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Author Topic: My Story Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7

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My Story Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#50: September 16, 2021, 02:23:44 PM
Get yourself a glass Krazy straw to go with your wine....https://www.arlie-glass.com/products/glass-silly-straws  ;D
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#51: September 17, 2021, 12:42:37 AM
Well then, here you are:



As far as the discussion about S14 and the GF (actually the GF is a good kid - but the FOO Poo behind her would fill this and more:
so she's off to a bad start - include teenage hormones and puberty and ... well, you get the idea), it seems that xW only gave me about half the information so I went into the parents evening last night in true Papa Bear form (even drove my Motorcycle and wore my black leathers - Intimidation 101).... Totally unnecessary ... S14's teacher pulled me aside to ask about him because he hasn't been in school at all this past week and missed several days the first week as well.. all due to "stomach cramps and diarrhea" according to S14 and MLCxW but she hasn't taken him to the doctor - "There is a stomach virus going around..."


Anyway, I call S14 after the meeting because xW says I really need to talk to him and just when he finally decides to start talking, she comes in and says we have to wrap it up so he can go to bed...

So, we'll see what happens next....

Mid-Lifers... Can't live with 'em and you can't hang 'em by their toes form the ceiling fan either, especially when one is supposed to "co-parent."  ::)
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#52: September 18, 2021, 10:05:29 AM
UrsaMajor & OffRoad - You know, I was really kidding the other day about Krazy straws, but after this morning, I may have to take the idea more seriously. It has been a rocky start to the day.

Yesterday, I laughed as I was reminded by a woman who is an elementary school teacher that  the full moon is approaching. She had come into the gallery to check on a materials list for a class she signed up for and she mentioned her students had been off the wall yesterday. She has taught for years and laughed saying she is convinced that the full moon does stir things more. And, as she said it, I thought to myself maybe that would explain the extra drama that had been brewing at work as well.

Miss Management and one of my coworkers, someone I really admire and have known for many years had a blow out the other day. I was made aware of it and my plan was to just stay out of the line of fire. Oh, I have my side I would pick if need be, but I really didn't want to get into the middle of anything, especially since I was not there to see it unfold. I really want to avoid any drama at all - especially in this case when it is about the two of them specifically. Sort of like a divorce situation. I am staying out of it, even if my coworker is my friend.

It had also been a busy day, so by the time I was working on locking up and shutting down the gallery and trying to decompress. I was incredibly worn out. I had to stop at the home improvement store to pick up things and then wanted to go home. It was a gorgeous evening unfolding and I really was envisioning getting home and working outside for awhile.

I never had a problem with letting people know where I was or when I was going to be home. IDK, I think I have sometimes become oversensitive since MLC. Xh before MLC would on occasion get annoyed with me, or I with him about these things, but it was rare. If I was working, he would know that sometimes I might not be home right at a specific time because maybe a student stayed to ask questions, etc. We used to just check in and give a general sense of when to expect one another. We tried to be mindful of keeping some sort of communication on the matter or to respect that perhaps the family was expecting dinner at a certain time. But once MLC hit - wow. Xh would go out and I was not allowed to ask who, what, where, why, when...basically - it was none of my business and he would be home when he damn well pleased. Yet, if I even was 5 minutes later than I said I was going to be, I was suddenly met with accusations that I was having an affair, or I was thoughtless, etc. I became conditioned to be stressed on my way home if I was at all late and ultimately it didn't matter if I was even early. There was in the MLC "New World Order" an ever changing set of rules. Rules I seemed to always be breaking.

I have had to really work on that aspect of striking a balance with when someone has a legitimate complaint. When I should let people know that I am somewhere, so that they don't worry and understand that they are not trying to control me somehow. And that it is okay for me to need time to decompress or be allowed to have some say in my own day.

D had called me at work, as I was trying to lock up. She asked what my plan was. I told her I needed to stop for supplies on my way home. She seemed annoyed. At the time, I had no idea she really just needed a shoulder to lean on. She said she would make dinner and I told her I wouldn't be long. The mistake was neither of us coming up with a specific time frame.

When I arrived at the store, if they had what I had needed - which were normal things they carry - I would have been in and out of there in no time. But, the options were not there. I needed these items to complete the project and to be able to move on. I had to rethink my solution. It would be when my phone rang 3 more times. They were short conversations. D called again to ask a question. My M wanted to chat about my day and I tried not to snap and say I couldn't talk in that moment. She wanted to know where I was - not in a controlling manner, she just was having a conversation, I knew that, but it was starting to aggravate me. My sister, she understood when I said I would talk to her later. I had only answered both of those calls because earlier in the day, my sister informed me my M had called and my F had burned his arm quite badly. My M had not mentioned it to me at all. My plan was to quietly go up and check on it later.

I stood there in the store and tried to think things through but the disruptions threw me off. Enough so that it took way longer than it should have. It was like taking a test in school and suddenly having a complete mental block on material you know by heart and none of the answers on the test sheet made any sense. I finally figured out a solution and drove home. D would call me 2 more times on the way home. When I came through the door, I was beyond irritated, yet tried to hold my tongue. I did joke that maybe I should be microchipped. That did not go over terribly well.

My M, when I went up to check on my F, could tell I was aggravated. I tried to explain to her why I was edgy. She said I should have just told her I was busy. I had said it, but she didn't hear me. She nor D quite understood what the problem was at the home improvement store was, considering I only came home with a couple of strips of moulding. I realized I had to think about an example they would understand, since they do not do any type of those types of repairs. I explained it would be like being told you need to plan an impromptu dinner for a group of people and there are certain perimeters that need to be adhered to - like someone having allergies, etc. So you come up with a meal plan that is going to be perfect. Yet, when you go to buy the ingredients the store is out of the main ingredient and you have to find a substitute, yet, as you stand there, you realize that you have to be mindful of those perimeters. They both understood my point, that it was not as simple as swapping out one variety of apple for instance, for another in this case.

Needless to say, I was ready for the day to just be done by the time 7 pm rolled around. My plan changed and I went and hid in my bedroom, saying I was going to bed early. I went upstairs early, and read for awhile. I couldn't even tell anyone what I read. I was just worn out from it all.

This morning, I was still reminding myself of some of the positives that had happened yesterday. I hadn't shared it with anyone, but I had opened my FaceBook feed after receiving a notice I had been tagged in something. It was from a former student and I was curious why I was tagged. She was a student intern of mine nearly 10 years ago. I have kept in touch with her and written recommendations for her, but I didn't see this coming. She has started student teaching and wanted to thank a group of teachers who inspired her. She listed 6 of us. Most were from her grade school and high school experiences. There were only two of us from the colleges she attended. I was really shocked at the acknowledgment and humbled.

The thing is, I know that I was part of the issue yesterday. I was mildly agitated by this shout out. And it really sounds so terribly like self pity. I don't like feeling that way, nor behaving that way. I know better than to let myself play the victim. But, I am embarrassed to admit that part of me was angry that it feels like lately that I have done a remarkable job inspiring others and giving of myself willingly, yet I am in this very odd place in my career and life.

I had a good cry and beat myself up a whole lot. So much so, that S's one friend happened to come in the house as I was falling apart. He didn't ask what I was going on about, just gave me a hug and said I was only one person and trying to hold it all together has to be really stressful. I needed to hear that, but I am still struggling to accept that.
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#53: September 18, 2021, 07:23:28 PM
Ahh MD, since you were lacking silly straws and boxed wine, sounds like you needed to pull out the ripped jeans and have a ripped jeans night.

You did know that's what they are for, right?

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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#54: September 19, 2021, 06:52:34 AM
FaithWalker - See, you taught me something. I have used my ripped jeans that way. I just had no idea it was a thing. LOL

Yes, I could have used a ripped jeans night. Instead, I took advantage of the house being quiet. D and I had a disagreement and I am clearly in the doghouse. She refused to answer my texts and her voicemail was full. I ended up texting her BF to see if he had heard from her. He said she was with him. He is a good guy and knew I was just worried. He knew I wasn't going to push things with D, and I simply wanted to know she was okay. It is not like her to ignore me, but I know she probably needed time to cool off. And it is okay.

S had a friend visiting from out of state who was staying here for the weekend. That is part of the disagreement with D, TBH. S had called me a couple of days ago and asked if it was okay if his friend came and crashed on the couch for the weekend. I had said it was fine, but I didn't want any bonfires or the usual crew around all weekend because I had a lot to accomplish and I was not up for even a small gathering of people. Problem is, I failed to mention any of this to D and she walked in the door and saw this friend's car in the driveway with the out of state plates. Usually when he is here, there is a get together and a bonfire. It is always low key, but it set D off. She too needed to have space after her week.

I found myself just falling apart on and off all day, but I kept going.

When someone commented to me how strong I am, I wanted to truly scream. Yes, I am strong. I know. What bugs me about that comment sometimes is when I am feeling vulnerable inside and wanting to just fall apart, I don't feel particularly strong. Furthermore, I don't always want to be strong. I would like that option to be a damsel in distress sometimes. "Please, someone come rescue me - I have had enough". I realize that I would not fit into that role all the time. But, there are times where I feel like because I am alone and the only responsible parent in the mix that I really only have 2 choices some days. I can curl up in a ball and rock back and forth, but then when I get back up the problem is still going to be there. So, I really only have one option and that is to push through and be strong. I get tired of it.

I told my friend yesterday that I sometimes fantasize about Xh coming out of this MLC and wanting to ask him one question. There is nothing else I want from him. No reconnection. I don't want to be best friends again. I would like to ask him "was it all worth it". It is not a need to punish him and I know that no answer he would give me would fix it all. I know that he is a mess and in crisis, but when I feel like life is kicking the crap out of me and some of it is directly related to MLC nonsense, whether it's repairs from the MLCer BS or financial, etc, I get aggravated.

It is not bitterness bubbling up. It is a moment of anger. I have no desire to walk down a different road than the one I am on. I worked very hard to get out of that victim pit and walk on the high road at times when Xh made me want to do the exact opposite. I have fought to try and stay positive most times. But, I am not perfect. I get angry. I have moments of resentment. I work through them, but I won't lie and say I never feel these things. I don't think it is normal to not have those feelings at times when it comes to dealing with MLC, because so much of it was foolish. But, I know the argument is they are not strong. I have to remind myself it is okay if I have these feelings - I am human.

S and his friends had gone out for dinner after having gone out hiking. They respected my need to have quiet. I worked late into the night. I pulled out the boards that needed to come out in the bathroom and then put up sections of wood for where I would hang the towel bar, for extra support behind the drywall between the studs. I stopped short of fixing the subfloor last night where the laundry chute used to be. I will deal with that today.

S and his friends were up early and off to go hiking again. This time they are going where I had been in May. S hasn't been there since he was a toddler. S's friend from out of state, it turns out had discovered the spot one of the last times he was up and he had arrived way early when the rest of the crew was working, so he went out for a random drive in the area. He had me laughing this morning as he mentioned a particular monument he wanted to really look at closer. He said he knew he was a nerd. Thing is, as I told him, I totally get it and not to be surprised, but S likes history, something this friend would not know about him. I will be anxious to see if the leaves have started to change in that part of the state. They have been way behind this year here as the night time temps have not dropped enough for that process to happen.

I may take advantage of the beautiful weather and have ripped jeans night tonight.  :)
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#55: September 20, 2021, 02:15:35 AM


Here you go..... <snort>

Or the ripped jeans... works too....
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

M
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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#56: September 20, 2021, 07:17:35 AM
UrsaMajor - Now I could be really upset by the Calgon reference, considering I don't have a bathtub at this moment to soak in. But, I can dream and after last night, I feel like maybe it can actually happen sooner rather than later. LOL

S came home and told me how he had forgotten how much he liked hiking. He said he would really like to start hiking more as it was relaxing and it allowed him to explore. He felt the fresh air and change of pace was good for him physically and mentally. He said he can see why I like walking, although he doesn't think walking up and down the road will do it for him.

D and her BF came to the house for a couple of hours and things were better between D and I. It helped that we gave each other time and space to just decompress and the disagreement was no longer existent. We both acknowledged we both were to blame and wrong about certain things. It doesn't mean there won't be other arguments down the line, but this one has passed.

Late in the afternoon, I mentioned to D that I needed to run to the store and get some basic groceries for the week. D decided she would come along and the time out together did us both some good. There was no pressure to talk about anything other than what we were doing. And although it was rather boring in terms of it was only the grocery store, the routine was a nice change.

S was back working in the garage and preparing his GF's truck to be sold. She decided to pursue getting a newer vehicle last week and she is over the moon, having been able to find something she likes. She loved her truck, but it is really not something that is economical or practical for her anymore.

D fixed dinner while I unloaded the supplies that have been on the back of my F's truck for nearly a week. I normally don't leave things like that, but my F said he had no need for the truck all week, since my M cannot drive yet. It allowed me to leave the supplies there until I was ready to get to the bathroom work.

As I was unloading the truck, I noticed the neighbor was outside. He and his youngest S, the one who always was here as a kid, were working in the garage together. I meandered over to say hello. I haven't seen either of them in weeks. They had just picked up a new camper. It is smaller than the previous one, which he is giving to his eldest D to use for her growing family. He told me that he wasn't going to invest in a new one, but after traveling to see his BIL with his W, he realized he wants to take her more places and to make the time to see his BIL, her B - more often. He said she likes camping still and the camper is somewhere she feels comfortable. I had to smile. He so adores her and likes being married.

I asked how she was doing and he said she has good days, but there are little things that are appearing. She has trouble spelling her own name some days and will ask him to tell her the letters. Problem is she knows she "should" be able to spell her own name. It of course upsets her and frustrates her.

He teared up and said that is why he is planning on taking her places she has wanted to see. I gave him a hug and told him he knows that I am here, if either of them need anything. They have been here for me countess times. He then asked if I wanted to see the new camper. He was so excited to show it off. I did joke with him, telling him he may find me hiding out in the new camper - away from my family. He laughed and said it was mine anytime.

I walked back to the house and somehow found the motivation to start work on the bathroom. I realized that it is okay to have those moments of self pity, but my neighbor's condition made me realize I don't have it so bad. I am lucky. Her health will not stabilize and it will only get progressively worse. I know from watching my grandmother slip away when her Alzheimer's hit that this will be similar. But my neighbor is so terribly young. I am just so grateful to have my health and it gave me the kick I needed last night.

I finished putting up a large sheet of drywall around 10:30 pm. S helped me lift it into place. I was so excited to see that first piece on the wall. He was cracking up saying it takes so little to amuse me.

This morning the plumbers are here moving the heat run.

Maybe, just maybe Calgon will be in my future soon - and a glass of wine.  ;)
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#57: September 20, 2021, 07:57:11 AM
I know, I know.... A First class seat on the bus to Hades has my name written ALL over it....

I have to admit, I did consider for about a nanosecond whether or not you'd find the Calgon GIF amusing, considering the situation but then I thought....

Your seat is right across the aisle so .... <snort>

 :-*

Glad to read that the spat with D is sorted and the camper idea DOES have merit..... It might not be "Cal-gon" but it could just be "gone!"
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« Last Edit: September 20, 2021, 07:58:39 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

M
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Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#58: September 22, 2021, 10:50:18 AM
UrsaMajor - LOL - I figured I was already driving that bus to Hades. I will gladly call shot-gun. I don't always have to drive.  ;) Thanks for saving me a seat though.   ;D

The heat run has been moved, which is a huge blessing. The plumber had sent two of his technicians to install the new lines and it made things go that much quicker. The two guys were really very efficient and kept me in the loop as to what was going on and double checked on placement. I was grateful that they were so conscientious about the small details.

I am not entirely sure if all of the lines to the boiler and furnace were replaced when we put in the furnace or if some of them were part of the older lines. I am betting by the looks of things that the sections in question were installed when the new furnace went in. It doesn't really matter, other than they used black iron pipe in some areas, which used to be common practice. Problem is, with hot water heat, that is a big no-no, as the water corrodes iron over time. The one tech wanted to show me an area of concern. I sighed and knew he wasn't trying to rope me into unnecessary changes. I saw the 3 small sections that were connecting points that were rusting. One area was leaking a tiny bit and had been based on the rust stain on the floor below. He said he could do a temporary fix, but I told I'm done with half-a$$ed and these types of situations. I know that the little leak could lead to bigger problems and these repairs are above my DIY pay grade. I could tell he felt bad. I explained structural and infrastructure repairs are never sexy, and a vacation is way more enticing, but I don't want a repeat of earlier this year where I am dealing with some major disaster. It isn't something that is going to burst in the near future or an emergency, but the way I looked at it, I would rather repair it now than take that chance. It would be something easily forgotten if not addressed now.

I am not discouraged by this news. I have accepted that it has to happen and really am not terribly upset. It is not going to be an inexpensive endeavor, but I was lucky with my window order, with a discount on the order, so I had money I can allocate to the repairs and I can adjust my laundry room budget to make this happen without dipping into any other funds. It is a skill I learned when I worked for clients and having to adhere to their budgets. Sometimes it meant creative solutions.

In all honesty, maybe it gave me some confidence in myself. I have been fighting dreams of Xh and his words still lingering in my head as of late. The whole "you will never be able to manage on your own" has been a common dream the past few nights. The MLCer really did a good job chipping away at my self-confidence with statements like that. Words he never would have uttered prior to when he went off the rails, but it started before BD. It doesn't matter when it occurred at this point. I simply now recognize it as gaslighting and I often think he wanted me to fail because it would be easier for him to justify why he left. It was part of his narrative.

The trick is for me not to fall into the story he has woven. And, it is not to prove him wrong that makes me fight back. I have no illusions of somehow being someone that doesn't mess up and can do nothing wrong. I do have to remind myself that whether or not I fail or succeed are not based on his predictions. He did not have a crystal ball, nor are his words based on who I am now. I cannot say for sure whether or not he was right back then, because I was a victim of his gaslighting at that point. But, that was then. I am not that woman anymore. I just have to keep reminding myself that when his words echo in my head, that his opinions of me do they matter any longer.
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« Last Edit: September 22, 2021, 10:57:14 AM by MourningDove »

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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#59: September 23, 2021, 01:30:07 AM
Here's one for the GWPWELFV -



And for the bus....


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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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