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Author Topic: My Story •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce

STP

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My Story Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#40: September 19, 2023, 05:06:06 AM
Journaling

KAs father passed away yesterday at age 88. It was probably the best way to go, in his sleep, in the middle of the night. She messaged me at 2:20 am after getting the call from the nursing home where he had been just six days. Her and her mom had visited him just 7 hrs earlier and he didn't even seem to know they were there. I took a sick day to be with her. Her XH brought over D11 to tell her in person. KA told me she hadn't cried yet. Despite him living with her, they were not close and he wasn't in her life much growing up.

I went kayaking over the weekend with eight friends which included MM borrowing a friends kayak. Tonight, I had agreed to go with her to her ex bfs sons house to get her stuff. Tomorrow will be more kayaking and she will be there. I had forgotten just how prevalent she is in my life. There was a time when she drove me crazy and I may be getting back to that seeing her twice a week. She's pleasant and all that but has strong opinions and is forceful, not taking no.

This weekend I will see KA just Friday night as I go to a grade school friends annual party in IL. I'll sleep over at my parents house in my old room and celebrate my moms birthday with family on Sunday. My weekday get together night with KA has switched to Monday on account of her dog.

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« Last Edit: September 19, 2023, 05:08:59 AM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#41: October 02, 2023, 10:59:26 AM
Journalling

Over the weekend, KA and I went to a Bizarre Bazaar which was mostly artistic horror and unusual oddities. XW had a booth there which was a little unusual but not surprising. I did not look over and just ignored passing right by it. KA said XW and OM looked right at her. If he wasn't there I woulda considered stopping and introducing her.

That night was my red wine party where we had 32 open bottles brought by the 39 guests who attended. Four people became new friends on Facebook. I had texted DC days prior about giving her the leftover dry wines instead of dumping them down the drain and as a way to see her... but now I'm not feeling it. She knows the alcohols avail. Let her be the one contacting me to pickup.

MM spent most of the party night telling other friends about her plans to move to FL, as there is no longer any reason to live here. I guess friends don't count? Her H is in constant care, her parents died and sister and niece moved to IL. She's not in a relationship, has no job, and needs to be out of her mobile home by next Sept. So her plan involves moving to FL to live with a former coworker until she gets settled and finds a job... not in her chosen field having gone through years of classes to be an occupational therapist and now realizing she doesn't have the passion to do it. She hopes to meet a man with a boat and have a cushy tropical relationship. She eluded to the fact she's never done a cross country trek... ever, and wants me to drive her car down and fly back. UH.... What will KA have to say about that? We'll see what really transpires.

Although I've wrapped up kayaking adventures for the year, people are still wanting to go this week. I said no to the one organizing it in my stead, but I'm sure MM will question my not going. She's very insistent on carpooling everywhere together and trying to change my mind. I'll be seeing her on Sunday as it is for my monthly hike. After that I hope to lay low and concentrate on Halloween decorating. I'm hosting a costume party on the 28th.



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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#42: October 11, 2023, 08:02:36 AM
i forgot to mention in my previous post that XW still has blue color in half of her hair. Obviously still in the MLC tunnel 14 yrs later.

MM messaged me wanting to come over and discuss her plan of moving to FL. I said
Quote
I know you wanted me to drive you down there. If I'm honest it's not something I want to do. The first weekend in November I have circus tickets and some Taylor Swift event with KA and the next weekend I'm seeing Dragonforce with my kids. I don't mind helping you with certain things around here but a cross country drive is a challenge.

I had considered it, as a friend, but when I mentioned it to KA, being my gf and all, she let out
Quote
Omg. That women needs to get some balls and just go.  She could always fly.  Just either ship her stuff or have a moving company drive it

So naturally I feel between a rock and a hard place. I told MM no, which is very hard to do, and makes me feel like I'm letting her down, but upsetting KA isn't ideal either and my available time is seldom to make such a trip. ARGH!
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« Last Edit: October 11, 2023, 08:04:09 AM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#43: October 26, 2023, 05:50:17 AM
Journalling

I had my birthday: took the day off work to relax at home and finish decorating for my Halloween party this upcoming Saturday. KA came over that night and we exchanged gifts as her birthday was two days prior. I got a bunch of 'happy birthday' comments on Facebook, as people tend to do. Second year in a row, no comment from DC: she's not a good friend and no reason to bring her up or reach out to her again.

I invited my realtor, DS the yoga instructor, to Halloween and she is coming along with her sister. She hasn't come to a party in four years. KA doesn't like her, but she's friendly, attractive and a good friend of MMs. After running into her this past summer I'm pleased DS is returning even if KA gives her the evll eye.

Speaking of MM, she texted me shes leaving for FL on 11/3. I fully expect to never see her again after she leaves. Neither one of us is the kind to jump on a plane to see a friend. She showed me this glamour photo of a younger woman that looked a lot like her when she was that age...

She was considering using this as a profile picture (instead of young pictures of Stevie Nicks). I said "The image certainly would fool people. Looks a lot like you." She replied
Quote
Careful, I may just have to marry you 😉
which set my mind ablaze. How would it have been if something like that had occurred? In the early days MM drove me crazy but over the seven years I've known her, I've only grown more emotionally attached to her. We get along very well and I will miss her. I told her that and she replied the same. We never had a chance to ever date, even if that was an option, as I had a gf within a week after meeting her. MM and I went out for a drink 11 days after meeting but I was already on to GW. Do I kiss her goodbye? Just a hug probably. How does one say goodbye to a best friend like that?

In two days I'll have close to 40 costumed people in my house including buddy JS, KA, MM, S21 & S24. I asked KA about running the party later than midnight due to the thirty hours of Halloween decorating I have done, and she said OK. She hasn't said anything about leaving early (like she did last year because of Sunday School, which she doen't have anymore when her D11 is with her dad) so I assume she's staying (and will be watching the drunks & flirts, to make sure nothing inappropriate happens this year, like last year after she left.) I am kinda planning to not drink alcohol. A few weeks ago S28 and I did a '14 bottles of pumpkin beer taste test' and that left me not wanting to feel drunk like that again! I also want to be completely level-headed and enjoy conversing with friends and maintain boundaries. Halloween brings out the mischief in people!
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« Last Edit: October 26, 2023, 06:20:23 AM by STP »
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•• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#44: October 29, 2023, 03:23:55 PM
Hello,

Glad you are having a great party for Halloween. I just want to make it through the day. Lucky for me, it is conferences this week and Halloween is only a half day with the scholars so I will be happy to have a quiet day.

Quote
So naturally I feel between a rock and a hard place. I told MM no, which is very hard to do, and makes me feel like I'm letting her down, but upsetting KA isn't ideal either and my available time is seldom to make such a trip. ARGH!

I think that is a wise choice. You've got limited time and a girlfriend. MM was really imposing by asking you for such a commitment. I understand a day to help a friend move, but this is a lot and a huge headache for you with KA. Not worth it, after all, like you said, chances are you are never going to see her again.

I hope you have a great time at the party, the Taylor Swift thing, the circus (I didn't even think they had those anymore), and Dragonforce. Sounds like a lot more fun than a cross country trip to Florida.

High Five

(((Ready)))
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STP

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#45: October 30, 2023, 05:26:31 AM
Thanks for the reply Ready

My jack-o-lantern TV area


My party was a smashing success! I had 48 in the house until 1:40 am. Both KA and I have chest congestion, went to our doctors on Friday and are on antibiotics, so neither of us drank alcohol, which was fine. My 6'9" bare chested S21 won scariest costume for being the sword carrying Mountain from GOT. My realtor DS, won sexiest costume, which as KA says "is because of her cleavage". DS is helping MM with her cross-country drive on Friday. I may go see MM on Thursday. She has all her things in storage here so one day will have to come back for them.

I was happy to see S21 and S24 come to my party. XW is not having one this year, and I gleaned she is leading a walking ghost tour of her city. S24s gf is her shop manager and was at my party.

This upcoming November weekend KA and I go to the Ringling Bros & Barnum/Bailey circus and see the Taylor Swift: Eras movie with her D11. oboy! Remember to keep having fun everyone, you don't get these days back. Detach the negative emotions.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#46: November 29, 2023, 04:35:46 AM
Just passing thru

Living the good life: concert with kids, hikes with friends, thanksgiving with family and outings with KA etc. I love working four ten-hour days to have three-day weekends as a constant. This Saturday is my Christmas party. S24 is coming with his gf along with buddy JS and forty other people. That does seem kinda crazy to have that many people in ones house. :o KA will not be there as she has a girl scout event with her D11. The singles group we belong to nabbed the following weekend for their party, so I was kinda forced to have mine earlier than desired and without KA. She gets all antsy... like some misbehaving' drunk woman will try to kiss me. That won't be happening. My punch doesn't even have alcohol.
Then I have a hike the following weekend and a cookie swap after that. It only feels weird when I stop and think I'll have 12 women coming over to trade cookies with me. If you're a guy reading this and are in a bad place, let me tell you, you can make your life a beautiful thing. Just gotta try.

Stay warm, winter is coming.
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« Last Edit: November 29, 2023, 04:37:51 AM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#47: December 06, 2023, 10:47:16 AM
Journalling

My Christmas party was great fun with 48 people in my house which included S24, his gf, buddy JS and my busty realtor DS. KA had girl scout events and didn't try to get her mom to watch her D11. It was a fun, loud night going until 1am. Ornaments and Christmas socks were exchanged. Like my previous party, I scarcely drank alcohol and was fine with it. Buddy JS hung around another 45 mins at the end to talk about things.

I woke up with a message from DC asking about one of my newer friends who came to my Christmas party, wine party in Sept, and Oct. hike. It turns out it's her boss! She says it's so weird yet fabulous he's getting out there trying to meet someone or broaden his social circle. I see DC has resumed following me on Instagram today too. I've guessed she stopped when she got mad with me for dropping her from my party group. I extended an offer to her if she ever wants to get together to watch comedy and drink wine to let me know (her fave things to do).

I didn't see KA this week as she wanted to clean her messy house while D11 is away. Tonight S22 and I are going to see Godzilla Minus One movie. KA will be over FRI for pizza and a movie and Saturday we are going to a symphony. Sunday I am hosting a hike and have 21 people signed up.

I realize my story has little if anything to do with MLC at this point, having NC with XW. It is her birthday tomorrow and I will text her a happy one. Thanks for reading.
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« Last Edit: December 06, 2023, 11:56:58 AM by STP »
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•• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#48: December 06, 2023, 02:00:51 PM
I didn't get as many people as usual at my co-worker Christmas party this year... I run it from 4:00-9:00 so people can come straight from work. At the end it was just my manager, another manager, and their wives. I was wiped out from tending bar and thought it was 11:00-midnight or so, so I told them I was going to kick them out and start cleaning up. Turns out it was only 9:05, so I felt a little bad. :) Maybe I need to stop inviting managers so more co-workers show up, but I figure if the British and Germans can pause WWI to play soccer on Christmas day, workforce and managers can get along for a few hours.

I had my bandmates over for a party the next night, that was more fun. I should stick with them.
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Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of stops and starts. They're ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable and we have to face them. That's what being human is all about.  -Jet Black, Cowboy Bebop

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#49: December 19, 2023, 07:28:01 AM
Thanks for the comment JohnnyBravo,

Seems like fun work holiday parties are a thing of the past. Ours was a 2 hr luncheon. The food wasn't very good, and we had only water to drink. I've always complained these are the worst employees I've ever worked with. Just a bunch of old, joyless people. I do love my job and that's what's kept me here for 13 years. I was reading yesterday that 17% of all office work affairs start at the annual company Christmas party.  That wouldn't be an option here, as there's no one I'd even give an affectionate thought to. I'm certainly not considering it, as I'm plenty happy with my girlfriend KA.

KA asked me this week to let her know when I add women friends on Facebook and more importantly when I add them to my party group. This will keep me accountable/transparent and her informed on who is new in my friendship circle. This past weekend I had a Christmas cookie swap in my home and had three guys and six gals attend. One woman TPB brought me 'hosting gifts', like she did for my Christmas party too. KA said, half-jokingly she'll tell TPB to stop bringing gifts to her bf. The best/longest convo of my Christmas party was with TPB. She's just a good, frequent appearing friend who I have a lot in common with hiking, photography and music.

This weekend is Christmas and just for a moment I thought back to my first bomb drop and how XW's EA came out at this time of year fourteen years ago. No reason to give it more mind-space. The kids are with XW on the eve and with my family on the 25th. I think XW even persuades them to come over Christmas morning for breakfast (always was important) which technically infringes on my time. As I told KA, being male and single, I am the least important one to my kids. KA will help me establish a tradition with my kids next year. Perhaps a dinner on the 23rd?

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone.
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« Last Edit: December 19, 2023, 07:32:53 AM by STP »
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