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Author Topic: My Story •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce

STP

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My Story •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#10: January 09, 2023, 06:37:38 AM
Happy New Year!

My NYE was quite entertaining. KAs D10 had a sleepover at a friends, so we found plans and went to the casino where we had front row to see Everclear for free. It was a fun time and broadcast on NBC in Chicago.

XW contacted me
Quote
Hi, just wanted you to know S21 and his gf broke up (after 4 years). Hes taking it really hard, naturally. Please help me keep an eye on him. He says he's been unhappy for a long time. Maybe invite hime to go see a movie?
I've been feeling really bad for S21 since receiving the message and had him over to eat and watch a movie. Now I know boys may not want to discuss relationship topics like this with their dads, but I approached the subject. Surprised to hear it was his choice to end it and he's hanging out with friends more. He said they grew apart but may talk in 4 weeks. He said he's fine.[/quote]

I had my hike this past weekend for 22 singles. Buddy JS came and I met and friended a few new people. One brand new woman BB was really fun and I sat by her at lunch. She had some ideas for my next hike and will attend my next party.

In two weeks is my white wine party where everyone brings a bottle and I pour small dixie cup samples for everyone to try. I have about 30 people atm signed up. It's very important to keep making new friends as old ones fade and move on.
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M57 XW55
S31, S29, S24, S22
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

M
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•• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#11: January 09, 2023, 06:51:43 AM
Love the white wine party idea!! Sounds like you have some good things in place. I might steal that one from you!
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife

STP

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•• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#12: January 09, 2023, 03:30:21 PM
Love the white wine party idea!! Sounds like you have some good things in place. I might steal that one from you!

Thanks MadLuv. It's quite fun. I promise guests they will taste 20 wines in a hour. Rate each 1 oz taste on a provided score sheets and vote for their top 3! Pic from last years event after I'm done pouring. It's grown over six years-first one was 5 bottles. Pour from dryest to sweetest, plus, I keep all the leftovers.  ;)

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« Last Edit: January 09, 2023, 03:33:32 PM by STP »
M57 XW55
S31, S29, S24, S22
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

B
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•• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#13: January 09, 2023, 03:55:01 PM
That’s my kind of night….
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STP

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•• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#14: January 24, 2023, 07:31:04 AM
Journalling

Electrician S30 came over and installed my outdoor hue lights. He really is a generous kid. Said he plans to get engaged to his gf of 4 years in Aug. I imagine it would be better if his wine maker brother S27 didn't live with them.

KM messaged me the morning of my wine party on Sat.
Quote
Hey, hey - I met you 4 years ago at your white wine party.  I had moved to your city in November and you were the first person I met.  KA and/or LD were the second.  I don't like not having you and KA in my life.  I don't like not going to your parties.  Is there any way I can make this go away and be friends?
I chatted with KA about it and left it up to her. She said it was fine that KM be allowed back after dropping her at Halloween for kissing me. KA gave her a hug and I over heard one line: KA telling her she would kick her ass if she did that again! They didn't really mingle during the rest of the night. With over 30 people and 31 open bottles of wine it was a super fun time. New hiker woman friend BB contacted me the day of backing out as she has covid. MM sent me a message
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I so want to make the white wine party, my friend! (My old man) bf’s been back to work for two weeks and he’s just wiped out. We’re just gonna go out to dinner with one of his coworkers and his wife and that’s our swingin’ Saturday night. Keeping it local.
Whatever. I HATE getting reasons people don't come. You don't have to explain why.

DC messaged me last week asking about something we talked about 3-1-17:
Quote
DC is wanting me to photograph her in different dresses and recreate the famous Sophia & Jane photo from 1957. I said "I kinda get into professional photographer mode so no worry about me being gropy bear". She replied "May the odds be ever in your favor ....once you see me in those dresses"  ;D She will be photoshopped to play both roles. She replied "Kinda sexy you have all that talent"
I offered up some dates but she couldn't for various reasons. Yesterday I mentioned to her I have leftover wine (the last time I saw her was when she stopped by to take some) and could bring bottles over whenever I photograph her. Silence. She's either flaky or has decided against her idea, again.

Things look to be quiet for awhile now. KA has D10 all this week so I'll make the 44 mile drive to her place tonight for our 3 hr Tuesday night visit. We've been invited to see a Van Halen tribute band with friends Feb 3rd.



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« Last Edit: January 24, 2023, 07:46:59 AM by STP »
M57 XW55
S31, S29, S24, S22
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#15: February 10, 2023, 08:42:22 AM
Journalling

I now have Fridays off. The day after we got a raise at work, our company eliminated the half day Fridays due to slow sales, so I'm getting paid for just 36 hrs a week. I should be ok as long as it doesn't last. On top of the nearly $3,800 a year loss in pay, my mortgage went up like $56 month. sigh. A very good thing my happiness isn't tied to money.

I had a popular hike last weekend for 22 hikers and the 41º made it pleasant. I made one new Facebook friend outta it and strengthened some other connections.

Next weekend is my masked Mardi gras party. I have 29 coming right now including KA, buddy JS and a few people I have never met. DC messaged me this morning saying she couldn't make it having a work function at the nearby casino that night. I texted her she could stop by on her way home if her event doesn't go late, because my party goes to midnight. She hasn't attended in three years so I've dismissed her.

Reading anothers post on here got me thinking just how much does my XW think of me, or even refers to me in conversation. The OM husband of hers knew me as well for 20+ years. Not that it matters, just a passing thought. My XW comes up in conversation weekly in some way or another in reference.

Sunday is the singles group SuperBowl party. There hasn't been one since '20 and I've attended the last four. KA unusually has her D10 and will not go this time. I know most of the people there and have been promoted by the organizer to be a group assistant, rather than just an event organizer. The one in charge just wants me for my superior photo taking.  ;D

Tuesday is Valentines Day and also my 5th anniversary with KA. She is a wonderful, levelheaded, no drama girlfriend. I made reservations at the local steakhouse she's never been to and will come back to my place for wine by the fire after. xoxo. We first met at my mardi gras party in '18 and had our first date on that Valentines Day.

Keep on enjoying life. We don't get these days back!

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M57 XW55
S31, S29, S24, S22
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#16: February 21, 2023, 08:47:51 AM
Journalling

Today is mardi gras. I've never been to the festival but celebrated it this past Saturday hosting a lively party in my house. I had 42 attend and it was a great time. Sometimes I wonder why KA puts up with me as she clearly doesn't enjoy my parties and opted out of one group photo and is frowning in another. One person asked her if I should have an event for her friends and she said she doesn't have any friends. I hate hearing that. At least she has her daughter to occupy her time. I don't think KA is open to meeting new people. New hiker woman friend BB had a blast and asked me to dance at one point and I had to tread that carefully. My next hike location was BBs idea. KAs closest thing to a bestie )who she made up with) KM, did not attend, nor did I hear anything from MM.

I'm quite worn out and due to scheduling changes with KAs XH, she has D10 the next 3 weekends so little alone time, other than our brief Tuesday nights, so I'll be going there. I'll stay over on FRI but be back home on SAT for a MUSE concert with my lifelong best friend, S21 and S23. The first Sunday in March I am leading a hike in IL for 18 friends & singles.

I hope everyone is doing as well as they can and living their best life. You really do have lots of control over your actions. Don't let anyone control you and don't empower anyone to be your everything.

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« Last Edit: February 21, 2023, 08:50:13 AM by STP »
M57 XW55
S31, S29, S24, S22
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#17: February 21, 2023, 10:38:31 AM
You really walk your talk, STP! I gotta admit, I had to smile and nod to how you aren't letting the difference in social styles between you and your partner dictate your activities (and that's both of you - good of her to not try to curb your parties, even if they're not her thing). If she wants to make new friends, that is her job, and not trying to force your friends on her (or vice versa) is a very healthy detachment.

I was the happiest in my marriage, truthfully, when I just focused on myself and met my xH where we connected, and left him to be in the places where we didn't. Even when we are separated as LBSs, but still over-think what our spouses are doing or feeling, it's unhealthy for us as individuals (IMO - and I was guilty of it after BD, too). I worry I won't be able to have that kind of relationship again, but then I see things like this, and I feel hopeful. Good on ya! "Don't let anyone control you and don't empower anyone to be your everything." - indeed!
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STP

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#18: March 08, 2023, 10:51:02 AM
Thanks for the reply R2T. Happy you could find some inspiration from my post.

Journalling

Since my last post I've dropped 14 lbs doing my annual sugar detox, which runs 28 days. I tend to lose 29-30 lbs days on it but may go longer this time. After the first three days its not difficult at all and I'm rarely hungry. I am cold though. Bought some new running shoes and have gone a few times.

This past Sunday I led a group of 17 singles/hikers at Starved Rock in IL. It was a full day and I met a new recently divorced woman and added her on Facebook as a friend. Everyone else, including buddy JS I've known awhile. It was a good trip and I decided to host hikes more often than every four weeks and have another in three weeks. 

KA is a maybe for my Saint Patrick's Party on the 18th. I know she isn't pleased. I asked her if she'd prefer I have them when she has her D10, but she wants the option to be able to attend. She doesn't seem to enjoy them. I had already decided to not entertain in my house in April. She has joined a group called Women Just Wanna Have Fun and I'm pleased that she might make some friends. KM is going with her to a brewery event on the 17th and then bowling on the 29th which both take away from 'us' time. Teaching me a lesson? I'm fine with it.

I'm not Irish like KA and XW are, but wanted to try my hand at hosting a St. Paddys event. I have twenty coming atm, and my events are not to be missed!  :D  Wash away the negative feels of the holiday I have from 2016.
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M57 XW55
S31, S29, S24, S22
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#19: March 27, 2023, 07:49:59 AM
Journalling

My St. Patrick's party was good fun with just 19 guests. KA did attend but at one time she went into the dark bedroom away from it all. When I found her she said she had a headache and she rejoined the group later. Another frown in the group photo from her. I've learned to talk about my parties as little as possible when we're together as I'm sure she feels like they are ever present on my mind. I'm on a break from them until the end of May. I deleted 11 people from my party group including DC, JW and others whom haven't made an appearance in 15+ months. I view it like this... I invite you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and you can't RSVP or respond? Clearly they are busy with other things and have no interest. Being invited into my home is a privilege for good caring friends. As it stands MM can miss the entire year and still be included a year from now.

KA had me pencil in the first weekend in June as 'us' time. No other plans allowed. We do have this Friday as a date night and are deciding what to do. Saturday is my nephews 30th birthday party in Chicago. That should be a fun time seeing family with her.

I've been trying for over 2 weeks to take out S28 for his birthday dinner but now he has a sprained wrist and didn't reply to my latest attempt. I'm hopeful one day he can get a place of his own and not have to keep living with S30 and his gf.

Yesterday I led a group of 28 singles/hikers on a trail hike. It was almost too many people and I get mild anxiety thinking about parking and how to tell a restaurant I have that many coming. It worked out well this time and really... it always does. During lunch conversation my XW was brought up and I really don't have negative things to say about her. She released me from the prison of being married to her.  ;D

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« Last Edit: March 27, 2023, 07:59:35 AM by STP »
M57 XW55
S31, S29, S24, S22
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

 

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