[sunshine23]

My h and I were married in August. We have been together for 10 years. We actively tried to have a baby. We found out we were pregnant and were both so happy. I recently found him on a date with another woman, my BD. Turns out he has been having an affair with her since a month after finding out we were expecting. I had a really hard first trimester where I was throwing up and struggling. That is when he started having an affair that was emotional and sexual. Upon catching him, he left me and said he had feelings for her. He has been cold towards me. Friends/ family are all shocked. He is like a different person. I think he is a boomerang. Since he has moved out, he will contact me for logistics or to stop by for something.

Please feel free to ask me any questions.
Thoughts?

[Thunder]

Yes sunshine he could very possibly be in a Quarter Life Crisis, only time will tell.

It doesn't matter what kind of crisis it is; we recommend you still treat it the same.

Watch your finances, take good care of yourself and try to make your life as happy as you can.  I would have NO relationship talks and he may need some boundaries also.
Sounds like he still thinks he can wonder into your life whenever he wants to.  He gave up that privilege, when he left you.

If he is with someone else, he needs to respect your privacy.  You don't go popping in on him.
I'm sorry hon, I know how hard all this is, but he is really not your friend right now.
Don't expect him to have your best interests at heart.

Things will get easier with time, even though I know it doesn't feel that way right now.

[sunshine23]

Thank you for reaching out.

That is good advice. I will try my best!

As far as relationships talk, he already told me he feels nothing for me and wants nothing anymore. He said he wants a divorce.

[sachat3]

Firstly, I had the same doubts as you. I’m very good with instincts and I remember at my BD lying in bed crying my eyes out and telling myself “it’s a midlife crisis” and the more I looked into it. The more it fit. The only snag was at BD mine was 32. And that’s what made me doubt it. But it’s the whole duck scenario. If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck and quacks like a duck. It is a duck. Now 5 almost 6 years in, yep. I have one hell of a crisis kid. He ticked every box. Right down to getting a Harley. At BD he was 32. I was 26 with a 1 , 3 and 6/7 year old. I can’t even begin to tell you the turmoil that time was for me. However, I can pinky swear you it does get better. You can pop me a message, read my thread/threads if you like as proof. I promise, it gets so much better. My life is amazing now and some days, I’m quite thankful for BD in a weird kind of way.

As for him. Leave him to do whatever he wants to do. By all means, we’ve all wanted to message ow. I did and it was pointless. I sent her proof of him cheating on her. Things he’d said about her etc. I had it all. I was convinced (stupidly) if I got rid of her that’s it and he would be home and unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. This woman is just a stepping stone on his journey. He will get worse, way worse before he even attempts to get better. I mean, you’ve gotta hit rock bottom anyway.

So focus on you. If he wants a divorce, fine, but what do you need financially from that? Protect your assets. These crisis kids sure can spend the money. Self care. Remember to look after you and your child/unborn child, sleep well as best you can. Eat good. GAL as they say. Find hobbies see friends. Believe me. It helps. The best friends I have now I didn’t know at BD. Whatever you do in regards to him, be selfish as you can. And don’t believe a word he says. I believe my 6 year old with chocolate around her mouth who tells me she’s not had a snack, more than I beli ve my crisis kid

[sunshine23]

Thank you so much for telling me your story. At this point, I just wonder if anything will change when my daughter is born.