Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
My Story Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
OP: February 22, 2021, 12:14:43 PM
Before my fellow mentors give me a ration.... It's new thread time.....

Last thread : https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11346
  • Logged
« Last Edit: February 22, 2021, 12:17:59 PM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 868
  • Gender: Male
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#1: February 22, 2021, 10:40:23 PM
Following along for the further adventures of UM.
  • Logged
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0

b
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2058
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#2: February 23, 2021, 12:29:05 PM
Love the title.   Along for the ride!
  • Logged


s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4812
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#4: February 23, 2021, 06:17:52 PM
Just caught up on the end of your last thread, UM.  Your update was a nice one to read. 

I'm not a bit surprised to hear of yet another household where distance learning is not going well.  Good on you as a parent for at least trying to enforce some rules in how it should look.  It appears that many of the parents of the kids I teach have just given up!   

Nice work with that virtual challenge you are in.  You are rocking it.  I just signed up for another virtual 5K in April.  Like you, I find if I have something motivating to work toward it really does help keep me moving. 

  • Logged
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Y

Yo

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 306
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#5: February 23, 2021, 08:59:27 PM
Following
  • Logged
Yo ❤

E
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 348
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#6: February 24, 2021, 12:00:15 AM
Another one following along UM  :)
  • Logged
M: 50 (48 @ BD)
H: 53 (51 @ BD)
Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 21 (19 @ BD)
D: 19 (17 @ BD)
'Extra D': 19 (17 @ BD)
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW (45, now 47) - he met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her. Jun 20: H plans to buy a block of land and build a house with her.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#7: February 24, 2021, 03:48:02 AM
Well, when I left off my last thread, I had finished talking about blended families so now, for something completely new and different....

As part of my health insurance, every 2 years, I get to be poked, prodded, and perused, inside and out....

Today I was at the doc for one of the final (I hope) appointments in this round and, for the first time, my new GP did an ultrasound of the upper and lower abdominal area (the Urologist does one of the "lower" bits as a matter of course to measure prostate size, etc.)... So, here I am, 57 and my GP is a woman, probably mid-40's and her assistant (woman in her mid-30's I am guessing - hard to tell with all the masks), I'm laying on the table with no shirt (at least it was warm) and they start going through the Ultrasound... and I get to hear things like "Oooo... there is the Aorta! Lovely! Look here <click, click, click> It is only 160 mm wide! If it is more than 250 mm, it is concerning and 500 mm means that surgery is needed SOON and no deposits or signs of hardening.... OK, lift your arms up please because we can't really see the liver.... Take a deep breath - OH! THERE IT IS! Your liver is really rather high. That is good because that means that it is not enlarged at all. An enlarged liver has to go down into the abdomen because if it goes up, it impedes the lung ..  and look, there is the kidney right next to it. Look at the definition between the two! Textbook Picture! That is because he is not overweight, you see... And you measure this part here - Take another deep breath and hold it please... " and this goes on for an HOUR!  Meanwhile, the doctor has printed out SO many pictures for the assistant that the paper in the machine has run out so the assistant resort to taking pictures of the screen with her cell phone.....

My appointment was planned for 20 minutes but they were having so much fun looking at my insides and the one doctor showing the other how to work the machine... "And there is the bladder - not too full .. and there - yes, right there is the gall bladder... You really didn't eat this morning, did you? (I was supposed to have not eaten so I didn't). You can see that because the gall bladder is relatively full....  and the left kidney is ... no no no not there, it is up higher than that on the left side and you have to look in between the shadows caused by the ribs. Solid bone doesn't let the ultrasound waves pass, that is why there is the black shadow there.... Take another deep breath please...  YOU see, you can have a REALLY top-notch Ultrasound machine but if the patient is fat/diabetic/overweight, it still takes a lot of time. With someone like him, it is easy, even with my mid-grade machine because he is in good shape so the organs are easy to see .. and there is the Pancreas right there... and the spleen is here but it is harder to see.. No, if he turns on his side so that the left kidney is up, the spleen falls into the abdominal cavity and you can't see it at all...

It really was quite amusing in the end.. I have NEVER had two women be so enthusiastically enamoured over my "internal values."

not to mention having more hands run over my upper body for an extended period of time and that includes getting physiotherapy for whiplash...

At the end, the doctor thanked me for having so much patience with them... but the bottom line was that for 57, I am in pretty decent shape...
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23784
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#8: February 24, 2021, 05:49:19 AM
 ;D ;)
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Y

Yo

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 306
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#9: February 24, 2021, 06:23:10 AM
💪👏👏👏
  • Logged
Yo ❤

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1013
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#10: February 24, 2021, 06:54:24 AM
Attaching..

Heck yes..Doesn’t everyone want a comprehensive, guided tour of their insides????? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
  • Logged

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#11: February 26, 2021, 03:11:39 AM
This goes under the category "Life is what happens while you are busy making plans.... "

I was in the middle of our monthly Division conference, which is kind of important, by Video Conference with 70 other people. My cell rings (or vibrates in this case) and it was R telling me that, while riding her bicycle home, she was run into by another bicyclist and her wrist was broken and could I please come and get her bike because the ambulance was on the way...

<Adrenalin rush - ACTIVATE!>

Grabbed my car keys and the trailer hitch mounted bike rack out of the shed (she has an E-Bike and I know there was NO way in Hades I was going to be able to lift it onto the Roof carrier which was the other option) and hightail it over to where she was. I had a vague idea but I was right and got there WAY before the police or the ambulance.... Yes, it was broken all right because a wrist is NOT supposed to look like a "Z."

Long story short, I got her bike mounted up, the ambulance came and took her to the local hospital where they proceeded to straighten the bone (she actually broke the Spica just below the wrist (that is one of the 2 bones in the lower arm between the elbow and the wrist) but did not give her anything sufficient for the pain  :o  I mean, I was there when they did the same for S13 last winter when he broke both the elle and the spica (I am sure someone with more medical knowledge will say what the correct names/spelling is  - I am a rocket scientist, NOT an MD) and they knocked him out completely...

R will have to have surgery which is now planned for Monday since there was NO way in Hades she was going to let those clowns at the local Clinic operate on her after the massive cock-ups (one after the other) in the ER... 30 minutes before anyone even said "Hello"after coming in in an ambulance, not once did anyone ask about pain relief, if she needed to use the loo, needed a drink... Nothing... It sounded like being in a battlefield Triage center and not in one of the biggest hospitals in the area... Complete Chaos...

So, other than that little incident Mrs. Lincoln, how WAS the play?

  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *
  • MLCer Type: Vanisher
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3415
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#12: February 26, 2021, 04:34:10 AM
Ouch! I hope R has a speedy recovery and finds an empathetic PT who doesn´t torture her with the range of motion exercises.

As for your inwards, hope you got the photo album:)
  • Logged
me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4609
  • Gender: Male
  • Back to being #1 for my daughters!!!!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#13: February 26, 2021, 05:25:15 AM
Hello,

Quote
since there was NO way in Hades she was going to let those clowns at the local Clinic operate on her after the massive cock-ups (one after the other) in the ER... 30 minutes before anyone even said "Hello"after coming in in an ambulance, not once did anyone ask about pain relief, if she needed to use the loo, needed a drink... Nothing... It sounded like being in a battlefield Triage center and not in one of the biggest hospitals in the area... Complete Chaos...

Years ago, I took a teacher who broke his upper arm during our annual end of the year softball game, to a series of hospitals and clinics. It was first diagnosed as a sprain, the hours later in a occupational clinic, it was determined to be a break. Then at the hospital, the determined it was a break as well. They didn't trust the first set of x-rays. While we sat in the waiting room, another patient in a wheelchair just fell over plat onto the floor. Just laid their out cold. I asked, "Are you okay? " No response. My friends told me, "Leave her alone, you are not a doctor. " I turned to my friends and said, "I know I'm not a doctor, if I was" pointing at my friend with the broken arm, "we wouldn't be here right now."  So I go up to the receptionist and tell her about the patient on the floor. She looks up at me, "We will get to her when we are ready." This was one of the top rated hospitals in the state. Hmmmm....medical care at its finest.

I hope all is well and have a quiet and restful weekend,

(((((Ready)))))

  • Logged
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11324
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#14: February 26, 2021, 05:55:48 AM
Sorry to hear about R's accident and hope she gets the care she needs, UM. I will say though....bc it takes an LBS a while to remember what normal chaps do lol....I did think how nice it was to see a man respond to that kind of situation in a lovely normal way as opposed to an MLC way  :)
  • Logged
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#15: February 26, 2021, 07:12:28 AM
Sorry to hear about R's accident and hope she gets the care she needs, UM. I will say though....bc it takes an LBS a while to remember what normal chaps do lol....I did think how nice it was to see a man respond to that kind of situation in a lovely normal way as opposed to an MLC way  :)

What, you mean to ignore her, run away, or tell her it must have been her fault so she could deal with it on her own?



No MLC here!
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4352
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#16: February 26, 2021, 09:49:45 AM
What, you mean to ignore her, run away, or tell her it must have been her fault so she could deal with it on her own?
If I drank coffee, I'd have spit it all over my keyboard!  Priceless.

I hope Rs arm heals well and quickly. So nice that she had you to call, knew she could trust you to help, and that you were able to get there in time.
  • Logged
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

D
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3119
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#17: February 26, 2021, 10:28:04 AM
Tagging along.

Sorry to read about R's mishap. But like Treasur, I was a little misty that R had her person to call and he dropped everything and came out and helped her without all the complaining and drama.  I hope R is able to get some compassionate medical care in the future.

Glad to hear your insides are in good shape.     
  • Logged
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2175
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#18: February 26, 2021, 12:46:57 PM
UM - Your ultrasound description had me in tears...  And your comments were the coup-de-gras1...

I am sorry about R's wrist.  I also am so glad that you were there for her, and that she had you.  You truly deserve someone after all you've been through. 

Sea
  • Logged

F
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 776
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#19: February 26, 2021, 12:48:50 PM
Well there is that saying... "it's what's inside that really counts!" Sounds like you excel at that, but I think most of us here already knew that  :)
  • Logged
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1235
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#20: February 27, 2021, 03:15:06 AM
OMG... So funny to read your description of the ultrasound!! Very strange compliments, but compliments nonetheless. 

Sorry to hear about R's wrist but so nice she had you to call.. I hope she has a speedy recovery!

Just as a matter of curiosity.. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you have called her and expect her to react like you did? I'm not asking if she would but if you would expect her to do so.. As a fellow LBS in a new relationship, I still struggle with relying on B after what I went through with H. Is like I rather not get used to his help "just in case".. Isn't that sad?
  • Logged
H - 44 (40 @BD1)
M - 44 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose)
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019
H gets engaged with OW (we are not divorced) - Oct 2019
H "finally" asks for divorce - Aug 2020
H marries OW - March 2021.. We are not divorced!!!

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2175
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#21: February 27, 2021, 06:41:42 AM
One Day -
Not to hijack Um's thread, but I have the same issues about being able to depend on anyone.
My son (at home from college) gets upset when I do things and don't ask him.  I just feel like I need to be able to do everything by myself.
I'm sure that, with time and consistency/actions, you will be able to rely upon B as you used to with H. 
Again, time is our friend...
  • Logged

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 553
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#22: February 27, 2021, 07:25:18 AM
UM, Happy to hear how your medical appointment went -- and very thorough.  Wow. 

And, so very sorry about R's accident.  I hope her surgery goes smoothly and uneventfully with a quick healing time.  Like the others, my little heart went pitter patter hearing about how you dropped everything to go and rescue her.

Thinking about what One Day ponders, and not to hijack as well, but I am not sure I could rely so fully to expect that any partner would ever rescue me.  Trust is gone and even in the year prior to BD, when I needed help on a few occasions -- one of which my parked car was involved in a multi-car accident and I asked my h, who was working at home, if he could swing by and see if my car was drivable and take me home if it needed to be towed; his response was that he didn't plan to be in that area that day.  And, I accepted that as normal.  He showed up, but .... Not sure all wounds heal with time.  One Day, not so sad.  I understand.  We all understand. 
  • Logged
BD and moved out 9/2017
M 30 years at BD, together 34

b
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2058
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#23: February 28, 2021, 04:56:31 PM
So sorry to hear about R's mishap, but glad she had you to depend upon.  I will never forget how my H at the time had left me hanging with a detached retina about 6 weeks after starting his bull$h!te.  It was right then and there, I decided I was done.  Never again would I waste my good faith and trust on that selfish POS.

It's good to finally be back with a man who knows what the words honor, courage and commitment (the Navy credo that Popeye has always lived by) truly mean.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt,  I know if anything where to happen to me, he'd be there without hesitation because he has already told me so....and he truly IS a man of his word, unlike my ex POS.
  • Logged

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 868
  • Gender: Male
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#24: February 28, 2021, 06:09:33 PM
Congratulations on the healthy innards. I always figured you for a man with textbook kidneys. And after experiencing two MLCers, having a healthy liver probably ought to earn you a medal or something.

Bummer about R's wrist. I broke mine when I was younger. Once she can use it again, it will be important to use it. I got into the habit of using my other one for everything, so my broken one atrophied a bit.

As always, thanks for the comic relief.
  • Logged
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#25: March 02, 2021, 04:12:36 AM
Well, the update is not quite as good as we were hoping/led to believe....

I took R to a specialized hand/elbow/shoulder clinic about 2 hours away from us. She has been there before when she had an accident with a lawn mower <yeah, cringe> and it is one of the best in the surrounding area.

The ER where we live has a reputation as one of the worst in the entire state and they certainly lived up to that with R... Her break was more (MUCH more) complicated than they had indicated - not only was the Spica (that is - I think - the larger of the 2 bones in the forearm) broken and the broken part folded backwards (that is what they straightened at the ER) but many of the bones in the wrist itself were dislocated.... and the end of the broken bone towards the elbow had splintered a bit... Plus the cast they put on at the ER was wrong... It was WAY too tight and disturbed the blood flow in the hand... not to mention caused a lot of pain... The good side of that is that there is no real damage from teh cast....

At the clinic/hospital yesterday, they took a complete new set of X-Rays and did a CT as well to find out the extent and she was operated on this morning. It was supposed to be with an "arm block" that is I guess given in the armpit and deadens the entire arm, with the idea that, if that didn't work, they'd go for the full Monty and knock her out.  She wrote me when she was out of surgery that she was in the "wake up room" and everything was OK so far.

Of course, I felt my stomach drop as "the wake up room" meant that the armpit thing didn't do the job and I asked if that was the case. She said no, it was "other problems" so I am guessing that they found more damage when they went in.

Anyway, the plan was that she'd have a titanium plate put in that will have to come back out in 12-18 months once everything is stabilized and the bones have healed.

OneDay, I'll be brutally honest, in answer to your question -  It is a good one and not at all any sort of hijack...

I wouldn't have called in the first place. At that time of the day, R would be at work and they are not allowed to have their cell phones on or at least they have to be totally silent (not even vibrating). I would have sent her a message when I could telling her what happened and that I'd be home when I got there and not to worry... I have been left holding the bag WAY too often when I needed help and not gotten it to allow myself to be reliant on anyone ever. Yeah, it is a trust issue... I think, if I would have called, R would have done whatever she could in her power to help however she could but I wouldn't have called in the first place because, if it didn't work out again, it would just lead to disappointment (unmet expectations) so better to be reliant on myself because I know I can take care of myself than to rely on anyone else....

Sad? Yeah maybe ... But not in any way unexpected I think.... Those who have had their trust betrayed often learn to be self-reliant to an extreme - possibly an unhealthy extreme... But we have been metaphorically left standing on the street corner in the rain and dark by people who we had counted on to pick us up.... We are no longer playing the "Charlie Brown and Lucy with the Football" game... We've learned the hard way that the ball will be pulled away at the last minute when we needed it to be there so we don't bother trying to kick it anymore.... "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" becoems a watchword and a general approach.... It morphs into "You don't GET the chance to fool me...."
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2175
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#26: March 02, 2021, 08:01:26 AM
UM -
I am sorry that it was delayed, and mismanaged initially, but am glad that R finally got the help she needed.
Now the healing begins...

Sea
  • Logged

D
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3119
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#27: March 02, 2021, 09:57:54 AM
Hoping the healing goes much more smoothly than the initial diagnosis. You can amuse her with tales of your perfectly placed organs during her recovery.

Self reliant to an extreme - I can relate to that. 
  • Logged
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11324
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#28: March 02, 2021, 12:38:50 PM
Quote
You can amuse her with tales of your perfectly placed organs during her recovery.

This made me laugh out loud, DF  :)
But will UM be able to find the right kind of gif for this....... ;D
  • Logged
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4812
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#29: March 02, 2021, 07:29:31 PM

We've learned the hard way that the ball will be pulled away at the last minute when we needed it to be there so we don't bother trying to kick it anymore....


Yeah, it is kind of sad but I'm pretty realistic so if that's how it's gotta be now, then so be it! 

Sending healing wishes to R - I hope things go well with the recovery. 

  • Logged
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#30: March 02, 2021, 11:44:35 PM
Quote
You can amuse her with tales of your perfectly placed organs during her recovery.

This made me laugh out loud, DF  :)
But will UM be able to find the right kind of gif for this....... ;D

How about this one?


Well, R may not be home as soon as we thought... The hospital has laid 2 drainage catheters in her arm and she has significant pain. One problem is that her body physically does not metabolize pain medication well. Instead it is in and out with very little effect. At the ER, they gave her a dose of an opiate (Stupid people did not write down what it was - only that it was 6.5 mg but the Head Doctor followed it up and found out what it was) that should have had her looking at the pretty lights in La La Land and she was fully functional and still in pain...

She will get what is called a Pain Catheter today where there is a constant flow of pain meds but that can NOT be used outside the hospital (she had the same thing when she had her shoulder OP last year and it worked well) so we will see.....

I talked to her this morning and she was REALLY tired/wiped out because she was only able to get 3-4 hours light sleep due to the pain last night...   :(
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11324
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#31: March 02, 2021, 11:46:39 PM
So sorry to hear that R is not in a good place, and I hope that this improves soon.
But much respect for the gif, UM - I should have known better  :) ;D
The Marvellous Bear strikes again!
  • Logged
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#32: March 03, 2021, 12:14:19 AM
So sorry to hear that R is not in a good place, and I hope that this improves soon.
But much respect for the gif, UM - I should have known better  :) ;D
The Marvellous Bear strikes again!

I had another one that was better but it was just a tad "risque" in a Virtual Reality sort of way (liquid Metal art) and I didn't want to offend anyone so ...
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

D
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3119
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#33: March 03, 2021, 11:00:17 AM
How awful for R.  I will add her to my prayers - the Lord will know who I am taking about. 
  • Logged
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2175
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#34: March 03, 2021, 04:16:00 PM
UM - Sorry to hear about R's pain.
The catheters are wonderful and they do make those that you can take home - at least in the US.
They're called On-Q and such. 
Is there a specific pain team who would be able to help her with that?? Or is that who's handling the one in the hospital?
I'd love her to have the same pain relief at home as in the hospital...

Sending hugs and wishes for quick and pain relief for R.

Sea
  • Logged

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#35: March 25, 2021, 07:29:02 AM
Well, Tuesday, S13 became S14....

Unfortunately, since my job has decided to sentence me to 2 weeks of an online training form 08:30-14:30 (IN FREAKING CANADA! Meaning 13:30-19:30 where I am  ::) I know, I should be happy to be working in the pandemic but for crying out loud... come on.... ), and since Tuesday was a "school day" we will have a Corona-approved (read "small") party on Saturday. He wanted and got a PC for his birthday (or rather he got the PARTS for a PC and we have taken the last 4 days to build it.

He went to xW's Tuesday afternoon so he could celebrate his B-Day with mom and D10 and then came back yesterday.

We got it up and running today so he is happy as a clam....

By the way, who has seen the movie "Lion" about the boy in India who gets separated from his family, is adopted by a couple in Australia, and then, 25 years later, embarks on a search for his mother?  SERIOUSLY depressing except for the fact that it does happy end and is based on a true story...
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4609
  • Gender: Male
  • Back to being #1 for my daughters!!!!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#36: March 25, 2021, 07:40:36 AM
Hello,

Quote
By the way, who has seen the movie "Lion" about the boy in India who gets separated from his family, is adopted by a couple in Australia, and then, 25 years later, embarks on a search for his mother?  SERIOUSLY depressing except for the fact that it does happy end and is based on a true story...

I thought it was an awesome movie. Very sad, but a very good movie and high recommend it.

Happy birthday to son 14!

(((((Ready)))))
  • Logged
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4609
  • Gender: Male
  • Back to being #1 for my daughters!!!!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#37: March 25, 2021, 07:45:47 AM
Hello again,

Quote
SERIOUSLY depressing

Seriously depressing is "Dear Zachary: a letter to a son about his father". That documentary made both my wife and I cry- just like Lion, it is a true story.

((((Ready))))
  • Logged
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#38: March 25, 2021, 07:47:41 AM
Quote
By the way, who has seen the movie "Lion" about the boy in India who gets separated from his family, is adopted by a couple in Australia, and then, 25 years later, embarks on a search for his mother?  SERIOUSLY depressing except for the fact that it does happy end and is based on a true story...

I thought it was an awesome movie. Very sad, but a very good movie and high recommend it.

Happy birthday to son 14!

(((((Ready)))))

R thought I needed to see it as I was adopted (at birth) and have NO real desire or need to search out my biological genetic contributors...  ::)  I have never seen a need for it but she and others seem to think there is some sort of hidden need there that I am supressing.... For me, it is really simple. Unlike the boy in the movie, I have NO memories at all having been taken from my birth mother at birth and going with my parents when I was 3 DAYS old... so I only know (and care about) my REAL parents and they are the ones (OK, my mom) that raised me...
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

D
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3119
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#39: March 25, 2021, 10:29:42 AM
Thanks for the warning UM.

I just finished reading Radium Girls. I highly suggest that, if you have a strong desire to read it, you wait until the pandemic is over and long forgotten because THAT is some seriously depressing stuff.  Also a true story. 

Happy Birthday S!!  Let there be cake!! 
  • Logged
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#40: March 31, 2021, 12:19:12 AM
Happy Birthday S!!  Let there be cake!!

There was... S14 got 2 "Corona-limited B-Day parties." With xW it was S14, xW, and D10 and maybe (I am not sure) if S14's GF was there or not since it was a school day. Here it was me, D10, S14, S14's GF, R, R's D20, R's S18 and R's S30. Ironically, RS30 and RS18 were the only 2 "outside" the household since kids 14 and under don't count and the rest all live here (for the most part - D10 is here every couple of weeks) and I made S14 his requested cake - an "Olchi Cake."

Now, for those that don't know about the Olchis, they are a German thing for kids - a kind of "anti-manners" family that are the opposite of everything that parents try to teach their kids with regards to manners, keeping clean, etc.  The books are funny and, for those that have a basic knowledge of German (or just want to see the pictures), here is a link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaeVj7HlQ_I

Basically, it is a cheesecake without a bottom crust that has Butter Streusel on top that has been colored to look like mold - typical 14 year old boy, right? ::D
https://www.chefkoch.de/rezepte/1892541308154343/Olchi-Kuchen-gammliger-Schimmelkuchen.html


The main thing is that he got the cake he wanted and had a nice (belated) birthday party on Saturday.  By that time, we had also finished building his new PC together (what he wanted for his Birthday - he took all of his Birthday and Christmas money and bought the parts and we built it together... a Father-Son project)
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23784
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#41: March 31, 2021, 05:08:42 AM
Oh yum, does that sound good!

I'm glad he had such a nice party from you.  Good memories for him...

Did you say girlfriend???   :o ;D
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4609
  • Gender: Male
  • Back to being #1 for my daughters!!!!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#42: March 31, 2021, 05:51:51 AM
Hello,

That looked like a lot of fun and I bet both of you really enjoyed building the computer together.

Quote
Now, for those that don't know about the Olchis, they are a German thing for kids - a kind of "anti-manners" family that are the opposite of everything that parents try to teach their kids with regards to manners, keeping clean, etc.  The books are funny and, for those that have a basic knowledge of German (or just want to see the pictures), here is a link:

I can tell where you son get his sense of humor. Hmmm.....The big bear and his little cub.

I am glad his day was special and he is lucky to have such a special dad.

(((((Ready)))))
  • Logged
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#43: April 16, 2021, 05:49:50 AM
I'm usually not one to post this kind of thing normally but... wow... Can you say RIGHT ON POINT!

From Society of St. John the Evangelist (SSJE) - I subscribe to their daily devotions

Healing
When Jesus came back to see his Apostles, Jesus showed his wounds.
He showed his wounds as if to say, I am the real deal, I’ve been to hell and back,
and I’ve got the scars to prove it. Healing is a process we’ve all been through.
Healing centers us and gives us a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Healing helps us find God where we need God most –
which isn’t always where we want God most.


As an aside, if you are interested, I preached again on Good Friday and attached the file...
  • Logged
« Last Edit: April 16, 2021, 06:40:11 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23784
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#44: April 16, 2021, 06:03:05 AM
So very true!! 
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11566
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#45: April 16, 2021, 06:28:43 AM
UM thank you for sharing this.

So difficult at times to accept God's plans and timing.

Yet, He walks beside us in every moment of our lives.



  • Logged
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

9
  • *
  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 724
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#46: April 16, 2021, 08:45:02 AM
I love this. 

Thanks UM.
  • Logged
Husband 55
Me 55
Kids 3 sons 29, 27, 25 1 daughter 20
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 33 years.  Together 35
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.

F
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 776
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#47: May 06, 2021, 10:58:34 AM
Thank you for sharing that UM. I needed that.
  • Logged
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#48: September 28, 2021, 05:34:45 AM
Time flies when one is having fun.... I was "talking" to another Mod and realized that I should probably update my own thread for a change rather than commenting on everyone else's... and had to search... and search ... and search... My last post was before Easter! 

So..... Hmmmmm .... where to start....

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... No, that's not right... <snort>

Since Easter, not TOO many changes have happened.... COVID still controls a vast part of daily life although, with the German population averaging about 60% fully immunized (myself included) some things are beginning to relax a bit and some restrictions are being lifted for those who have been vaccinated or are recovered.

R and I have been to a couple of concerts in the past month and that was really nice to get out. We also went to a REAL restaurant and celebrated our 2 year "anniversary" last week. It's not the first time we've managed to go out but it is still rare enough that it was a big deal.

I'm not quite sure how to refer to R's kids since we are not married so they aren't Step Kids but they are more than just "her kids" as they and I have a really good relationship. In German there is a term "Vize" like "substitute" but that isn't it either because they are NOT substitutes for my own kids so.... The reason I am thinking about this is that they do (particularly RD20 - R's D20?) play a pretty prominent role in life as we now know it... Na ja, RD20 lives at home and is studying Physics while RS18 is in a town about 90 minutes south and going through a practical school for watchmaking (yes, there are still people who do that in Europe). Anyway, D20 was visiting her BF and was gone for a few weeks. She came back the other evening and calmly announced that they (she and BFs parents) had to take BF to the hospital because he had a high fever and was really sick... turns out he has/had Mono...  :o  He got it from her.... and she had also apparently given it to her brother (RS18) who spent several days travelling around Europe while ill... At least not as bad as RD20's BF.... Never a dull moment in our house....

My S14 is in the middle of his first relationship explosion with a girl in his class whose mom at first was happy but now wants her daughter to go after the boy with more money... ::) so he's taking that pretty hard.... GF's home life is NOT good - there is alcohol and other issues there... and he was staying a lot more with xW2 because GF lived around the corner... Now that that seems to be on ice for the present, he is coming to us again more often.

D11 is still having mom's anxiety projected on her so she shows up every 2nd weekend but is no loner reporting back to mom every few hours so that is an improvement too....

R, D11, S14, and I went on our vacation this summer to Turkey on the Aegean Coast for 2 weeks and it was really wonderful... NOT a huge touristy town and we had a great time together. The older ones stayed at home and took care of the dog and got Mono evidently as that seems to be the right time frame for the incubation to break out and both RD20 and RS18 were sick with the "normal" mono symptoms...

Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Seriously though, as far as my life is concerned, as I was saying earlier, R and I have just celebrated 2 years and it has been an interesting ride. Each of us has triggers although, honestly, I think some of mine might be a bit fresher than hers as she has had a couple of TR's between but was divorced for about 14 years before we got together... One of my triggers got whacked over the weekend (had NOTHING to do with R directly) because xW2 sent me a note saying that we "needed to talk about the kids" which I knew meant that she wanted to talk about money. THAT was a massive trigger for me because every time MLCxW1 wanted to "talk about the kid" meant that I was going to get taken to the cleaners. R and I talked a fair amount about it and to be honest, sometimes she was supportive of xW2's position (NOT helpful but it was reasonable) and sometimes mine. In the end, MLCxW2 and I talked and, yes, she DID want money but was quite reasonable about it and actually left it up to me to decide. The whole thing revolves around D11 in that, in the agreement, the kids were to be 50/50 between us and the costs as well. Well, because D11 is scared of her own shadow (thanks to mom's anxiety projection) D11 is, like I said, with me 2 days of 14 so the costs for her mom are higher than she expected. We came to a reasonable agreement that is also temporary.... Later, I thanked R for talking me off the ledge as I was really running down the rabbit hole before hand and it helped MLCxW2 and I to have a reasonable conversation...

I am preaching about once per month now (so regularly) and have been invited to appear before a specific formation committee in January to see where the process will go from here so that is kind of exciting. Last Sunday, the readings were one of those that no Pastor/Priest/Preacher I know really likes - the "Chop it off" reading from Mark... so I had to come up with something on that theme and I think I did OK. S14 went with me and was immediately drafted into service as an Acolyte. The priest was over the moon happy that he had a full Acolyte Team on the altar for the first time since he has been here (yeah, he started just when the COVID Pandemic was in full swing). In addition, we are doing something that not too many other churches in Europe are doing at the moment and that is we are truly Hybrid with in-person worship in the church combined with an on-line community that stretches to the US, India, and Finnland. They participate as well, sometimes doing readings, reading the prayers, etc so it is a real 2-way service and not just a Webcast. That has been a real challenge to implement on a shoestring budget but it has worked so far.....

Not a whole lot else to report at the moment. Life continues and all is well in the Bear's Den!
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

D
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3119
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#49: September 28, 2021, 10:28:08 AM
Good to have an update UM. 

Sounds like everything is pretty "normal" these days.  Teenage heartbreak and illness mixed in together with anniversaries and vacations. 

I was listening to a podcast recently and the speaker said it the thing that makes a good movie ... when things go wrong.  Nobody wants to watch a movie where nothing bad happens because it would be a pretty boring movie.  If nothing else it keeps life interesting and makes for a good story when your ancestors do the genealogy research.     

But I am sitting here at work eating my lunch thinking "Chop it off reading??"  Then it hit me - oh yeah, if your foot offends thee, chop it off.  Then I chuckled.... I guess that is what happed to LB and SPQ... they offended thee and I cut them off.  The Bible is right.... tis much better this way.   

  • Logged
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#50: October 01, 2021, 02:27:43 AM
But I am sitting here at work eating my lunch thinking "Chop it off reading??"  Then it hit me - oh yeah, if your foot offends thee, chop it off.  Then I chuckled.... I guess that is what happed to LB and SPQ... they offended thee and I cut them off.  The Bible is right.... tis much better this way.   



Yeah.... My life would make a pretty boring movie at this point....

Found out last night that the parents of RD20's Best Friend that live sort of diagonal to us (they live 4 doors in this direction from my former house) are looking to sell their house.... R and I are thinking about buying it for a rental property (extra income in retirement) and then, if and when RD20 needs it, we have it.... We'll see... It is a seriously big step and I'm torn. This one would be in my name though while where we live now is R's house... Scary step to commit one's self to a fairly large mortgage at 58 but I see others here doing similar things and, since it is really one street over, maintaining it wouldn't be too difficult... We'll have to see what they are asking.... or planning to ask...
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23784
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#51: October 01, 2021, 09:38:33 AM
I thought it was  "If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out!"   ;D

Thanks for the wonderful update, UM.  I'm happy life is good for you and R and the kiddo's.
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11270
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Re: Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#52: October 01, 2021, 12:25:56 PM
I thought it was  "If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out!"   ;D

That's the third thing.... "If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off for it is better to enter the kingdom of heaven with one hand than to be consigned to hell.... And if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off for it is better to enter the kingdom of heaven lame than be sent to hell where the worm never dies... " etc. NSRV Mark 9
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

K
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 5637
  • Gender: Female
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#53: October 13, 2021, 11:28:31 AM
Great to see your update UM. Sounds blissfully normal. Love the idea of your buying that house. Don't think of it as being saddled with a mortgage at 58, but rather an investment that will likely yield far more than any investment fund.  Hope it works out.
  • Logged
Me 49
H 48
S13
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.