[JohnnyBravo]

Broke into new thread territory; old thread is here:

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11847.150

[JohnnyBravo]

I hope you are doing something for yourself tonight as I’m sure it was exhausting today.

If doing something for myself includes having a frozen pizza, ice cream, and bourbon for dinner while watching cut-rate scifi movies on TV, then yes indeed, I did. (I did cook the pizza before consuming.)

And you are correct, W was working the entire time. She found a job within two months after we relocated. She tried to counter our short marriage by saying I supported her while we were dating, but that was paying for dates, and a few vacations. Nothing like helping her with bills, etc.

Imgood, one of the other reasons I wanted to get this settled was to refi before interest rates went up any further. Despite the long back and forth, we did build up some momentum, and if I walked away it could have caused us to start over.

Imgood and ML, I do hope she realizes that some day. I assume that will happen when she's sitting in her empty house with no friends, but I guess there's no way to know.

xyzcf, I really appreciate the support from someone on the long road...

JB

[UrsaMajor]

JB,

I can only relate what happened to me with xW1 - she too went after everything she could get her hands on and, in fact, I took on over 30k$ of martial debt that she had run up in the time before the BD.

Long story short, I paid off all the debt, have a pristine and excellent credit record and moved on with my life. She was forced to sell the townhouse we lived in that she "bought" from me for $1.00 and ended up declaring bankruptcy.  Of course, that too was my fault...

Ironically, xW2 has bought an overpriced Condo and is now struggling financially, despite now getting the full amount of child support.

Choices have consequences.... and they WILL come at some point...

[JohnnyBravo]

Thanks, Ursa.

Admittedly, W has lived within her means to this point, saving for specific things, etc. She used to carry a bit of 0% interest credit card debt, but always kept it under control. So, she could get by OK, but her earning potential will definitely taper off, and I doubt she'll amass any further retirement.

[Thunder]

Following along Johnny.

I know it wasn't a perfect settlement but at least you only need to pay alimony for a year.  That will go by fast.

[JohnnyBravo]

Despite being one of our few resident heathens, I've taken to listening to the Sunday morning gospel show on our local public radio station. It's really good stuff.

From today's show, here's one for the long-term veterans, and something for us newbies to aspire to: "I'm Glad I Don't Look Like What I've Been Through."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlyRxlodM60

[MomOfSteel]

I'm glad I don't look like what I've been though as well  .  Although thank goodness for hair dye.  I went in to get my hair done this last week and the woman that does my hair said, wow, you have a lot more gray than 2 months ago when we dyed it the last time    What's a girl to do?

[UrsaMajor]

I'm glad I don't look like what I've been though as well  .  Although thank goodness for hair dye.  I went in to get my hair done this last week and the woman that does my hair said, wow, you have a lot more gray than 2 months ago when we dyed it the last time    What's a girl to do?

Smack the woman that does your hair with a 2x4? I mean, seriously.... WHO says something like that...

[JohnnyBravo]

Well, there it is. Decree finalized today. In the grand scheme of things, I suppose if a marriage certificate can be "just a piece of paper," so can a divorce decree. I'll just have to see what happens. But, I've got a lot to do immediately; taking XW off of my insurance now, so at least I'll get a few $$ back in my paycheck.

When my atty's paralegal sent the decree, her email started with, "Congratulations! I know this is bittersweet, but..."..

Congratulations" is what XW's atty should be saying to HER. or "jackpot!', maybe.

[MadLuv]

I’m sorry JB. It’s hard to know and see it be official. My XH never hired an atty.
My atty emailed me and it seemed so unworthy of 30 years of marriage. I forwarded to my XH with congratulations you were divorced yesterday. He emailed back
“ not congratulations,  just trying to keep going”

You’re exactly right. It means nothing. If she works through her MLC and her feelings come back nothing will keep you apart. For now you will move forward and hope for better days ahead and they are coming with or without her.

[JohnnyBravo]

Thanks, MadLuv!!!!

[Standing Strong]

Oh JB 

Sorry to hear today was the day.
Really feel for you buddy.

I hope it gets easier..... soon.

-SS

[Treasur]

I’m sorry too, JB.
No matter how your perspective evolves with time/events or how much better life gets from here (and it will if only bc divorce is a draining process), this wasn’t your choice or where you thought your marriage or old life  would end up. And that always feels a bit sad perhaps, even if everything else in life is going ok.

[UrsaMajor]

I remember that day (August 31, 2019) very well myself.

xW was as happy as a clam and all smiles....

It took me a while (of course, we had already been separated 3 years prior and the process had taken 2 years due to her not providing the needed paperwork so I wasn't surprised.

This is just one more thing to add to the heaping plate of poop that is MLC. 

And "Congratulations?" WTF? "Bittersweet?" Seriously?  Seems that the paralegal needs a bit of ... well, let's just say personal experience might not be amiss to allow them to acquire some empathy.... 

[JohnnyBravo]

For today's occasional installment of inspirational songs, I bring you the Johnny Adams rendition of "There Is Always One More Time."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSqvsCmvB1A

(Not from the gospel show, this was used in the movie Bowfinger.)

[MadLuv]

That’s a good one and never had heard it!!

[JohnnyBravo]

Consequences... Just got a text from ex-wife saying she just realized that her car insurance card expired, asking if she's covered until the end of the month or if she needs to get insurance now. I just told her she'd need new insurance now, didn't bother telling her that I took her off as soon as the decree came out from the court. (I'm not even sure that insurance was valid after she changed her address to a different state.)

I also happened to look at my email, and saw a password reset request for my car insurance account. Coincidence? I think not.

[HeavenlyFocus]

Yes JB.  Amazing when they realize there are consequences.  She’ll have to figure things out on her own.

HF

[Standing Strong]

HAHAHAHAHAH..... sorry JB, I couldn't contain myself 

Funny how thoughts and reality creep in when they least expect it.
Well, some adulting will have to take place won't it?

It's a good thing, but a little funny 

You handled that so good!!

-SS

[UrsaMajor]

Consequences... Just got a text from ex-wife saying she just realized that her car insurance card expired, asking if she's covered until the end of the month or if she needs to get insurance now. I just told her she'd need new insurance now, didn't bother telling her that I took her off as soon as the decree came out from the court. (I'm not even sure that insurance was valid after she changed her address to a different state.)

I also happened to look at my email, and saw a password reset request for my car insurance account. Coincidence? I think not.

Darn those pesky consequences.... Wait until she finds out what new insurance is going to cost he...

[MadLuv]

JB- anchor check…..she could call the insurance company and ask that??  She found a reason to contact you,plzzzzzzzz

[JohnnyBravo]

ML, I thought that originally, but she DID try to log in to the insurance website (and tried to reset the password, which is odd, since it's linked to MY email account). I think it's more fog stupor, as the card says "Expiration date 6/x/2022," so the policy obviously expires 6/x/2022, not 6/30/2022...

But that's a good point, she could have called as well. I also think she just waited to ask, as I doubt she just happened to look at the card on the day it expired...

(Ursa, she's not in for too much of a shock; insurance there is about half what it is here, since this is a "problem state." But she never paid any of it before, so there's THAT.)

Thanks!

[xyzcf]

Ursa, she's not in for too much of a shock; insurance there is about half what it is here, since this is a "problem state." But she never paid any of it before, so there's THAT.

My experience when I tried to insure "our car" which was became my car  in the settlement in the same state and with the same insurance company as was previously insured was that I was charged substantially more because I was single and not married. Same car, same address and same driver....I was really angry about that!

[MadLuv]

Yes, the multi car and home combo brings it down for sure!!!

[xyzcf]

Yes, the multi car and home combo brings it down for sure!!!

No,in my case I still had all that..it was because I was single and not married.

[JohnnyBravo]

I think my insurance went down more from taking her car off, but it definitely went back up on taking XW off as a driver and changing my status to "single."

Although, my motorcycle policy also went up when I went from three bikes to two, so... That stuff is non-rational.

[JohnnyBravo]

Read an interesting idea in an article today, thought someone would appreciate it:

I suspect the trick to manifesting your destiny is to move forward trusting that what’s happening to you is happening for you.

(Article about Dave Grohl, quote by the author.)
https://www.premierguitar.com/pro-advice/last-call/dave-grohl-the-storyteller

[Thunder]

“Life is just too damn short to let someone else’s opinion steer the wheel.”
—Dave Grohl, The Storyteller

I so agree!   

[MadLuv]

It’s not about the prize; it’s about the journey: the rejection, embarrassment, discomfort, and lessons you learn along the way. The reward is that you become the person you’re supposed to be. I suspect the trick to manifesting your destiny is to move forward trusting that what’s happening to you is happening for you

. So agree. Goes back to the simple fact that what doesn’t kill you truly does make you stronger

, you steadfastly work, keep your mind/soul open, say yes, be grateful, and put your whole heart into it, eventually, amazing things will happen to you. It will be a wild ride full of soul-crushing and soul-expanding experiences that will lead you where you’re supposed to be

  Be grateful!!! Appreciate what you have!!! It’s so simple really isn’t it? 

Good read! Thank you JB

[thissucks7788]

Wow JohnnyBravo- I really enjoyed that article... def. gave me things to think about.  Thank you for posting it!

[beyondblessed]

Great article and perspective, JB.  I'm a longtime Foo Fighters fan, and their song Walk and Disturbed's The Light both became my LBS theme songs of sorts.  Music is some of the cheapest and best therapy. 

[JohnnyBravo]

Thunder, MadLuv, thissucks, beyond, thanks for the comments!

Our Grohl show went pretty well yesterday. I had asked to be put on Learn to Fly as my LBS song (didn't tell anyone that was why). (beyondblessed, I forgot about Walk, which the class also did.) We wound up opening with that, and the rest of the band dropped about half of the chorus near the end. They did that at the last rehearsal prior, and I thought I might have just forgotten, but I listened to it before the show and made sure I had it down. Oh, well. I had a bit of fluctuating tempo on a couple of other songs, but overall I think we did pretty well. Next season is Ramones and The Clash.

JB

[Standing Strong]

That sounds like so much fun JB 

How awesome..... dividing time into "seasons".... then you can see how far you've come with music. Super cool 

Next thing you know, you'll be doing solos 

-SS

[MomOfSteel]

JB, I was just wondering how you are fairing lately.  I hope you are doing well. 

[JohnnyBravo]

JB, I was just wondering how you are fairing lately.  I hope you are doing well.

Thank you for checking in, MoS! Things are chugging along. Fall is a bit of the bummer because it was a big season for "us" and last week was (no longer) our anniversary. But, I do have plans coming up for some local events, and traveling to visit family for Christmas. I've put my plans to move into a smaller house on hold until interest rates and the housing market settle down a bit, and also after I finish paying support next year. So not much to report on the forums, although I still read up to see how people are doing.

And catching up on reading my collection of books, and working on my motorcycle. And got cast on some good songs for music school, so I've been working on those.

Interesting that your H wanted money for a house... That was the foundation of my XW's settlement demands. It is madness, yet there is method to it.

Thanks again,

JB

[JohnnyBravo]

Hi, all

It's been a while since I've posted directly! Nothing to update on the MLC front, but for me, we had our "Clash vs. Ramones" music show on Saturday, and we kicked a$$. We were at a different venue (brewery) than the previous two shows, and I guess the school hasn't played there before at all, but there was a lot more audience space and it was full. The stage was outside (under a roof), and the weather warmed up perfectly. This was the first time we ever had audience members yelling for an encore, and we're all, "Uh, we didn't practice anything else..." (And we don't always remember songs from previous seasons.) One of our vocals/guitar guys did his acoustic guitar rendition of Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time," and a subgroup who has been working together did Def Leppard's "Animal." Next season is an '80s mishmash.

Also read an interesting book: "When Breath Becomes Air" by neurosurgeon Paul Kalanithi. He was nearing the end of his neurosurgery residency when he was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. As he had earned an BA and MA in English Lit prior to med school, he decided to write an autobiography. It had some interesting reflections on purpose of life and such, none of which I can quote because I don't have the book with me at work.

Take care,

JB

[Standing Strong]

Hey JB!!!

You sound great!! 
Rocking it out with the band, how cool is that?

-SS

[MadLuv]

All sounds great! I wish we could all come be in that audience. Sounds like a fun time.

[JohnnyBravo]

Thank you, MadLuv and StandingStrong!

I don't see the "links for discussion" thread any more, so I'll post this here. This randomly popped up in my YouTube feed, and I'm really on the fence about posting it because it seems like a "pickup" channel, but the points cover a number of suggestions that we generally make for LBSers. It's also a bit odd because it's using fictional characters (Don Draper clips from Mad Men) to make the points, but I guess there isn't much footage of real life people doing this. I also have to admit that I've used the "silence makes you look in control" thing; when I was a head ref in roller derby, the skaters all thought I was calm, collected, and had everything under control, but often the reality inside my head was me standing there thinking, "What the firetruck just happened?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmOAznOQX-g

[JohnnyBravo]

In RCR's courses, she talks about "beginners mind" aka "childlike wonder." (pro tip: It's a good thing.)

Saw this spoof article today:

https://babylonbee.com/news/man-wishing-he-got-excited-about-anything-in-life-like-his-three-year-old-seeing-a-backhoe

(For my 40th birthday, I gave myself an experience called "Dig This!" where I learned to drive a bulldozer and a tracked excavator. The company is in Las Vegas now.)

[JohnnyBravo]

Nothing about MLC today, but I'm in the midst of a four-day motorcycle trip, and am presently relaxing in a wigwam:

https://sleepinawigwam.com/

I've been pretty lucky with avoiding serious rain so far, but now I'm waiting for it to let up before I walk to dinner.

[MadLuv]

Well, how fun is that? Enjoy!!

[JohnnyBravo]

Happy Independence Day, Americans!

For no particular reason, High Steppin' by the Avett Brothers:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwebrzEldA0

[JohnnyBravo]

Hi, all! Hope you're doing the best you can for the place you're in.

Ol' JB tried dipping into the dating pool, and I've come running back out. OK, it  wasn't that bad. In fact, I met a really great woman, but I was just looking for dating, going out and doing things, etc., and she was looking for something more serious. I just wasn't ready for that. And, I think there were a few other factors involved: She divorced five years ago, far longer than me. She is here for contract medical work (locum), so she has a lot of free time, whereas I do not, and have things I need to take care of in my off time. She also decided to move here not too long after we started dating, which blew my safety net of long-distance. And when I say "here," she's actually living about 75 minutes away, so it's not like we could just meet for dinner on short notice. All of these things seemed to make this ramp up faster than I was probably ready for. We did have a lot in common, and shared a number of interests.

I'm also mentally distracted by my plan to move into a smaller place closer to downtown, which is something I'm looking forward to and dreading at the same time. I think the act of moving is the "dreading" part, just because I fully settled into my current house, thinking this would be the forever home. (A feeling most of you are familiar with.) I was originally thinking of moving this fall, but I think I'm going to wait another year so I can boost my savings, and hopefully mortgage rates will stabilize and drop a little bit, too. (Wishful thinking!) Maybe after I move and settle in again, I'll be in a better headspace for relationships.

We made it about four months, and I think we parted on as good of terms as anyone can... She said she was glad to have met me, and I'm glad I met her, as it's good to know there are other decent people out there. And in my younger days, I probably would have said whatever I had to to keep a relationship going to avoid emotional discussions; now, I just face up to the fact that it's not working. Baby steps.

Now, I'm looking forward to cooler weather, and a long motorcycle trip in a couple of weeks. (I'm even taking an extra day to ride a historic steam train, because I'm a nerd like that.) I hope you all are doing well!

JB

[sachertorte]

You go Johnny! We are all rooting for you. I am also dipping my toes in the apps. You're ready when you're and only then. Very good of you not to compromise and not to string along. Cheers.

[MadLuv]

Sounding good JB. Maybe on a motorcycle trip you. An still meet up with your new friend for dinner as you pass through!!  It’s great you are dipping a little. I still cant. Not because I am not open to it, but I honestly don't know if I will ever want to get to know someone and there back story. People say leave that all in the past, but how do you know anyone in depth without knowing their full story and that takes so long. That part seems overwhelming to me. I wish I could also go out and just have dinner or a movie etc.  I have tried 2 males friendships and they could not stay in the friend zone. I guess you have to find the right person, with the same interests and also be in the same place in life. That sounds reasonable, NOT! Hahaha

[Nas]

but I honestly don't know if I will ever want to get to know someone and there back story. People say leave that all in the past, but how do you know anyone in depth without knowing their full story and that takes so long. That part seems overwhelming to me.

How interesting. That’s the part that sounds amazing and wonderful and interesting to me. Getting to know someone on a deep level and trusting them enough to let them know you on a deep level… I want nothing more.

[MadLuv]

Oh I agree, but after all this and a 30 year marriage I don’t think I have the energy or inclination to start over now at 61. If I was 40 maybe. I think my age has a huge part in it. I feel I spent 30 years with someone and they are not who I thought they were, so I think how do we know anyone or what they are capable of?  I guess if the right one comes along.

[JohnnyBravo]

I don't know why it never occurred to me to post this before, but if anyone wants to burn their gloom away, the Zozobra festival is a week from Friday. This was started by a Santa Fe artist in 1924, and has continued since. It is a 50' effigy named Zozobra, who is stuffed with people's bad memories and set alight to great fanfare. I haven't been yet, but I'll have to make sure I go for the 100th burning next year.

https://burnzozobra.com/

There's a history link for the back story, and if you go to the shop, you can pay $1 for your gloom message to be printed out and stuffed in Zozobra, of $5 to upload divorce papers/covid diagnosis/whatever else. The burning will be streamed online at koat.com. Definitely something with a lot of local flavor, if you're into that sort of thing. Probably a good place for a HS meetup someday...

JB

[JohnnyBravo]

While I'm on a roll...

Today is the anniversary of the Baltic Way (1989), a human chain connecting the capitals of Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia, in protest of the Soviet occupation of the Baltic states. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baltic_Way

The end of the chain in Vilnius is marked by a tile in Cathedral Square that says "Stebuklas" (miracle). Which goes to show you, miracles can happen, but you have to work for them.

JB

[JohnnyBravo]

On the lighter side:

Ol' Johnny B finally discovered that you have to HEAT THE WATER BEFORE PUTTING IT INTO THE FLIPPIN' BREADMAKER to activate rapid yeast. After 4-5 years of maybe not reading the instructions (although I could swear I did it right at some point), I have something resembling fluffy, delicious, fresh bread. (I'm still testing different starting temperatures to get the best rise, given heat loss to the baking tub.)

Now back to your regular programming.

[Reinventing]

What breadmaker did you buy? My first time making bread was after growing up with the metric system. I read the F water temp (100-110 F) for the yeast to foam as C and promptly killed the yeast and wondered why my bread didn't rise.

[JohnnyBravo]

Ouch... I'm also trying to not go too far with the temperature.

I have the smaller Zojirushi, BB-HAC10. It seems to work pretty well. I'm at high altitude, which may affect the outcome as well. (Although with lower atmospheric pressure, I'm guessing the yeast should really puff it up...)

[Biscuit]

I’ve struggled with bread making JB, it seems like there’s some magic formula to every stage that eludes me….

Have you tried starting sourdough, impossible for me!

[JohnnyBravo]

Sourdough would be awesome, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet...

[Reinventing]

I highly recommend King Arthur's flour company for supplies. I have no affiliation with them, other than as a customer.

[UrsaMajor]

Ouch... I'm also trying to not go too far with the temperature.

I have the smaller Zojirushi, BB-HAC10. It seems to work pretty well. I'm at high altitude, which may affect the outcome as well. (Although with lower atmospheric pressure, I'm guessing the yeast should really puff it up...)

Altitude makes a HUGE difference when baking anything..... I used to live in Colorado Springs and there were adjustments that had to be made. My grandmother gave me a recipe for break that she perfected in Winter Park, CO (like 8500 ft above sea level ) and it is a complete flop here in Germany (at 300 feet above sea level) so I am playing with it to alter it appropriately.  The issue has to do with the fact that the boiling point of water is lower the higher you go so recipes need more fluid but, strangely enough a bit more flour as well....

[Biscuit]

UM,

Why don't cook books ever tell you that?? Thats' fascinating.

B

[UrsaMajor]

UM,

Why don't cook books ever tell you that?? Thats' fascinating.

B

Good question - I have cookbooks from "normal" altitude (Better Homes and Gardens, Betty Crocker, the old standards) and some from high altitude (Cream of Colorado, etc.) and the usual differences I see for baking are like 3 additional tablespoons of flour and 1/4 cup fluid and an increase in baking time by 10-15 minutes...

[MadLuv]

Well, look at you chef JB!! You know I make slovak dumplings and I add a little dry cream of wheat to my dry mix flour etc. in my dough. Makes it nice and fluffy as it helps to add that air to the bread.

[JohnnyBravo]

This is over ten years old, but I only found it last week, so...

As we all move forward through fits and starts, find ourselves navigating holidays in a different way that before, and sometimes wonder what the heck we're doing, we can always give it one more try:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XXPGE0klmc

https://www.wsj.com/articles/BL-SJB-7041

Have a great week!

[MadLuv]

So, get a motorcycle and ride all your troubles away? Sounds like a plan!!

[JohnnyBravo]

Hey, all!

Not sure why this thought occurred to me or why I'm writing about it; probably just to clear it out of my head. I've mentioned previously that my ex-wife and I had a friend in our old town who was a) a train wreck and a narcissist, and b) gave my ex-wife divorce advice. I just remembered something and considered it from a different angle. Some time before Covid, friend Z came to visit us. The three of us went out to a place that's popular for dancing, and at one point Z said, "You've got to ask XW to dance!" XW and I had dance together very few times in our relationship. I think I originally put this off as Z knowing what's best for everyone, as she had done that a lot in the past in various situations. XW and I didn't really know this kind of dancing, but nonetheless I asked her to dance during a slow song, and she didn't want to. I seem to remember Z pushing the issue, and I asked again, but XW didn't want to. In retrospect, I wonder if XW had already confided in Z that she was thinking of leaving, no longer excited, whatever, and Z was trying to help me kickstart things. That certainly puts Z in a better light, although she still isn't someone I would consider continuing a friendship with without some other connection. Her and her (now ex) husband were funny and fun to hang out with, but there was just a sort of "ick" ask the kids say these days. It would also indicate that my ex's doubts about our marriage started much earlier than I thought, which would be par for the course.

As we all can guess, I don't think convincing her to have a dance that night would have changed anything. In fact, we went to the same place later on for free dance lessons night and had a great time, and signed up for dance lessons after. Then Covid hit, so that was halted for a while, and when they re-opened, my ex didn't want to go because "we wouldn't meet anyone else fun there" or something like that. She really just wanted that new blast of attention and excitement, which seems to be the taste sensation that's sweeping the nation these days.

In other news, there have been discussions about tarot cards and other mysticism on other threads. My ex wife used to watch tarot card readers on YouTube, and wanted to get a reading when we went to New Orleans (she ultimately didn't). She used to watch all sorts of YouTube stuff in bed before going to sleep. One night I asked her how a generic tarot reading off of YouTube could be interpreted as applying to her (or anybody; I don't know if they were done with particular birthdays, whatever in mind), and she replied that she looked for consistent patterns. I think she then said that there was a pattern of her coming into money, which I guess was a bit of a sign. Well, she didn't come into money, she (and her lawyer) had to EARN it, baby!

In other-other news, I've been starting to pack secondary belongings in preparation for buying and moving into a smaller house to save time later. I've been packing a lot of books, reading some as I go along. Last week I started Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (I'm not sure if I've read it before or not.) For those who haven't read it, the protagonist was kidnapped by an alien race that had mastered time travel. Because of that, they believe that everyone exists simultaneously in every moment of their life. When someone dies or experiences something bad, they don't regard it as bad; it's just an event on a timeline while the same person is experiencing great joy at some other point on their timeline. When something bad happens, they only respond with, "So it goes."

Looking at it from that perspective, even if I'm not thrilled now, JB of 5-6 years ago was very happy and excited for the future, and always will be. JB of two years ago was miserable and always will be (so it goes), but JB of tomorrow may be quite happy.

(Apologies if I offended the literati with that synopsis; I'm an engineer for a reason.)

I thought I had one other tidbit, but it's time to eat. Cheers!

JB

[JohnnyBravo]

I was listening to the radio this afternoon, and this song came on with an intro by the artist. She said she was going to therapy to deal with "the big sad," but she kept talking about anything but. Her therapist said, "Olivia, you can't speed this process up, but you CAN slow it down."

So there ya go.

Olivia Barton, "Big Sad"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkX0FORr-6A

[sachertorte]

Last week I started Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (I'm not sure if I've read it before or not.) For those who haven't read it, the protagonist was kidnapped by an alien race that had mastered time travel. Because of that, they believe that everyone exists simultaneously in every moment of their life. When someone dies or experiences something bad, they don't regard it as bad; it's just an event on a timeline while the same person is experiencing great joy at some other point on their timeline. When something bad happens, they only respond with, "So it goes."

Looking at it from that perspective, even if I'm not thrilled now, JB of 5-6 years ago was very happy and excited for the future, and always will be. JB of two years ago was miserable and always will be (so it goes), but JB of tomorrow may be quite happy.

(Apologies if I offended the literati with that synopsis; I'm an engineer for a reason.)

JB, as a self-anointed literatus (is that the singular?) I wholeheartedly second your synopsis! (Which Vonnegut is it that starts with the Dresden Allies bombing?) I came across the exact same point in the show The Good Place (not very literary of me I know; the audio-visual has Sirened me away from books more than I care to dwell on; exH was insecure about my supposed erudition, being an engineer himself. I wish we could have worked on that.) The thought helped me to no end in living in peace with my loss. My losses coexist with the bliss of all my relationships, and I step aside to bask in the glow cast by the bliss onto that loss.

It's fantastic to see you work with that angle on this radiant idea. Thanks for sharing and cheers.