[Mortesbride]

Wow Song for some reason you really rang some bells about a person I know.

On the outside she is a foster carer, with two of her own children, married a man 16 year's older than herself and on FB and Instagram she posts family pictures of their perfect life.

The reality is she met her husband when she was 16 at work, and he was 32. She spent 2 years obsessing over him, she said to me she had decided she wanted him, and would wait as long as it took. He of course was married. She chased after him, flung herself at him, made sure their lunches were together, and did everything she needed to do...and by the time she was 18 (he was 34) she was the OW. She ''allowed him some time'' - read cake eating- before she told him he had to choose...her or his wife of 12 years. Of course she was young and he was having ''the best sex of his life'' because...well she was 18 and giving him anything he wanted to win.

The details after this get sketchy because I wasn't there, and of course all she talks about is his ''crazy ex wife who wouldn't give up''. The reality is she stole a woman's husband, that never sat well with me, even years before my BD.

Later the two of them were going through rough times and decided since she was now in her 20s, and him coming up 40 it was time for a family. They spent years trying and couldn't get pregnant, so decided to register as foster parent's. She never did this in a good place I don't think. It was a more ''look at me, how kind I am, how nice I am''. She liked to take the babies around to show off to people, to get attention about how amazing she was. Eventually she did manage to get pregnant with not one but two children of her own, and also adopted one foster daughter.

It looked good from the outside, and I would have been so sad to see that as the ex wife.

But the reality is there was a lot of unhappiness, borderline abuse happening. Her and her husband were in constant conflict about the children that were theirs...and she was overly harsh to the foster daughter they ''adopted''. She berated her, was overly critical, and would do immature things like turn off the washing machine (while the teen was washing her own clothes). Eventually the foster daughter ran off, to be with her biological mother, and hasn't been heard from since. Her oldest biological son is a renowned bully at school, and her youngest...well...she has set that kid up for a lifetime of pain by the time he was 4 years old.

There is no confusion as to who ''wears the pants'' in the relationship. The husband who ran away from his first wife to be with her is more of an accessory than a husband. He is never consulted or asked his opinion, if he has one he is told he is wrong, even regarding important issues about their children's future. He quit his skilled job, to work minimum wage and is still there. He signs over his paycheck and is very lucky to get a meal he WANTS to eat, after all she is the boss, he puts up or shuts up. And one time his ring tone was ''my heart will go on''  which started world war 3 for 6 months because she was convinced he was having an affair. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't, that part will never be revealed because that would destroy the facade.

The only reason I know all this is because I was around a lot, and she seemed to feel the need to vent to me (lots of people do). But to anyone else outside? They were perfectly happy, they were a success, age didn't matter....blah blah blah.

[Tyks]

I think we should have a thread dedicated to posting the ridiculous ow letters. I have one as well. Just one as I emailed her the day I found out about the lying to tell her that Mr. Honesty would be back to work that day after our family vacation and she could have him lol.

[sachat3]

I wish I could get up my exchange with my Ow. I mean I’ll openly admit it was around 3-4 weeks after Bd so you can imagine the emotional mess I was in. But now I just laugh, her general tone was “why chase a man who clearly doesn’t want you”. She was practically begging me to leave him alone. But yuno if your so convinced he’s not in love with me. Why am I a threat? But now she would have to eat her words as she’s sticking her claws into a man who clearly doesn’t want her. Karma is good

[Treasur]

A timely reminder https://www.chumplady.com/2019/04/the-futility-of-confronting-affair-partners-2/
They feel no shame or empathy....either bc they are on a narcissistic roll or bc they are just not very good humans or bc they believe the lies your spouse has told them.

[Nas]

A timely reminder https://www.chumplady.com/2019/04/the-futility-of-confronting-affair-partners-2/
They feel no shame or empathy....either bc they are on a narcissistic roll or bc they are just not very good humans or bc they believe the lies your spouse has told them.

Truth.  I sometimes wonder how my H's OW can even look in the mirror knowing she's living with a married man whose wife has cancer.  My guess is she just doesn't think about it at all.

***disclaimer: if you are still working through severe anger at the OP, don't look at what I'm about to say.  It'll just make you much angrier.

But for anyone who wants to see just how OW rationalize what they're doing, check out the subreddit r/theotherwoman. (https://www.reddit.com/r/theotherwoman/)

It was literally created by an OW and only OWs are allowed to post there and they talk about being the OW and life with their MMs (married men).  It's gross and delusional and so very, very sad.  These women have no self-esteem and will settle for so little in life.

[sachat3]

Nas - I’ll look forward to reading that once H comes for the kids at 6pm!

My Ow reminds me a lot of my two year old. Currently she fake sneezes. So everyone laughs. She fake sneezes again. Everyone laughs. The more you laugh the more she does it. That’s one of the reasons I stopped almost a year ago even slyly winding Ow up because she was getting her two year old laugh so fake sneezes again. No laughter now so soon enough the fake sneezing has to stop

[Tyks]

My xh has been with this ow for almost three years. All I can continue to think is she must make him happy?! It still makes me sad actually. I have been obsessing lately. What if I didn't kick him out for lying. What if ..... ?? So many questions I know. People say it has nothing to do with us but it seriously must

[SteelSpine]

I could have written Tyk’s post word for word.

[Songanddance]

People say it has nothing to do with us but it seriously must

No it's to do with what we represent -it's not about us personally.  The LBS represents the norm, the boring, the conventional, the safety, the day to day, the way life is "supposed to be", the sense of nothing changing etc......

It really isn't to do with us unless there is something that has been bugging us about our own behaviour, habits even looks etc....

RCR does say that even though 99% of what the MLCer spews there is sometimes a teeny tiny modicum of truth in what they say. 
So if the MLCer says that you are too controlling - this may mean that you tend to be a fixer or like things your way and you know that this is so then there is a modicum of truth in it.
 If the MLCer says that you have let yourself go and in my case he said this and I knew I had - I wasn't over weight but I had stopped really taking care of my looks and I was stressed with work all of the time so too busy to take care of me.  And so whilst it was absolutely no excuse for him to say it - there was a modicum of truth in it because I knew I wasn't taking care of myself.


So no it's not do with the LBS but what we represent and even though that logic on their behalf is bonkers - the new and exciting and different will always be an attractive pull.

[Rollercoasterider]

My xh has been with this ow for almost three years. All I can continue to think is she must make him happy?! It still makes me sad actually. I have been obsessing lately. What if I didn't kick him out for lying. What if ..... ?? So many questions I know. People say it has nothing to do with us but it seriously must

I could have written Tyk’s post word for word.

This is a completely normal feeling, but I know that you have read it is not about you, it's not personal, it's about them... BLAH BLAH BLAH. So instead of going over why that is first, let's instead go over why you feel it seriously must have something to do with you.