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Author Topic: Mirror-Work MLC return stories

S
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Mirror-Work Re: MLC return stories
#20: April 28, 2011, 09:21:05 AM
My grandmother was a WS many years ago. She left my grandfather and her three boys to move in with another man. She went through all kinds of personality changes and craziness.

A year or so later, she hit "rock bottom" and asked my grandfather if she could come home. He welcomed her back and they lived happily until he died about 15 years later.

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Of course there is also the Newman/Phoenix story from "House on the Rocks" website.
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H43, M44
M 22 years
T  23 years
3 Kids
Crisis began 4/08
Divorced 2/13

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Re: MLC return stories
#21: April 28, 2011, 09:39:18 AM
I remembered another one on my walk with Kaci...my childhood friend, I was their maid of honour...twenty some years in (2 kids) her husband left her to live with OW (a co worker). Both friend and Husband are strong in their Christian beliefs. Several months later, he returned (that's about 7-8 years ago.)

She said it has been bittersweet but now things are really good between them.

As she was growing up, her family were really devout in their worship...she spoke to her dad and he reminded her of the wedding vows that she had made..she stood by them.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

I
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Re: MLC return stories
#22: April 28, 2011, 12:28:16 PM
When I started telling my neighbor/friend what was going on with me and H, she told me a story I never knew about her and her H...
7 years ago she moved out with her two kids because she could not handle her H any longer. He was mad all the time, didn't know what he wanted out of life, was depressed, always yelling at them (and he was not a yeller in general) etc. etc. You know the MLC thing. They were apart for two years when he literally woke up one morning and thought " What the heck am I doing?, when I should be home with my wonderful, loving family? Why did I treat them like that?"  He called her, told her that, and she moved back in right away. They both knew there was work to be done.  I have  talked to him also (we are all friends) about it. It has really helped me believe that MLC is real. Thier story  alone is almost enough to  help me "Stand".    He did not have OW, though he did try and date, going to clubs, and out with his single friends. They are still together and doing really well. The entire family has taken me in and  look out for me since I am here alone. I don't have kids.
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« Last Edit: April 28, 2011, 12:40:26 PM by Ibelieve »
M 51 - H 50 /  M 21 yrs
No kids/ 1 dog
BD 11-13-10
Separated
Live w/OW for 2 years
As of 12-2012 no longer living with OW.
6-2013 told me he would like to come back.

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Re: MLC return stories
#23: April 28, 2011, 02:16:17 PM
My few stories..
M left his wife for OW and then moved in with her in Jan 1999, told wife (BD) Xmas eve 1998.
I met him in 2003 he was still with OW, but had tried a reconciliation in 2002 got wife pregnant but still went back to OW.But by the end of 2003 he was on his way home, wife was a stander, in fact an angle because he denied to Everyone he was married and had a child,
they reconciled Jan 2004 have three more children and are fine

My friends Dad left his wife for 3 years asked to come back ... she didn't want him back they are now friends  she has someone else he is very lonely man!

that is all i have but think there are more - people don't like talking about it though hints but that's all ......... knowing comments etc
love B
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No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which one is true.”
Strength is when you have so much to cry for but you prefer to smile instead. - Andy Murray

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. -Marilyn Monroe

"The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power." - Mary Pickford

c
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Re: MLC return stories
#24: April 28, 2011, 02:19:01 PM
The thought crossed my mind that perhaps all these people kept their stories quiet because they not only didn't have any support, but there was nothing out there to give them help.

Most doctors, therapists and counselors don't really believe in MLC. They just see it as Depression....which, of course it is. However, they're missing out on the bigger picture of MLC behavior and most of the time wind up blaming the spouse! ::)
 
No church that I am aware of has any programs to deal with anyone with MLC or the LBS. I get those pitiful looks from people who say they are praying for me. But, let's face it, they don't have a clue what I'm going through. Even the larger churches who have programs for those who have been divorced, do not talk about MLC. They mainly just chalk it all up to deplorable behavior or someone who has lost their faith. And it's MLC to the MAX the entire time!

I think this points to the fact that MLC is just now starting to get some attention and I believe we are the people who will be used to get the word out! :)  I realize we are all....except for the handful of restored marriages here.....still Standing. But, I believe we will have restored marriages out of our little group, and we will be the ones who need to start support groups, new ministries, etc.  and get the word out that MLC is real.

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Me: 59
H:   55
T:   37
M:   36
Sons: 34.  Daughter: 31
Daughter: 31
Daughter:  30

Bomb Drop: November 6, 2009
Separated.  Divorce Pending

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Re: MLC return stories
#25: April 28, 2011, 02:47:34 PM
I'm of the view that the LBS finds MLC exhausting during replay but has the capacity to logically think about the MLC behaviour having an impact not only on family but society as a whole; church, work/employment; etc and can discuss and emphasise etc BUT when reconciliation happensthe LBS is shattered by the process and then when it starts to smooth out anticipation relief and still a tiny bit of apprehension remains until the time when a few months go by and the LBS feels no pressure ..... so until this pointthe LBS is  very busy and very emotionally exhausted  then 'poof' things get better and its time for the LBS to get their lives back so ... then to ask them to recall and push energies into supporting MLC and talking about the pain they have gone through when they may want to push it away ....................WELL I think it may be a step to far for many LBS !! RCR & HB + Stayed are exceptions/exceptional  to the rules and have empathy for us all - they have the ability to see MLC as a horrible and hurtful situation and want to help others ...... many more would not know how even if they wanted too do this - so that is why IMO getting support after the crisis is over is harder and a LBS is less likely to want toremember the pain and hurt or just maynot be able to as they have moved on and left it behind?????    :-\
B
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No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which one is true.”
Strength is when you have so much to cry for but you prefer to smile instead. - Andy Murray

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. -Marilyn Monroe

"The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power." - Mary Pickford

S
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Re: MLC return stories
#26: April 28, 2011, 03:33:13 PM
A friend of mine admitted to having his own MLC. He had a difficult relationship and they broke up and he moved to an area that he heard from friends was a great place to live. Basically, he packed up his car and found an apartment and looked for a new job. He said after six months, he woke up one morning with still no job in hand and said "what am I doing here?" and then moved back to his original town and got his old job back. Didn't return to his past relationship.

Another friend, turned 50 and started to bicycle 50 miles a day when previously he never even exercised. No relationship issues I supposed but it possibly points to MLC. His mother also recently died.

Another associate, decided to start his own ill-fated business in another part of the country after never having an inclination to work for himself. He was about 55. He worked at it for over two years, but it never made any money and they (husband and wife) closed their business and moved back to his original city.

Just goes to show you that there are all kinds of "different" experiences with MLC craziness.
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S
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Re: MLC return stories
#27: April 28, 2011, 04:50:15 PM
Quote
Still, what is
the Newman/Phoenix story from "House on the Rocks" website.

http://www.meninmidlifecrisis.com/

http://www.newmanhart.com/

Newman went through a crisis and left his wife "Phoenix". He later returned very sorry for his actions. Not sure of their status right now.
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H43, M44
M 22 years
T  23 years
3 Kids
Crisis began 4/08
Divorced 2/13

l
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Re: MLC return stories
#28: April 28, 2011, 05:33:49 PM
I have a gal at bowling she and her husband divorced for 3 years and are now remarried. I never asked if it was MLC.

I can probably guess there are a few people I know who are going through a MLC but are single men. My kids dad may be having a mild one as he now has a band. He went from doing auto body to doing the lights in a band. He also thinks he's God. That made me chuckle when he told me that.

My ex H I remember saying to our marriage counselor that I didn't lose him to another woman but to himself. I chose not to go back not because of that but because I married him for the wrong reasons. He has slept wtih several women including relatives of girlfriends he just left. He's been engaged twice and this is all in 5 years. But he still wants me to come home. He's currently engaged. He dyed his hair thinking he is Guy Fereri. All I think of is grow up.

I have a customer who bought a Harley made it so loud that it sets of car alarms. He thinks it's cool now he just put ape hanger handle bars on. He's dated several women and has fallen in love with them within weeks. He's pn my facebook and all I see is drama.

My roommates wife left him for another man. In the previous 5 years before they both experienced the loss of all 4 parents that all died from long-term illnesses and a dog. They also lost a baby about 16 years ago. The exW never talked about all these events. Their counselor said she is a conflict avoider and has some major childhood issues. He doesn't want to reconcile.

I know these aren't reconciled relationships but I watch closely in a detached way at their behaviors to see what is possibly going on in my MLCer. I do know this is the hardest road I've ever been on but the most worthwhile once I got over the pain.

I have the most amazing life, a life I probably would have never had if I didn't travel this journey.

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M
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Re: MLC return stories
#29: April 29, 2011, 07:42:26 PM
 A couple of weeks ago I told of my sister and her MLCer H. If it wasn't for her kind words to me a few days post BD I don't know how I could have made it. I was so freaked out at BD understandably..then I told her he ran away and that he was saying crazy things like "Give it a couple of weeks. We can be friends."
  I asked her if I was going crazy..I was crying so hard..she just put her arms around me and said "NO, you just love your husband. That's all."
  Not long after that she told me of their secret. H had left her had OW but denied for 12 months then she found out. He stayed with OW for 6 more months and then the " Turmoil inside my head" woke him up and he told OW he made a huge mistake and needed to go home.
 They went to MC and he now kisses the ground she walks on. He said to me "When I was in that tunel I was so crazed. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't care. Finally I just got to missing your sister and her grace and dignity." He told me that he would look at the OW after a while and think"MY W is so much better than this. Why am I here.'
  I like to think of that Talking Heads song " This is not my beautiful house..this is not my beautiful wife.."
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