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Author Topic: My Story My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!

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Nas

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My Story My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!
#30: July 01, 2021, 05:45:16 AM
He is mostly calm which is good. He went through the crazy act like a teenager every night getting real drunk playing immature drinking games with his kids. That’s before he turned on me. Now he just seems depressed all the time, which is sad because we could be moving forward with a happy life, but instead we are stuck in this boring limbo.

I’m so glad for you and the kids’ sake that he is calm. But I would just caution again against watching and looking for “depression,” “tantruming,” “limbo”… Any of the so-called MLC behavior or stages. This can easily fool you into thinking that he’s in a place that he’s not really. It’s great that right now he’s in a mostly calm place, and I would use that to your advantage to get yourself and your kids in a place where you will be okay no matter what he does.
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My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!
#31: July 01, 2021, 11:04:13 AM
If mine makes the move by leaving, he is losing everything all over again. He is  already gone through that once with wife #1. Started from scratch with me. Head be an idiot to do it all over again.  Please protect yourself. I don't know exactly how many people are on this site but every one of them is a shinny example of a spouses doing EXACTLY that. If not for yourself do it for your kids. Know exactly were you stand financially in court in regards to support and alimony. Knowledge is power.
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Together 12 yrs Married 5
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BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
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O/M Discovered Nov-18

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My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!
#32: July 01, 2021, 04:06:55 PM
If mine makes the move by leaving, he is losing everything all over again. He’s already gone through that once with wife #1. Started from scratch with me. He’d be an idiot to do it all over again.
As dumb as it sounds I am just still being my amazing self, right in front of him. Hopefully one day he wakes up and realizes what he’s risking by being a selfish @$$hole.


He's already done it once before you, so there's absolutely nothing to stop him from doing the same to you, as he did to his ex-wife.   Be smart and proactive about this.  Protect yourself and your daughter.  Get your ducks in a row before he decides to fly the coop.
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My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!
#33: July 01, 2021, 05:54:43 PM
Following your journey RVLES
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My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!
#34: July 02, 2021, 06:59:31 PM
The total flip on me isn’t right and I don’t know how know one else sees how messed up it is. You don’t love and cuddle and be all over your spouse one day and treat them like your worst enemy the next. It’s crazy.

Yes, we understand this total flip.  It is crazy and a huge sign that someone is a MLCer in my opinion.  We here have experienced this and can completely empathize.

Continue to take care of yourself, post here for venting, advice, whatever you need.  It's exhausting taking care of kids on your own, I totally understand.  Sending you (((HUGS))).  My kiddos were 10, 13 and 15 when Bomb Drop happened for me and that total flip you speak of was happening.

Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it, if there is someone you can rely on and trust, like a family member or good friend.

After Bomb Drop, my MLCer sent so many mixed signals, made it seem like we should keep what was happening a secret, and I felt totally isolated for the rest of the month.  I finally wised up and reached out to my brother and SIL.  MLCer didn't like that, but it really helped me to have the support.  I didn't know of this place until about 9 months after Bomb Drop.  The kids and I ended up moving in with my brother and SIL for a while, because my divorce was 97 days after MLCer filed.  He was quick to want to end our marriage of 14 years.

To this day I still have moments of absolute and utter shock about the total flip.
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My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!
#35: July 02, 2021, 07:57:20 PM
Hi Faith. Thanks so much for your advice. Sorry to hear of what happened with you. It’s terrible. I still can’t believe this is happening. I honestly don’t really have anyone to talk to and I feel totally abandoned not just by him but his entire family. His sister was meant to be one of my best friends but I guess not.
I’m just hoping and praying every day that I’m one of the stories with a happy ending.
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My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!
#36: July 02, 2021, 08:19:17 PM
Hi RV,

   You have my deepest sympathies. We are all here for you to talk too. I hope and pray that you are one of the happy endings here too.  Please vent and say whatever you need to say here. Just know you are loved and supported.
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Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

Divorce final Nov-21

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My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!
#37: July 02, 2021, 08:41:06 PM
Hi Faith. Thanks so much for your advice. Sorry to hear of what happened with you. It’s terrible. I still can’t believe this is happening. I honestly don’t really have anyone to talk to and I feel totally abandoned not just by him but his entire family. His sister was meant to be one of my best friends but I guess not.
I’m just hoping and praying every day that I’m one of the stories with a happy ending.

Thank you rvles, I am doing much better now and things are actually good without the MLCer around.  I do believe that I will have a happy ending, with or without the restoration of my marriage.  It looks like most likely restoration is not in my future, as my MLCer has remarried, but I do believe that I will still get that happy ending (and joy-filled living in the middle too!)

And you will too, rvles!  You will be a story with a happy ending, regardless of where your journey takes you, and with whom you take it with!   :)
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

r
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My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!
#38: July 03, 2021, 08:50:57 PM
Thanks for the support. Feeling pretty lousy today. He should have been home today watching our daughter while I went to work but he just never came home. So I have to drag her to work with me. It happens all the time. He’s become an incredibly lousy parent as well as husband.
How do these MLCers not see what jerks they are being?
 :'(
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Nas

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My husband is a year into a midlife crisis. Help!
#39: July 04, 2021, 07:35:36 AM
If mine makes the move by leaving, he is losing everything all over again. He’s already gone through that once with wife #1. Started from scratch with me. He’d be an idiot to do it all over again.
As dumb as it sounds I am just still being my amazing self, right in front of him. Hopefully one day he wakes up and realizes what he’s risking by being a selfish @$$hole.


He's already done it once before you, so there's absolutely nothing to stop him from doing the same to you, as he did to his ex-wife.   Be smart and proactive about this.  Protect yourself and your daughter.  Get your ducks in a row before he decides to fly the coop.

I’m so sorry he didn’t come home and left you scrambling without childcare.

I’ve been reading along with your thread and I’ve commented a few times, but I really feel like I’d be doing you a disservice if I continue to comment without asking some questions because I don’t feel I have enough information to give entirely helpful advice atm.

It really struck me when you said that he went through all of this before with his first wife, that he left everything behind and started from scratch with you. Could you give us more of an idea of what happened in that first marriage? Did his first wife cheat on him? How long were they married and how long were they apart before you two got together? Often what a person did before is very telling of what they’re capable of doing again, as beyondblessed said. He already started over once, and the circumstances of why he started over will give clues as to whether or not he’s willing to do it again. But even then, no one can say for sure, every person is different and we can never know anything for sure.

I am really sorry for the fact that he’s neglecting his parental duties as well. It’s just not fair to your daughter. Seeing what happens to the kids in this situations is always heartbreaking. 💔
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