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Author Topic: My Story Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6

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My Story Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6
#10: May 25, 2021, 04:27:49 AM
I´d be tempted to send him a zinger about keeping the ashes whole in that you are not one to break up a family and the dog was a member of the family. Really, he treats D this way but wants ashes, what the H?//. Hmm, maybe put a turd on a bonfire and let him have the ashes of that. Oh, my dark side is awakened by the idiocy of your ex. Once again he puts S in the middle. At least you have strong signs that ex has not made any progress.

Glad that your plumbing is humming, nothing like the miracle of the flush.

Enjoy the day,
FTT
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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6
#11: May 25, 2021, 05:47:08 AM
Hmm, maybe put a turd on a bonfire and let him have the ashes of that. Oh, my dark side is awakened by the idiocy of your ex.



Oh man, FTT, your idea is even better than mine.... Must be the full Super Moon tomorrow because someone else posted a wicked evil idea on DF's thread regarding the Pineapple Queen...

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Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6
#12: May 26, 2021, 11:12:29 AM
Treasur, UrsaMajor & forthetrees - I am having a hard time knowing what to do. I am conflicted because, I too have had the thoughts that one might deem petty. I hadn't even considered Xh asking about the dog's ashes at all. D happened to mention that she finds it really fascinating that Xh is willing to split up the ashes because he and his family threw such a fit over his M's ashes and his now deceased B's - the one he drove around with his ashes in the center console of his car for the longest time and would tell people his "B" was in the car with him.

For one, it for me is about what one thinks philosophically about what happens with one's body after they die. I have no issue with the concept of spreading ashes, etc. For D, it bothers her because it is more about what this represents and that is Xh left and the dog part of the family he abandoned. Now he suddenly wants part of that and she is not liking it.

I mentioned it to my sister and she is in agreement with not giving Xh any of the dog's ashes. We joked about just giving him a vial full of ashes from the fire pit and calling it a day. I still haven't picked up the ashes and will probably do so on a day when neither kid is with me. We will come up with what we want to do when we are ready. I am just not in that place yet, I guess. Perhaps by then Xh will just let it go and that will be that. It is a no win situation. If I don't give Xh some of the ashes, S will be upset. If I do give him some, D is potentially upset. Somewhere there has to be some compromise. IDK what the answer is at the moment.

I walked today with D and my sister. We covered 6 miles and right towards the end of the walk we encountered a storm that rolled in. It was one of those in the forecast yesterday, but then they backed off and said it was going to miss us. The sky was blue and clear most of our walk, but then a haze set in, which was a sure sign the humidity was increasing and the temps dropped 10º F in a matter of minutes. And then the clouds turned a deep purplish blue and the wind kicked up with the dust from the trail just swirling. Within a very short time we were feeling the large rain drops. D started laughing when my sister and I said "oh man, we are in for it" and then it started pouring. They both started running and I just kept walking. They were standing under a gazebo not far from there and were laughing at me. They said I was insane. There was no thunder or lightening and when I pointed out that they weren't really any drier than I was they laughed. It did make for a very uncomfortable drive home and I have decided in addition to my emergency sneakers, I am going to now add a t-shirt and shorts at the very least.

D is supposed to be going away for the weekend and S is planning on going to the lake this weekend. He joked he would see Xh, but he really was going to take advantage of Xh's location more than anything.  ::) My M was concerned I was going to be alone for the holiday weekend and was quick to say I could come there for the weekend. I told her I would pop in, but I am not making any plans and am going to just roll with it. I have plenty of things I can accomplish without any interruption and I think I might hang some new lights on the back deck and just relax. With it being the first big holiday since the mask mandates have changed, and add a dash of full moon, I anticipate this being one of those more insane holidays. With people being a bit more out of control and I really don't care to participate and think I will be quite content staying close to home.
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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6
#13: May 26, 2021, 12:12:39 PM
D and I were talking to her BF about former pets. We were laughing about how Xh, the former cat hater was the one who brought home or invited strays to stay with us over the years. Of the 7 cats that were pets, Xh is responsible for 6 of them. He used to tell us every time, "no more cats" and then he would adopt a new one. It never failed. And, I didn't object to them, that isn't it. Why this is funny is there was one cat that Xh had one in sideways about for years - D's cat before George. And originally, George was Xh's cat and never left his side. George simply has claimed D as his main human now.

The cat that came before George was D's cat from day one. How we even came to own this cat was because D was about 4 years old and at the time we had one cat, which was older. She was a very lovable cat, but she didn't want to be picked up by a little girl and hauled around or dressed up.  ::) Xh told me that if I found a cat that was that amiable, D could have it. Well, it would happen that the kids and I had gone to visit a friend of ours when Xh was traveling. This friend had invited us to let the kids ride her Shetland pony and it turned out she had barn cats. Now, this friend always made sure her barn cats were socialized with humans and she had them vaccinated and well cared for. These were not like feral cats. This one kitten kept following D around and D would pick it up like a rag doll and the dang kitten would come back for more. I called Xh and he said fine. D was gentle with the cat and we taught her that the cat needed to be treated nicely, but didn't this cat allow D to put hats on it and push it around in a stroller. For years, Xh was fine with this cat, but then MLC hit.

The conversation today was that the cat was then about 10 years old by this time and MLC started to roll in. D reminded me today that Xh suddenly would get ticked off and say that he never said we could have that cat. Or he would get upset because he didn't choose that cat. He wanted that cat gone. He went so far as to offer, unbeknownst to any of us, the cat to his friend's kids because they wanted a cat that would put up with kids. He came home and said he was going to give the cat to this friend. That did not go over well. He could not give me any good reason as to why this needed to happen. It got so bad that the kids and I decided to move the cat up to my parent's house because we feared Xh would just give the cat away.

We joked because that cat loved being at my parent's house and my F in particular loved the cat. But, it was always a bit of a sore spot with D.

I had forgotten this whole thing. Now looking back, Xh was at that point already dreaming of moving out and starting a new life. It would be the same time he started giving other things away.

D did have good memories about the cat moving up the road because it would be part of the reason D would continue to get off the bus at my parent's house from time to time. The cat lived a very long life and D said she got to really spend time with both of my parents as a teenager and that might not have happened if the cat hadn't been rehoused.

But, it makes me look back now and see how funny the MLCer mind was working and makes this request for ashes even more bizarre in many ways.

And now that I think back I should have strung this together before. It is a repeat of Xh's experience. I had forgotten Xh had a dog that he loved. Xh was away at military school with his B. They came home for a break and for hours they were in the car and there had been no mention of the dog. Xh would have been about the same age as D was when he wanted to give the cat away. Hmmm. At any rate, Xh and his B went in the house calling for the dog and it didn't come. It was then that Xh said his F announced that they had gotten rid of the dog because the boys were out of the house. That had been the family pet for years and it basically got sent away like both boys. The military school was BIL's idea. He thought it would be cool and so Xh followed his older B. This left FIL and MIL alone in the house, so they figured they would send the dog away too.

Gotta love those FOO issues and MLC. Amazing how some of these things now make sense - well MLC sense and maybe explain some of the sudden decisions that the crisis brings on. Very odd.
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« Last Edit: May 26, 2021, 12:43:20 PM by MourningDove »

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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6
#14: May 26, 2021, 11:45:59 PM
I wish I could blame my inability to sleep tonight on the full moon, but that is not the case.

The whole evening just somehow unravelled into an odd mess and that is now weighing on my mind. In part the timing of a communication came when I was trying to light hearted to cope with something else.

I am not a worrier by nature. I won't say I don't have my moments, but generally, aside from the occasional things, I process and remind myself what I have control of and try to think about the positives. But, I am really very worried right at this moment.

Within the worry is gratitude and knowing that there are good people around who care.

A couple of days ago S's GF and I were talking. I had noticed she has been losing weight and has been incredibly fatigued. She looks pale and she mentioned some other symptoms. As we talked, I had suggested she should get some up to date bloodwork. S has been concerned as well.

When he came home from work, I knew something was terribly wrong. He was distracted and not his normal self. He said that his GF was in the hospital. Her boss, luckily had noticed she was so tired midday that she was nearly falling asleep. Being a vet, he has medical knowledge but he also suffers from diabetes. He suggested they check her blood levels and when the reading came in he immediately sent her to urgent care. She hesitated and he said he wouldn't take no for an answer. After urgent care took her readings, they sent her to the hospital where she was admitted and is being held there at least overnight.

It has been hours and they have gotten the numbers down some, but it is still no where near where it needs to be. S knows enough from when FIL lived with us that those numbers are not healthy. S said to me was at one point the numbers are dangerously high and he looked at me saying he had no idea what the actual number meant other than it is not good. Last I heard it was down some before midnight, but it isn't good.

S could not go to see her, as they are limiting visitors to one and her M was there.

I am grateful that the vet is a caring individual and looks out for his employees. I had always thought highly of him before, but now I have a whole new appreciation for him.

S and I had joked earlier about what is going on. It was not the same as Xh's method of coping. S and I both would not have joked had one of us needed to cry, but I think we both needed to be a bit light hearted right now because we are both really concerned.

I have prayed and tried to read, but I have read the same page of my book over and over for what seems like a thousand times now.

Add the other things that popped up earlier in the evening and I just cannot sleep. Thing is lying awake is not going to change anything. And with this worry, then the rest of what had happened earlier just enters in to mind firetruck territory. If only there were a switch to shut off the worry that is going on in my head right now. I am hoping that just writing it out will help dump the thoughts out of my head temporarily. Meanwhile, I will just let the tears roll and hope that at some point I will just fall asleep.
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6
#15: May 27, 2021, 12:34:05 AM
With "the numbers" and the mention of the vet having diabetes and her being admitted on an urgent basis to the hospital, I'm guessing that it was her blood sugar levels that were out of whack?

And, if I recall correctly, didn't GF have a bit of an issue or 2 with her mom (I could be mixing threads/stories here too) that came out after the fire?

I really hope that the docs can find out what is going on and get it under control, for her sake and for S's as well....

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Me - 58, xW - 50
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6
#16: May 27, 2021, 01:23:40 AM
I’m sorry to hear about GF and I hope that things improve soon. It sounds as if her going to hospital was just what was needed so thank God for everything that made that happen.
And I hope too that splurging here got some things out of your head in a helpful way.

I’ve been reading a (very good) book called Anxiety RX. It talks about anxiety as a malfunctioning alarm system and the difference between a background and foreground alarm. And how extended trauma can reset our background baseline alarm system to a higher level even without us being entirely conscious of it. And that what helps most is to do all the things we learn that soothe our background alarm to a lower level when, quite sensibly, events trigger our foreground alarm system as it did with GF’s boss. That made a whole lot of sense to me when I was trying to unpick why my reactions to things were so different than they had been for the first 50 odd years of my life  :) it’s a shame bc I quite liked some of my old unexamined assumptions about how safe i was or how life and the humans around me would work when difficult things happened  :).....but we see things differently of course now bc we had a very different experience over an extended period of time.

So I hope your background alarm system has dropped back a bit, Mourning, and that you got some sleep  :)
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« Last Edit: May 27, 2021, 01:26:54 AM by Treasur »
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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6
#17: May 27, 2021, 05:11:13 AM
Treasur & UrsaMajor - I did manage to sleep for a little bit and will take a nap this morning, otherwise I will be worthless all day long.

This GF is not the same one that had the house fire. She broke up with S in 2017 or so. They had been together nearly 5 years by then, as they were best friends in high school and beyond. She was a very sweet girl and I still see her from time to time, but S and that GF just outgrew each other. Her M was guilty of over-compensating at times, because that particular GF had a F that was legitimately mentally ill. He is being investigated for setting the fire at their house.

After breaking up with that GF, S had brought home a few girls to meet me that I have to admit that I had the reaction of "OMG, No - please no" with a couple of them but kept those opinions to myself because I had hoped S was smart enough to figure it out on his own, which fortunately he did - LOL.

S and this GF have been together just shy of 3 years and she has a F that did the MLC and has a similar situation to D with her F. Her M is wonderful and she has an uncle nearby that is her F's B and he is very supportive of her. She has her issues, but all in all, I really like her. She is kind and a good match for S. She hadn't been working for the vet for very long, but I know from the other vet in the practice that they are so impressed by her work ethic and her compassion.

The vet, he had been concerned about her recently as had one of her coworkers. The vet recognized some of the symptoms as potentially being related to blood sugar and he was right. Now whether or not it is diabetes, that has yet to be determined, but her blood sugar was in the 400 range consistently each time at the different places. They hooked her up to IVs and around 11 pm last night they had been able to get it to drop to just below 300.

S, he was up taking care of the adopted bunny for her this morning and then he left for work. I didn't get a chance to talk to him yet to find out if there were any updates.

I was considering my morning cup of coffee, but I am thinking that nap is in order. Back in college I could function on 2 hours of sleep, but I am not capable of that anymore.  ::)
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6
#18: May 27, 2021, 05:56:04 AM
400?!?!?

That is WAY out there.... When getting it down to 300 is an improvement, that is saying a lot. I have some friends with Type 1 Diabetes and if they go above about 150, they are worried and jab Insulin... ...
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 6
#19: May 27, 2021, 07:38:47 AM
UrsaMajor - I thought S was mistaken at first, but that number is correct.

I am just grateful the hospital is keeping her today and that the vet was paying attention enough to recognize that she was not well. Had he just sent her to urgent care would have been enough, but to have the forethought to check her blood sugar tells me he what I already knew based on my experiences with him. Now of course my experiences with him have been with the dog, so that sounds a little funny to say without explanation.

When the dog woke up acting like she was paralyzed way back, after having gotten into liquified manure, we were concerned she had ingested it. It turned out to be that when she rolled in the grass, she had pinched her nerve between her shoulder blades. I recall this particular vet being so gentle and caring with the dog, but he called to check on her the next day and when I happened to run into him at the grocery store several weeks later, he asked how the dog was doing. My impression was that he was a person who not only cares for the animals he treats, but is an overall thoughtful person.

S is at work and said he is trying to just keep busy since there is nothing he can do as it is he can't go sit with her with the visitor restrictions. Working is what he needs to do today anyways. His GF needs rest and like S said to me earlier, he feels better knowing the hospital didn't just release her and are taking this seriously. In fact he said he was a bit grateful this unfolded this way only because he had been after her to get a new primary care doctor and she had been procrastinating about it. He mentioned had she kept delaying and the vet hadn't pushed the issue she would have perhaps  ended up in a worse situation. Not how he wanted it to happen, but he said he is grateful that she is where she needs to be because of how things happened. S is just focusing on the positives.
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