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Author Topic: My Story BRAND NEW MAN 12

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My Story BRAND NEW MAN 12
#10: May 13, 2021, 12:00:38 PM
Hello,

Quote
Well I gave her the mortgage figures yesterday as she does need to know my balance according to my attorney. She then replied that she needs my mortgage statement which she is not getting since she is not on my mortgage. My attorney said she doesn't need it.

Absolutely correct approach. Don't want her trying anything sneaky to complicate matters. If there are any questions or concerns, the loan officer will contact your mortgage holder for any and all information regarding the payoff. If she has issues with bills and low credit, she will not qualify for the loan. After all, this is not about her qualifying to take over the loan, but to buy the house. She needs to buy you out of your equity in the home as well.

If I was you, I would offer her the money to buy her out, fix the house up and sell it for a good profit. However, you would have to do a solid walkthrough of the home and figure out how much it would take to fix the home before you make that offer.

Enjoy your son and have an awesome day!

((((Ready))))
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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 12
#11: May 13, 2021, 01:27:07 PM
Oh my dear Ready, as far as I know Watcher wants nothing to do with that house.

I know what you are saying, but from what he has said he just wants to sell it "as is" because it would take a lot of time, energy and money to fix all she has done.

In a perfect world, huh?  ::)
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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#12: May 14, 2021, 08:17:35 AM
Hi FaithWalker, Readytofixmyselffirst, Thunder.

Well I woke up this morning to learn that the United States of America has defeated Covid19 and we can now burn 🔥 our masks apparently. Oh hang in there people of the world. One day soon your country will also reach a vaccination rate of 35.8% of its population.  ::)

So we were forced to wear a mask and now ,we the vaccinated few, are being forced to unmask. Yea OK Saddam Fauci. Oh New York and New Jersey are going to start a Civil War because they do not agree with the CDC. It makes me wonder what this whole pandemic was really about in the end.

Well Ready I'm really hoping the 5.5 billion Brood X cicadas about to emerge on our property are hungry after 17 years and they will choose to eat the house. Other than that small miracle, I do not want the house.

If she could refinance ,which will never happen, that would be for the best as selling it "as is" is going to be a nightmare. Oh bring on the Brood X Cicadas !

So I finally finished my taxes and claiming single is better than married filing separately. The state return also allows alimony to be deducted for that whole one big month I paid it in 2020. I won a lawsuit last year against work and the law firm had to go back to court to force the employer to release our W2's. Yea talk about being vindictive as it was finally Fed Exed last week.

So rejoice 🇺🇸. We have done it yet again.
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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#13: May 14, 2021, 08:45:59 AM
Must admit that I too raised a quizzical eyebrow about the ‘no more masks if you’re vaccinated’ announcement, Watcher. Here in the UK, the government is doing some awkward shoe-shuffling trying to balance a ‘yay, we’re best at vaccinations and back to normal soon, go us’ message with a rather dramatic increase in one of the Indian variants which seems to be highly transmissible in a dozen or so areas in the last week or so.....we will see how things unfold I guess but erring on the side of caution for a while longer seems sensible to me.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#14: May 14, 2021, 11:54:39 AM
Hi Treasur,

Oh they cannot give the vaccine away in the United States. I think we have hit a plateau. There are commercials all day long on television basically begging people to get vaccinated and its readily available to everyone now.

I know Germany is still basically on lockdown for foreigners and the Berlin Marathon organizers don't seem to know that themselves. I did read where the beer gardens are about to open which I found strange. Thats something I would avoid.

Yea I'd rather be cautious and wait to see how things are in the Fall or early Winter. New York City is open for business July 1st.

Yes one would think the scenes out of India over the past few weeks would raise concerns.
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« Last Edit: May 14, 2021, 11:56:30 AM by Watcher »

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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#15: May 14, 2021, 03:44:07 PM
Ok so this is the horror story so far. She sent the 2 boys to Florida for 4 weeks to stay with their grandparents while she remained in NJ. So she was the person in the house that I saw when I passed by 3 times.

They came home last Thursday. She told me Saturday. Well on last Saturday S21 and xW boarded a plane for Florida and left S18 home alone.

S21 is going to live in Florida with his grandparents forever and he is not coming back to NJ.

xW attempted to get S18 to return to Florida and he refused to go back.

So why am I failing with S18. He and I had it out as I can't believe he did not tell me he was home alone and I would have made sure he had food at least everyday.

So S18 is not going to Florida and he wants to stay in NJ with me. So I have to find us a place to live now.

I warned him that she is going to try and get him back to Florida after May 24th graduation and he says he is not going. So I have to save this one now. I believe she is going to run or she already has left us.

xMIL was working both of the boys over about them living with her and S18 refused. So I told him they are not going to let up that easily.

There is no way she is remaining in NJ while S21 lives in Florida. Then again she really doesn't love our sons so who knows.

Just unbelievable.

And of course I feel like a d!ck now because I didn't go to dinner with him on Tuesday night.
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« Last Edit: May 14, 2021, 03:47:06 PM by Watcher »

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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#16: May 14, 2021, 03:59:59 PM
Good god, Watcher, why is it when your xw does something WTF, I am surprised for about a second and then not surprised at all..... ::) I’m sorry for this new turn.

However, on the bright side, kudos to your youngest son for his inherited Watcher balls bc I bet he came under a ton of nutso pressure and emotional mind games for those few weeks. A bit of mini-Maximus  :) And that the two of you now have the opportunity to be together in your own place away from the crazy folks. Let XW and mil huff and puff...he’s 18 now and he can choose. And he has made his choice. I get why you might feel a bit of chagrin about the Tuesday dinner....but you couldn’t know until you knew....and your boy has made the big choice that mattters more than not informing you right away imho. Good for him.

And with any luck, xw will follow the predictable textbook and has/will run off to FL so you can get rid of the old house more easily. You might even get the dog who liked you too  :)
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« Last Edit: May 14, 2021, 04:10:33 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#17: May 14, 2021, 04:36:48 PM
Watcher,

Your poor son is so confused.  He has been kept away from the parent that is willing and mentally able to participate on a daily.  Heaven knows what he has been told to him.

With him being home alone for a while, you have the perfect opportunity to set boundaries, limits, and expectations for your father-son relationship, while showing him that you are trustworthy and consistent.

You are doing great!

Sending positive vibes that within the year we find you:

1) living in a new house with son
2) son attending a modestly priced college that he can commute to
3) money in the banks from the house payoff
4) running, hiking, and concert going increased
5) in peace!

It is going to happen!



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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#18: May 14, 2021, 05:28:48 PM
From out here and everything you have said, absolutely none of that surprised me. That is so messed up. It looks like you are just going to have to keep talking with S18 and telling him it's OK to ask you for things because he just does not know any better. Really, yes, he's 18, but you know he lived with crazy for the past however many years and probably hasn't had a whole lot of life experience. Turning 18 doesn't make you street savvy if you weren't before.

If I were you, I'd be impressed that S18 had enough gumption to say no to Florida, and let you know he wants to stay in NJ with you. From his side, he might have felt he was taking a big risk, that maybe you didn't want to be "saddled" with him. Yes, it sounds stupid, but people write their own stories in their heads. When I call my son and leave a message and he doesn't call back, so I don't call him again because I figure he's busy, he thinks I'm the one who isn't doing the calling. How does that makes sense? It doesn't, but it doesn't change how he is thinking. He lives with his father who thinks the other person should just keep calling until they get hold of the elusive person they are trying to call. I don't roll that way. That's what phone messages are for. We have to go over that one at least once every six months.

IMO, It says a lot that S18 took that risk. It means you made a difference in his life. Keep a (metaphorical) candle burning for S21 in case he gets a clue and wants to find his way to you. You don't know if you may have planted some seeds on the visits you had. One can hope. :)

I hope you have a nice weekend with S18.
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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#19: May 14, 2021, 06:56:06 PM

IMO, It says a lot that S18 took that risk. It means you made a difference in his life. Keep a (metaphorical) candle burning for S21 in case he gets a clue and wants to find his way to you. You don't know if you may have planted some seeds on the visits you had. One can hope. :)


I agree with everything OR said!

You lovingly planted seeds and now you are reaping! As much as son's need their mothers... Men Make MEN!

You are a good man Watcher and you are going to start the job that what was taken away from you for too long.

YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE MAN! A WATCHER!

Setting up boundaries to protect you while establishing and deepening your relationship your son will be critical:

Examples might include and should be clearly explained to son:

1) "I will no longer engage in communication about you with your mother.  You are 18 and I will communicate about you with you"
2) "You are old enough to chose to see me whenever you want.  You are an adult"
3) "I am willing to pay for college in this amount"! "What you mom wants does not matter to me, nor am I obligated to pay for something I do not agree to" "College tuition will be discussed between you and I son" Period.

Of course these are all my thoughts and you could disagree with me.

He is old enough to hear what you went through and that you have had enough. That you are holding your boundary of NO CONTACT with his mother to protect yourself.  That he is old enough to see you whenever he wants...without a parenting schedule.  If he leaves the state you will assume it is what he wants, though you would love for him to stay and build a relationship with you.   

Please do not be shaken if XW is rattled by your son's choice and doubles down.  She will only do so because she feels like she is losing control.  In reality she has lost control completely, but doesn't realize it yet.  Stay no contact.  She has not power over you anymore!

S21 will watch from afar and maybe he will come around.
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