Thankyou both of you. Part of me wonders if all of this is truly midlife crisis or not but his behaviours at least seem to point that way and they are in the least very definitely avoidant.
For now, it may help you to look at the behaviours and less at the label. Imagine doing to him what he is doing to you? It's extremely cold and, quite frankly, immature. I think a lot of us get to the point, mental health crisis or not, where we have to accept that their behaviour is very damaging and their go-to coping is extremely self-centered. However I slice it, my H chose to throw me and our extended family under the bus on his quest for magic happy. You may think the same of your SO. He seems to have a pattern of running away, this is HIS issue to resolve. Brace yourself for the fact that he may never face it. Sorry.
It killed me the other day to drive past our old apartment and see her car in my space. The other oddity is him basically replicating where we used to go and what we used to do.
I don’t follow this ‘girl’ on social media but she has been doing some odd things and keeps flipping her profiles from private to public to show the dinner dates - all very childish (obviously) and weird.
Yup, that's a 'thing' - laziness, the OW stalking your life, more destructive nails hammered into the relationship you had by a self-destructive man? Could be any of these.
The best thing I did was to stop looking at social media, stop any sort of activity that brought me news or info about my H. Takes willpower, but IMO, brings peace and calm. Your imagination will join the dots and make you think he is having the best of times. But really, he is a man who is on the run from himself, trying to fill his existential vacuum with a twenty something that likely blows smoke up is ass for - well, whatever she gets out of it? She's not your problem, honestly. He is responsible for his actions.
So…..how do I respond to this from here? I’m no longer the emotional anxious mess I was, and as I say, whilst I don’t have to work with him directly we do pass each other. Do I mirror his ‘blanking’ of me or try and cordially exchange hellos and strike up some conversation somewhere?
Whilst I’m trying to move forward and do ‘me’ I really do want the guy I knew back and don’t know how best to proceed.
Stay true to your own values. Keep hold of your integrity. Maybe treat him like any other colleague. Say good morning or whatever you would normally do. It's not for you go grappling after him. Quite frankly he is being spiteful and childish. While he's like that, let him be. Do you want this version of him back?
So sorry you are going through this. The good new is that we all get through it, often with a renewed appreciation of the things that really matter in life. Slowly, slowly, you will start to see the wood from the trees. You will see your value and that you are worth so much more than to be treated like this. Says everything about him. Nothing about you.
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