[FaithWalker]

They sure grow up quickly, don't they?  My M and I were visiting with my M's cousin and aunt this weekend and her cousin asked me how old the kids were during the time of the D.  S17 was 10 at BD and had turned 11 just before the D was final.  D20 was 13 and S22 was 15.  Time just keeps ticking by.

I had written on my post back in July about D putting up a photo of xH and I together, even though he has been remarried for 2 years now.  It was a photo taken of just the two of us on our 1st anniversary.

Anyway, hope you are doing well, Moon

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Just here to wish everyone a happy new year - as well as a touch of journaling.  I did mean to add a line or two in September to mark my WA,  but The Queen sadly passed away that day which put things in perspective.  And since then there’s been my two daughters birthdays and then Xmas, so time has continued to whirl by.   Anyway, no news of the divorce.  W seems to be doing nothing about it - since I asked for a financial agreement to sort of the position of the house.  I could have asked for more, and I wasn’t asking for anything until D9 was at least 18 (unless W sells or moves someone else in first).  She seems to have taken umbrage at this.   I’m not sure what she really expected- that she would just keep the house in full for as long as she wanted after we got divorced?   Anyway, I’ve asked her twice now if she’s made any progress but she’s now just digging her heels in.  Tbh I just want to get the plaster ripped off now.  It’s just another source of stress I could do without. 

Other news, my daughters are becoming increasingly aware of W’s erratic behaviour.   That’s she’s very snappy with them in private but not in public.  How they get treated as children (with no privacy) when it suits W but she also has them doing jobs for her (making cups of tea, back rubs, etc) when it suits her as well.   Both have noticed they spend more time at W’s than at mine, and think this unfair.  Both have said (though not to me) that they would prefer to spend more time with me.   Apparently W is seeing someone (who also has two young kids) but they girls haven’t properly met him yet.  You’d think this might cheer her up and encourage her to get on with the divorce but no. 

Oh, and then the other day, just before Xmas, W sends me through an old photo of me holding D12 when she was about 4.  Apparently she “always loved this pic”.  I know I’m used to the madness of MLC now but sometimes - even after almost 5 years (5th anniversary of BD in a little under two weeks - yeh) - it still leaves you scratching your head. 
Anyway, a healthy and hopefully happy new year to you all
Moon

[FaithWalker]

Good to hear from you Moon.  I don't envy you the sorting out of all the things tied to de-unionizing.  I'm very glad to be over that part. 

And the pictures sent as memories.  A different sort of photo bomb, isn't it?  How lovely.

There is no understanding the MLC mind.

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Thanks FW. Good to hear from you too.

Well it looks like I’ve tempted fate.  W has now started the divorce- and largely agreed to my reasonable demands.   Divorces here in the UK can now be done online.  It’s all rather automated - which is rather sad in itself.  I have to confess though, when I got to the page where I had to tick my acceptance that “the marriage has irrecoverably broken down (it can not be saved)” - for the first time in a long time I just broke down and wept, really wept.  ‘Can’t be saved’!?   I was never ever given the chance to try!  That’s the real kicker.   I would have loved the chance to try something to save the marriage.  That was never an option, and that’s something i’ll regret for the rest of my life.   You hear about people trying everything, anything for years to save a marriage - no matter how bad the marriage is..  And yet MLC takes a seemingly perfectly sound marriage and ends it within a month.   It was 5 years ago almost to the day W delivered her BD.  A month later she decided that was it. 

In a way, I’m glad the divorce has now started.  I can start to move on with my life again.  But it’s not a place I ever wanted to be. 
Moon

[UrsaMajor]

Hi Moon,

Sounds about right for the timeframe for a wallower... Mine BD'd me at the end of 2015 and finally started D proceedings in 2018  which finally finished near the end of 2019 (due to her not providing the documentation requested by the court).

And, I will tell you that that was the time (when the D was in process) that I was finally able to come to terms with the situation and move on in my own life so there are positive aspects to it in some seriously messed up ways...

I wish you strength and fortitude... I recall getting asked the same question in court - do you agree that the marriage is irretrievably broken and my answer was that a marriage takes two and if one party is not willing to work, then yes, it is not salvageable, regardless of what the other party thinks.  xW looked like she'd been hit with a 2x4 as she just expected me to agree....

[forthetrees]

Yeah, it´s the unilateral decision making on their part that just stings and stings and stings. The pain does fade but for me the WTF remains.

[PJ Ames]

So sorry to hear you're going through this. I wish you strength as well.

I'm glad I made it through the final episodes of my divorce. I'm much happier and healthier now, but firetruck what a nightmare. But getting out of limboland was a big step forward for me and I'm sure it will be for you as well.

That lack of control is so painful. It takes two people to build a marriage, but only one person to destroy it. It's not fair at all.

The pain does fade but for me the WTF remains.

So true. Some things still don't make sense for me and probably never will. There's no understanding or resolution. Just acceptance and moving on.

Be well and healthy for yourself and those daughters Moon!

[HeavenlyFocus]

Hi Moon,

I am sorry to hear that your W has started the process but I do agree there is relief that you can finally start to move on with your life.   I would have fought until the very end for our marriage but it always takes two committed individuals to work through the tough times together.   I don't think I'll ever get over the D but I am moving forward.

Wishing that you can find peace and live your best life.  It will be W's loss and someday she will realize that.

HF

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Thank you all, UM, forthetrees, PJ, and HF for your kind words and wishes.   I know i’ll get through this.  After BD and separation this should be relatively straightforward.   Like you, HF, I’m not sure this will be something I will ever truly get over.  Like a couple of you have said, it’s difficult to really understand what has happened.  That it is all so inexplicable makes it that more difficult to comes to terms with it.  All I can aim for is acceptance and the avoidance of any bitterness or hatred. 

Anyway, in other news, the girls have now been introduced to stbxW’s ‘new’ man.  She had at least the good sense to wait a while before introducing them (unlike the last one who she introduced to the girls after 5 minutes).  It turns out he’s got 6 kids (from 6 years old to 18).  Although he only gets to look after 4 of them.  Should make going on hols interesting (they were already looking at hols this year, which he’s pushed back to next year now).  Oh, and apparently he’s got tattoos - something which stbxW used not  to be able to stand.  Whether that’s the MLC or she’s just become more desperate, who knows.  Let’s see how long it lasts though.
Moon

[forthetrees]

Ugh.