The last few days have been full of Goodness.
Too long a list to roll out here. The kindness of strangers when my little old car, that used to be my father’s car, hit a crisis and I didn’t know what to do. Practical help with moving chores from neighbours and new chums. Delight from old chums about my new chapter. And a huge bunch of pale pink roses from a relatively new neighbour sad that i’m going. A huge list of Goodness.
I don’t say this to tweak the nose of those of you still fighting your way through the abyss. Lord knows I remember the darkness of that place. But I wanted to share a realisation that has crept up on me through this scary process of the last few weeks suddenly having life upended again. Which is that my life has always worked this way. Or it did before BD. The unexpected delights of others kindness and creativity, given and received. The joy of unexpected happy solutions to tricksy problems. A big old platform of optimism. An unguarded life. I’m not sure I have words to describe the feeling of my life working like my life always used to again. Or the slowly dawning realisation that it did, and does, bc of how I do Me in conjunction with other humans. I never believed I would feel like that again, feel like my life felt like Me again, but I was wrong. It’s like a warm bath tbh. And worth sticking it out for. My former h gained a lot from that energy bc it attracts good things and good people....but it was always springing from me. I have no idea if he has now made his own version in his own life, but he did not take mine when he obliterated the old shared life. And the PTSD Pac-Man didn’t take it away forever either.
So, practically speaking, me and Gracie will take on the lease of the new house on the 21st and leave here on the 31st. The house here is full of boxes and bubble wrap and random appliances in the sitting room; Gracie is unimpressed by the new decor so sneers slightly on her way to snooze on the end of my bed
That gives me time to do some painting and prep in the new place (fortunately sans feline assistance lol) before the new little cottage is filled up with furniture. Ha ha, more fettling. The sun is shining here, a few very warm Spring days are forecast for the next couple of weeks. Little car is now in the hands of some lovely chaps who love old cars so she too will get her new chapter just as I get mine. My last health check was a thumbs up. My mother is still alive after covid and norovirus, and soon I will work out a way to get there for a visit without a car. And I have just found out that the new little cottage, which I knew by number, actually has a name....Appletree Cottage. Isn’t that lovely?
T: 18 M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg