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Author Topic: My Story Growing #11 - Burn the Ships

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My Story Growing #11 - Burn the Ships
#20: July 11, 2021, 03:59:46 PM

Cortisol is a real contributor after periods of long and unremitting stress and trauma.
So, yes, not just you. Me? Lost weight, then gained weight. Hair loss. Skin problems. Impaired immune system so noticed cuts took longer to heal for instance. Cancer. Sleep problems for about three years. Plus PTSD stuff and memory/concentration issues. Couldn’t read for almost a year, still find music tricky just like OR said.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Growing #11 - Burn the Ships
#21: July 11, 2021, 05:02:55 PM

Glad that your brought up the topic of stress and it's impact and I appreciate the comments from Thunder, Offroad, and Treasur. (great article on impact of cortisol)

I also just wanted to add the comment that my W had a near death experience and lost almost all her hair due to the trauma.   Stress can really impact our health and I can see how it's impacting both me and my MLC W right now.   Doing whatever I can to reduce stress although it's challenging with all the pain that I feel at this time.

Hope you can alleviate some of the stress and continue to focus on self-healing.  I also listened to For King and Country while working out today and thought of you when Burn the Ships came on.   :)


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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021
D Final - Jan 2022

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Re: Growing #11 - Burn the Ships
#22: July 14, 2021, 09:40:55 AM
HF what a beautiful song for many people on this site.  Thanks for suggesting it.

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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Growing #11 - Burn the Ships
#23: January 14, 2022, 09:04:08 AM
Well - I'm back....  At least what my schedule will tolerate.

My hair growth (loss) didn't change.  Doctors did labs to check for stress and found none.  So I started Rogaine.  Sadly Biotin didn't make any changes, so will see - with the understanding that it will be a life-long task...

I have been great.  Keeping busy with healing, growth, work, house and education (taking course to become a registered guide in Kayaking -- mostly for fun not for employ).  Traveling short distances quite a bit eats up my weekends too.

Still love the husband that I married, but realize that I could never be with who he became before and during his MLC.  We rarely communicate and I have basically stopped reaching out to him unless it involves a business matter which is about every 4 months.  Last night after I went to bed, he texted to ask if S20 got an envelope from him in the mail he sent to the house (because S20 doesn't answer his texts).  I ignored it but late morning today answered that I'd ask him to reach out to H.  H replied that I shouldn't have to.  I asked him if he'd rather I not ask S20.  Reply was to ask me if he's leaving to back to college in the morning. I haven't answered (we're going on a vacation for a week before college).

I know most of you would say that it's between xH and S20, which I agree.  The only (and I mean only) reason that I would even respond is because S20 is benefitting from partial college help from his father.  If that were to stop, we'd both be screwed.  So I'm torn between staying remotely involved to keep that benefit, or from stop putting myself in the middle and risk S20 losing the assistance which would directly hurt both of us.

What are your thoughts from a LBS standpoint?  Just curious...  Still seeking your knowledge after all these years.
Amazing to realize that BD was 4-1/2 years ago...

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