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Author Topic: My Story BRAND NEW MAN 11

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My Story BRAND NEW MAN 11
OP: February 23, 2021, 06:55:58 PM
So tonight I had both sons out for a Colombian dinner as this made 2 weeks in a row. S17 did not get ready until the exact pickup time as usual so I had to wait a few minutes. I'm trying to avoid their mom and sitting out front of the house just gives her an opportunity to approach me.

Aside from having dinner, the both of them are still hesitant with accepting things from me. Last week S17 needed boot socks and so I took him to the store. Well thats all he brought. Nothing else.

I did buy the both of them game cards last week but they each picked out the lowest priced one offered at the store. 

Apparently they never need anything. I brought new masks yesterday as S20 only uses the medical ones and he was not interested in an upgraded cloth one. Forget N95, I had the coveted Adidas ones.

I did invite S20 out for lunch on Saturday if he is available. I told him no pressure as it will be just lunch with S17 and myself. I let him know that I will return him home afterwards. He said he will let me know.

I told S17 that he can start learning to drive a car on Sunday. LOL, he has no clue how to drive. S20's permit expired so he will have to see if he can take the exam again but IDK if thats really possible at our DMV at the moment. He said eventually he would like a license so he doesn't sound like he is in any rush. He does "yes" me a lot.

So they both looked good. S17 was his usual self and S20 seemed to be getting more comfortable. He took off his jacket and looked relaxed. Now they didn't leave the car but I'm not unnecessarily exposing them as the food is to go and its only 2 hours.

So I returned them home and I think her car is gone again. I will know for sure on Friday as she was home tonight without the car. I drove home a bit discouraged because its unfair she never left home and it's unfair that she never left our 2 son's.

Its really unfair that I have to operate from this disadvantage. She got all the financial and parental benefits of getting divorced, meanwhile I'm supposed to protect these 2 boy's. Yea, OK. Like thats real easy when I don't live with either one of them.

I'm praying the car was in the shop because I cannot handle a sob story from her on Friday nor any texts. I have S17 this weekend so we will see how it goes.

Thanks for following along everyone and have a good night.

Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11702.0
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« Last Edit: February 23, 2021, 08:25:06 PM by Thunder »

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BRAND NEW MAN 11
#1: February 26, 2021, 01:20:03 PM
Watcher - so glad that your relationships with your sons are slowly growing stronger.  They are probably treading on thin ice about wanting to accept things from you, and that's  okay for now.  Baby steps.  It's kind of you to offer though, and they know you're there for them.

I'm sure it's difficult when you have no significant time with them, and it seems she's always lurking about.

I hope you don't get a sob story from your w about the car.  Just be prepared, but optimistic, I suppose.

Let us know how it goes.
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W
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BRAND NEW MAN 11
#2: February 26, 2021, 05:27:39 PM
Hi Seahorse,

Well she has been out all day with S20 and S17 vented the entire drive tonight. First, the dog got out from the front door and I didn't want her to see me. S17 struggled to corral her and dropped her once so I had to go retrieve her.

The dog is in horrible shape and looks old and unkept. I picked her up and she feels like a giant water balloon. She is all water. I told S17 her condition is horrible and he said his mom has written her off and told the boys she is their problem.

S17 asked about the home sale in March. I asked him if his mom brought this up to him and he said no. So I explained the home sale situation. He finds it hard to believe someone will buy our home in its condition. He even asked why doesn't someone force her to maintain it.

He complained about her forcing him to goto Catholic School. So I had to assure him we did not get divorced over Catholic School.

I explained to him we got divorced because there is ABSOLUTELY no future for anyone with her and the only way for the 3 of us to survive is to get away from her as life will never improve under her.

S17 said he has tried talking to S20 and he doesn't offer any opinion. I told S17 its time to save yourself and we might have leave S20 behind.

He said he has a friend his age who is going through the same thing and he talks to him. He knows he cannot allow her to turn him into S20. He said he has a plan. ??? He then followed it up with how stressful it is to get free of her.

So we had dinner and I have a violent migraine. Tomorrow we will go hiking as the temps should be near 50 degrees, however its supposed to rain.

He sounded fed up but he keeps saying he will wait until he graduates in June. We will see.

Have a good night

Thank you Seahorse
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BRAND NEW MAN 11
#3: February 26, 2021, 06:20:25 PM
Wow - that's tough. 
So, who did she complain to in the car - was it S17 or you?

I'm so glad that S17 seems to be dealing with things and has a friend to talk to.
It sounds like he gets no support at home.
It seems as if you should be able to let him live with you if you go to court and he attests that's what he wants, and that the house is not good living conditions.
I am sorry that S20 isn't opening up more.
Have you tried to get some time with him alone lately?  I know you've tried in the past... 

The poor dog - doesn't sound healthy at all.

What a mess...  Enjoy your hike with S17, despite the rain...

Sea
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BRAND NEW MAN 11
#4: February 28, 2021, 06:21:01 PM
Hi Seahorse,

Yesterday we started our day on a mountain preserve. It was raining so we had some fog as we began our hike. The trails were still covered in snow which was nice and the warming temps had the streams moving nicely. We took the orange trail which was 1.5 miles and is relatively easy.

I told S17 this park has a yellow trail which is considered moderate to hard as the climb is steep and we will try it once the snow melts.

The sun came out around 4pm so we went down to the canal afterwards to look at 2 locks and we figured out that the present day canal is missing their gates thus making it a little difficult to understand how the system really worked. Anyway we found a diagram yesterday to answer our questions.

We had lunch while out and found another George Washington's HQ along the way so we were out 6-7 hours before returning home for dinner.

This morning he was up bright and early and ready to go much to my surprise. It was raining again today and I really had no plans. So I took him to a salt marsh and we hiked about 2.5 miles. It was probably a little more icy conditions this morning so a little more slow going.

Its my job to catch him if he falls so I lead the way and he did have to grab my arm twice for support, lol 😆.

He does ask a ton of questions and he has a general interest in nature. I'm saving the really nice hikes for Spring as there will just be more life with animals and plant growth. The snow is very scenic and I have the pleasure of taking all the photos I want of S17.

I was able to take a photo of S20 and S17 on the first day of school in their uniforms during high school. When S17 joined band I was able to take photos of him. That was pretty much it as they never felt safe in leaving our home.

Yes I find it funny how I went from fearing she would not cooperate with the parenting schedule by allowing S17 to leave the house to fearing she will approach me at my car while I'm waiting for S17.

For S17 I don't think it even phases him anymore. He knows the schedule and he knows I'm coming to get him. He dragged his feet as usual upon returning him home tonight. He says his mom does not care when I bring him home. IDK....

He will be S18 on Thursday so IDK if the parenting schedule even matters any longer, eventhough, he wants to keep the current format, which is fine with me.

After Friday's vent session there was no further talk about his mom. He told grandma he will see her in 2 weeks, I took him home, we hugged it out and he said see you on Tuesday for dinner dad.  ;D

I just finished sending him the photos I took along with descriptions so he can submit them for his interrogation. He has no key for the house. He texted S20 upon arrival to open the door for him which I found interesting. Most kids would text their mom but not in this situation. She was home.

I took off from work this weekend and I'm off tomorrow and I need the sleep, lol.

Have a good night

Thank you
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BRAND NEW MAN 11
#5: February 28, 2021, 07:26:29 PM
That sounds like s great day. At least when S17 becomes S18, if you get him home a little late is doesn't matter. Once he is an adult, he can do as he likes unless it is written specifically otherwise in the custody agreement. I don't believe anyone can take away his age of majority rights. So that might be nice once the weather gets warmer.  At least S17 could get into the house and you didn't have to wait around for someone to come home.

I'll bet S17 is looking forward to more adventures.
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When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 11
#6: February 28, 2021, 07:53:07 PM
"sent him the photos I took along with descriptions so he can submit them for his interrogation."

Watcher why are you so worried about her?
She does not need to see pictures of what you two did or where you went.  Let her wonder.
I would send him nothing.  It is none of her business.
This is your parenting time with him.

You get no pictures from her showing what they are doing, or where they are going.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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BRAND NEW MAN 11
#7: February 28, 2021, 11:11:50 PM
Well, tbh, you probably know why you are afraid of interacting with her.
Part of your recovery job is about working out which bit is sensible caution and which bit is trauma residue, of course.
I'm assuming that the interrogation comment might have been Watcher-funny....it was really noticeable that your soh came out in posts as you started to detach from your xw and her nuttiness....but I'm sure your son likes the photos just for himself so imho that's a good enough reason to send them, whether he shows them to her or not. Jmo.
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« Last Edit: February 28, 2021, 11:13:31 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

W
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BRAND NEW MAN 11
#8: March 01, 2021, 02:35:30 PM
Hi OffRoad, Thunder, Treasur.

Well IDK if she sees the photos I send to S17 or not. They are just photos of S17 and not me. I dont believe she has taken a photo of S17 in 56 months as she has been too busy with herself. I remember she requested photos once around 2017 or 2018 when we were talking because she had no photos of our son's from high school.

I take the occasional selfie of myself at a running event or now while just running post pandemic. I would much prefer to have someone take my photo but I don't have that option.

S17 has been nowhere. Remember his mother is having some sort of crisis. On Friday S17 woke up and no one was home. I think that sums up his life, especially post pandemic and post inlaws departure.

His mother still works from home and I find that hard to believe after an entire year now. I walked S17 home from the school bus stop on March 13, 2020 for the last time. Up until that date, that boy would never leave his home to see me as we fast walked from the bus stop to an empty house.

IDK what happened but S17 is more than willing to leave that home with me consistently since Dec 15, 2020. Did he really just need that divorce decree finalized ?

He is protective of his home life. I only hear about things while he is venting which he doesn't do often. He mentioned to my mother how he hates Catholic School. He said the same to me on Friday and I explained to him we did not divorce over this issue. So IDK what is up with this anti school stance again that he last exhibited in Dec 2018 and asked me to remove him from the school which I did.

He physically went to school in September and October 2020 before switching to virtual learning in November.

It has to be hard for him. It was very hard for me living with her because I did love her and she did not make it easy. I'm sure he loves his mom and the cognitive dissonance likes to play games as I'm sure he has hope she will change one day.

As for me, I have no hope, lol. Life is much better that way. Stay away from my car Satan before I splash you with Holy Water and watch you 🔥.

I think I will have time to finally run on Saturday. So we will see how dinner goes tomorrow night.

Have a good day

Thank you ladies
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BRAND NEW MAN 11
#9: March 02, 2021, 04:42:17 AM
Following along Watcher
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
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BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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