Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story You Can't Touch This

K
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 5651
  • Gender: Female
My Story You Can't Touch This
#40: October 13, 2021, 09:41:19 AM
Happy BDay S16? Time flies doesn't it? Dorney Park? My nephew just went there with his buddies and had a blast.

That outlaws "vacation" sounds like a complete nightmare. Who doesn't pay for their own kids' meals????  But I do understand the FOMO. Of course, now that you have Disney to look forward to, let them have all that FOMO b/c this trip will be phenomenal! Do you come to CA or FL? S15 wants to go to FL again--we only went once when he was 8.  So much magic. Now I want to plan another trip!

You, like most in your (our) profession are way to hard on yourself. Progress? Well yes of course, you've made amazing progress. You are not sugar-coating things or trying to convince yourself and others that you are better off. Nor are you diving into a relationship until you know you are healed. Being triggered by seeing your ex-husband with your childhood friend is pretty normal and could be something you never really get over. I don't know that I could. That level of betrayal cuts to the core. No need to prove anything to anyone. You have enough on your plate single-handedly raising 2 pretty amazing humans.

Anyway, let them choke on their nasty pineapple. You've got an appointment with a mouse. ;)  And so many other great things in store.
  • Logged
Me 50
H 49
S15
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

D
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3132
  • Gender: Female
You Can't Touch This
#41: October 13, 2021, 06:29:15 PM
We are in Six Flags Great Adventure land here. We usually get annual passes but COVID so it was a one and done birthday treat this year.  But Dorney and Hershey are driving distance for us too.

We are headed to Disney World in Florida in November. We have been to the Land in California a few times but not for many years. Neither kid has any recollection of Disney CA and I am not even sure S was born the last time we were there. We are trying to plan a trip to Europe next summer with my brother  but if that falls through I was thinking about heading in to San Diego to visit family there and then driving up the coast (with a stop at Disneyland) and ending up in San Fransisco with my brother.  Of course, Hawaii is on my bucket list too.

In accidental LB news, SPQ’s brother had a huge 9 3/4 birthday party for his daughter this week and I got to see pictures of the Pineapple King and Queen on social media at the birthday party. Now LB didn’t do crap for S’s 16th birthday last week but there he is on social media at SPQ’s niece’s not real birthday party. Irritated every fiber in my body. Oh, I was cursing Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle and all their mindfulness bull poop that day because neither of them has ever had to look at this kind of stupid on social media.  Although I am sure Deepak and Eckhart would both disagree with me, this is not a trigger I can overcome in this lifetime. 

But I did recover faster that ever from this social media horror. Maybe this is spiritual growth, but I think it was mostly aided by SPQ looking like an absolute monstrosity in the pictures. She has to be close to 300 pounds now sitting there in a bright tie dye shirt and just looking awful.  What on earth?  We are talking some unhealthy weight. Just absolutely unrecognizable as my childhood friend.

The kids tell me LB is on weight watchers now.  Ya think? That is 5 years of terrible choices y’all got going on there on the inter web folks. Lordy!!
  • Logged
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

C
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1024
  • Gender: Female
Re: You Can't Touch This
#42: October 14, 2021, 04:48:56 PM
I think the bouncing back quicker thing is a good measure of healing DF. I noticed it in myself at some point in my journey, from depths of despair that would rock me for days, to processing it and letting go. I found out exH had a baby with OW, 18 months ago, and the baby was about 6 months old by then, it was only hours that it threw me, then back on track. It is a good feeling to not have your feelings dictated to by what they are doing.
  • Logged
Me 47
H 51
3 adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014, D June 2018
OW 17 years younger

s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4818
  • Gender: Female
You Can't Touch This
#43: October 17, 2021, 10:36:25 AM

Although I am sure Deepak and Eckhart would both disagree with me, this is not a trigger I can overcome in this lifetime. 


I personally think it's okay to have triggers that we can't overcome in this lifetime.   I'll stand right beside you and debate that with anyone who'd care to! 

Your vacay plans are shaping up nicely.  I love traveling and go as much as finances and time will allow. 
  • Logged
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11383
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
You Can't Touch This
#44: October 19, 2021, 02:55:32 AM
LB is doing Weight Watchers and SPQ is doing .... just the Weight part?

Actually (and somewhat ironically) sounds a bit like xW1 for me... After she went off into SchmoopieLand, she blimped.  When I went back to the US for D(now 31's) HS graduation, this GINORMOUS woman came up to  talk to me and I had NO idea who it was until she said that our seats were "over there" and I realized it was xW1....


Now she is morbidly obese, diabetic, has to use a CPAP machine to sleep and breathe at the same time, has had to have various joints replaced, etc.

However, like SB said, there are some triggers there that just will NEVER go away. I think that the worse the Mid-Lifer is in terms of Monster/deceit/Horrorability (I just made that word up), the worse the trigger... Probably PTSD-related... One might be able to dampen the reaction but not totally dismantle the trigger...
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

D
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3132
  • Gender: Female
You Can't Touch This
#45: October 19, 2021, 10:28:57 AM
CLG - Well, I didn't cry on the bathroom floor for two days so that is strong progress in the healing department.  I just gaped in horror for a few minutes as  I scrolled through the pictures and then spent a few days being irritated and horrified - mostly about S16's birthday.  I mean it really twists your brain around to look at these two on social media and know this is not better than what was destroyed.   

SB - I love travelling. I would sell all of my stuff and just travel around for the rest of my life - as long as I could bring my dog.  But money and children and COVID get in the way.  Maybe someday doggie and I will just be world travelers.

UM - I was wondering about that  - how do you keep the weight off when your crowd is obviously NOT.  I get a more interesting viewpoint as I know SPQ - she works in healthcare, was always hitting the gym and claiming she had all these food allergies - watching her diet, blah, blah.  Well, she obviously found something she can eat a lot of.

Perhaps my dampened trigger is enough progress for now.  I mean if I wasn't horrified that would be weird I guess.

LB has cancelled dinner plans with the kids for the next few weeks.  Apparently he has better things to do like plays and trips to DC.  He is going to see D's favorite musical next Friday  - no invite for D, just a sorry I am busy with more important people and can't have dinner with you.         
  • Logged
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

J
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 178
  • Gender: Male
You Can't Touch This
#46: October 19, 2021, 05:48:06 PM
Well, she obviously found something she can eat a lot of.

Probably not your intent, but I LOLed at that one. Thank you.
  • Logged

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11383
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
You Can't Touch This
#47: October 20, 2021, 02:17:37 AM
Does D know that LB is going to her favorite musical without her? If not, when she finds out....
LB had best have an asbestos and steel-lined jockstrap handy....


Sounds as if LB is trying to create "Family 2.0" with all the same bells and whistles as Family 1.0, just a different set of characters
  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

b
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2069
  • Gender: Female
You Can't Touch This
#48: October 20, 2021, 03:32:37 PM
So, LB is on track for deadbeat dad of the year and SPQ is growing another ass 🤣🤣  Good times at Dysfunction Junction.  I'm glad you are bouncing back quicker these days because truly you wouldn't wanna touch what's going on over there.
  • Logged

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11383
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
You Can't Touch This
#49: October 21, 2021, 02:54:03 AM
So, LB is on track for deadbeat dad of the year and SPQ is growing another ass 🤣🤣  Good times at Dysfunction Junction.  I'm glad you are bouncing back quicker these days because truly you wouldn't wanna touch what's going on over there.

Geez BB....

Tell us what you REALLY think? <snort!>

  • Logged
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.