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Author Topic: Off-Topic My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word

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Off-Topic My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
OP: October 11, 2018, 06:34:59 PM
I am very grateful that RCR Kindly gave me permission to discuss my book on Hero's Spouse.

Here's the link to my website to anyone that is interested...

https://heneversaidaword.com

It's on amazon and you can search by title, "he never said a word" (with quotations) or author Nancy Nap (without quotations and btw... that's not my real name)

Right now, I only have an Ebook.... and I already found a typo...grrrrr


That's kind of why I did the Ebook first, so I could iron out any little things that I might find.

Please... give me real feedback, even if it's not kind, that way I will be able to improve the paperback.  I'm hoping to get the paperback finished early 2019.

And, last but not least, I am very grateful for everybody's support, I honestly couldn't have done it without many of you picking me up, listening and giving me encouragement over the years. 
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« Last Edit: October 12, 2018, 12:32:44 AM by Thunder »
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#1: October 11, 2018, 07:30:29 PM
I can't find it on Amazon.

My advice about typos (based on experience): Print the book out as a real book and review it that way. You will find a lot more typos that way. There's something about the printed page that makes it easier to find them.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#2: October 11, 2018, 07:45:10 PM
I agree, some of the problem is I did have an editor but going back and forth on different formats could be very distracting.

I'm still not 100% happy with some of the formatting, I'm hoping to iron that out too on the printed copy.

On amazon books?  did you try the title in quotations?  or by my website?

So far a few dozen copies have sold, I'm not sure if it's b/c you are in a different country?? Maybe??
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#3: October 11, 2018, 07:49:09 PM
It's on both Amazon.com and Amazon.ca under the Kindle Store.   Doesn't show up if you just search under 'Books'. 
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#4: October 11, 2018, 08:00:01 PM
Thank you Anon.

Some of my friends were having a hard time at first, but most seemed to have found it.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#5: October 12, 2018, 12:04:19 AM
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#6: October 12, 2018, 12:08:55 AM
I was looking on the US Amazon site, but I was not able to see it until I changed my IP address to a US one.
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nah

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#7: October 12, 2018, 03:14:07 AM
I'm glad you found it.

It can be bought from different countries, but not all of them for some reason. 
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#8: October 12, 2018, 03:30:21 AM
Hi, its available in the UK Nah - on Kindle - have downloaded and am looking forward to reading it. PG x
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#9: October 12, 2018, 04:14:36 AM
Congrats Nah!

I read what I could and will look into buying it! I never fail to be amazed at how all our stories are similar...


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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#10: October 12, 2018, 05:07:27 AM
Congrats Nah!

I read what I could and will look into buying it! I never fail to be amazed at how all our stories are similar...

I was just listening to a video from Vikki Stark, and I thought, that’s us. She described me and The Leaver like she personally knew us.

That was the biggest challenge of writing my story. Yes, I touched upon it, but when I first started writing (5 years ago) it was 90% about HIM. Just like we do in RL, all our focus is on them. My husband was working 60/80 hours a week when we were in our 20’s and all our friends were living with their parents and going to the beach every day. We thought we were so smart, working hard and “getting ahead”... but look what happened. How many of us say, we worked all our lives and as soon as we were ready to relax... BOOM!!

Yep. Me too.

I was saying to E last night, it’s a different kind of “metoo” movement.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#11: October 12, 2018, 05:42:44 AM
I'm on chapter 3, have found a couple of errors....should have noted where they were for you, or changing a word for better flow.  I am loving it, but it has brought up so much for me, from my own experiences, those damn feelings!  I like the style of your writing, it's very similar to how I like to write as well. 
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#12: October 12, 2018, 05:47:31 AM
Question for anyone who might know.
I have a Nook, not a Kindle, so it looks like it is not compatible with e-books on Amazon.

My question is if I buy the e-book can I just listen to it on my laptop some how?

Otherwise I'll wait for the book to come out.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#13: October 12, 2018, 05:55:55 AM
Thunder, you should be able to download Kindle on your laptop and read it off of there.  I had to download the Kindle app on my phone to read it, as it wouldn't work with Kobo, which is what I normally use. 
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#14: October 12, 2018, 06:11:19 AM
Oh really?  I'll try that, thank you!   :)
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#15: October 12, 2018, 06:56:30 AM
I'm on chapter 3, have found a couple of errors....should have noted where they were for you, or changing a word for better flow.  I am loving it, but it has brought up so much for me, from my own experiences, those damn feelings!  I like the style of your writing, it's very similar to how I like to write as well.

Thank you BB, If I have enough people finding them, hopefully I will get them all

... and I know what you mean about it stirring up emotions. Sometimes when I would go back and read a chapter to E, I would tear up. He often did too
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#16: October 12, 2018, 09:28:44 AM
Found it, read a bit, boy does it hit close to home.  I will read properly!  I'll let you know if I find anything that needs attention...

Well done on completing it, I know what that takes!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#17: October 12, 2018, 11:14:55 AM
Hi Nah,
You did it girl! Congrats!

I started to read it but I'm sorry, my ptsd kicked in (to close) so I did not download it but you can buy it in Sweden also!

I don't write much these days on HS but still do read alot, so I'm up to date on most stories.

To me, I'm more and more sure I married an abuser, I don't care any more what causes it mlc/depression or what abuse is abuse. My oldest said the other day when I said my usual; When is it enough, doesn't he (XH) realise that there is a limit of evil in what you do to other people? Son 29 said; Mum he has passed that limit loooong ago! 

But still; so happy for you and your writing.

Hugs
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#18: October 12, 2018, 12:25:11 PM
Congratulations Nah!. I am impressed that you have accomplished writing a book on what has to be the most painful life event . I have purchased , downloaded and intend a good cup of coffee, the fire lit and a good read. I have also gone back and forth with writing a book... at the moment, I have taken a break, but perhaps you can inspire me back to it . It is supposed to be a way to heal and grow thru words and walking thru the pain. I am VERY impressed...it is not an easy thing to do !!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#19: October 12, 2018, 01:23:55 PM
I can find it with a Portuguese IP on Amazon.com Just type Nancy Nap on Amazon.com's first page search box with "all". It shows right away.

The book brought nothing to me. I read what was on Amazon in a professional manner.

It needs lots of work. For flow, for ideas to be clear, for tipos, for editing. And you need to find someone who can do the proofreading that is not you or your editor. All those tasks are different and have to be done by a different person.

Formatting/lay-out/fonts/font sizes, etc. must also done by someone who knows how to do it.

You also need to explain who the Leaver is. Second paragraph of the first chapter has "The Leaver had an explanation...", but who is he and why do you call him that? And shouldn't it be "... that warm day in April would..."

There is nothing about MLC on the book description be it on Amazon or your blog - there is a mention inside the first chapter. Without it, is is just one more book about a guy who leaves and divorces.

You also need to think you are writing for a wider audience, not on your journal or on HS. It reads like HS posts or a journal (that needs a lot of editing) and a book has to be more than that.

There is too much swearing and name calling right from the start. Again, it reads like your HS's posts.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#20: October 12, 2018, 02:55:47 PM
It looks amazing; although painful. I will buy it soon.  You are awesome to follow through this way.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#21: October 12, 2018, 03:33:54 PM
I actually felt there was more name calling and swearing than in your posts here. I only read the free chapters, but if there is that much anger and bitterness throughout the whole book, I don't think anyone is going to be able to sit through and read it all. It just comes across a the rage of a woman scorned.

Now, if the point of the book is to show your transformation from an angry woman to one who got everything under control, then the anger at the beginning is fine, but as is, it is quite repetitive and seems to be more a guide to 101 insulting terms one can call their cheating husband. This part should be kept shorter and quickly pivot to a woman who has it all under control, e.g. when you file the divorce papers. There just needs to be a better way to convey the rage you felt without it reading like a stream of consciousness rant that goes on and on like the Energizer bunny.

Also, who is the audience for the book? Why should they read this book? What do you want them to take away from the book? What do you want them to learn or feel or do or understand? What's the elevator pitch for this? I think that needs to be conveyed early on or else you are going to lose the reader.

Also, is this supposed to be a biography with details changed to protect the parties mentioned? Or would the book actually be more interesting if you fudged the details and made it more like a semi-autobiographical piece?

As for editing, if it needs multiple revisions and edits just to get the message right, then yes it would be helpful to have a separate proofreader as the more times one reads something, the harder it becomes to notice the mistakes. You may also want to turn on grammar checking in Microsoft Word as it can catch a lot of mistakes. There's also a program I have seen before once whose name I forget that helps you refine your writing style.

Just some thoughts.









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« Last Edit: October 12, 2018, 03:36:38 PM by GonerinGhana »

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#22: October 12, 2018, 06:35:59 PM
Congratulations Nah
I hope it sells millions. My opinion if it's like your post??? It's a best seller. Real, raw , and honest. No need in powder coating anything.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#23: October 12, 2018, 08:09:09 PM
I started to read it but I'm sorry, my ptsd kicked in (to close) so I did not download it but you can buy it in Sweden also!

Sorry it did that to you, yes, sometimes when I wrote this stuff, I had to put it down for later.

I have also gone back and forth with writing a book... at the moment, I have taken a break, but perhaps you can inspire me back to it . It is supposed to be a way to heal and grow thru words and walking thru the pain. I am VERY impressed...it is not an easy thing to do !!

Barbie, when I started this book (about 5 years ago) I was so very sure my ending would be more like yours,... I think the world would love to hear your story.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#24: October 12, 2018, 08:30:47 PM
It needs lots of work. For flow, for ideas to be clear, for tipos, for editing. And you need to find someone who can do the proofreading that is not you or your editor. All those tasks are different and have to be done by a different person.

I agree.  I'm not a professional writer and I did think my editor was going to clean it up more than she did.  I went through a few editors before her, one kept making promises but dragged her feet for months until I finally gave up, then some others that were just way too expensive.  This one seemed to fit, and I felt she was really good until the end when I felt she dropped the ball, but I already paid her 80%, I really don't have the time or the cash to start over with another editor.  A proofreader is a good idea, Thank you Anjae for the feedback, I mean it.

There is nothing about MLC on the book description be it on Amazon or your blog - there is a mention inside the first chapter. Without it, is is just one more book about a guy who leaves and divorces.

My early versions were almost completely about MLC.... then I threw them out. 

Is he a guy with MLC or is he a guy who leaves and divorces?  It doesn't matter, not to me.  I mention MLC, yes, but it is far from my focus, as the book goes on, it becomes more and more about me.



You also need to think you are writing for a wider audience, not on your journal or on HS. It reads like HS posts or a journal (that needs a lot of editing) and a book has to be more than that.

There is too much swearing and name calling right from the start. Again, it reads like your HS's posts.


It reads like my journals, and my posts on HS, and yes, tons of swearing and name calling.

See, I'm an East Coast Girl, and that's how we talk.  On Hero's Spouse, in my journals, in RL, I swear like a MO-FO, it's part of me, I give funny nick-names, I roll my eyes,,,... I can never find my keys.

I can guarantee that this book is not for everyone.  Especially not for people who don't like swearing, illicit sex, or anyone who can't understand how I could purposely try to cause the man I loved with all I had, pain because I wanted him to feel my pain. 

The typos, grammar, flow, ideas to be clear? yes those all need work.

Swearing? name-calling? That's Me,...If the book isn't me, why write it?
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#25: October 12, 2018, 08:33:33 PM
It looks amazing; although painful. I will buy it soon.  You are awesome to follow through this way.

Thank you Feather! :D

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#26: October 12, 2018, 08:56:22 PM
I actually felt there was more name calling and swearing than in your posts here. I only read the free chapters, but if there is that much anger and bitterness throughout the whole book, I don't think anyone is going to be able to sit through and read it all. It just comes across a the rage of a woman scorned.

Yes, the first few chapters do have a lot of bitterness and rage, I actually talk about the bitterness and how much I hated being exactly what I had become... as time goes on, I start to stand but then will get hit again, and again.... Yes, the point to to follow my path to healing.

pivot to a woman who has it all under control, e.g. when you file the divorce papers. There just needs to be a better way to convey the rage you felt without it reading like a stream of consciousness rant that goes on and on like the Energizer bunny.


I understand what you are saying, but I did go through that period for a long time. As the book goes on, I do address how it's frustrating to me that so many people felt I should "get over it" quickly, I preferred to express the reality of how rolling in the depression/anger/self-loathing takes some serious time.  Even the stream of consciousness... I did that on purpose, my mental state was in a weird, dark place.  Sometimes my hands would be bleeding, and I didn't know how they got that way.  I wanted to convey the confusion.


Also, who is the audience for the book? Why should they read this book? What do you want them to take away from the book? What do you want them to learn or feel or do or understand? What's the elevator pitch for this? I think that needs to be conveyed early on or else you are going to lose the reader.

I don't know if this will answer your question, but someone like me would be my reader.  When this first happened, all I could find was Jed Diamond, that wasn't me,... or therapists, not me,... even Chump Lady,... she's angry, but I never see understanding that maybe the person who was left isn't ready to let go. 

I get my book isn't for everybody, not everybody will like the name-calling and swearing, many won't understand why I was still in love with him after all the abuse,... I got even more questions about that. 

I also feel putting the elevator pitch in too early, just wasn't the reality of what happened... It was important to me to keep it real, even if it only sells 3 copies.


Also, is this supposed to be a biography with details changed to protect the parties mentioned? Or would the book actually be more interesting if you fudged the details and made it more like a semi-autobiographical piece?


Nope, no fudging.  I struggled if I should put my daughter in the story b/c the outcome in RL might not be pretty but again, it was very important to me to keep it real.  The only details that were changed were the names.  Other than that, the story was exactly how I remembered it (the early days are still cloudy as I was not in my right mind)


As for editing, if it needs multiple revisions and edits just to get the message right, then yes it would be helpful to have a separate proofreader as the more times one reads something, the harder it becomes to notice the mistakes. You may also want to turn on grammar checking in Microsoft Word as it can catch a lot of mistakes. There's also a program I have seen before once whose name I forget that helps you refine your writing style.


My first writing program that was recommended by several professional writers had zero spelling or grammar check.  The idea is to get ideas down without the distraction of formatting and then fix them later.

I will never do that again.  I was so distracted with knowing that I spelled something wrong but the program wouldn't fix it,.... ugh. 

Anyways, I really appreciate your feedback, I will look into getting a separate proofreader if I ever tackle a task like this again.  Definitely, before I print up a paperback.  Again, not even to be a big seller but to have on my shelf and say, "I did it."
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#27: October 12, 2018, 09:00:07 PM
Congratulations Nah
I hope it sells millions. My opinion if it's like your post??? It's a best seller. Real, raw , and honest. No need in powder coating anything.

Haha... Thanks helping.  Real, Raw, and I swear like a Mo-fo....
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#28: October 12, 2018, 09:43:32 PM
Just a comment or two. I too have been writing a book about this entire fiasco. I write and I stop. Then I write and I stop...its painful! It is so important to me , almost like my purpose for enduring all that pain and I am not sure I can do it. Another feeling of failure . My book is full of RAGE ...you cannot begin to imagine. I was saturated in it for 4 years and its going down exactly as it happened ... because it happened. I a going to tell it precisely as it happened ...all the tears, all the screaming and all the cussin. The audience ? I am writing for ME. I am writing to untangle ME. Its writing to heal . If anyone cares to read it ... they are also looking to heal. There's your audience.

Quote
but if there is that much anger and bitterness throughout the whole book, I don't think anyone is going to be able to sit through and read it all. It just comes across a the rage of a woman scorned.
.

I will be able to sit thru it and read it ... I will "feel" this book and a kinship to the writer . Why? Because I have been there , I know that anger and hurt. Write it 100% exactly as it happened to you , every thought, every emotion, each tear ... its yours . We are not going to be famous Brene Browns..thats not even the goal. But we have OUR story to tell OUR way ...otherwise , its nothing . Scorned ? SCORNED?   That is the biggest understatement I have ever read ...I could spit !. You GO Nah ...your way , all of it . You do not have to defend yourself for 1 second ..
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Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#29: October 12, 2018, 10:55:37 PM
I would presume because Nah hired an editor and sold her story on Amazon, that she wants to make money off of her story. If you want to make money off of something, doing it for ONESELF is not necessarily the best way to do that, because this is a product you are selling. A product has to meet the customers' needs first and foremost, not one's own. If you want to tell your story and don't care if it turns a profit, then why not set up a blog and tell it for free? Because unless your story is already on the front pages of the newspaper as newsworthy, telling it like it is is probably not going to cut it as a marketable story, and even then it probably would need to be told selectively.

If you are writing a book about a war, you don't spend 100 pages writing about the time when the soldiers are waiting in the trenches waiting for something to happen playing cards and smoking cigarettes in silence, even if that is how they spent most of their time. It just doesn't make for a marketable book.

As for your remarks about Nah not needing to defend herself, you are right, she doesn't. If she is a businesswoman, she just has to give the customers what they want and what interests them.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#30: October 13, 2018, 04:11:03 AM
I would presume because Nah hired an editor and sold her story on Amazon, that she wants to make money off of her story. If you want to make money off of something, doing it for ONESELF is not necessarily the best way to do that, because this is a product you are selling.

First of all, I want to stress that I really truly appreciate ALL comments, especially the negative ones because the negative ones are usually the ones we learn from the most. 

Would I like to sell a million copies... sure, BUT I did say a thousand times while going through this process, that the main goal was to get it out, not sell copies.  I could have watered it down, made it like every other story... why would I want that?  Funny when "The Leaver" left one of the first things my son said,

"I knew there was something going on with Dad because of the music he was playing, he became a sell-out with all the popular crap just to get an audience.  The single best advice Dad gave to me when I began to play is to never play to the audience, be true to yourself, play from your heart, hopefully the audience will follow."

My son was so disappointed when his father became a sell-out.

If I sell one copy, but it's me, it's real, then it was a success to me.  I was talking to someone in messaging and she mentioned the ending, how it should have been a younger woman that I sat next to, to give my "hindsight" thoughts.

She's right, believe me, I thought of that too, maybe I should have changed that last character into a woman.  But that's not how it happened, I kept the story 100% how it happened, my real feelings, even the ugly parts that might not be marketable. I also could add more oomph to my hindsight thoughts, so I will keep that in mind when it goes to paperback.

I would also like to quote the lyrics of one of my favorite artists, Pink:

Never win first place, I don't support the team
I can't take direction, and my socks are never clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight 'cause I can't do nothin' right


When she came onto the market, the executives wanted her to clean up and be more like Britney Spears, she refused, "that just aint me"....

Today.... compare her sales to Britney.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#31: October 13, 2018, 05:12:57 AM
Nah, if you wrote like someone else, I would have been so disappointed.
Since when have you ever sugar coated anything??   lol

From the first page I knew every word you wrote was real, it was you, the woman I met so long ago.
I remember the anger and the anguish, but also the humor in your revenge, which I think a lot of LBS's can relate to.

Remember the one LBS wife who packed up her cheating husband's bathroom toiletries, but not before she used his toothbrush to clean the toilet?  I thought it was hysterical.  Just a bit of revenge that he will never know about, but she will.   :)

I agree this book will not be for everyone, but no book is.
I have to disagree that a book on war should not have personal parts in it telling what the soldiers did during their down times.  It humanizes the story for the readers.
They didn't fight 24 hours a day.   What did they do the rest of the time?  Write letters to their loved ones at home, for instance, or exchange stories and pictures their kids or family.

I still haven't read the whole book, just what I could on Amazon.  I would have to pay to download Kindle (Windows 8 & 10 were not free for my PC) so I'll wait for the book.  I'm looking forward to it.

I just wanted to add, I think most of the people who are giving you constructive criticism are trying to be helpful, and I sure will once I've read it all, but some of the criticism was a bit ridiculous.  It was just looking to criticize, in my opinion.  I think we all know the difference, and I think you do too, even though you are being gracious about it.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#32: October 13, 2018, 05:39:00 AM
Success is not just the number of books you sell, it's also whether the book achieves the goal you hope to achieve with it. If it is just to tell your story to get it off your chest, that's one thing, but I think you have already done that quite well in this forum, so there has to be a reason beyond that to turn it into a book. Who is the audience? What do you hope they do when they finish the book: know how to deal with an MLCer, feel entertained, reflect on their own life...? It's not a matter of whether it really happened or not, actually, because you aren't some famous person that someone is reading the book to learn about you where changing the gender of a character would be misleading the reader. It's about the audience and how you want to impact them. That's one way to measure success.

Thunder, I don't know if your remarks about ridiculous criticism are aimed at me, but I make my remarks as someone who spent several years working as a professional editor in the past and edited several books and other types of publications.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#33: October 13, 2018, 03:33:40 PM
Nah,

you wrote a book, it got published, congratulations.

I got my copy.

very best wishes to you.


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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#34: October 13, 2018, 05:05:45 PM
Nah...Congratulations....what an achievement you should be very proud of yourself on the publication of your book and "your story".

For one reason or another, someone will find a reason to project their insecurities, their negativity, and their fears onto you and your success, and you'll have to deal with it.  Which you have and I commend you.  Yes you requested honest feedback from HS members....which you received.  Unfortunately some of the feedback went beyond tearing the concept of your book apart.  I am so sorry that you had to endure this absurd negativity.  Irrespective what the "negative nancies" say the biggest critic in your life usually lives between your own two ears  Working up the courage to move past your own vulnerability and uncertainty is often the greatest challenge you'll face on the way to achieving your success.  You my friend have smashed it!

I totally agree that it is more important to contribute something to the world that is the core "you" rather than what "some" perceive as the norm.  I for one love the rawness, honesty and uniqueness of your book....like many other HS members have commented. 

Please continue writing...what is your next project?

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« Last Edit: October 13, 2018, 05:08:25 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
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BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#35: October 13, 2018, 06:21:20 PM
That's awesome Nah.  I'll definitely check it out.  I wasn't around for any of your early threads (and came late to the party on some of your recent threads), so it will be nice filling the gaps in.  We all have different backgrounds, different ways of looking at things, different personalities, etc., but I love that we all come together under a common thread and can empathize with each other over this painful, soul shattering thing that happens in our lives.  It's nice to see the healing and repairing that happens with us as time marches on, and even the diversity of our different outcomes speaks a lot about the strength we carry as we find a new normal, with, or separate from our H's.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#36: October 13, 2018, 08:31:24 PM
I got my copy.

Thank you Lanzo.  Sorry if there is some uncomfortable man-bashing... I was angry for some time, but it does show my love for your gender if you stick with it, I promise...  ;D


Please continue writing...what is your next project?

I appreciate every word you wrote, Bren, really Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I do have an idea for my next project.  Teaser... I think it would shock everyone on here... and again, it's my true story.  To be honest, I'm not sure if I want to put it out there,.... still thinking about it.

It's nice to see the healing and repairing that happens with us as time marches on, and even the diversity of our different outcomes speaks a lot about the strength we carry as we find a new normal, with, or separate from our H's.

I couldn't agree more, Thank you Faith.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#37: October 13, 2018, 08:58:44 PM
Who is the audience?

That girl who was curled up on the floor covered in sweat and wondering why her knuckles were torn apart and bleeding is the audience.

I went to a friend (this was in the book) she said, "this is going to be great for you!"
I read Jed Diamond,... It was about HIM and not me.
I read Chump Lady,... she said he was always this way and I was lucky he was out of my life.
I couldn't relate to religion, or therapists, or people who had "regular divorces", I certainly didn't want to be around happily married people...
The place that I really didn't fit but accepted me was here... on Hero's spouse.  Even then, I was questioned.  Why was I on a "standing" forum talking about my boyfriend(s), calling my husband names, and constantly swearing?  Because I really had no one else that would listen to me, Hero Spouse welcomed me, not everyone related to my ways (Thunder always did). 

I had the forum but I wanted to read about someone who could relate to my feelings.  Someone who hated him, and loved him, and hated him, and loved him.  Someone who was confused, hurt, angry, sad, lonely, depressed, I wanted to read a book like the one I wrote, but I couldn't find it. Is it possible to be betrayed over and over again and still come out on the other side?  Has even one person done it in real life or is that just a fairy tale?  Was it normal to behave as badly as I was behaving?  Maybe he DID have a good reason to leave,... maybe it WAS me after all. Was I crying too much?  Was I weak?

All I could find was, "be strong,... happiness comes from within,.... He's not worth the tears, etc etc

I say NO!!!!

I say, wallow in it, let the anger wash over you, swear like a mo-fo at your Gods, have sex with a stranger and punch the floor until your knuckles bleed.

Why?  Because you were betrayed, abused and abandoned by the one person that you loved beyond all others and it's normal to be in pain and act like you are in pain.  Because you are fire trucking human.

Damn, there I go swearing again.  ;)
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« Last Edit: October 13, 2018, 09:03:12 PM by nah »
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#38: October 13, 2018, 09:50:52 PM
Teaser... I think it would shock everyone on here... and again, it's my true story.  To be honest, I'm not sure if I want to put it out there,.... still thinking about it.


Haha thanks for the heads up.  As a LBS I don't think anything could possibly shock me....one valuable lesson you learn going through the obscuring mist of a MLC is that you don't judge anyone....everyone's life is firetrucked up at one point or another.  It's what you learn and grow from the experience is that counts. 

EL James (Erika Mitchell) the writer of the 50 Shades of Grey series received an onslaught of negativity for her writing style by critics.....guess the critics were somewhat out of touch with what the audience actually want with her unbelievable success.

PS - Do you know how many books sex sells each year?  Over $1 Billion per year. Those hot steamy storylines sell.....to normal everyday people.  I look forward to reading your second book 😜



Why?  Because you were betrayed, abused and abandoned by the one person that you loved beyond all others and it's normal to be in pain and act like you are in pain.  Because you are fire trucking human.

Damn, there I go swearing again.  ;)

Amen....and that is exactly why the audience will be captivated.  You can't get another quote that is brutally honest and raw as that......

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« Last Edit: October 13, 2018, 09:59:52 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#39: October 13, 2018, 11:07:05 PM
Also, who is the audience for the book? Why should they read this book? What do you want them to take away from the book? What do you want them to learn or feel or do or understand? What's the elevator pitch for this? I think that needs to be conveyed early on or else you are going to lose the reader.

I agree that Nah doesn't need to defend herself. Nah asked for critiques, not false praise, and I believe she really meant it so I don't understand why those who have provided solid constructive feedback are being criticized for it. I suspect the reason is to try to protect Nah's feelings but if you're trying to protect Nah's feelings then you don't really know Nah. If she asked for constructive feedback then I'm sure she's prepared to deal with whatever comes her way.

If I ever write a book I hope I'm fortunate enough to have Goner provide me with a free review. She's offered some valuable feedback. I think the section I quoted above may be the most valuable. There isn't anything wrong if Nah if wrote this book for herself. I expect it had great therapeutic value. And there's nothing wrong with her putting it on Amazon. It will make it easy for her family and friends to find it. But if she wants anyone else to buy it and read it then I would recommend that she seriously consider Anjae and Goner's comments. Wow! I just put Anjae and Goner in the same corner. I never expected to see that happen. :D

I had the forum but I wanted to read about someone who could relate to my feelings.  Someone who hated him, and loved him, and hated him, and loved him.  Someone who was confused, hurt, angry, sad, lonely, depressed, I wanted to read a book like the one I wrote, but I couldn't find it. Is it possible to be betrayed over and over again and still come out on the other side?  Has even one person done it in real life or is that just a fairy tale?  Was it normal to behave as badly as I was behaving?  Maybe he DID have a good reason to leave,... maybe it WAS me after all. Was I crying too much?  Was I weak?

Personally, I think this is the story. It's a story of pain and confusion and Nah's attempts to suppress them with alcohol and promiscuity, her continuing confusion but gradual acceptance, and her eventual rebuilding of her life in spite of her continuing inability to understand what happened. Or maybe I'm just projecting what I saw.

I have to admit that my comments about Nah's story are based on what I've learned from knowing Nah for several years and from reading her posts on here. I haven't read the book. I tried but I couldn't get past the first couple of pages. There's too much anger and anger is a strong trigger for me. I'm afraid I also agree with Goner about there being too much swearing and name calling in the book. Sorry but I had to stop reading.

Swearing? name-calling? That's Me,...If the book isn't me, why write it?
I thought I met you in person but you must have been wearing a mask because this isn't the person I met. The person I met was much more complex and interesting, and very classy.

I should quit while I'm not too far behind but regarding Goner's idea of capturing the reader by putting the elevator pitch in earlier. The book could begin with a brief description of the wonderful life you have today, then go to the horror of bomb drop, then the reader would have to continue reading to find out how you made it out the other side and perhaps by extension, how they can do it too. The story starts out horrible and stays that way for a long time, just like real life, but the reader needs to know that there's a happy ending. The same thing those of us on the forum would like to know. Real life is just too depressing. Stories can be real and truthful without being told in strict chronological order.

BTW, I would suggest lowering the price. It's pretty high for this type of Kindle book from an unknown author. If you really just wrote the book for yourself then it makes the book kind of expensive for the only people who will probably buy it, your family and friends. And if you would like to reach a wider audience, you should set a more marketable price. JMO. Everything I wrote was meant to be helpful, not offensive. If anyone takes offense, that's your interpretation, not my intention.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#40: October 14, 2018, 04:07:16 AM
. It's a story of pain and confusion and Nah's attempts to suppress them with alcohol and promiscuity, her continuing confusion but gradual acceptance, and her eventual rebuilding of her life in spite of her continuing inability to understand what happened. Or maybe I'm just projecting what I saw.

Well, Yes.  I often now say on here,... why did he leave?  He just did.

I think many of on here want the MLC answer, maybe some were hoping I had it (I think Goner alluded to something like it became just another book about a guy leaving his wife).  I even wrote towards the end (after spending too much time trying to figure out why)....why did he leave?  He just did.

. I'm afraid I also agree with Goner about there being too much swearing and name calling in the book. Sorry but I had to stop reading.

That's fine, I knew it would be the opinions of some.


I thought I met you in person but you must have been wearing a mask because this isn't the person I met. The person I met was much more complex and interesting, and very classy.

Well, you met me more than a year after my BD, the first 3 chapters a very raw because they were the first few weeks post BD.  The first few weeks, not only was I raw, I was completely out of my mind.  99% of my swearing is when I'm first hit with something emotional (like a BD), or if I'm around my friends who also tend to swear.  Yes, I'm capable of cleaning up my act if I'm around a different group of people, which I was that weekend.


I should quit while I'm not too far behind but regarding Goner's idea of capturing the reader by putting the elevator pitch in earlier. The book could begin with a brief description of the wonderful life you have today, then go to the horror of bomb drop, then the reader would have to continue reading to find out how you made it out the other side and perhaps by extension, how they can do it too. 

That is something to think about... you said you couldn't get past the first few pages.  Since I'm not a professional writer, this is criticism that I could use.  I thought "I met someone" and finding out early that we were married for such a long time, and it was very unexpected to me, would keep the reader wondering what happened and why.

In chapter 3, I touched that with what he was like when we met.  I thought some people would wonder why I would stay with the abuse so that is what I chose to put in the early chapters. Maybe instead closer to the front I could have gone with marrying E.  But also as a reader, sometimes I don't want to know how it will end right from the start.  It's still a tough decision for me. I could add some kind of prologue about my "spontaneous" wedding? 

Coincidentally, You and Goner have always been very anti-name-calling.  Nothing at all wrong with that, I completely understand why you both feel that way.  BUT... I also feel there is another group that needs the name-calling as a release, as a way to detach, many others fall into that category. I fall into that category. I will chalk that up to can't please everyone.




BTW, I would suggest lowering the price. It's pretty high for this type of Kindle book from an unknown author. If you really just wrote the book for yourself then it makes the book kind of expensive for the only people who will probably buy it, your family and friends. And if you would like to reach a wider audience, you should set a more marketable price. JMO. Everything I wrote was meant to be helpful, not offensive. If anyone takes offense, that's your interpretation, not my intention.

I can't wait to bring this comment up to E.  Our price is 4.99.  I also felt the price was too high.  Now the average range is 2.99 to 9.99, with the average being 3.99 (or so I read), I thought 2.99-3.99 should be the price since I'm an unknown writer, E
thought I should go higher, we compromised at 4.99, with the agreement that it could be lowered later.

Thank you MBIB, your comments were very helpful.
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« Last Edit: October 14, 2018, 04:11:24 AM by nah »
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#41: October 14, 2018, 04:49:05 AM
No Nah, don't start with the wedding, then everyone kind of knows it has a happy ending.  I say keep them waiting.  lol

I haven't read the book so I'll just say, maybe MB has a good point about lowering the price.  It would probably attract a lot more people buying it from an unknown writer. (even though $4.99 is pretty cheap).
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#42: October 14, 2018, 10:00:38 AM
No Nah, don't start with the wedding, then everyone kind of knows it has a happy ending.  I say keep them waiting.  lol


I was thinking of doing it in a way that you don’t know who I’m with...

Or an epilogue at the end of the book,... just in case I want to continue my story.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#43: October 14, 2018, 10:04:00 AM
Ah..good thinking. 
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#44: October 14, 2018, 10:04:41 AM
Coincidentally, You and Goner have always been very anti-name-calling.  Nothing at all wrong with that, I completely understand why you both feel that way.  BUT... I also feel there is another group that needs the name-calling as a release, as a way to detach, many others fall into that category. I fall into that category. I will chalk that up to can't please everyone.

I know you believe you understand why I feel the way that I do but since you brought it up and others may not understand I would like to take this opportunity to explain why I feel this way. I've learned since BD that my wife was horribly abused when she was a child. I didn't know about it because we never talked about our childhoods. I didn't have an idyllic childhood either and after working with a trauma therapist for 3 years I still don't remember most of my childhood and I wouldn't care to discuss much of what I do remember. Just writing this is triggering me.

I completely believe that the abuse from my wife's childhood resurfaced after her father died a couple years before BD. I believe that because I have learned in therapy that that's what happened to me when my father died several years before my wife's father's death. I know from personal experience what it's like to be unable to continue being the person you once were and to be unable to go on living the life you had been living. So I believe my wife is a good person who is doing bad things because of the horrible things that happened to her when she was a young child. I feel no anger towards her, only sorrow that she's going through this. She didn't deserve to be abused when she was a little girl and it makes me sick to know that she's reliving that period with the om playing the role of her abusive father. I know if you haven't gone through it yourself like I did that it probably seems like nonsense but this is what I believe and why I believe it.

That doesn't mean that I don't sometimes need some kind of release. I hate her father, the fat-a$$ed old ba$tard who abused her, and I hate the om, the fat-a$$ed young ba$tard who is taking advantage of her. And when the pressure gets to be too much I go out into my garage and beat on the heavy bag that's hanging out there or I put on my running shoes and I run as fast and as far as I can. The latter got me all the way to the end of the NYC Marathon. Sometimes I need a lot of release. :D

I hope you achieve your goals with your book, whatever they may be.

I was thinking of doing it in a way that you don’t know who I’m with...

I see you posted again while I was writing my post. I like this. This could be quite interesting. The ending would be quite a shocker! :D
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#45: October 14, 2018, 10:26:04 AM
Nah-My reasons for being anti-name calling here in the forum and in your book are two totally different things.

The reason I say name-calling in the forum is not productive is because I have noticed that those who name call and say other certain choice words and phrases (which I will keep to myself so that this doesn't turn into a debate tangent), do not reconcile. So if that is someone's goal, they should really be reflecting on how their own attitudes might thwart their goals. People can name call all they want, but it isn't going to get them their spouses back.

As for the name-calling in the book, I think some name calling is perfectly acceptable and captures your feelings at the time and that is good.. It became a bit too repetitive though and I think a few less pages devoted to name calling or name calling mixed with more substance beyond name calling would be good.  That's all.
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« Last Edit: October 14, 2018, 10:27:51 AM by GonerinGhana »

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#46: October 14, 2018, 10:35:25 AM
And I should add, I wasn't around here when you were first posting, Nah, but since I have been here, I have always enjoyed reading your posts and think you are an excellent writer. So I was a bit disappointed by the opening of the book because it didn't capture my attention like most of your other writing does. But the opening IS really important because if you don't reel your reader in then, they aren't going to stick around for the rest. I just think you need to really dive into the story early and hook people on that, because storytelling is your strength.

I agree the remarriage story would be giving away the ending, but maybe you could throw in another story from later on in the process that doesn't give away the ending yet allows people to foreshadow that you found your way eventually. Maybe about starting your new job in a new city or something? Think about the scene with the old Rose at the beginning of Titanic. It really does not tell you anything about the life that she lived, just that she did live it to an old age and has a grandchild.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#47: October 14, 2018, 04:24:05 PM
And I should add, I wasn't around here when you were first posting, Nah, but since I have been here, I have always enjoyed reading your posts and think you are an excellent writer. So I was a bit disappointed by the opening of the book because it didn't capture my attention like most of your other writing does. But the opening IS really important because if you don't reel your reader in then, they aren't going to stick around for the rest. I just think you need to really dive into the story early and hook people on that, because storytelling is your strength.


And to give you just the opposite viewpoint, Nah, I'll tell you that the first chapter totally captured my interest.

I think the reason for that is because right from the beginning I kept saying to myself......that's so similar to what my husband did.  That's so similar to what my husband said.

So I wanted to keep reading to see how things were going to turn out because I felt like it was my world too. 

From my viewpoint, you dove right into total freaking chaos with a runaway husband.  Since I had one of those I can relate.   

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#48: October 14, 2018, 05:01:21 PM
If you're doing it on amazon and your goal is just to be read, Amazon has a set minimum price based on the length. I'd set it to whatever amazon suggest as the minimum. I've been writing children's mysteries and I've never made anything over 300$ in over ten years on several books. That's not counting the fact that most are given away for free on Prime and you get pennies for those.

Unless you're dealing in volume, it's set up against you. That's why as far as I go, I'm just happy being read and heard, with my music. I just mention that because if based on the length of your book and Amazon is saying 2$, you may upset people and get bad reviews if they feel you charged too much for too little. All of my novels were 300+ pages and I sold them for the recommended 4.99$.

FWIW.. lol
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#49: October 14, 2018, 07:33:50 PM
I have only one critic, and that may be because I only read the free part.The writing was uneven. The first chapter was written in a rudimentary style, imo, very vernacular, a little stilted  . Chapter 2 flowed better,  had more complex sentences and was easier to follow, but then chapter 3 went back to the style of chapter 1.  Unless each chapter is from a different persons viewpoint, I like my writing to stay the same throughout.  My preference was for chapter 2, but either way would be ok. Just keep it the same so the writer doesn't look a bit crazy.

And yeah, I might have spent $3 to read it, but not $5. How weird is that? Why does $2 make a difference? I can't even say, I just know that for me, it does.  ???
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#50: October 14, 2018, 08:49:10 PM
For what it's worth,,, I am moved by all I've read so far.  It's a real account of years of a horrible experience - the bomb, the shock & denial, the swearing, the revenge attitude, the endless emotional agony, the need to run (unsuccessfully) from the horrible pain. 

I can't relate in all ways to the way you reacted to the events following your BD but nevertheless,,, I get it.  I totally get it and I'm not in the least offended.

The swearing, spouse bashing, etc isn't too much for me even though I don't swear or bash my spouse (hardly, anyway).  You are being real and showing the unvarnished truth and how you dealt with it, to your credit or not.   I love the raw honesty and I find your book is a page turner for me.    I can't come up with any criticism or suggestions for you even on the price.  I willingly paid the price not because I 'know' you from HS, but because I know it was written by someone who has also walked the same path I am on.   

I am a few years behind your BD.   For me, your experience illuminates the twisty path forward, and often shows me my own experience, pain and reactions are not at all unusual, crazy, or out to lunch given the nature of the bomb that blew up my happy life.   That alone is worth the price of the book.
 
No criticism from me.   Just a big thank you for being so bluntly honest and courageous for baring your soul for all of us to see.

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#51: October 14, 2018, 08:55:59 PM
I have only one critic, and that may be because I only read the free part.The writing was uneven. The first chapter was written in a rudimentary style, imo, very vernacular, a little stilted  . Chapter 2 flowed better,  had more complex sentences and was easier to follow, but then chapter 3 went back to the style of chapter 1.  Unless each chapter is from a different persons viewpoint, I like my writing to stay the same throughout.  My preference was for chapter 2, but either way would be ok. Just keep it the same so the writer doesn't look a bit crazy.

OffRoad, I wasn't sure what you were talking about, so I went back and compared the 3 chapters. 

So strange that you picked up on that...

I started writing this book very shortly after BD.  My life was over, right?  So my original book started from the summer we met, (summer loving, Chapter 3) to Bomb Drop, now chapter 1 of He.Never.Said.A.Word but originally the first chapter was supposed to be the last chapter of the book I threw away.  Well, all except those two chapters which were both written in 2013. 

My emotions were too much, I put the book away for a few years then I realized, my life wasn't over at BD, it had just begun.  That's why I took the last chapter and made it the first.  I kept "summer loving" because I felt I wanted to show a piece of what we used to have, so weird that you picked up on that chapter 1 and 3 were almost written by a different person, they were, they were written by shell-shocked me, as opposed to relaxed writing by a beach me.

So funny you actually wrote "a different viewpoint" b/c without me even knowing it, I guess they were!



 All of my novels were 300+ pages and I sold them for the recommended 4.99$.


I think the page count on Amazon (as you know it changes depending on the format) is 367, I thought $4.99 was a decent price, E thought it should be higher, I thought 3.99, we compromised at $4.99.  It seems the consensus on here is that it is too high.  I most likely will lower the price but I will discuss with E, as I have put him in charge of the business side.  Both of us are overwhelmed with a zillion other things going on.

And G, that's so cool that you have been writing for years...

Know any good proofreaders?   :)
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#52: October 14, 2018, 09:12:15 PM
For me, your experience illuminates the twisty path forward, and often shows me my own experience, pain and reactions are not at all unusual, crazy, or out to lunch given the nature of the bomb that blew up my happy life. 

Anon, Thank you for everything you wrote but this ^^^^.

That is EXACTLY why I wanted to write and publish this book.  Believe me, especially writing about my daughter, I struggled if I really wanted to expose the good, the bad and the ugly.  But there was a very long time that I questioned myself.  I felt so alone, I felt so misunderstood, I felt like maybe it really was me.  Why else would so many people that I believed loved me turned on me so viciously?  Divorce happens all the time, then why did I feel like I was the only one acting like a lunatic?

That's why I'm sending it out to the world, even if the "world" is just a handful of people.

Thank you Anon, you made my day!!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#53: October 15, 2018, 01:35:13 AM
IM  curious as to what some opinions are from people that haven't experienced what we all have. When they read it , do they feel the pain? do they understand it?
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#54: October 15, 2018, 04:28:20 AM
That's a good question, although I don't know why they would buy the book in the first place.

Nah, don't they have a Customer Review section for comments?
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#55: October 15, 2018, 06:39:44 AM
Nah, don't they have a Customer Review section for comments?

Probably but I can't find it.  Something else I will have to get E to find out for me...poor guy,  ;D ;D

IM  curious as to what some opinions are from people that haven't experienced what we all have. When they read it , do they feel the pain? do they understand it?

So far, the response from family and friends has been awesome.  Many people seem to be able to relate, even if they haven't been through the same exact thing, many have been through some kind of heartbreak.

Here is my favorite comment from my niece who, btw, had a baby girl on her 16th birthday.  She is now thirty and married (not the father of her baby) and also has a son.  She earned her GED, then a CNA certificate, and is going back to school to be a nurse!  For anyone who has read the book, she is also the sister of my nephew that died.

Aunt nancy! How are ya?! So I had to let you know I saw on Facebook that you wrote a book. Well I love to read and instantly went over to amazon to buy the ebook. I have to let you know I bought it last night and finished today lol. I loved it. And I wanted to let you know how very strong I think you are and how proud of you I am. Keep reaching for your dreams! You are truly an inspiration in all that you have been through ❤ p.s I cant wait for the paperback to come out I know some close people that can relate and would love to read your story as well. Thank you for sharing


I was actually crying at work when I read her words.  Which brings something else up.  I am reading every single persons comments and messages, on here and other sites.  Of course, I am recently getting slammed with actual work at my company, so I'm reading on my phone when I get and extra minute or two but it's really difficult to respond as I wear two to three sets of gloves and my phone is in a ziplock bag b/c I work in a clean room.

During breaks or late at night when I'm exhausted, I'm trying to get to everybody but I'm starting to hit the wall.  I really truly appreciate everyone's support so know that I'm reading but please understand if I take awhile to get back, or if I somehow forgot you.  There's some comments on here that I also want to address, I just haven't had the time to give the response I think they deserve, I will get there though, I promise.



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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#56: October 15, 2018, 06:53:36 AM


As for the name-calling in the book, I think some name calling is perfectly acceptable and captures your feelings at the time and that is good.. It became a bit too repetitive though and I think a few less pages devoted to name calling or name calling mixed with more substance beyond name calling would be good.  That's all.

You know, Goner, I re-read the early chapters and I agree with your assessment.  I saw a few spots where I might ease up a bit.  Not completely gone but not so repetitive.  Thank you.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#57: October 15, 2018, 06:59:19 AM
Aw how nice of her to write you!   :)

I just looked and, when you get time, right under the name of the book and your name there is a comment section.  : ) 

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Said-Word-Nancy-Nap-ebook/dp/B07J5GSGSY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1539263067&sr=8-2&keywords=Nancy+Nap

I reread your first few chapters again and I have to say, I really like how you started the book..with the "I met someone."  Really makes a person want to read more.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#58: October 15, 2018, 07:24:46 AM
Oh, I see it now,...

"E" thanks you.   ;D ;D
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#59: October 15, 2018, 09:04:13 AM
You're welcome Mr. E.   :)
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#60: October 15, 2018, 12:24:01 PM
Nah has inspired me to write my own book about STBXW.  I think I will call it:  She.Said.Far.Too.Many.Words ;D
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She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#61: October 15, 2018, 12:37:25 PM
Quote
Know any good proofreaders?   :)

No I do it all myself..  :-\ I have a pretty keen eye for reading and writing. I've been writing this one book for the last 5 years at least. I'm on my dozen-th or so re-write right now  ;D I think I'm on my final version. Fingers crossed.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#62: October 15, 2018, 02:42:54 PM
Nah has inspired me to write my own book about STBXW.  I think I will call it:  She.Said.Far.Too.Many.Words ;D

Omg,... I just spit out my drink.  ;D ;D ;D
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#63: October 15, 2018, 03:24:09 PM
Chapter 1:  In Which Pooh Learns How to Burn All The Bridges
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I retain attorney.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#64: October 15, 2018, 05:53:07 PM
Dis, you're making me laugh!   ;D

I'll buy it.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#65: October 15, 2018, 09:19:07 PM
Quote
IM  curious as to what some opinions are from people that haven't experienced what we all have. When they read it , do they feel the pain? do they understand it?

I imagine it feels awesome to get your side of the story out.  It's something I've dreamed about since the beginning.   How to correct the impression family & friends have based solely on what the MLCer has told them.   

I know I was painted with a very flawed brush.  It's likely why so many people are able to say something to  the MLCer like, "oh you poor man - you needed to leave and you deserve to be happy!"   It's probably why a lot of people take sides with the betrayer believing the tall tales about the evil wife.   

All the while, my MLCer said to me (and still says), "it was a good marriage but something was missing".   Poor man took all that 'something missing' with him when he left and now he says he  will never be happy.  I tend to agree with him. 

You've done something big to get your truth out and at the same time it must have been quite cathartic for you.   Have to admit I'm a little envious.   :P 



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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#66: October 16, 2018, 04:45:10 AM
I imagine it feels awesome to get your side of the story out.  It's something I've dreamed about since the beginning.   

That's step one.

(1) Dream it.
(2) Plan it.
(3) Do it.

Have to admit I'm a little envious.   :P 

Good!!  Channel that feeling and make it happen for you.

I'm not a professional writer (obviously by some of the comments... ;D ;D ). 

So?

Still didn't stop me.

I've done so many things, so many things that the biggest challenge of the book was cutting out so many juicy stories.  I couldn't write about everything.  90% of the things I did since he left, I had a million reasons why it couldn't be done.  Let's face it, there really is only one reason it really can't be done, it can't be done if you don't at least try.

I've had so many people make comments over the years that they could never do the things I have done because...

"I don't have enough money".... I worked crazy fire trucking over time, 60-80 hours a week, and then would squeeze in working on the house I was left.  I just didn't sleep, not healthy but it was how I did it.

"I'm too afraid".... Me too!  Wicked Firetrucking afraid.  Being brave isn't about not having fears, it's about facing them.

"I'm too shy".... "The Leaver" was my first boyfriend because I couldn't even look at boys I was so shy.  I didn't even go to my high school prom because of my shyness.

"I'm too old, too fat, too ugly"....  All in our heads.  We are what we want to be.

Travel to that Destination, Wear the Dress, Kiss that Guy and Write that Book!!

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#67: October 16, 2018, 05:00:31 PM
Can I borrow your chainsaw?!? 

The part where you share how little ole' you took care of that downed tree that MLCer had ignored just makes me smile. 

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#68: October 16, 2018, 06:10:18 PM
Can I borrow your chainsaw?!? 

The part where you share how little ole' you took care of that downed tree that MLCer had ignored just makes me smile.

Haha.... wish I could, I sold it, along with everything else.

For a little more fun with that chapter, play the title.  Every chapter title is a song title and that song is one of my favorites.  :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJfFZqTlWrQ

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#69: October 16, 2018, 09:19:26 PM
Congrats on the book Nah!!!!  You should write, you do have a gift. I like what Anon said about getting their story out. I think we all would like to be validated that we have lived thru crazy!!! We want the world to recognize that there is a very serious issue of MLC. It’s not a joke about a paunching 50 yo man buying the red sports car looking for 20 yo. It is so much more devastating and derisive than that. The consequences of this affliction are so life altering for so many. I want to shout protect, support and believe the LBS but once again it makes the LBS look like the crazy ones.
Thanks for trying to let us be heard and recognized!!!!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#70: October 17, 2018, 04:54:16 PM
  It’s not a joke about a paunching 50 yo man buying the red sports car looking for 20 yo.

Even though mine did get a red sports car and was driving around girls in their 20's (like I said, he does check off every MLC box)


Thanks for trying to let us be heard and recognized!!!!


I just received this message from a "hockey mom", someone who knew us when he was normal.

I just finished reading your book! I read it in a day 1/2
  You are an unbelievable woman! My heart still hasn’t settled down from your story. Knowing you and your family, reading each page was heart wrenching. But also, reading how truthful and raw your emotions were. It was BEAUTIFULLY written!
 I can’t tell you enough how HAPPY I am for you and "E" to have found each other. It’s strange how God works his miracles into our lives. Who knows? Hopefully he is working w "Veruca" and that chapter has another beautiful ending!! 


This was kind of a sigh of relief for me.  I honestly wasn't sure how some of our friends from what seems so long ago would think about it.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#71: October 17, 2018, 06:27:30 PM
Pink with a chainsaw - yeah, that song was pretty fitting for that chapter! 

I did wonder how people that know both of you will react to your book and if they would share their feelings with you. 

If you hear from Peggy and Arnold B., I sure hope you'll let us know!   ;)

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#72: October 17, 2018, 07:07:31 PM
The only person I gave a head's up was "nature-guy", it just seemed like the right thing to do.

He just bought a copy tonight and said he would let me know...  :D

In a weird way I think Peggy is going to love it,... good or bad she just craves attention.

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#73: October 27, 2018, 03:32:50 AM
Well, well...guess what Nah?

I told you I have a Nook, not a Kindle so I was going to have to wait until your book came out in paperback.

I was looking around on some apps I have on my laptop (Windows 8), that I've never used, and found I could download a free Kindle's app.   ;D

I downloaded it, went and updated my Amazon account and bought your e-book! 

I'm loving to so far.  Very well written.
I could so relate to many parts of your story.  Did so much of the same after my 1st D.   Crazy stuff.   ;)
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« Last Edit: October 27, 2018, 02:02:59 PM by Thunder »
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#74: October 27, 2018, 10:52:30 AM
Oh good. It will be so much easier when it’s a paperback

Well he called, I didn’t answer.

Maybe I angered the beast.

 ;D

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#75: October 27, 2018, 02:06:48 PM
Yeah who knows?  He could be anger or even hurt, or in trouble with ow-bride, you said your truth and I hope he can see now how all this hurt you tremendously for a long time.

If not, oh well...   :)
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#76: October 28, 2018, 03:43:24 AM
Yeah, who knows and who cares.

He will never understand that this is NOT about HIM.  It's about my healing and to give other people like me hope. If he doesn't like the story well then, he should have behaved better.

It's a new one though, a call without a follow up message, weird. 
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#77: October 28, 2018, 04:04:24 AM
I agree.  This was not about him, he can take it anyway he wants.

Of course the "evil Evelyn" in me hopes his new bride reads it. 

I know UM, hades.   :)
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#78: October 28, 2018, 06:25:05 AM
I agree with Shocked.
I truly wish all the "Leavers" can read your book so they can understand the deep hurt we have gone through and still go through for some of us.   And if the Leaver, his family and/or his skank have read it, well, now they will know.  I read so much of me in your book.  Aside from my MIL texting now and then no one else in H's family reached out to me.  I think they may have only heard his side of it all and accept the OW as if it is all just dandy and justified.  I can only hope MIL may have said something to some family since she knows most of how it all went down.  She saw me in horrible pain and knew there was an OW.  But I wouldn't count on it. Or maybe they all just turn their heads and carry on.   I've not had any opportunity to voice my side to H's family about what happened.  As you said in your book, blood is thicker than water, so seems pointless.  And my H comes from an italian background.  I get that allegiance to your family is first and foremost but at least reach out to the son/daughter in law who has been part of the family for a good chunk of their lives - don't just disregard them like the "Leaver" did.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story nah and thanks for putting it out there.  If you are ever back in Cali, hope we can meet up.  :)
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#79: October 28, 2018, 08:07:20 AM
Nah, as you say, if you just wanted to write the book for yourself and for people like us who already know some of the history of what you're talking about, your book is certainly great. In fact, it would be valuable for any newbies to read. I wonder if it could be suggested reading somewhere on this site.

However, if being out in the bookstores is what you might want later, then the advice Anjae and Goner gave you is invaluable. Usually, you don't get that stuff for free. I say this because I wrote a book 10 years ago, although it didn't get published. I had a literary agent in New York and she proposed my book to the main editing houses. I was supposed to re-write it for some of them. Then my life starting falling apart and I had no time for a re-write.

However, the editors who gave me some time, wrote pretty much exactly what Goner said, and they said it in exactly the same way, which really hurt at first. Once I had slept on the information, I realized that I had been given a year's worth or writing lessons in a paragraph. Friends will never tell you the truth and that would hinder your work from going further.

Regarding reaching a broader audience, publishers want to hear this if they are going to invest in you. Every LBS in the world would want a copy of your book and that's hundreds of thousands of us maybe? Also anyone who has had a bad breakup, was cheated on, plus anyone who has low self esteem, who has failed, who feels life cheated them, would get something from your book. And your humour would probably appeal to many others even though they would not have anything in common with the story.

To reach the broader audience you would have to include something for them all, and that is probably a general story incorporated into the MLC journey you describe.

Sorry if I rambled but I really wish you to enjoy all of it, bookstores and all, if that's what you wish for.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#80: October 28, 2018, 05:42:40 PM


Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story nah and thanks for putting it out there.  If you are ever back in Cali, hope we can meet up.  :)

I would love to hero.

Interesting about the Italian background.  The Leaver's industry was very Italian based (RI stereotype is true), and The Leaver knew the rules.  Can you believe he blew off a funeral of one of the boss's relatives?  Another reason I knew he lost his mind.  He was blackballed from the industry shortly after, not the only reason, but a factor.

btw... my new last name has more vowels than I can count.... ;D ;D.  E is 100% Italian.


However, the editors who gave me some time, wrote pretty much exactly what Goner said, and they said it in exactly the same way, which really hurt at first.


Not at all hurt.  I never claimed to be a professional writer and have considered some of their advise.

I think I might put in a prologue to show the whole book is not all doom and gloom, just haven't had the time yet, but it will be in before I go to paperback.  I also softened some of the early swearing, but I still think some of it belongs, as it is my voice and I do want to keep it that way.  Also, I have had readers send me their typo-finds (if anybody else finds some, please let me know)... I might consider also having an additional "polisher" but honestly, I'm not sure how much I want to spend getting this book made as it's not my profession, just something I wanted to do.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#81: October 29, 2018, 04:21:27 PM
Nah, I think it's clear to anyone that you have talent. Maybe it's just me wishing that you would be out there on the bookshelves. You have already achieved so much, it's up to you. If you should want to take it further, I truly believe you could do it, because you listen and you're a fast learner. The editing part is the hardest and the longest, but it's just an acquired skill. Talent you have to be born with. Wishing you much happiness whatever you do.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#82: October 30, 2018, 04:26:25 AM
Nah, I think it's clear to anyone that you have talent. Maybe it's just me wishing that you would be out there on the bookshelves. You have already achieved so much, it's up to you. If you should want to take it further, I truly believe you could do it, because you listen and you're a fast learner. The editing part is the hardest and the longest, but it's just an acquired skill. Talent you have to be born with. Wishing you much happiness whatever you do.

Thank you Milly, I must admit, the editing portion took me by surprise.  I announced to "E" it was done almost a year ago. Then once the editing began, it never seemed to end.

I encourage everyone on here to write your story, even if it just sits in your nightstand drawer.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#83: October 30, 2018, 05:16:19 AM
Nah, I'm being totally honest.  It's NOT because I like you and don't want to hurt your feelings by giving you false praise.  If I thought it was no good I just wouldn't say anything.  Maybe just tell you how proud I am of you.  That's just me.  I'm uncomfortable giving criticism, but I am honest.

Having said that, I do think you have a real talent for writing.  Yes you're only in your writing infancy, but I was impressed.  I found the book hard to put down.  It was interesting and I didn't mind the occasional swearing.  It fit the emotions you were feeling.
I thought the story flowed pretty well.

I do think it was probably a good thing you took some of the bad language out in the very beginning, even though it lost a little of it's anger and WTF.  LOL  I just think too much can turn some reader off too soon. 

It looks good now.   :)
I sure wouldn't give up writing if I were you, but I do realize you have a busy job too.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#84: October 30, 2018, 12:16:42 PM
Thank you so much Thunder, you really are the best thing that ever happened to this forum.

I have always had a creative side but it comes and goes.  I may write again, but I'm not sure.

Lately I have a painting in my head (I have painted before), so that is next, then who knows.

My creative side has soared since I no longer have The Leaver standing over me telling me it's stupid.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#85: December 22, 2018, 05:06:22 PM
I thought this little blurb would be appropriate on this thread.

I have an author's Facebook page and I received a message;

I saw you wrote a book on a mutual friend’s Facebook. Curiosity made me download and read it. All I can say is I’m really sorry for what you went through and am now grateful for my teenage heartbreak.

I was surprised when I saw the name... The Leaver's girlfriend from high school.

He was her first, they dated for a year or two then he dumped her without saying a word and just started going out with someone else.
The next one, same thing...
One he dumped without saying anything just a few days before the senior prom.

See a pattern?  Only for some reason he stuck with me for 30 years.

Anyways, I wrote back to this woman (who I had met once before) and we decided that we will meet when we are both in RI in the summertime.  Should be fun.


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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#86: August 06, 2019, 07:59:22 PM
Wow... it was 10 months ago I started this thread.

10 months of revisions (I took some advice that I felt was valid, thank you to the people who took the time to read and review), more editing, word refining (grammar and spell checks), cover design, formatting, adding disclaimer, acknowledgments, isbn code, etc.,...

It was exhausting at times but it’s finally here in paperback.,,

https://t.co/BXa9TLygwV?amp=1

Again, thank you to so many for your support!!

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#87: August 06, 2019, 08:02:48 PM
I saw it on Amazon.  Way to go!   Nice accomplishment. 

I'll be purchasing a copy.  However, I'd like a book signing somewhere near me so I have an autographed copy! 
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#88: August 06, 2019, 08:08:27 PM
Thank you so much SB

Book signings will definitely be in the future. 😊

Where are you located?  Maybe I can make a stop.  :D

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#89: August 06, 2019, 11:54:20 PM
Congratulations, Nah!! I have the kindle copy but will purchase the paper back, too! I love to see my books on the bookshelf! I don't know how you do it all. You are really an LBS success story!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#90: August 07, 2019, 12:00:25 AM
I just ordered mine! Love the blurb describing your story!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#91: August 07, 2019, 04:28:58 AM
Thank you so much Milly!!

(And I had a lot of help!).  :)
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#92: August 07, 2019, 04:33:56 AM
Congratulations to you.  It must very satisfying to see it in print after all your hard work.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#93: August 07, 2019, 04:51:29 AM
Oh my gosh Nah, I am so proud of you.  That's terrific news!!

Can't wait to read the edited book.  From what I could read it sounds very good.   :)
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#94: August 07, 2019, 09:51:39 AM
Thank you Nerissa and Thunder.

A few weeks ago I was seriously contemplating giving up. We kept getting errors when trying to upload the correct revisions, the cover and ISBN code weren’t fitting correctly... ugh

But... “E” figured it out.
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#95: August 07, 2019, 10:00:51 AM
Just bought my copy too!! Very excited. Nah you are amazing!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#96: August 07, 2019, 11:48:57 AM
I just bought my copy too.. I was reading the reviews on Amazon, amazing Nah!! I can't wait to start reading it  ;)
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BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019
H gets engaged with OW - Oct 2019
H "finally" asks for divorce - Aug 2020
H marries OW - March 2021.. We are not divorced!
Divorced - Dec 7th 2022

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#97: August 07, 2019, 03:14:05 PM
What’s really amazing is the support on here!

Thanks guys.  :D


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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#98: August 08, 2019, 08:50:46 PM
Hi nah.
I also have the kindle download, but would love to have a signed book copy! I'm in northern cal if you make it this way. Congrats!!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#99: August 09, 2019, 04:40:40 AM
Good for you nah

I’m off to order it! (How weird his first girlfriend reading it, maybe she can feature in the follow up!)

Rose 🌹
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OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
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Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#100: August 09, 2019, 02:18:16 PM
Hero, I was just in Southern Cali this week, I would love to make a trip North.  Hopefully soon!

Rose, If I ever do a follow up, I hope The Leaver and anybody to do with him would be very scarce in the story.  ;)

So "Peggy" has contacted me several times, the last one she actually called herself "Peggy" and was not too happy about the story... well, maybe she should have behaved differently.

The Leaver however, has just like the title says, "never said a word"...lol

In fact, our last contact he said he was "proud" of all my accomplishments. 

Proud?  Like his abuse is why I've done so well?!? 
Well, maybe he did have something to do with it...  ;D ;D
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« Last Edit: August 09, 2019, 02:20:28 PM by nah »
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#101: August 09, 2019, 03:18:52 PM
F Peggy.

That is all.

Congrats, you bad ass.  ;)
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#102: August 11, 2019, 02:32:24 PM
I would pay for a signed, autographed copy to be mailed to Peggy.......   just sayin'.      ;)
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« Last Edit: August 11, 2019, 03:24:38 PM by stillbaffled »
BD: 1/1/16
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#103: August 11, 2019, 03:23:34 PM
I would pay for a signed, autographed copy to me mailed to Peggy.......   just sayin'.      ;)

You are very bad!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#104: August 11, 2019, 05:20:18 PM
Hi nah.
I also have the kindle download, but would love to have a signed book copy! I'm in northern cal if you make it this way. Congrats!!

oooh! BOOK TOUR!!!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#105: August 12, 2019, 04:05:16 AM
F Peggy.

That is all.

Congrats, you bad ass.  ;)

 ;D  ;D  ;D. Agreed!!

I would pay for a signed, autographed copy to me mailed to Peggy.......   just sayin'.      ;)

You are very bad!

Yes, very, very, tempting but honestly I think not responding to her at all is driving her crazier than anything I could say or do.

SS... oh how I would love a book tour. If I only could only divorce The Leaver again so I could afford to quit my job and travel for 1/2 a year.  ;D

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#106: September 02, 2019, 05:51:12 AM
Nah I just received your book! I remember whrn amazon said it would arrive in September it felt so far away. Well now I’m reading it and love everything about it: the glossy cover, the lovely disclaimer, the acknowledgments, the title of the first chapter, the first line! What can I say, I can’t put it down! It’s a page turner!
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#107: September 02, 2019, 06:18:15 AM
Glad your copy finally arrived, Milly! 

I'm loaning mine out to a friend who had her husband pretty much just run away several years ago, without a word! 

Hope the book sales are going well, Nah.  I'm still hopeful for that book tour and signing! 
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His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

nah

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  • Posts: 7252
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#108: September 02, 2019, 12:00:40 PM
Wow!  What a nice surprise to check H.S. and this thread is active.  :)

Milly, I’m not sure why Amazon delivers to some people in days but then some it takes weeks or over a month. Ugh.

However, bc I’ve had good sales and the printer we chose, it’s now available through Barnes and Noble AND Target.

The people on HS have been an awesome support,  RCR for letting me post about it and all you guys that keep it going.

Love you guys!!
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H-55
me-53
ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

M
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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#109: September 02, 2019, 12:52:29 PM
So happy for you Nah!! It's not just something everyone can do to get their book into Barnes and Noble, well done! This is just awesome and so wonderful to have an LBS enjoy this success!!!!!  This is a win for all of us!
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D26, D23, S16
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

nah

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  • Posts: 7252
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
#110: September 02, 2019, 06:32:28 PM
Aww... Thank you Milly.  :)
  • Logged
H-55
me-53
ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

 

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