My take on why the Old Timer thread is so useful is bc of the very diversity that perhaps also feeds some of the more heated discussions. It helps to see that there are different ways through this and different ways to measure success and a good life....a different take on hope perhaps.
All that. I don't mind heated discussions. Aren't LBS often told they are comflic avoidants and that their MLCer are comflict avoidants and that conflict avoidance is not a good thing? I see no problem with heated discussion on a discussion thread.
No pain olympics needed and no LBS medals given lol. But a chance to learn from people who may be tackling different things in a different way in a different situation from our own...so a different perspective that sometimes can give us fresh eyes on our own.
Indeed.
Empathy and kindness does not require us all to be the same. We can still learn from each other and support each other even if our stories are very different.
Again, indeed. The idea that empathy and kindness means all of us and all our stories are equal is peculiar. Being aware of each LBS problems, individual situation, etc. in my view allows for better support because we are aware of each person's story, issues, needs.
It is another way of saying, one size does not fit all.
I'm sorry your dad left your mum in such difficult situation, Nah.
If we can’t discuss our personal situations... why are we here?
Go question. Isn' t the Old Timers thread for Old Timers to debate their issues? This is a discussion thread, people discuss.
I often talk about how I filed within days of BD, partly to “shake him up” but also, which I’m not sure if I ever posted this but, from watching what my mother went through, my very first thought was, “I’m going to lose everything”
I don't recall you mentioning it was also connected with what happened to your mum. Thanks for sharing. Makes sense that, after seen what happened to her, you took immediate action. You had a reference and seen first hand how things could be.
Many of us do not have such reference at BD.
As old timers, isn’t that what we should emphasize day one?
But we do, don't we? Or we used to. We always used to tell newbies to financial protect themselves. We advice seeing a lawyer and stressed it did not have to be for divorce, but to know how to protect finances and what to do if divorce come.
One thing I think we tend to forget is that male LBS usually lose half of everything and are paying child support and alimony to their MLCer. Some male LBS end up in a very hard place.
Some conversations aren’t easy, but I’m grateful to all the courageous LBSers out there willing to share their stories. We’re here to support in rough times and cheer each other in good times.
No they aren't. They are incredible hard. MCL is hard, the awful reality that comes with it is not nice. Hidding it is a disservice to others.
If sharing the less rosy sides of MLC helps one person, it was already worthy.
I’m grateful to all of you.
Thank you. I am grateful for you. We don't always agree, but I like people that speak their mind and aren't afraid of saying things that may be uncomfortable.
I also like people that are far softer than I am and with whom I can learn a number of things. For me, diversity and different ideas/opinions is important.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)
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Old Timers thread 6