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Author Topic: My Story You Can't Touch This

D
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My Story You Can't Touch This
OP: July 21, 2021, 10:41:29 AM
We ended the last thread with a guest appearance by SPQ at my brother's golf outing with some old friends and OR suggesting that this encounter, between brother and SPQ, had nothing to do with me.

This is an interesting thought and I have been turning it over in my mind the last couple of days. I did consider speaking with my brother about it but it was his last night here and we were having a birthday celebration for my niece. I didn't want to put him on a plane the next morning having that be our last conversation.  And I agree, his options were limited and it was probably a miserable ordeal ... or maybe it wasn't.  I really don't know.  But in the end it is my trigger to deal with I suppose.

I feel as though I have barred all the doors and windows to my house to keep SPQ from accessing me and my life and here I find her looking in through a basement window gathering information.  And I found myself hoping that brother was careful with his conversation and me and my kids didn't come up.                 
Just so annoying.  Go ride off into the sunset with LB already.   Sunset is that a way SPQ  :P

My Mom mentioned to me yesterday that brother had golfed with SPQ's brother and I said yeah and SPQ.  My Mom was taken aback and said brother hadn't mentioned that SPQ was there. 

In any event, I think not bringing her up at my niece's party was a good decision.  Speaking her name invites her energy into a space, gives her power and importance, makes her relevant.  I think it is way past time to stop invoking her name in my time and space,  It is time to make her irrelevant because her peek in my basement is not worth my time or energy.  She is looking in from 20 years behind me.                 

As the Bhagavad Gita (an ancient Indian text) states “It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection.”  And that is where we are isn't it?   So moving forward it is eyes on my own paper - no more time wasted on the forest creatures peeking in the basement windows.   

That being said, the new fence is coming this weekend (I think) and with it a dumpster.  I plan on hitting the garage hard and heavy and taking full advantage of that dumpster. And I might just find myself tossing a piece of paper in the dumpster with SPQ's name on it. 

You can't touch this.       


https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11600.0;all
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You Can't Touch This
#1: July 22, 2021, 06:46:08 AM
Attaching to read the further antics of the SPQ

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You Can't Touch This
#2: July 22, 2021, 05:23:25 PM
Attaching to read the further antics of the SPQ



Bahaha...the sour queen really is hollow at her core 😬😂

And, heck no DF.....she definitely can't touch your vibe.  I think everything she is doing is probably because things with LB hit the skids a long time ago, so she's looking to you to see just what it is (was) about you that kept him enthralled with you for 20 years, while she's had his fleeting interest at best for just a couple measly years.  She just doesn't get it though....he didn't leave you seeking her.  He left trying to escape himself.  Even if she could, which she never could, becoming a 2nd Hand knock off of you is not going to win his affections.  Who even knows at this point what sort of emotions and feelings a MLC'er is even capable of feeling anyway.  I would guess they would be very fickle and shallow at best.

Just keep being your badass self and make SPQ keep wondering what your next move is going to be.  She seems almost more obsessed with you than she does LB, and that's just plain weird.
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You Can't Touch This
#3: July 22, 2021, 08:16:03 PM
DF - I caught the end of your previous thread where SPQ crashed the golf event.  Or maybe somebody invited her.  Either way, I'm guessing that your bro didn't appreciate her appearance. 

Good to read that you've moved right on down the highway past that event. 

You're a formidable force, my friend!  Keep rockin' it! 
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You Can't Touch This
#4: July 23, 2021, 10:31:00 AM
UM you have me laughing again.  Both at the GIF and your confidence that I can banish SPQ from my thread.

BB and SB I am so thankful that you are still here letting me vent about all this. 

Perhaps SPQ is confused as to why she is not living the life she tried to steal from me.  I mean theoretically I should be miserable and poor now and she should be happy and rollin in the money .... or whatever messed up vision she had in her head when she orchestrated this whole life swap thing.  I figure she has the Bahamas, passing the bar exam and starting her new fancy lawyer job and then she gets to settle in for lawyer work ... which is hard, unrewarding, stressful work most days.  My Mom and I think she will unravel after this year.  She has changed men, changed jobs, changed careers, changed houses and like they say - where ever you go there you are.  Not too many glory days left to toot her own horn.   

In the meantime, dumpster is here!!  She can watch my new fence go up and the garage get cleaned out.  Can't touch this.                   
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You Can't Touch This
#5: July 23, 2021, 11:05:12 AM
I think the weird truth may be actually that SPQ is more in love with the idea of being you than in love with your xh.....she was probably always envious of you.......which of course means she is doomed to failure  :) ::) bc there is only one DF and she rocks  :)
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You Can't Touch This
#6: July 23, 2021, 01:55:19 PM
Danged straight, can't touch this! You GO!
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You Can't Touch This
#7: July 24, 2021, 04:21:44 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, after 9 hours of work today the garage is finally cleaned out.  The old fence is down and two sides of the new fence are up. My entire body hurts.

I posted a picture of my dumpster on Fakebook this morning and just said “dumpster day” with a smiley face. Within 20 minutes LB was calling the kids to see if they wanted him to pick them up and take them to breakfast. Bahahaha! Sure LB come on by and see for yourself I am throwing out what is left of your crap!!

Tomorrow I start pitching the inside stuff in the dumpster. There was something so utterly satisfying about throwing stuff in a dumpster. 10 out of 10 - highly recommend.

You seriously can’t touch this.
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You Can't Touch This
#8: July 26, 2021, 02:34:35 AM
Oooooo... A Dumpster Diver!



He had the opportunity to pick up his stuff so ...

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You Can't Touch This
#9: July 26, 2021, 02:18:31 PM
DF, I mean the dude has proven himself to be an expert dumpster diver 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤣🤣
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You Can't Touch This
#10: July 26, 2021, 06:27:54 PM
Dumpster divin' LB.......just cracked me up! 

Nice work, DF.  Way to get crap done! 
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You Can't Touch This
#11: August 02, 2021, 03:20:17 PM
The garage is still clean!  It is like a beautiful miracle everytime I go out there to grab something.  Now to get moving on the rest of the house.     

I am still waiting on a section of fence to come in - so I have been doing a lot of doggie walking this last week.  With any luck the order will come in this week and we can finish up the fence project and give the doggie back her yard.  Poor doggie has been so forlorn looking out the back door at all the bunnies and birds gathering out there.

In the meantime, today was send the fall tuition bill to LB day and hope for some money to come our way.  I also asked for the flight and hotel info for the upcoming family Bahamas trip.  I expect that I will have to get cranky to get that info as usual.

Neither kid seems overly excited.  Apparently there was political skirmish at breakfast with the outlaws on dumpster day and xFIL made a loud scene insulting LB and his political views. D was utterly annoyed when she got home saying she was going to fake an illness so she didn't have to spend 5 days with them.  And on top of that D got a raise and instead of them all being excited for her they were all insulted because now D makes more money than xBIL's kid who works at the grocery store.  Then D said Dad and SPQ were talking about how much money they made working at the grocery store.  And I was like wait, what - SPQ never worked at a grocery store.  D was like oh yeah, it was her first job.  I was like WHAT?  SPQ's first job was with me  - AT. THE. FARM.  I have know SPQ since she was BORN... she has never worked at a grocery store.  Like ever.   :o  That girl is fruit loops making stuff up.

In any event, last week was the bar exam and SPQ starting her new law firm job, so I steered clear of church so as not to listen to all the hoopla of it. Gonna have to wait a while for all the unicorn farts to wear off of it all.                 
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« Last Edit: August 02, 2021, 03:22:28 PM by Dumbfounded »
Married 1998
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D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

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You Can't Touch This
#12: August 02, 2021, 10:49:06 PM
So I have to ask, are you naturally a get rid of it kind of person? How did you get everything gone? I have the scary garage. Sadly, I use almost everything in there and it all rotates through. But I have these boxes of yarn that I can't....quite....get....rid....of because I'm always rummaging around for some, and wood scraps that really should just go except D uses them for backings on jewelry. I cleaned out a section, but it was dried paint, and things that were no good. Freecycle helps me a lot, because then it goes to a good home.

How DID you make it all go away? I needs some tips. Maybe just having the dumpster helps? A place to let it go?
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#13: August 03, 2021, 03:51:04 AM
How DID you make it all go away? I needs some tips. Maybe just having the dumpster helps? A place to let it go?

DF had it all! A dumpster AND a Dumpster Diving LB.... Between the two things, it was all gone... <LOL>

If SPQ thinks that, just because she has passed the bar, she will automatically have a successful practice, she is in for a VERY rude awakening... I guess she can start off by chasing ambulances...

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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You Can't Touch This
#14: August 03, 2021, 10:42:37 AM
OR, I am NOT by nature a get rid of things kind of person. I keep everything... you know ... just in case I or someone else might need it someday. 

At some point during the quarantine I just got tired of looking at it all.  I woke up one day and just wanted to throw it all away.  I think it is part of my I am no longer anybody's fixer campaign.  So, I started purging but it is just never ending.  Bagging things up and taking them off to here and there to toss, donate, sell.  And then there are the larger items that I just don't know what to do with.  Honestly, some days it just seemed easier to burn the house down.  I would schedule time in my calendar on weekends to declutter certain areas and I would spend a few extra minutes that morning lying in bed vividly day dreaming about watching the house, and all its contents, burn down.  Of course, the day dream would always end with me standing on the front lawn with two angry kids, two cats and a dog and so I would get up and get to work.   

 So, when I learned the dumpster was coming I cleared my calendar and got to work. 

I had a dumpster right there in my driveway and a  firm deadline - 3 days until they pick the dumpster up.  I was fueled by the thoughts of the year long, endless, quarantine purge and a 100 more endless weekends of purging to come.  I just tossed it all out. Ruthless.

As D and I watched the dumpster being hauled away, D said you know, we could really use another one.  It is true. There is still more work to be done.

UM, nothing ahead but hard work and student loans for SPQ now.  No such thing as a free lunch.  ;) 

The last part of my new fence has finally come in.  Doggie should have her yard back by the weekend.   

   

   
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Married 1998
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H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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You Can't Touch This
#15: August 06, 2021, 11:37:52 AM
The new fence is done!!  Doggie is so happy to be chasing bunnies and birds again.

LB actually responded to my message with a check for fall tuition and all the vacation info I requested.  That was shocking. 

When I logged in, it shows you the last time everyone had logged in. Now I haven't been on the app in months because there is no medical bills or kids activities to log in.  And yet LB had logged in 2 days prior.  So odd.   

In the meantime, I said to D that she should mark in her calendar a certain date to get her COVID test for the upcoming trip. D's response was I don't need a COVID test.   ???  I was like um, yeah you do.  So I told her the travel restrictions are changing.  You need a Travel Health Visa, COVID Insurance and yes, a test.  Are none of the 11 people going on this trip paying any attention?  :P  So, after D alerted LB, a emergency meeting was called at Dysfunction Junction. D came home from the meeting an anxiety ridden mess.  One of them still has no passport - none of them are aware of the new travel restrictions, curfew and mask mandates.  There are no excursions planned, nobody has addressed the phone plans, etc. 

D said SPQ (who apparently now stays at the outlaws all the time sans kids) was telling everyone that she works in a healthcare setting and was giving them tips on mask wearing and such.  I said I thought she quit her healthcare job in June to study for the bar and work at a law firm now.  D just shrugged and said she seems to still be working at the healthcare place.  Oh for the Love of God, I can't keep up with her real jobs and the made up jobs anymore.       

So now I am stressed out.  I can't stand not getting things in order in a timely manner.  Drives me bonkers. My kids are leaving the country in the middle of a global pandemic and there are no clear plans or anyone in charge - not sure if I will be able to reach them by phone or what is happening.  STRESSED OUT.

Then on top of it I dreamed about SPQ last night. Blah! I am just all off today. Walking around mumbling to myself - not my circus, not my monkeys - trying to keep my poop together over this craziness because I can hear the circus and the kids are in attendance.   

I told my friend, I want to secretly follow them on the trip and take video while narrating the whole thing in James Earl Jones' voice.     
 
           

 
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“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
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You Can't Touch This
#16: August 08, 2021, 09:26:50 PM

I told my friend, I want to secretly follow them on the trip and take video while narrating the whole thing in James Earl Jones' voice.     
 

Well, that would probably be excellent YouTube footage!   ;)

Hey, at least some greenbacks came in for tuition......something positive from the chaos! 
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Re: You Can't Touch This
#17: August 10, 2021, 02:09:57 PM
Hilarious as usual DF! Just catching up, having been on in a while.  Love that you emptied out your garage and have a lovely new fence! While over at disfunction junction it's the same old mess, and pineapple queen running in circles, let me be a lawyer like DF, oh, but I work in health care so I know all about Covid rules, but I bet she knows all about being a lawyer, too, and she knows about grocery stores and I'm sure she thinks she knows everything about everything. She is whatever is going to look good that day. Oh lord!

Glad you got the tuition, that's important! I wouldn't worry too much about the covid organizational mess. If they don't get their act together, they won't let them in anywhere. The circus clearly likes to keep their heads in the sand hoping someone else will take care of all the details.
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You Can't Touch This
#18: August 10, 2021, 08:02:29 PM
Milly, I think you have a very good point. SPQ must look somewhat silly over there trying to be an expert on everything.

SB, seriously I could be the next big Influencer with my uTube videos. Haha!

In the meantime, D agreed to go over to the outlaws for dinner one night last week. It was my nephew’s birthday and I figured it was a birthday dinner. When D came home she said it was just her LB and SPQ going to the local diner.  I mentioned it was nephew’s birthday and D said I know, weird huh - LB was not invited I guess. D said LB grumbled through dinner about not knowing where the outlaws were and said they were probably out with nephew. I just chuckled because I found it amusing SPQ, with all her wisdom, wasn’t included either. I mean you would think you would want someone as influential as SPQ at your birthday.

D was also complaining because LB won’t give her any information on the upcoming trip. I laughed and told her I have the flight and hotel info I can give her. We had a good laugh that LB coughed it up to me so quickly this year.

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You Can't Touch This
#19: August 14, 2021, 08:30:42 AM
Wow, that has to sting for them.  Outlaws to the outlaws lol.
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You Can't Touch This
#20: August 18, 2021, 11:24:16 AM
Yes Faith, I think it did sting.  They are all going on vacation together in a week and a half but they really don't hang out together or include each other in their daily lives here in the real world..  It is the most messed up family dynamic.  How hard is it to just love each other?

In the meantime, D was talking to SPQ's daughter, who also is not excited about the trip, and come to find out SPQ's D had NO IDEA that they were travelling with LB's entire family.  SPQ did not tell her kids they were going on LB's family vacation.  I wonder when she was going to spring that on them - at the airport? D says that SPQ's D is super, extra, angry now.  SPQ's D says she has grandparents - doesn't need new ones.  So that is a fun new dynamic.

I haven't heard anything else about the trip.  I assume they all stuck their heads back in the sand for now.     

I have been working extra hard to not talk or think about SPQ.  I have decided she takes up too much of my headspace.  Free rent livin in my mind.  It is hard work tho.  Here I am typing away about her ... blah!  Wouldn't it be nice if she just vanished from my mind like someone I used to go to high school with long ago and haven't thought about for years.   Someone will mention her name one day and I will be like who?  Oh that girl from church...     A girl can dream,

I have been kinda lazy these last few weeks.... fence is done, garage is cleaned, brother has gone back home.  I am just fretting about the upcoming trip (I still haven't received my passport yet) and school starting and watching trash tv.  Church is just a hot mess and I keep getting dragged into the frey. The pastor quit, the church secretary is in the hospital and several of our active older members are facing health and family issues leaving a large void.  BFF is wearing way too many hats and is trying to keep it all together.  She keeps crying so I keep trying to help out on the down low.  Which is just plain weird.                                 
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H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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You Can't Touch This
#21: August 19, 2021, 04:23:33 PM
I'd stock up on popcorn, DF.  It sounds like the Dysfunction Junction episodes are about to become even more enthralling with the guest appearance of SPQs less than thrilled D.  First, LB gets dissed by nephew, then his parents get dissed by the girl "who already has grandparents".  Nobody wants them 🤣🤣
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#22: August 25, 2021, 11:09:22 AM
Ahhhh you are very wise BB.

Soooo, the travel destination has now reached a level 4 travel advisory for COVID.  That has added a new level of anxiety and drama to the trip.

The outlaws refuse to cancel.  They don't care how anyone feels, nobody can cancel.  Everyone is going.  These are exactly the kind of people I want to vacation with.  You know, the kind of people that don't give a poop about how I feel as long as they are getting what they want- a family vacation that they can brag to their neighbors about.   

LB called D last night whining about how he didn't want to go but his parent wouldn't allow him to cancel.  Listen to your 52 year old self - can't decide what to wear or where or when to go on vacation for yourself.  Calling your 19 year old D to cry about it all ... poor, poor LB.  My GF laughed and said he is so lucky I am not his wife anymore because I would have stomped over there and told them nope .... we are not going and that would have been the end of it.  As D said, it is kind of hard when you live in their basement I guess.

D is so annoyed because if they all get trapped there in some COVID quarantine she is going to miss weeks of college  - not the few days she reluctantly agreed to.

So off they all went to get COVD tests this morning.         

 

   

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You Can't Touch This
#23: August 25, 2021, 02:08:47 PM
And the saga of As the MLC World Burns continues 🤣🤣🤣  I can hardly suppress the build up of spontaneous laughter at the thought of a pouty man baby, all of 52 years old, rebelling against the parents, in whose basements he resides.  I'm imaging it was quickly followed by thumb sucking and drawing cartoon caricatures of them, complete with devil horns and menacing faces 🤣🤣🤣
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You Can't Touch This
#24: August 25, 2021, 05:29:01 PM
I'm kind of surprised that D doesn't just tell the lot of them that she can't risk missing weeks of school and will not be attending fabulous family vacay. 

Do keep us posted, DF.  It can be another thing I just shake my head about. 
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#25: August 28, 2021, 06:09:45 AM
D is still young and not wanting to make waves. She thinks she can somehow create harmony by sacrificing her own wants and needs. I have tried to warn her. I have 20 years of experience setting aside my feelings and wishes to placate this exact group of people. None of it mattered. So now I wear whatever brand of clothing I want, eat wherever I want and decide my own vacations and I am happier and healthier for it. And LB is still there, at 52, trying to please the void. I just hope it doesn’t take D 20 years to learn the void can not be pleased and will destroy your soul if you let it.

Last night the kids had dinner with the outlaws. D said they were hating on the anti vaxers. There is no science behind the ranting just hating on them for ruining their vacation.  Every dinner they are hating on someone or some group or some entity they blame for their unhappiness. It must be emotionally exhausting for them.

I was getting ready to go meet some friends for drinks and dinner and the kids came piling back in the house. D was all disgusted and said we have to pay to get COVID tests to get back in the US. I was like oh that can’t be right. Isn’t it included in your package? D says we don’t have a “package” just airfare and a room. I stop dead in my tracks … no package? But you are on an island… everything is imported… and expensive… and these clowns have no money. I looked at D and said if there is no package there is going to be serious in fighting about money on this trip. D sighed loudly and said why do you think we are home already - it has already started. Apparently SPQ was having a meltdown over having to pay for re-enter COVID tests for the three of them and has cancelled breakfasts. D was like we were told to find our own breakfast with our minimum wage money. I guess it is good that S doesn’t usually eat breakfast as he has no job.

At dinner, I was telling my friend about it and she was like oh, they totally make you pay for those re-enter COVID tests. It is such a scam, so much better to go with the all inclusive deals.

The biggest question, of course, is how are they going to pay for all the alcohol they need!!

Well, they leave tomorrow morning so I guess we are going to find out. Popcorn at the ready.
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#26: August 28, 2021, 04:01:17 PM
I went to check the flight info this afternoon and the flight Info he gave me goes to NC. So tired of this passive aggressive BS.   And so I had to be the evil, drama queen X and tell him nobody was leaving the house until I had the ENTIRE travel itinerary.

In the meantime, D tells me that the plan is to refuse to eat with the outlaws unless they pay for dinner. It is utterly disgusting, selfish behavior.
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#27: August 28, 2021, 08:04:11 PM
What a mess DF.  Oh my goodness!
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#28: August 29, 2021, 10:58:12 AM
DF, so who is actually paying for your kiddos?  I sure as heck hope you aren't, because not one aspect of this trip sounds at all planned besides getting on a plane and leaving the country...in the middle of a world health crisis, no less.  Another wtf moment to add to the ever-growing list.

And, seriously,  who travels these days to a tropical location and doesn't go with the no-brainer, all-inclusive deal?  Oh, that's right....people without the brains lol. Nope, my kids would be staying home.
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#29: August 29, 2021, 05:32:14 PM
I sure hope you got the entire itinerary, DF.  I know I'd want to know exactly where my kids were too.   

I sending good vibes to D - she's going to need it dealing with all this dysfunction.   ::)
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#30: August 30, 2021, 11:22:51 AM
Oh, I got the correct travel itinerary alright.  Packing ceased and I lost my poop.

Unfortunately, the kids endured much of my total meltdown in which I spoke very poorly of LB and the whole lot of them.  In my mind, I had requested basic information - the very least information required to provide me some level of comfort and in a stunning jerk move LB had provided me, on purpose, the wrong information.  He had two choices. To provide the mother of two children travelling out of the country into a level 4 travel advisory either comfort or pain and this jerk flipped the pain switch.  Just an utterly despicable human.  And as for the rest of them, they had to have some idea that I was worried and concerned and I got nothing - zero reassurance or information that they were taking precautions or intended to supervise them with masks, handwashing, sunscreen, etc. coupled with a load of insanity about the most basic items like food.  Just bottom of the barrel behavior.  Utter garbage.  Then I broke out in hives.

When I got the correct itinerary, packing resumed.  In the meantime, I took D to get a pedicure because my nerves were shot.

Anyhoo, they left early Sunday morning and got there safely.    S has texted me 1000 times already.  My friends are all flipping out because they are posting to social media.  I am not looking.  They are not worth looking at.           

       
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Re: You Can't Touch This
#31: August 30, 2021, 11:50:33 AM
Dear DF, what a circus! You were absolutely right to demand the trip information, and I can not blame you for having a melt down. That doesn't make it feel any better though, does it? I hate it when in-laws see our requests for information regarding our kids, as maybe confirmation that we are so annoying. Glad your lovely boy knows what's right and sent you a 1000 texts.

You do well not to look at social media. If you want to look at pineapples, you can always drive down to Safeway.x
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#32: August 31, 2021, 10:56:10 AM
I spent last night sulking with the dog who hasn't eaten since the kids left.  It is kind of insulting she won't eat because I am obviously still there. 

I got a sweet card from a church member who is sad that I have left the church. So that started the crying.   

I am just warn thin from all the weekend drama. I picked up takeout and the dog and I sat on the couch last night watching Places in the Heart sharing ice cream and tissues.

D texts me every time they sneeze.  I can't tell if she is having fun or not.  I know there was a skirmish yesterday over what time dinner was last night.  What I got out of it was that the outlaws will agree to pay for food but they have to eat at early bird time which cut the pool bar time short.  D was in bed reading at 7:00.  I haven't heard much from S.  They were supposed to swim with turtles today but that got cancelled for some reason and they are back at the pool today.  From what D says, the Bahamas is empty and everything is shut down - so it is pool and sunshine.

COVID re-entry tests scheduled for tomorrow morning.   

Tonight the dog and I dine on Chinese takeout, take a walk and pay bills.                 
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#33: September 19, 2021, 02:32:39 PM
Well everyone made it home safe and sound. The trip seemed to go off without too much drama. Although the kids indicated that they didn’t spend much time with the adults, including their grandparents, and just seemed to wander around by themselves most of the time.

The outlaws have now returned to South Carolina. And LB has once again vanished for the most part.  So life is back to the normal post MLC life.

School has started here and, with it, the COVID quarantining. S15 says that after a week of school his classes are half full with most of the student athletes being in quarantine. S15 says he doesn’t plan to play sports this year because it is just too much disappointment to deal with again. So things are quiet.

Word is that the pineapple queen’s family now has COVID.

In the meantime, I have been attending a new local church. I want to say it is going well but it is just strange, and I don’t know anyone and the music is strange and I miss my church.  BFF and my Mom are totally stressed out and just want me to come back.  BFF called this morning to tell me what a nightmare it all is without me and begged me to come next week for the Sunday School portion and she would hide me from everyone if I could just help her. It is so tempting as the pineapple queen hasn’t been seen the last few weeks.

Sigh. I really hate that I have to give up everything to start over. Even the things that were mine before LB came along. 
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#34: September 19, 2021, 05:35:01 PM
What if you went to church on random Sundays? Or do they have week day services? You know, just randomly be there or not so SPQ cannot get a read on when you are there? Although I suppose she just might not be there due to covid quarantining.

Glad the kids are back safe and sound.
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#35: September 24, 2021, 05:40:11 PM
Glad to hear the kids made it back safe and sound.  It sucks that you have to rearrange your life for them, but I totally get it.  MLCers and their OW are pretty darn selfish and don't really think about sacrificing for the LBS's feelings.
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#36: September 24, 2021, 09:40:21 PM
S isn't playing bball this year?!?! Seriously?!!? 

I'm glad the kids got back safely. 

Sorry to hear that church choosing is still causing you stress.  It really is a bummer that the MLCer doesn't take their new life to a new location.    If I could have demanded my ex and the new wifey leave the area I sure would have.  It would have made things easier to deal with, that's for sure. 
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#37: September 25, 2021, 04:25:21 PM
OR - I am really struggling with what to do. I really miss my church but I do not miss seeing SPQ or her entire family. We are a small church and only have one service a week. And I don’t participate in anything social because I don’t want to risk being stuck bowling or at the Mother’s Day tea with her. I just want a church where I can participate without scanning the parking lot first for cars of my enemies. Sigh. I feel like I should have got my church in the divorce.

FW-,I am pretty sure that they actually get a kick out of making me miserable. I have not yet mastered my emotions enough not to take the bait of all their BS.

SB- No more BBall. S says he wants to do something that can’t be taken away.  He has been riding dirt bikes with some friends during the quarantine and is now working odd jobs to save up for his own dirt bike. The child needs a safer hobby that I know something about. Dirt bikes… I got nothing but lack of knowledge on that particular subject.

I have 3 more years until S graduates. Then I plan to take myself away from outlaw country and SPQ territory.

I spent the day car shopping. My truck is 7 years old and I drive a lot so it has high mileage. Nothing more exhausting than dealing with car salesman. There is no inventory - I can’t find what I want. I am totally exhausted.
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#38: October 11, 2021, 08:27:55 PM
Well, S15 became S16 last week. As as usual, no word from LB. I took S and a few friends to a theme park for the day last weekend, S spent his birthday riding dirt bikes with friends and yesterday we finally coaxed him out to eat with my Mom and celebrated with a cake.

We finally rescheduled our cancelled March 2020 Disney trip for next month. So we have that going on.

There just seems to be a whole lot going on right now.   

I have been working so hard to not focus on LB and SPQ. It is honestly a hard thing to conquer. It seems simple but nope. So I have been listening to a lot of podcasts to try to occupy my nosy mind and I have ended up listening to a lot on the subject or mindfulness and staying present in the moment and it has been remarkably helpful.

In fact, I was talking to someone over the weekend and she was commenting on how bizzare it was that all these people live in the outlaw’s house. And I had no idea what she was talking about at first because I was totally focused on something else. Later I thought that was some serious progress on my part.

And so I have nothing new to report on LB and SPQ except that other people find the dynamic at the outlaw’s house bizzare. And it is… truly.
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#39: October 12, 2021, 12:32:11 AM
And so I have nothing new to report on LB and SPQ except that other people find the dynamic at the outlaw’s house bizzare. And it is… truly.

Just goes to prove that ... well... yes... they really ARE a bit out of whack over there in Pineapple land
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#40: October 13, 2021, 09:41:19 AM
Happy BDay S16? Time flies doesn't it? Dorney Park? My nephew just went there with his buddies and had a blast.

That outlaws "vacation" sounds like a complete nightmare. Who doesn't pay for their own kids' meals????  But I do understand the FOMO. Of course, now that you have Disney to look forward to, let them have all that FOMO b/c this trip will be phenomenal! Do you come to CA or FL? S15 wants to go to FL again--we only went once when he was 8.  So much magic. Now I want to plan another trip!

You, like most in your (our) profession are way to hard on yourself. Progress? Well yes of course, you've made amazing progress. You are not sugar-coating things or trying to convince yourself and others that you are better off. Nor are you diving into a relationship until you know you are healed. Being triggered by seeing your ex-husband with your childhood friend is pretty normal and could be something you never really get over. I don't know that I could. That level of betrayal cuts to the core. No need to prove anything to anyone. You have enough on your plate single-handedly raising 2 pretty amazing humans.

Anyway, let them choke on their nasty pineapple. You've got an appointment with a mouse. ;)  And so many other great things in store.
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#41: October 13, 2021, 06:29:15 PM
We are in Six Flags Great Adventure land here. We usually get annual passes but COVID so it was a one and done birthday treat this year.  But Dorney and Hershey are driving distance for us too.

We are headed to Disney World in Florida in November. We have been to the Land in California a few times but not for many years. Neither kid has any recollection of Disney CA and I am not even sure S was born the last time we were there. We are trying to plan a trip to Europe next summer with my brother  but if that falls through I was thinking about heading in to San Diego to visit family there and then driving up the coast (with a stop at Disneyland) and ending up in San Fransisco with my brother.  Of course, Hawaii is on my bucket list too.

In accidental LB news, SPQ’s brother had a huge 9 3/4 birthday party for his daughter this week and I got to see pictures of the Pineapple King and Queen on social media at the birthday party. Now LB didn’t do crap for S’s 16th birthday last week but there he is on social media at SPQ’s niece’s not real birthday party. Irritated every fiber in my body. Oh, I was cursing Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle and all their mindfulness bull poop that day because neither of them has ever had to look at this kind of stupid on social media.  Although I am sure Deepak and Eckhart would both disagree with me, this is not a trigger I can overcome in this lifetime. 

But I did recover faster that ever from this social media horror. Maybe this is spiritual growth, but I think it was mostly aided by SPQ looking like an absolute monstrosity in the pictures. She has to be close to 300 pounds now sitting there in a bright tie dye shirt and just looking awful.  What on earth?  We are talking some unhealthy weight. Just absolutely unrecognizable as my childhood friend.

The kids tell me LB is on weight watchers now.  Ya think? That is 5 years of terrible choices y’all got going on there on the inter web folks. Lordy!!
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Re: You Can't Touch This
#42: October 14, 2021, 04:48:56 PM
I think the bouncing back quicker thing is a good measure of healing DF. I noticed it in myself at some point in my journey, from depths of despair that would rock me for days, to processing it and letting go. I found out exH had a baby with OW, 18 months ago, and the baby was about 6 months old by then, it was only hours that it threw me, then back on track. It is a good feeling to not have your feelings dictated to by what they are doing.
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#43: October 17, 2021, 10:36:25 AM

Although I am sure Deepak and Eckhart would both disagree with me, this is not a trigger I can overcome in this lifetime. 


I personally think it's okay to have triggers that we can't overcome in this lifetime.   I'll stand right beside you and debate that with anyone who'd care to! 

Your vacay plans are shaping up nicely.  I love traveling and go as much as finances and time will allow. 
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#44: October 19, 2021, 02:55:32 AM
LB is doing Weight Watchers and SPQ is doing .... just the Weight part?

Actually (and somewhat ironically) sounds a bit like xW1 for me... After she went off into SchmoopieLand, she blimped.  When I went back to the US for D(now 31's) HS graduation, this GINORMOUS woman came up to  talk to me and I had NO idea who it was until she said that our seats were "over there" and I realized it was xW1....


Now she is morbidly obese, diabetic, has to use a CPAP machine to sleep and breathe at the same time, has had to have various joints replaced, etc.

However, like SB said, there are some triggers there that just will NEVER go away. I think that the worse the Mid-Lifer is in terms of Monster/deceit/Horrorability (I just made that word up), the worse the trigger... Probably PTSD-related... One might be able to dampen the reaction but not totally dismantle the trigger...
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#45: October 19, 2021, 10:28:57 AM
CLG - Well, I didn't cry on the bathroom floor for two days so that is strong progress in the healing department.  I just gaped in horror for a few minutes as  I scrolled through the pictures and then spent a few days being irritated and horrified - mostly about S16's birthday.  I mean it really twists your brain around to look at these two on social media and know this is not better than what was destroyed.   

SB - I love travelling. I would sell all of my stuff and just travel around for the rest of my life - as long as I could bring my dog.  But money and children and COVID get in the way.  Maybe someday doggie and I will just be world travelers.

UM - I was wondering about that  - how do you keep the weight off when your crowd is obviously NOT.  I get a more interesting viewpoint as I know SPQ - she works in healthcare, was always hitting the gym and claiming she had all these food allergies - watching her diet, blah, blah.  Well, she obviously found something she can eat a lot of.

Perhaps my dampened trigger is enough progress for now.  I mean if I wasn't horrified that would be weird I guess.

LB has cancelled dinner plans with the kids for the next few weeks.  Apparently he has better things to do like plays and trips to DC.  He is going to see D's favorite musical next Friday  - no invite for D, just a sorry I am busy with more important people and can't have dinner with you.         
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#46: October 19, 2021, 05:48:06 PM
Well, she obviously found something she can eat a lot of.

Probably not your intent, but I LOLed at that one. Thank you.
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#47: October 20, 2021, 02:17:37 AM
Does D know that LB is going to her favorite musical without her? If not, when she finds out....
LB had best have an asbestos and steel-lined jockstrap handy....


Sounds as if LB is trying to create "Family 2.0" with all the same bells and whistles as Family 1.0, just a different set of characters
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#48: October 20, 2021, 03:32:37 PM
So, LB is on track for deadbeat dad of the year and SPQ is growing another ass 🤣🤣  Good times at Dysfunction Junction.  I'm glad you are bouncing back quicker these days because truly you wouldn't wanna touch what's going on over there.
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#49: October 21, 2021, 02:54:03 AM
So, LB is on track for deadbeat dad of the year and SPQ is growing another ass 🤣🤣  Good times at Dysfunction Junction.  I'm glad you are bouncing back quicker these days because truly you wouldn't wanna touch what's going on over there.

Geez BB....

Tell us what you REALLY think? <snort!>

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

b
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You Can't Touch This
#50: October 21, 2021, 08:46:20 AM
So, LB is on track for deadbeat dad of the year and SPQ is growing another ass 🤣🤣  Good times at Dysfunction Junction.  I'm glad you are bouncing back quicker these days because truly you wouldn't wanna touch what's going on over there.

Geez BB....

Tell us what you REALLY think? <snort!>



That's one thing about me, UM....NO one has ever accused me of not speaking my mind, freely 🤣🤣🤣
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D
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You Can't Touch This
#51: October 21, 2021, 04:16:46 PM
Oh JB, that was indeed my intent. Lol!

UM, D was invited to breakfast Sunday morning where LB and SPQ told her about the play and the DC trip and told her they wouldn’t be able to see her for the next month. D was like how rude to go without me. It may be his intent to create a family 2.0 but the new version has a lot of bugs.

BB, year? Try deadbeat Dad of the decade!! No worries I don’t plan to update to the 2.0 version.

My new car arrived today!! She is all shiny new. My GF was like I hope you are posting that crap on Fakebook because some people out there need to know you are killin it. I feel like I am sweating it out myself in RL. But on Fakebook you can’t touch this!!
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« Last Edit: October 21, 2021, 04:18:16 PM by Dumbfounded »
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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You Can't Touch This
#52: October 22, 2021, 03:17:53 AM
UM, D was invited to breakfast Sunday morning where LB and SPQ told her about the play and the DC trip and told her they wouldn’t be able to see her for the next month. D was like how rude to go without me. It may be his intent to create a family 2.0 but the new version has a lot of bugs.

Well, he just can't stop hitting himself in the face with the frying pan, can he...


Bet that breakfast chat went over like passing gas in an elevator full of people stuck between floors.... Sounds really like he'd like Family v1.0 to cut him off so he can either be fully devoted to the SPQ or to be able to whine about how nobody likes him, everybody hates him, he might as well go eat worms....

So, what new car will SPQ get next? It will have to be a big one to haul the "big booty" if she's blimping....
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

D
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  • Gender: Female
You Can't Touch This
#53: October 22, 2021, 03:31:37 PM
Since you went Hades I will meet you there for coffee UM.  I asked D if Dad was going to Philly or NY to see the play and she said Philly. I chuckled to myself because there ain't no way in Hades SPQ is gonna fit in the Philly seats comfortably.  But I agree on the car.... she has got to make a move now.  A big one.  ;D

On a funnier note, I was talking with another lawyer today on one of my cases and we were joking back and forth about it being a good day because we woke up on the right side of the dirt and livin the dream and we just ended up being so stupid silly we cracked ourselves up into I can't breathe laughter.  When the laughter had subsided a bit he said suddenly your ex-husband is a firetrucking idiot for divorcing you.  I was still wiping my eyes from laughing so hard and replied oh, no he is livin the dream out there now don't ya know.  The other lawyer got serious and said oh, I see him out there, he is firetrucking idiot livin a nightmare.  After a brief pause we both cracked up again.  Made my whole dang day.             
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Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

s
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You Can't Touch This
#54: October 24, 2021, 06:06:55 PM

On a funnier note, I was talking with another lawyer today on one of my cases and we were joking back and forth about it being a good day because we woke up on the right side of the dirt and livin the dream and we just ended up being so stupid silly we cracked ourselves up into I can't breathe laughter.  When the laughter had subsided a bit he said suddenly your ex-husband is a firetrucking idiot for divorcing you.  I was still wiping my eyes from laughing so hard and replied oh, no he is livin the dream out there now don't ya know.  The other lawyer got serious and said oh, I see him out there, he is firetrucking idiot livin a nightmare.  After a brief pause we both cracked up again.  Made my whole dang day.             

DF - getting validation that our mid-lifers lost the plot regardless of what they post on social media makes my day as well. 

Congrats on those new wheels. 
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

 

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