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Author Topic: My Story JohnnyBravo's story

H
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My Story JohnnyBravo's story
#100: September 17, 2021, 12:24:01 PM
JB,

I also thought my STBXW was going to magically return.  It took me about 6 months to realize that was not going to happen.  Facing that I most likely will never know what is going on inside her head is hard.  Especially for an engineer who is paid to fix things.

HD
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W52
M55
Together 29 Married 24 (22 @ BD)
S22 S20
BD 9/29/19 (Moved out while I was away for weekend with no prior warning.  I was shocked)
Served D on 10/19/20

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JohnnyBravo's story
#101: September 17, 2021, 08:07:36 PM
Hi JB,

I am a little over 1 year since BD and I still am in the grieving process.  Every day I am seem to get a little more settled and have accepted that it's my W's crises and I have to let her figure things out.  Very tough to accept but it is getting easier.

Like HD, I also am paid to improve/fix things but my W's crises is something that I can't fix.  Can only focus on my own life.   Working on getting a life and I'm starting to see how my new life could be without my W.  Strange but making slow progress.

Have a great weekend!

HF
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W - 42
M - 45
Together 19 years, M 16
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021

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JohnnyBravo's story
#102: September 18, 2021, 08:57:53 AM
Thanks, fellas.
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JohnnyBravo's story
#103: September 20, 2021, 10:30:01 AM
Well, a quiet weekend for the most part. Did a bit of monkey braining about W given it was the weekend, but reminded myself that she was probably still spending a lot of time playing games on her phone like she did before (she took that up to help quit smoking). I assume/hope she's also still living with her sister, so at least her sister can keep an eye on her (and be the bad guy). A couple that are mutual friends took a vacation to a place we used to go, so it was bittersweet seeing those places again.

Went out to Top Golf with some friends from work on Saturday night. I still haven't reached 100% "having fun on my own" mode, but at least it's some progress and a distraction. One couple knows what's going on, and at least have slowed down on the "you'll be a great catch for someone else" talk. Just not interested.

No word from W so far, so I'll assume that no news is good news on the D front. I sent documentation of my pre-marital finances to my atty, so I'm ready to defend if needed. I reminded her to just hang tight and wait to be contacted. I assume it would take another week or two for W to schedule a consultation, as most attorneys seem to be pretty busy these days, and the obstacles may slow her down.

Thanks,

JB
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Re: JohnnyBravo's story
#104: September 20, 2021, 12:35:39 PM
You know JB, it could IF she IS looking she may be having trouble finding a reputable attorney who will agree with what she wants.

They may be telling her, her portion (since you have been married, 5 years) of your 401k is usually not given in cash.  It is put in a retirement account for her, which she will pay very high taxes on if she takes it out before age 59.

They may be telling her she is responsible for half of any debt you have, which means the credit card she used she will be liable for.

Her new car is half yours.
Her voluntarily selling her house before you were married has no bearing on anything, unless possibly she used some of those funds to buy the new house you purchased together.  But they will look at what funds you put in also.

She is young and healthy and will not get alimony for a long time.  They will expect her to keep working to support herself, eventually.

Oh, blah, blah, blah...I'm not saying this is what is happening, just a possibility.

Best case scenario, she is in a fog and just doing nothing....expecting you to do the work for her.  Some do that.

Sit tight, you are making all the right moves right now for yourself. I'm glad to hear you are getting out with friends and keeping your attorney updated.  I know none of this is easy but it gets easier with time.  Keep going...my friend and just pray for the best outcome.

Hugs
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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JohnnyBravo's story
#105: September 20, 2021, 02:18:27 PM
Thank you, Thunder.

The fog would definitely be the best case, but I imagine W has at least enough gumption to try again, and if not one of her enablers will probably keep her going.

I do think the wall of reality is a possibility; Treasur and Marvin had similar thoughts. She won't get a chance to explain that she wants a big sack of cash until she has a scheduled consultation, and that's when they would tell her it doesn't work that way.

Time will tell...
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JohnnyBravo's story
#106: September 21, 2021, 01:25:21 PM
I keep typing and deleting this because I don't want to dwell on it, but:

Thunder, your comment about debt reminded me that the first lawyer said W would be responsible for half of the house debt too. For some reason that didn't make sense to me, but it IS a shared debt. (Both names on title and mortgage.) We owe half of what the house is worth, so if W gets half of the equity and half of the debt, she gets zero net from the house. Half of the equity would be a huge chunk of her desired settlement. I wonder if the attorney told her that.

W's enabler's husband left their house, and I'm not sure how the enabler bought her husband out of his share. (In their market, I'm sure the house is worth waaaay more than the mortgage balance.) That might be how W thought she could get her dream settlement. I wonder if W will reject the enabler over this.

That's my monkey braining for today. At least by writing it down, I can get it out of my system. Have to practice drumstick control tonight.

JB
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« Last Edit: September 21, 2021, 02:17:07 PM by JohnnyBravo »

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Re: JohnnyBravo's story
#107: September 21, 2021, 02:24:08 PM
KB I didn't mean to stress you out.  I'm sorry if I did.
Let me explain a little.

When my H, of almost 30 years, decided he needed a divorce (I was 63 at the time and retired).  I was in shock and had no idea what to do.  The good vets on here tried to tell me to try hard to put my shock and confusion aside as best I could and use my head.  If he divorced me I had to get information on how to financially protect myself. They saw too many hurting LBS's, over the years, too destroyed emotionally to do what they needed to do and ended up on the short end after the divorce.

So I ended up at the library and found a few books on what women in the divorce process should know and I can't tell you how good that information was.  I learned things even my lawyer never told me.

Like Old Pilot says, knowledge is power.

You W just may never go through with this divorce, but just be ready in case.  Know your rights because she will not be thinking what is best for you.

You only have to use the information if you need it.   :)
I hope this just helps you.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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JohnnyBravo's story
#108: September 21, 2021, 02:37:54 PM
No worries, Thunder. You're not stressing me out at all. (I can do that just fine on my own!) :)

I'm actually glad that you pointed this out and made me think about it. If my interpretation is correct, it puts me in a much better financial position and makes W's proposed settlement just plain crazy. But like you said, I may never need to use the info, and that's my hope.

I now know that this was MLC-talk, but: At BD, W told me what she wanted for a settlement, and then said something like, "because I contributed to the marriage too." It sounded really unlike her, even compared to the other things she was saying, like that statement was pre-recorded. Could be the monster, but sounded more like her enabler coached her to say it.

Thanks,

JB
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« Last Edit: September 21, 2021, 02:58:24 PM by JohnnyBravo »

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Re: JohnnyBravo's story
#109: September 21, 2021, 03:42:10 PM
JB thank you.  I DO remember the stress, believe me.   ::)

Yes I thought her expectations were a little crazy.  Maybe she has the wrong people in her ear.  But I think any lawyer would tell her no one comes out on top and gets exactly what we want, there are compromises on both sides, as long as it ends up fair, that's ok because you both contributed to the marriage.

I too hope you never need to use the information, JB.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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