[Treasur]

Last thread https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11736.0;all#lastPost

Fettle is a northern English word which can be a verb or a noun. The noun means in a good state; the verb means to fix, adapt or repair something until it is in a good state. My father used it to describe those practical actions one takes as a woodworker or DIYer to fine-tune something or do the small adjustments until something works just as you need it to.

Fettling. It’s a nice word sound to me that smells like sawdust in my dad’s shed. I find it a very practical optimistic kind of word.  and it was my dad’s birthday on the 8th.  And it’s a pretty good description of where I am at the beginning of 2022. FML = Fettle My Life 

I still have moments when I shake my head in wonder at how many years I got lost, what happened to the old life I rather liked and the very long list of things I wish I could have done differently. They come and go, but don’t usually stay for long nowadays bc I suppose I recognise that I can’t do anything useful with them most often. I have learned to let them sit quietly muttering to themselves in a chair in the corner while I try to focus on something else more productive or that makes me feel stronger or safer.

Christmas and New Year were, well, Covidish. Lots of half plans changed or cancelled as Omicron pulled its boots on here in the UK. The new normal mental weighing and balancing of risk, reward and responsibility that we have all learned to do over the last couple of years often with a mixed bag of information. Watching others reach similar or different decisions depending on their circumstances and viewpoints.

I said yes to a church Carol concert and service, yes to a Christmas Eve supper with a chum, yes to a Christmas Day walk with another and No to quite a lot of things. I decided to not visit my mother for Christmas bc on balance it didn’t seem logical to swoosh into a care home full of vulnerable folks when a highly transmissible variant that seemed to be able to evade vaccinations at least partially was active even if its severity was then not known. Spoke to my mother on a video call. Pretty short call bc she is non-verbal now, but she smiled as soon as she saw my face so that was something. (I howled like a small child after the call bc well it just hurts as those of you dealing with dementia in any way know. It’s sad and it hurts, even if an interaction goes ‘well’.) And then my mother got Covid anyway but fortunately was not ill enough to be in hospital although another resident was. And that means the care home is currently locked down for the moment bc both residents and staff are ill. Can’t imagine how difficult it must be to manage a care home or hospital ward right now in the UK. But it was comforting to know that I did not play any part in transmission.

So, Christmas and New Year were small, quiet, thin-skinned things with a side order of gratitude and peace. That may always be how it is. It seems terribly normal to me that one would feel a kind of sad yearning after losing one’s family at these family-flavoured seasons. It’s a time of echoes, isn’t it, for a lot of folks for different reasons?

I felt grateful for a Christmas lunch plated up by a chum. Ate off my best china with a glass of wine and appreciated the minimal washing up lol. Chuckled at the gift of a cat’s Santa outfit from a friend who does not understand that cats are not as amenable as dogs to this kind of folderol and that it should come with a first aid kit. I tried draping the coat over Gracie’s shoulders in hope of a photo at least and she gave me The Look. All cat owners know this look....it’s a mix of contempt and a red flag warning to go no further....I accepted reality, Gracie accepted turkey bits as an apology for even thinking about it. I made a home-baked ham and Christmas chutney to hand out to friends. I listened to Christmas music for the first time in years. I enjoyed some of my very nice gifts of wine, chocolate and a couple of good books. I knitted myself a beanie hat for the first time. I chatted to some chums on the phone. I found myself starting to plan what next, well plan might be over egging it, but intentions with details and timescales certainly. I took some good walks along a rather busy and windy beach bc we get lots of visitors where I live at this time of year. And a lot of rather cheerful dogs who are happy to wear Christmas outfits it seems  (while cats sat inside in front of roaring fires snickering at their stupidity probably!)

I know that for most of us we are heading into a new year where quite a lot of things may not at all be what we hoped or intended or wanted. That there is a lot of fettling involved in either building a new life that fits who we have become. Or adapting ourselves to fit the life that we seem to find in front of us. Probably a bit of both. But I remind myself, and you if you need it, that fettling is almost always a trial and error process made up of lots of small adjustments rather than big steps. And that doing it is underpinned by a belief that better is possible, that you don’t have to throw your hands up and completely start from scratch or give up, bc a shaving here and a bit of oil and a nudge there can leave you with something that fits Goldilocks-like standards of ‘just right’ if you keep going in small steps. 

I wish you all fine fettling in 2022.....

[Treasur]

Actually, now I think about, maybe we could all share some Fettling choices that have helped us here in case someone else finds them useful? 

I think one of my most useful is teaching myself to focus on one thing I am doing at a time. Which sounds easy but actually can be quite tricky when your rebuilding to do list feels huge or completion or perfection feels a way aways. I have a sort of mental mantra ‘Right now, I am doing this’ whether it is talking to a friend on the phone or making a pie or doing a coaching session or going for a walk or reading a book. I try to give whatever I am doing my complete attention until it is done, whatever that looks like. And break things into smaller discrete pieces that take an hour or two if they are bigger, longer tasks. One thing at a time with full presence. Didn’t used to do things that way, but I find it seems to work better for my brain now 

[MadLuv]

I like it! New word, yay!! You know when my kids were growing up I picked unusual words to use with then they would have to ask  “ what’s that mean” As adults now they have a very extensive vocabulary that has served then well.

Sounds like your holidays were much like mine. Uneventful, but just ok. I’m sorry about your mother. That has to be so difficult. I have lost both my parents to cancer and the Holidays now can be a little sad with the breakup of my family and my original core family and relatives mostly gone.

As you say. Try not to think or reflect to much and deal with the here and now and sometimes it’s ok just get through until you are at a place to rebuild a new.

[forthetrees]

What is Christmas chutney- ingredients?

[Treasur]

What is Christmas chutney- ingredients?

Locally grown apples, red onion, a bit of brown sugar, vinegar and 1 tsp each of ground cloves, cinnamon and nutmeg. So a hint of Christmas but not overpowering. It was lovely and the jars disappeared to new homes and thumbs up within a week! In fact, I was only left with one teeny jar for me! But used it too to make sausage rolls by spreading a bit on the pastry before adding the sausage meat and apple mix I usually use.
Made it in the slow cooker which was fab - you just reduce the amount of vinegar by about a third.

[Nas]

What is Christmas chutney- ingredients?

Locally grown apples, red onion, a bit of brown sugar, vinegar and 1 tsp each of ground cloves, cinnamon and nutmeg. So a hint of Christmas but not overpowering. It was lovely and the jars disappeared to new homes and thumbs up within a week!
Made it in the slow cooker which was fab - you just reduce the amount of vinegar by about a third.

Also fabulous with grilled cheese sourdough - yum. I think my appetite just came back. 

[Treasur]

What is Christmas chutney- ingredients?

Locally grown apples, red onion, a bit of brown sugar, vinegar and 1 tsp each of ground cloves, cinnamon and nutmeg. So a hint of Christmas but not overpowering. It was lovely and the jars disappeared to new homes and thumbs up within a week!
Made it in the slow cooker which was fab - you just reduce the amount of vinegar by about a third.

Also fabulous with grilled cheese sourdough - yum. I think my appetite just came back. 

Ooh yes, that’s a good idea - might use the last of it for supper with goats cheese. Yum.

[Thunder]

Following along Treasur. 

You really had me laughing over trying to put clothes on Grace.  Really people, they obviously don't know about "The Look!"  ONLY cats can pull it off.

I'm glad you made amends with the turkey.  Nice move.  ha ha

Hope you have a good year, Treasur.  I'm also glad you could video chat with your mom, as hard as it must have been.  She smiled for you.

[rosetintedglasses]

Welcome to your new thread Treasur and thanks for choosing such a great word. Your threads are great.

So glad you have Grace, and the beach. Happy your Mum smiled at you too, I know how hard that is though.

Looking forward to your thoughts in this thread, I’m glad you are here.

Rose 🌹

[5hilmerton]

Awww Treasur,
your posts always make me feel like i am curled up in front of a warm cozy fire with a good book.  I too remind myself i must focus on one thing at a time at least 90% of the time.  My "Fettling". for the year is to accept what it is today, move forward and not overwhelm myself with what it could be tomorrow.

Wishing you a very prosperous New Year
5hil