off with a laugh...
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5
#16: February 20, 2021, 04:55:53 AM
The day before my surgery the contractor hit a bit of a snag on the toilet installation due to some of the new plumbing issues. But, he was able to get it all installed before I had to leave for my sister's. I found out from his worker that they had fit my simple project in because my contractor was insistent that I was taken care of. Unbeknownst to me, he is in the middle of a huge home renovation job way north of where I live and had been going back and forth to help me out.

It was funny because I haven't seen him in years, at least not other than out and about and when he showed up at the house, he right away called me the nickname he had for me in college. We were always friends and it was comforting to be called that friendly nickname. He is happily married and has 2 grown kids. I am happy for him and oh so grateful for his help. He was always a kind hearted, thoughtful guy. My toilet was such a little request when he is so incredibly booked solid with larger paying jobs. He did it because he knew how it impacted mine and my kids' lives. That is just him in general. He is true to his good core. That always gives me hope that and reminds me there are good people out there.

So, the kids were very excited to come home and at least see some progress. S laughed at the new toilet in the now very rustic, stud bare room. But, both kids can now see the potential and D has relaxed a bit. It so inspired both of them, I have been getting updates on the things they are doing to help move things forward. They have taken charge of figuring out how to help settle some of the areas.

I arrived at my sister's on Wednesday night and was in absolute agony. My sister drove me in the wee hours to the hospital and as I walked into the check in area, I felt blessed to have her nearby, but nervous being alone for all of the procedure. It was such an odd feeling.

They had told me that normally they keep people 23 hours after a hysterectomy, but with Covid they are pushing people out quicker, as long as they meet certain thresholds. The average time was 8 hours after the surgery, but if certain benchmarks could be met, then they could release earlier. I was hoping to get out of there as soon as I could.

The staff was incredible and the surgeon came to see me before the procedure, which of course is normal. He was funny and reviewed things. It was so different from the other patient that was next to me. I heard his doctor come in and clearly he had never even met the surgeon doing his procedure. It is so hard not to hear what is going on. While I couldn't see the guy, I heard the whole conversation, as I am sure he did mine. But, what struck me was the different approach and how clinical it all was, where this surgeon doing my procedure was not sugar coating anything, but he eased my anxiety some.

When we went into the operating room, he introduced everyone and joked that most of the tools were props - and they were just to make them look more important. He held my hand the whole time before I was put out and told me stories about his wife and how she had a bowl of plastic lemons that she bought that fooled him.

The staff contacted my sister and then she said the doctor called and talked to her at length.

When I woke up, I felt tender but noticed immediately I was not in agony. I chalked it up to the medications I was on. I had the surgery at 8 am and was out by 10. I was released at 4:20. I was able to walk down the hall by myself at that time and hit all their benchmarks at an earlier time than normal. They held me there for the minimum required time and said I could go back to my sister's unless I felt otherwise. I was more than happy to be dressed and out of the hospital.

My sister picked me up and laughed when I asked her if she could pick me up a cup of coffee. I shocked her when I walked into the house and sat down. She noted I was a bit puffy from the surgery, but I was less bloated than I had been before the surgery and I actually looked better than I had before going in. I laughed and said I wasn't sure that was a compliment.  ::)

I climbed the stairs at her house and was still convinced it was the medicine they had me on because it didn't hurt like before.

Turns out, it wasn't the meds. I haven't had to rely on the heavy pain medications at all and the pain I have now is just tenderness from the incisions and a bit of muscle pain. I have been tired, but the fatigue is not the same. I have been sleeping well and feel so much better.

My biggest problem is going to be - over doing it. I already know that because I am feeling that much better, that having to be mindful and not lift more than 20 lbs for 4 weeks minimum and to be mindful of doing much of anything is going to be incredibly tough. And, I know I have to be careful. The surgeon reminded me of what can happen if I don't . So, even now, I am fighting the urge to do more than I should. I catch myself and am reminding myself not to push too much.

Staying at my sister's has been a huge relief. I have been reading and there is not pressure to hang out all the time with everyone. My sister is a care taker, but she is not hovering. She and I have had some nice talks and it has been good for the both of us too.

Today, I did offer to help my sister repair a lamp that she inherited. She was going to send out the lamp to have a new plug put on it and I laughed at her. I told her that was well within her capabilities to rewire a lamp. So, today, I will show her that trick. She is pretty excited about it, tbh. I told her I won't deal with running electric in a house, but I do dare to put a new plug and socket in a lamp.

I will be anxious to return home, but for now, this is where I need to be. D will pick me up on Tuesday and that will give me time to have more time to spend at my sister's "spa retreat". I don't know the last time where I have had time to truly just focus on me.

My sister did bring up an interesting point. She noted that Xh started to behave differently towards me when the kids were born. He had been the baby of his family and his M took off with his sibling who was just 13 months older than him after the divorce. I guess I hadn't thought about how much that affected him until after she and I talked about it yesterday.

He had been a wonderful doting F to the kids. But, the dynamic did change between us. I just chalked it up to the changes in our lives with kids arriving. But, my sister was right. It wasn't a huge leap and it isn't that he wasn't attentive towards me, but there was a bit of resentment that was starting to build. I was giving attention to the kids. Not all of my attention, because my sister said if anything I was always last. I made sure I gave him attention, but he complained he was not getting any attendant or I put him last. He was less attentive towards me. And she is right.

And looking back, it all sort of started when S was born. S was colicky the first 9 months of his life. He had his days and nights messed up and I had gone back to work full time. I was drained. I had nothing to give anyone much. Xh was thoughtful, and caring, but there was a resentment that built in him. And it never went away. It was never the same.

My sister and I said it all goes back to had he gotten therapy for the abandonment issues early on, maybe none of this nonsense would have occurred. IDK

It doesn't matter and I am no longer upset. Maybe it is just realizing that so much of this was not anything I was going to cure. And, now just makes me realize that the longer it would have gone on that I probably wouldn't have been able to take much more of his changing temperament anyways. He was never going to face his demons and probably never will at this rate. That would have been a difficult marriage to survive.

My sister told me that she thought the world of him for so long, but he just wasn't strong enough to pull through to deal with the issues.

I have watched my sister and her H. Last night, they had their disagreements and yet, they always pull through. At bed time, I could hear them in their daughter's room - with nephew in tow. They were all piled on my niece's bed and laughing. It didn't upset me, although I do miss those moments. I was actually thinking about my own kids and how we still have those moments. Xh may not be there, but the kids and I have maintained that closeness. And, my kids have become closer and are working through things together. The other day they had a squabble, but figured it out without my intervention.

Life kicks me, but I am fortunate and I do realize that. I also realize I am not alone. My sister was there for me as are many others in so many ways. D is realizing that she too has back up. When I was in surgery, she was struggling - fearing I too would leave her somehow and she had a long conversation with my sister, that D revealed to me yesterday. D said she realized that my sister and other's are there even when I can't be. She also reached out to one of her professors, who she had last semester and had support there. D is learning it is okay to ask for help and that is a good thing.

Today's goal is to try and take a walk down the street and see if I can make it a ways without feeling like I am done for the day. Hopefully, the weather cooperates. I need to get outside. I miss my walks so much.
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5
#17: February 20, 2021, 09:30:32 AM
So glad for your update. I was watching for the past two days knowing that you were going in on Thursday. I hope this gives you a new lease on life and that the renovations in your house also provides a new energy for you.
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5
#18: February 21, 2021, 05:29:37 PM
I've also been looking for an update post. 

Glad to read that the surgery went well and that you seem to be well on the way to recovery.   
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After all, tomorrow is another day.

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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 5
#19: February 22, 2021, 12:57:11 AM
Good "Mourning" Dove! (OK, you can hit me for the pun later when you are fully recovered - you'll just have to catch me first <snort!>)

I am SO glad to read the update and to know that everything seems to have been fully successful.... Making sure that you follow the doctor's orders on lifting and overdoing is crucial... but you know that... I do, however, suspect that you might need the occasional reminder and possibly the odd 2x4 to ensure that you do NOT overdo it... 4 weeks.. that is all just 4 short weeks....

The renovations sound like they are rolling along, despite the occasional hiccup... That is good.

I wonder how many of these MLC'ers have had similar trigger points that kicks off their abandonment fears when kids come on the scene (at least for the male Mid-Lifers).... The female Mid-Lifers seem to either abandon their own kids or glom onto them like a drowning person to a stick....

Regardless, enjoy "Spa Sis" and the attention while it lasts!

{{{{{HUG}}}}}
UM
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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