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Author Topic: My Story Time for a break

P
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My Story Time for a break
#20: December 17, 2021, 02:38:23 AM
I'm not dead but don't feel like I'm getting stronger??

I see a big difference in you over the last week or so Pac  ;D

Sometimes (often) the hardest person to see is ourselves.

Keep going Pac  8)

-SS
Not sure about a big difference but some change.

Now I need your advice. All of you.

She messages to say she has put claims through for the fuel on the lease vehicle. (From the last 3 months).
It comes back into my account.

Should I even respond given that it is some contact or just let it through to the keeper?

I don't want to seem too distant but if there is no advantage (given she wants to talk about financials).

No response would be good or bad?
No expectations.

And I'm babysitting my granddaughter tonight.
Puts a small smile on my face.
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« Last Edit: December 17, 2021, 02:39:32 AM by Pacman »
"Trying to taste green with my elbow ;-)"

Im always reminded of that 80's movie.. War Games.. The best way to win is not to play the game.

Affair found out April 2021
BD June 23rd 2021
Moved out July 8th 2021(Same day our granddaughter was born)

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Time for a break
#21: December 17, 2021, 03:57:23 AM

Now I need your advice. All of you.

She messages to say she has put claims through for the fuel on the lease vehicle. (From the last 3 months).
It comes back into my account.

Should I even respond given that it is some contact or just let it through to the keeper?

I take it that she is expecting that she will get money from these claims? If so, then, seeing as how it is simply business, a very short reply of "OK, I'll keep an eye out and transfer it when it comes in." is all that is required.....

I don't want to seem too distant but if there is no advantage (given she wants to talk about financials).

No response would be good or bad?
No expectations.

And I'm babysitting my granddaughter tonight.
Puts a small smile on my face.

Have fun!
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Me - 58, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

P
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Time for a break
#22: December 17, 2021, 04:54:30 AM
UM she doesn't get the money back. It goes into my account seeing as I'm paying for the car. I'm getting my own money back.
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"Trying to taste green with my elbow ;-)"

Im always reminded of that 80's movie.. War Games.. The best way to win is not to play the game.

Affair found out April 2021
BD June 23rd 2021
Moved out July 8th 2021(Same day our granddaughter was born)

N

Nas

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Time for a break
#23: December 17, 2021, 04:57:53 AM
I think you can simply just reply “Okay, thanks.”
Keep it short and simple.
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Time for a break
#24: December 17, 2021, 04:58:51 AM
UM she doesn't get the money back. It goes into my account seeing as I'm paying for the car. I'm getting my own money back.

Then "OK, thanks for the info." is all that is needed....

Later - or what Nas said...
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Me - 58, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

J
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Time for a break
#25: December 17, 2021, 05:16:16 AM
Hey, Pac

N00b JB agrees with the short business response from the pros. I think it's too early to worry about being distant right now. Watching RCR's live answer session last night, even for vanishers she only recommends reaching out maybe once every three months for about the first two years.

Since yours has some "cling," the polite, short, and to the point is fine.
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Re: Time for a break
#26: December 17, 2021, 07:04:10 AM
Hi Pac,

Did you say you are paying for her car?
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

K
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Time for a break
#27: December 17, 2021, 01:29:57 PM
I wouldn’t even say “thanks”. This is not someone who deserves any praise.

Wait 24 hours, then write back one word (“OK”) and get on with your life.

I see a lot of fear in how you respond, something I struggled with too initially. When you’ve been in a relationship with such a controlling woman, you tend to respond from fear and wanting not to poke the dragon.

Have you read “No More Mr Nice Guy”?

You’re doing great Pac! How’s the painting coming along? I did some tiling for a mate during the week, and remembered just how much I hate tiling  ;D

How’s the exercise/walking the dog going? Nothing better for the soul than walking with your dog and listening to some tunes.
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P
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Time for a break
#28: December 17, 2021, 06:52:49 PM
Kind Been walking the dog daily. She loves it and gets me out of the house for a bit.
Painting completed. I hate painting and hate tiling even more but next project is to put up gutters on the carport (Been like that for 5 years).
Just responded OK to her message and walked away. And yes I've read No More Mr Nice Guy.

Thunder It's a complicated situation with the car. It's a lease under my name and gets taken out of my salary pretax. She knows the other lease is up in April and I've told her that I would be taking her (my) car back then. Guess that's why she pushed the need for financial talks.

UM and NAS she got an OK and that is it.

JB I don't reach out other than a couple of weeks ago about the lease running out. I don't see any "cling" from her at all. Just pure distance. "I wanted to ask and see how you are but didn't want to upset you" BS. I see her as being more of a vanisher in regards to me but continues contact with the boys.

Granddaughter last night was extremely good having her here. She went to sleep at 8 and only woke up once at 330. Straight back to sleep no bottle until 830 this morning. She puts a smile on my face.
Tattoo designed and booked in for 4 weeks. Can't wait.
New battery and taking the Camaro for a drive with my 2 sons tomorrow morning. Might grab some lunch with them and just enjoy the sun and wind in our hair.

On the financial discussions....I'm not responding any further. If she wants she can keep pushing it but is upset that I would possibly get a lawyer.
Get the idea that someone is pushing her buttons to move on but whatever.
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"Trying to taste green with my elbow ;-)"

Im always reminded of that 80's movie.. War Games.. The best way to win is not to play the game.

Affair found out April 2021
BD June 23rd 2021
Moved out July 8th 2021(Same day our granddaughter was born)

K
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Time for a break
#29: December 17, 2021, 08:51:46 PM
This is a really good update.

Glad to see you getting busy outside of the craziness.

Keep up the exercise - 30 days is all you need to break a habit, or to start a new one. There is abundant evidence that in 30 days time your mental health will be significantly better if you do an hour of exercise every day.

Painting, tiling, guttering… they all suck! But it’s good to keep busy and then have something you’re proud of at the end.

Your posts used to 90% about her, 10% about PacMan. Good to see that balance slowly changing.

What sort of dog do you have?
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