Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 315
  • Gender: Female
My Story Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2
#100: August 04, 2021, 09:38:40 AM
Time flies when you let go and live freely.

With a vanisher, there's absolutely no updates on that front.   Interestingly enough, my FIL has started to reach out to me and readded me on Facebook.  Ive since deactivated FB as part of my mental diet.   A lot of the surviving groups were becoming difficult to follow as people did not seem interested in doing the work and only wanted to complain.   Unfortunately, it was beginning to bother me and since I mostly use Instagram, it was time for a break.  I may reactivate to catch up on some of the updates in those groups of individuals that I'm rooting for.

Life in Toronto has resumed back to normal.   We are mostly open again with some minor restrictions, but I can see friends, Im fully vaccinated and have been taking advantage of catching up with humans.

And speaking of humans, S popped back on the scene about a month ago.   We kept in contact and then I was going to be on vacation last week, so a few weeks back, she invited me to go see her at her beach house.   At first, I wasn't feeling it, because things between us have felt so touch and go, so I told her I would think about it and we could revisit it closer to my holiday time.   I decided about a week before that I would just go.   Because I had no expectations and if it got super weird or awkward, I could just go home.   She's staying about two hours away from me, so it was going to be an overnight visit.

I knew the moment I got there, I would be in trouble.   She was just as cute as she was in her photos.   But we had established that we were friends and we were both okay with that.   So I made sure to respect the boundaries we both set out.

And then she asked me to spend an extra night.   And then I KNEW for sure that we were both in trouble.   Then it started....the subtle touching of my hands when she sat next to me and spoke to me.   Playing with her hair, her eyes telling me a story of attraction, and when it was no longer possible to resist, we kissed, and that of course led into other things, rather explosive things. 

I went home after two days and tried to tell myself that its okay, it was a physical attraction and connection, and that we dont need to label or look into things and will just see how it goes.   The physical intensity between us is nothing I've ever encountered before.   I like our dynamic and our attraction and I am not looking to set any expectations between us, but our contact levels have definitely increased.   I get good night texts, I get good morning texts.   We are planning to meet either this weekend or next and then shes coming back to our city in a couple of weeks and we've made definitive plans to hang out.

And shes so attentive.   She's said and done things that she knows I like, intimately and not intimately.   We were cuddling on the couch and she started to rub and play with my hair, something I really enjoy.   I said "you're playing with my hair, awwwww?" and she replied "yes, you told me how much you like it".  And this is dangerous LOL.   Because we have both been clear that we aren't looking for a relationship with anyone, and thats why we got on so well as we are both focused on looking after ourselves and in some ways, protecting ourselves from pain from others.   And now we have become "mostly" intimate physically, but we are also connecting emotionally.  We've talked about it, we've discussed that we are enjoying the dynamic and are not trying to over think things, but there will come a point where we need to make a decision.   Either things fizzle out, we establish boundaries to maintain a booty call dynamic, or, we consider something a bit more long term.  She's expressed she too has worries but is also trying not to overthink things and just let go and see what happens.

Im trying not to gay panic, and Ive sent my therapist some thoughts I need her to work through with me in my next session.   But for now, I will enjoy the rush of a crush and will just try to be honest with myself when feelings surface (fear and elation), to try to contain it.   Thats definitely my self protection coming to surface.

I forgot what its like to be desired by someone and it feels good.   And at the end of the day, if nothing comes of this, I know with all the healing and work I have done within myself, that I will be okay because I have survived so much worse.

Hope everyone is keeping safe and well!



  • Logged
Me (W) 44 - W 42
BD - Jan 17, 2020

C
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 880
  • Gender: Female
Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2
#101: August 04, 2021, 10:01:30 AM
Great update! I’m glad you’re getting out in the world again and spending time with people. Also glad to see how things are going with S. You have put in the work on your own mental health and are continuing to do so, and it seems she is also mindful of that. As long as you both remain aware of the need to keep your own personal boundaries for your individual well being, there’s no reason you can’t enjoy those butterflies and the lovely feeling of being cared about.
  • Logged

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1759
  • Gender: Male
Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2
#102: August 04, 2021, 06:17:12 PM
I had to laugh when you wrote "I knew I was in trouble"....... LOL!!  :P
Comment of the day for me. I wish everyone could identify when they look up, see the lights coming and the horn of the train blaring: "Oh, there you are"...... [splat]
Very self-aware, that's a good quality to have..... most people, aren't. 

-SS
  • Logged
W - 43
M - 46
Together 28 years, M 25
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4493
  • Gender: Female
Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2
#103: August 05, 2021, 09:21:36 AM
I had to laugh when you wrote "I knew I was in trouble"....... LOL!!  :P
Comment of the day for me. I wish everyone could identify when they look up, see the lights coming and the horn of the train blaring: "Oh, there you are"...... [splat]
Very self-aware, that's a good quality to have..... most people, aren't. 

-SS
Now if once the trouble is identified we can have the wherewithal to move out of the way as needed, it'd be great.... ;D

It sounds like it was a good time for you, lbs_les. How are you feeling about it?
  • Logged
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 315
  • Gender: Female
Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2
#104: August 05, 2021, 02:04:05 PM
Great update! I’m glad you’re getting out in the world again and spending time with people. Also glad to see how things are going with S. You have put in the work on your own mental health and are continuing to do so, and it seems she is also mindful of that. As long as you both remain aware of the need to keep your own personal boundaries for your individual well being, there’s no reason you can’t enjoy those butterflies and the lovely feeling of being cared about.

Thanks!  I think thats what makes things interesting.   That we are both seemingly aware of our own journeys and struggles, but have the openness to talk about them without fear of judgement.

I had to laugh when you wrote "I knew I was in trouble"....... LOL!!  :P
Comment of the day for me. I wish everyone could identify when they look up, see the lights coming and the horn of the train blaring: "Oh, there you are"...... [splat]
Very self-aware, that's a good quality to have..... most people, aren't. 

-SS

I'm glad you enjoyed the comedic effort LOL.   I think self awareness is super important.   I wouldn't hold anyones flaws against them so long as they are aware.   Its when one denies a pattern or a flag, that I would run from.


I had to laugh when you wrote "I knew I was in trouble"....... LOL!!  :P
Comment of the day for me. I wish everyone could identify when they look up, see the lights coming and the horn of the train blaring: "Oh, there you are"...... [splat]
Very self-aware, that's a good quality to have..... most people, aren't. 

-SS
Now if once the trouble is identified we can have the wherewithal to move out of the way as needed, it'd be great.... ;D

It sounds like it was a good time for you, lbs_les. How are you feeling about it?

If I am being honest, I am absolutely terrified, but I am also enjoying the moment.  Im terrified at the thought of opening up to someone again, but if I am being honest, S and I have been talking for a year now as acquaintances and friends.   She knows a lot about me and I of her but now that we have added the physical component to things, its definitely a risky complication.

But I have a great therapist to talk me off the ledge and I have already prepped her for our next session of things to discuss.   

Its nice to be with someone again physically and emotionally, but its also scary as hell.  Especially when Ive made it clear to myself that I cannot be in a relationship right now.  I likely can manage that aspect with boundaries of my own, but its hard when another player has entered the game.

And Im worried I will get caught up in something as I have simply attached to someone in the past.   But ultimately, I dont know what will happen between us and worrying about tomorrow, today, is wasted calories.
  • Logged
Me (W) 44 - W 42
BD - Jan 17, 2020

s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1841
  • Gender: Female
Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2
#105: September 15, 2021, 03:36:37 AM
Always late to these parties but we’ll well we’ll. I called it. I remember telling you when S went dim she would come back. I was correct. But this time it seems she didn’t come back to the dynamic she was used to where she was hit and Miss. it’s like she’s come back bigger and better than ever. Which is so good.
  • Logged
Me - 31
H - 37
3 children together D6 D9 D11 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

J
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 505
  • Gender: Male
Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2
#106: September 15, 2021, 07:11:54 AM
Attaching. Just came across your thread, LBS_Les. I'm 18 months behind you in all of this, but as with so many here, I can see myself going through many of the same loops on the coaster.

JB
  • Logged
Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of stops and starts. They're ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable and we have to face them. That's what being human is all about.  -Jet Black, Cowboy Bebop

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 315
  • Gender: Female
Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2
#107: September 27, 2021, 01:23:50 PM
Always late to these parties but we’ll well we’ll. I called it. I remember telling you when S went dim she would come back. I was correct. But this time it seems she didn’t come back to the dynamic she was used to where she was hit and Miss. it’s like she’s come back bigger and better than ever. Which is so good.

Yes, you were right about that LOL!  You also said the same for my STBXW so lets see how that pans out

And on that note, update time!

So things between S and I definitely cooled down and off.   I could sense that she was pulling away and while still showing signs of interest, she felt distant in some of our interactions.   So we met up a few weeks back to discuss things and she said shes not ready to give me what I deserve, right now.  Shes been going through some things and I noticed they were affecting her, so I wasn't surprised by this turn of events.   She said she understood if that also meant the end of our friendship, but it wasn't fair of her to ask me to wait while she works on her ish.   Naturally, I felt rejected and it stirred some feelings of abandonment in me, but I was able to recover quickly and be empathetic to her request.   After all, as the LBS, I know far too much about the importance of looking after ones self and mental health, and addressing old wounds and trauma, so why would I be angry or upset with her?  And also, to a degree, I wasn't sure if we were going to be a fit long term, so I couldn't oust her from my life because she wasn't ready to explore it further.

So we've gone back to being "friends".   I suspect it was becoming intense for her and that her gay panic took over, so she took the steps to protect herself.   I do get some mixed signals from her still, but I stay firm on my side of the "friends" boundary and will leave it up to her to make a move if she does change her mind.   We can revisit where Im at on the "dating" scale, if that time arises.

In other news, I resigned from my job, after receiving a new job offer.  I had been unhappy in my role for quite some time but loved the industry I am in.  I told my manager that after my project was done in early 2022, I would be posting outside of my department for a new role and would like support on working towards what the next career move could be for me, internally.  I happened to hop onto Linkedin one day and out of curiosity I thought "I wonder if X company is hiring".   X company is the vendor that my current company uses for credit card systems and information.   Their product is one that I have worked with for over a decade and I am well versed in it.   So I saw they had a position that at one point many years ago, I thought about applying for, but the extensive and frequent travel was a concern for me, especially while married.

I saw the posting and reached out to a couple of contacts to ask if its still open.  I was told to get my resume in ASAP as they are taking it down and looking to start interviews.  I applied, had a follow up call to clarify information on the application, and then my interview was booked just a few days later.   I got an offer of employment less than 24hours after my interview, at my asking salary.  Word is, they didn't want to risk me changing my mind and wanted me to commit.   Not sure if thats a good thing, or bad LOL

I will be a consultant for their system, advising other financial institutions on how to best leverage the functionality to get the customer engagement they want.  Its a gig that supports North America and Europe, and the head office is in the US.  There is travel required (after covid) and a willingness to relocate to the USA if thats the direction the company wants.   Otherwise, its a fully remote position from home, if I do not have a client that needs me on site.  Its a decent pay raise, and there are so many perks that come with working for this company, plus all the travel adventures, expenses and of course, travel points.   Its exactly the change I need in my life.   Its also forcing me to step outside of my comfort zone.

While I am well versed in the system, I hate flying and I could never imagine myself being away from home for long periods of time.  Even if I get a multi year client, time away would be capped at 6 weeks away, one week home, rinse and repeat.  Thats a big test for me.

But, being an LBS and then jumping right into a global pandemic has taught me that I am stronger than I think, I am more capable than I give myself credit, and theres so much of the world that I have yet to see.   My last day of work is this week and then I begin my new adventures next week.  I will admit, there is a local client doing a big conversion and I am hoping thats my first assignment so that I can stay in Toronto for a year or so while Covid boils over, but as we know as an LBS, theres no such thing as control.

As for my STBXW, all is still silent on that front.  I've started to consider and explore my options now that my financial situation is drastically changing.  I have some decisions to make on how I want to proceed and while its going to suck holding the bag on some of the marital debt shes left me carrying, it might be easier to just suck it up, pay it off and then deal with getting it back in he D (the debt is solely in my name legally, but she had access to the accounts that were used).   So I may just consolidate the debt and pay it off in the next couple of years, wipe the slate clean and start again.

Life is such a blessing, even in the darkest of times - I hope you are all keeping well and safe during these continued, trying times
  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 27, 2021, 01:37:14 PM by LBS_Les »
Me (W) 44 - W 42
BD - Jan 17, 2020

C
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 880
  • Gender: Female
Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2
#108: September 27, 2021, 02:15:59 PM
Wow, lots of changes! Seems like even the ones that kind of suck, have a silver lining or at least offer you the chance for further growth.

Congratulations on the new job! No predictions from me on what might happen with S or with STBXW, but I feel absolutely confident in predicting that you will continue to thrive.
  • Logged

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 315
  • Gender: Female
Love Me, Dont Leave Me Volume 2
#109: September 27, 2021, 02:32:57 PM
Wow, lots of changes! Seems like even the ones that kind of suck, have a silver lining or at least offer you the chance for further growth.

Congratulations on the new job! No predictions from me on what might happen with S or with STBXW, but I feel absolutely confident in predicting that you will continue to thrive.

Thank you!  The thing about surviving this turmoil is, you feel almost invincible.  And while its a risky mentality to have, its actually so liberating to live without worry of control. 

Life is weird being a passenger, but I could use the break  8)
  • Logged
Me (W) 44 - W 42
BD - Jan 17, 2020

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.