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Author Topic: My Story Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred

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My Story Re: Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#20: February 27, 2021, 03:15:06 AM
OMG... So funny to read your description of the ultrasound!! Very strange compliments, but compliments nonetheless. 

Sorry to hear about R's wrist but so nice she had you to call.. I hope she has a speedy recovery!

Just as a matter of curiosity.. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you have called her and expect her to react like you did? I'm not asking if she would but if you would expect her to do so.. As a fellow LBS in a new relationship, I still struggle with relying on B after what I went through with H. Is like I rather not get used to his help "just in case".. Isn't that sad?
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M - 44 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose)
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019
H gets engaged with OW (we are not divorced) - Oct 2019
H "finally" asks for divorce - Aug 2020
H marries OW - March 2021.. We are not divorced!!!

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change

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Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#21: February 27, 2021, 06:41:42 AM
One Day -
Not to hijack Um's thread, but I have the same issues about being able to depend on anyone.
My son (at home from college) gets upset when I do things and don't ask him.  I just feel like I need to be able to do everything by myself.
I'm sure that, with time and consistency/actions, you will be able to rely upon B as you used to with H. 
Again, time is our friend...
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Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#22: February 27, 2021, 07:25:18 AM
UM, Happy to hear how your medical appointment went -- and very thorough.  Wow. 

And, so very sorry about R's accident.  I hope her surgery goes smoothly and uneventfully with a quick healing time.  Like the others, my little heart went pitter patter hearing about how you dropped everything to go and rescue her.

Thinking about what One Day ponders, and not to hijack as well, but I am not sure I could rely so fully to expect that any partner would ever rescue me.  Trust is gone and even in the year prior to BD, when I needed help on a few occasions -- one of which my parked car was involved in a multi-car accident and I asked my h, who was working at home, if he could swing by and see if my car was drivable and take me home if it needed to be towed; his response was that he didn't plan to be in that area that day.  And, I accepted that as normal.  He showed up, but .... Not sure all wounds heal with time.  One Day, not so sad.  I understand.  We all understand. 
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Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#23: February 28, 2021, 04:56:31 PM
So sorry to hear about R's mishap, but glad she had you to depend upon.  I will never forget how my H at the time had left me hanging with a detached retina about 6 weeks after starting his bull$h!te.  It was right then and there, I decided I was done.  Never again would I waste my good faith and trust on that selfish POS.

It's good to finally be back with a man who knows what the words honor, courage and commitment (the Navy credo that Popeye has always lived by) truly mean.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt,  I know if anything where to happen to me, he'd be there without hesitation because he has already told me so....and he truly IS a man of his word, unlike my ex POS.
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Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#24: February 28, 2021, 06:09:33 PM
Congratulations on the healthy innards. I always figured you for a man with textbook kidneys. And after experiencing two MLCers, having a healthy liver probably ought to earn you a medal or something.

Bummer about R's wrist. I broke mine when I was younger. Once she can use it again, it will be important to use it. I got into the habit of using my other one for everything, so my broken one atrophied a bit.

As always, thanks for the comic relief.
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

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Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#25: March 02, 2021, 04:12:36 AM
Well, the update is not quite as good as we were hoping/led to believe....

I took R to a specialized hand/elbow/shoulder clinic about 2 hours away from us. She has been there before when she had an accident with a lawn mower <yeah, cringe> and it is one of the best in the surrounding area.

The ER where we live has a reputation as one of the worst in the entire state and they certainly lived up to that with R... Her break was more (MUCH more) complicated than they had indicated - not only was the Spica (that is - I think - the larger of the 2 bones in the forearm) broken and the broken part folded backwards (that is what they straightened at the ER) but many of the bones in the wrist itself were dislocated.... and the end of the broken bone towards the elbow had splintered a bit... Plus the cast they put on at the ER was wrong... It was WAY too tight and disturbed the blood flow in the hand... not to mention caused a lot of pain... The good side of that is that there is no real damage from teh cast....

At the clinic/hospital yesterday, they took a complete new set of X-Rays and did a CT as well to find out the extent and she was operated on this morning. It was supposed to be with an "arm block" that is I guess given in the armpit and deadens the entire arm, with the idea that, if that didn't work, they'd go for the full Monty and knock her out.  She wrote me when she was out of surgery that she was in the "wake up room" and everything was OK so far.

Of course, I felt my stomach drop as "the wake up room" meant that the armpit thing didn't do the job and I asked if that was the case. She said no, it was "other problems" so I am guessing that they found more damage when they went in.

Anyway, the plan was that she'd have a titanium plate put in that will have to come back out in 12-18 months once everything is stabilized and the bones have healed.

OneDay, I'll be brutally honest, in answer to your question -  It is a good one and not at all any sort of hijack...

I wouldn't have called in the first place. At that time of the day, R would be at work and they are not allowed to have their cell phones on or at least they have to be totally silent (not even vibrating). I would have sent her a message when I could telling her what happened and that I'd be home when I got there and not to worry... I have been left holding the bag WAY too often when I needed help and not gotten it to allow myself to be reliant on anyone ever. Yeah, it is a trust issue... I think, if I would have called, R would have done whatever she could in her power to help however she could but I wouldn't have called in the first place because, if it didn't work out again, it would just lead to disappointment (unmet expectations) so better to be reliant on myself because I know I can take care of myself than to rely on anyone else....

Sad? Yeah maybe ... But not in any way unexpected I think.... Those who have had their trust betrayed often learn to be self-reliant to an extreme - possibly an unhealthy extreme... But we have been metaphorically left standing on the street corner in the rain and dark by people who we had counted on to pick us up.... We are no longer playing the "Charlie Brown and Lucy with the Football" game... We've learned the hard way that the ball will be pulled away at the last minute when we needed it to be there so we don't bother trying to kick it anymore.... "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" becoems a watchword and a general approach.... It morphs into "You don't GET the chance to fool me...."
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Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#26: March 02, 2021, 08:01:26 AM
UM -
I am sorry that it was delayed, and mismanaged initially, but am glad that R finally got the help she needed.
Now the healing begins...

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Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#27: March 02, 2021, 09:57:54 AM
Hoping the healing goes much more smoothly than the initial diagnosis. You can amuse her with tales of your perfectly placed organs during her recovery.

Self reliant to an extreme - I can relate to that. 
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Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#28: March 02, 2021, 12:38:50 PM
Quote
You can amuse her with tales of your perfectly placed organs during her recovery.

This made me laugh out loud, DF  :)
But will UM be able to find the right kind of gif for this....... ;D
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H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
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Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
#29: March 02, 2021, 07:29:31 PM

We've learned the hard way that the ball will be pulled away at the last minute when we needed it to be there so we don't bother trying to kick it anymore....


Yeah, it is kind of sad but I'm pretty realistic so if that's how it's gotta be now, then so be it! 

Sending healing wishes to R - I hope things go well with the recovery. 

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After all, tomorrow is another day.

 

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