Always late to these parties but we’ll well we’ll. I called it. I remember telling you when S went dim she would come back. I was correct. But this time it seems she didn’t come back to the dynamic she was used to where she was hit and Miss. it’s like she’s come back bigger and better than ever. Which is so good.
Yes, you were right about that LOL! You also said the same for my STBXW so lets see how that pans out
And on that note, update time!
So things between S and I definitely cooled down and off. I could sense that she was pulling away and while still showing signs of interest, she felt distant in some of our interactions. So we met up a few weeks back to discuss things and she said shes not ready to give me what I deserve, right now. Shes been going through some things and I noticed they were affecting her, so I wasn't surprised by this turn of events. She said she understood if that also meant the end of our friendship, but it wasn't fair of her to ask me to wait while she works on her ish. Naturally, I felt rejected and it stirred some feelings of abandonment in me, but I was able to recover quickly and be empathetic to her request. After all, as the LBS, I know far too much about the importance of looking after ones self and mental health, and addressing old wounds and trauma, so why would I be angry or upset with her? And also, to a degree, I wasn't sure if we were going to be a fit long term, so I couldn't oust her from my life because she wasn't ready to explore it further.
So we've gone back to being "friends". I suspect it was becoming intense for her and that her gay panic took over, so she took the steps to protect herself. I do get some mixed signals from her still, but I stay firm on my side of the "friends" boundary and will leave it up to her to make a move if she does change her mind. We can revisit where Im at on the "dating" scale, if that time arises.
In other news, I resigned from my job, after receiving a new job offer. I had been unhappy in my role for quite some time but loved the industry I am in. I told my manager that after my project was done in early 2022, I would be posting outside of my department for a new role and would like support on working towards what the next career move could be for me, internally. I happened to hop onto Linkedin one day and out of curiosity I thought "I wonder if X company is hiring". X company is the vendor that my current company uses for credit card systems and information. Their product is one that I have worked with for over a decade and I am well versed in it. So I saw they had a position that at one point many years ago, I thought about applying for, but the extensive and frequent travel was a concern for me, especially while married.
I saw the posting and reached out to a couple of contacts to ask if its still open. I was told to get my resume in ASAP as they are taking it down and looking to start interviews. I applied, had a follow up call to clarify information on the application, and then my interview was booked just a few days later. I got an offer of employment less than 24hours after my interview, at my asking salary. Word is, they didn't want to risk me changing my mind and wanted me to commit. Not sure if thats a good thing, or bad LOL
I will be a consultant for their system, advising other financial institutions on how to best leverage the functionality to get the customer engagement they want. Its a gig that supports North America and Europe, and the head office is in the US. There is travel required (after covid) and a willingness to relocate to the USA if thats the direction the company wants. Otherwise, its a fully remote position from home, if I do not have a client that needs me on site. Its a decent pay raise, and there are so many perks that come with working for this company, plus all the travel adventures, expenses and of course, travel points. Its exactly the change I need in my life. Its also forcing me to step outside of my comfort zone.
While I am well versed in the system, I hate flying and I could never imagine myself being away from home for long periods of time. Even if I get a multi year client, time away would be capped at 6 weeks away, one week home, rinse and repeat. Thats a big test for me.
But, being an LBS and then jumping right into a global pandemic has taught me that I am stronger than I think, I am more capable than I give myself credit, and theres so much of the world that I have yet to see. My last day of work is this week and then I begin my new adventures next week. I will admit, there is a local client doing a big conversion and I am hoping thats my first assignment so that I can stay in Toronto for a year or so while Covid boils over, but as we know as an LBS, theres no such thing as control.
As for my STBXW, all is still silent on that front. I've started to consider and explore my options now that my financial situation is drastically changing. I have some decisions to make on how I want to proceed and while its going to suck holding the bag on some of the marital debt shes left me carrying, it might be easier to just suck it up, pay it off and then deal with getting it back in he D (the debt is solely in my name legally, but she had access to the accounts that were used). So I may just consolidate the debt and pay it off in the next couple of years, wipe the slate clean and start again.
Life is such a blessing, even in the darkest of times - I hope you are all keeping well and safe during these continued, trying times