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Author Topic: My Story Fettling

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My Story Fettling
#30: March 01, 2022, 07:35:06 AM
Well, I am darned fortunate in my friends, that’s for sure  :)
Think my Greek neighbour felt a bit bad at his fixy behaviour this morning so he just turned up with a dish of stifado for my supper  :) lovely on a cold rainy day with some creamy mash and a glass of red wine  :)
And another chum dropped by to offer chauffeuring help and practical support even though she isn’t having an easy time currently either.
And some HS encouragement too  :)
Good kind humans are like gold, aren’t they? Such a contrast to the MLC folks and their chums. Every time I see folks gathering on the borders to help Ukrainian strangers, it is a reminder of just how much good and light we can create in even the darkest of times. And every little bit of it helps.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.


"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg
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Fettling
#31: March 03, 2022, 07:57:53 AM
To say you sound amazing in your calmness is an understatement. I am keeping my fingers crossed that you and grumpy gracie will soon have a new home. Fixers can be exhausting when they do not take No for an answer.......while I am a partial fixer I accept when people do not like my suggestion and am not pushy....good luck with the house hunt....fingers crossed
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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away
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Fettling
#32: March 04, 2022, 09:30:20 AM
Sounds like you are surrounded by really good hearted people. That’s everything!!
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife
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Fettling
#33: March 11, 2022, 02:02:25 AM
I am, MadLuv, I am.

A little bit of good news. I have found a new place which is now 90% certain. Not here but in a little market town about 20 minutes away. And it looks as if I will be moving by the end of the month. Ha ha, so as you can imagine I am multi-tasking like a MF  :) But I have a very strong feeling that the new little house - a small quirky Victorian cottage close to the centre of a town with an old marketplace and wiggly little streets of old buildings - is actually just right for my next chapter. I was very very scared. I am now rather excited if still a bit scared  :)

One of the most surprising gifts of events is that I have experienced a feeling of the old Me coming back online.....the busy Me who juggled lots of balls, got stuff done that seemed impossible, charms nice new humans to want to help me and feel they can trust me, the optimistic me, the Me with a plan. That’s a really nice feeling, slightly odd, but really nice.

Anyhoo, the next few weeks are a multitasking whirlwind but I wanted you all to know that it looks like me and Miss Gracie are going to be ok. And that we are excited about a new adventure  :)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.


"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg
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Fettling
#34: March 11, 2022, 03:41:24 AM
How wonderful!  I love the thought of being able to walk to everything.  Will this impact your allotment?
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Fettling
#35: March 11, 2022, 03:54:16 AM
Will keep my current allotment until the autumn but apply for a new one in the new place in September  :)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.


"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg
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Fettling
#36: March 11, 2022, 11:07:59 AM
Treasur, I’m so happy that it looks like your next chapter will have just the right setting! If there’s one thing we learn in all of this, it is resilience. You have displayed an extraordinary amount during this time of upheaval, and it appears that your efforts will have a good result. Best of luck with all of the multitasking to come.
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#37: March 19, 2022, 01:52:34 AM
The last few days have been full of Goodness.
Too long a list to roll out here. The kindness of strangers when my little old car, that used to be my father’s car, hit a crisis and I didn’t know what to do. Practical help with moving chores from neighbours and new chums. Delight from old chums about my new chapter. And a huge bunch of pale pink roses from a relatively new neighbour sad that i’m going. A huge list of Goodness.

I don’t say this to tweak the nose of those of you still fighting your way through the abyss. Lord knows I remember the darkness of that place. But I wanted to share a realisation that has crept up on me through this scary process of the last few weeks suddenly having life upended again. Which is that my life has always worked this way. Or it did before BD. The unexpected delights of others kindness and creativity, given and received. The joy of unexpected happy solutions to tricksy problems. A big old platform of optimism. An unguarded life. I’m not sure I have words to describe the feeling of my life working like my life always used to again. Or the slowly dawning realisation that it did, and does, bc of how I do Me in conjunction with other humans. I never believed I would feel like that again, feel like my life felt like Me again, but I was wrong. It’s like a warm bath tbh. And worth sticking it out for. My former h gained a lot from that energy bc it attracts good things and good people....but it was always springing from me. I have no idea if he has now made his own version in his own life, but he did not take mine when he obliterated the old shared life. And the PTSD Pac-Man didn’t take it away forever either.

So, practically speaking, me and Gracie will take on the lease of the new house on the 21st and leave here on the 31st. The house here is full of boxes and bubble wrap and random appliances in the sitting room; Gracie is unimpressed by the new decor so sneers slightly on her way to snooze on the end of my bed  :) That gives me time to do some painting and prep in the new place (fortunately sans feline assistance lol) before the new little cottage is filled up with furniture. Ha ha, more fettling. The sun is shining here, a few very warm Spring days are forecast for the next couple of weeks. Little car is now in the hands of some lovely chaps who love old cars so she too will get her new chapter just as I get mine. My last health check was a thumbs up. My mother is still alive after covid and norovirus, and soon I will work out a way to get there for a visit without a car. And I have just found out that the new little cottage, which I knew by number, actually has a name....Appletree Cottage. Isn’t that lovely?
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« Last Edit: March 19, 2022, 01:55:02 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.


"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg
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Fettling
#38: March 19, 2022, 03:17:03 AM
Appletree Cottage. How lovely. It’s autumn here and we’re having lovely weather as well. I’m so glad you’re falling on your feet T. And I absolutely understand what you mean about your life working like it used to because of You and the way you work in the world. I’m experiencing that a bit myself and am grateful for it. As always lovely to read your update.
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M: 53 (48 @ BD), H: 55 (51 @ BD); Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 24 (19 @ BD), D: 22 (17 @ BD), 'Extra D': 22 (17 @ BD)
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW - he (supposedly) met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her.
Jun 20: H plans to buy a block of land and build a house with her (never happens).
May 22: Movement... (likely T&G? Time will tell I guess)
May 23: Yep, definitely a T&G last year. Still have contact but very minimal. He is a long way away from me these days. He doesn't seem particularly happy in his new life... but he's still there soooo....
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Fettling
#39: March 20, 2022, 02:32:37 PM
I’m happy for you Treasur that you have found a new home and that your are beginning a new chapter in your life. You deserve all the good things in life. I hope to be like you, that after all the $h!te your H made you go through, there is still no trace of bitterness in you. The way you talk to people here shows only kindness and resilience.
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Me 43 at BD
H    45 at BD
Married 11 yrs at BD, no kids,
BD May 2019 (I moved out Nov 2019)
EA or PA with ex gf (not sure), H spent 3 nights with the hoe during our vacation in July 2019, it was a friendly encounter according to H
H wanted D April 2020 seeing suspected OW2 (divorced with two kids) and 2 years older than him, H didn’t file the D
Clinging boomerang
6/21 H moved in with me; kicked him out 01/22
H turned into a vanisher, wants a Divorce, OW 3 (16 years younger and extreme sporty)
14.11.22 Divorce final, I'm done
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