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Author Topic: My Story He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace

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My Story He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace
OP: April 24, 2021, 01:34:40 PM
Wow my last thread lasted over 1.5 years - at last it’s time for a new one!

Here’s the old thread:
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11111.0

MLC History
2014 - H’s MLC began
2015 - H started making changes to his and our lives, possible denial phase
2016 - BD1 and terrible year of anger and beginning of depression from H
2017 - BD2 I find out about MOW.  H still with much anger and depression and withdrawal moved out to stay with his parents. MOW wants to work at her marriage which is ‘lucky
2018 - H in withdrawal but decent towards me so I have a bit of ‘hope
2019 - Keeping my ‘patience’ as H seems to be around less but seems to be better when he is around, and I am working towards this not affecting my precious ‘happiness’.
Sept 2019 - BD3 Being ‘strong’ has helped me after learning H has OW2, a young 30 year old and he thinks it’s no big deal as he left us 2 years ago so assume she also thinks it’s ok
Oct 2019 - Using ‘courage’ we told the children about the MLC, all of it.
2020 - With the pandemic came ‘peace ’. We went months without seeing or hearing from H. He was still doing whatever replay activities he could manage. Still seeing OW2. I healed more than I had previously, the children also had time to process, we talked a lot and we healed some more. It wasn’t all easy but the virus pandemic helped the MLC pandemic in our family.
2021 - Started with us seeing H every 6 weeks or so just like we had been for past couple of years. End February, March & April H seems slightly different, seems to be around more, more interested and less manic. It may be a phase, we will see.

To reach a point where my word is ‘peace’ really feels good. We are approaching 5 years since BD and that feels like a milestone. I am glad I am here and not there. I am sorry for anyone who is there at BD. My advice is that this is not about you, knowing that will help. This is unfair, with a little more unfair on top and then sprinkled with unfairness. Knowing that too will help, zone in on what is important in those moments. Trust your gut and don’t take advice from those who don’t understand this. I am in a much better position now than I would be if I had listened to those people over my gut and my support group here on HS.

Become the best version of you, read, grow, develop and learn. This is an opportunity no-one would choose but when forced in to it there are little nuggets of gold to be found. Grab hold of them and let them give you strength to last another day.

Rose 🌹

Modified the "Code" call to the "URL" call so the links work - UM
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« Last Edit: April 26, 2021, 05:32:04 AM by UrsaMajor »
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

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He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace
#1: April 24, 2021, 10:51:25 PM
Following along Rose.
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0

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He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace
#2: April 25, 2021, 03:18:47 AM
Lovely to have you PJ.

I notice my new word ‘peace’ is very hard to read in my chosen colour of white. I could change it. But I like it. It reflects how hard it is to find, and that once you find it and can see it makes more sense and is so welcome.

Rose 🌹 
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

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He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace
#3: April 26, 2021, 03:46:39 AM
Attaching
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Me - 58, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace
#4: April 26, 2021, 04:42:10 AM
UM

I’m not sure I have linked my current and previous threads correctly this time. They don’t look right, can you help?

So glad you attached!
Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

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He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace
#5: April 26, 2021, 08:21:08 PM
Attaching

I like that your word is peace and I like that it's written in white!
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

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My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

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He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace
#6: April 27, 2021, 09:49:24 AM
Sticking with you Rose.
Haven't posted much but still reading here and learning. Good to see PEACE is your new word...whatever colour you choose  :)

((((Hugs))))
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Adult S & D
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [worked away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away.

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He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace
#7: April 29, 2021, 03:01:15 PM
FW thank you, that’s lovely.

Music so nice to have you here.

UM thanks for sorting that out for me.

Not sure if this is a phase but for sure H is different. I am only posting about it so it is noted. I am not changing how I live or what we do but for a few months now H has been different. My gut says OW2 has gone. H seems settled and less manic. More mature. I have not seen this type of change in him since this MLC started. He has not been back and forward, he has not been like this.

It’s not easy as we are not used to seeing so much of him.

One day this MLC will be a memory. 

Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

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He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace
#8: April 29, 2021, 03:33:49 PM
Hi Rose
Hope you’re keeping well.  Sounds like you’re doing good.  Following along.
Moon
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Me:46, W: 43
Married: 2007
D11 and D8
BD 1: Jan 2018 ILYBINILWY
BD2: Feb 2018 EA discovered
August 2018, I move to own place.  No talk of divorce yet.

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Re: He’s having a mlc 8 - Peace
#9: May 04, 2021, 11:59:36 AM
Rose....Great Advise!  I hope H continues to soften and come around more and more.  Crossing my fingers for you!

Sam!
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10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW
9.4.18  Moved back-At Parents 
11.1.18  OW back.  H living w/her in D's basement 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.18 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced  that he moved to sisters
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hrs away 
Summer of 2020 Less help with chores
Early Spring 2021 - helping with chores again then stopped and is getting more distant gradually

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married
D -33 Married with 3 children 
S - 31 Married and is now a Dr.
3 Dogs-he left them all behind

 

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