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Author Topic: My Story •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce

STP

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My Story •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
OP: November 14, 2022, 10:25:34 AM
Welcome to my thread journaling life after my 9/16 divorce. My ex-wife and I very rarely communicate. My first bomb drop was 11/09 when XW had an online EA. I stood and we reconciled 9/10. The second BD was 4/16 after discovering her PA with her best friends husband.

—FAMILY—
S30 & S27 - live together in the former family home 5 miles away. S30 bought it from me and his gf lives with them and her bunch of reptiles.
S23 - bought his own house 8 miles from mine. His gf lives with him. He and S20 often attend music concerts with me.
S20 - lives with XW & OM in a house situated between his brothers homes.

—GIRLFRIEND—
KA - six years younger, we began dating 2/18 and see each other Tuesday nights and weekends, alternating houses depending if she has her D10. Her father, age 85 lives with them. She is grounded, logical, and realistic. She does not want to get married and I am fine with that. KAs best friend LD is going to jail for two counts of vehicular manslaughter and her next bestie KM drunk kissed me, confessed and has been dropped.

—SINGLE FRIENDS since 2016—
JS - my best guy friend who talks too much and is overly serious which is why women don’t like him! He has no life without me and comes to all my events.
MM - my woman best friend who is married, but her dying H is confined to a bed for the last 25+ years. She is dating a much older man I am not fond of, who lives out-of-state that she goes to see weekends. I've seen her but once since they met 3/22.
DC - a woman in a 7-yr relationship who used to be more amorous, flirty and attentive towards me. She mostly ignores me and I leave her be. Last seen 9/22 and intimate two years prior.

---OTHERS---
XW - we were married 25 years, she is now married to OM since 12/18. Haven't seen her in 4 years.
OM - former husband of BF for 25 years, he no longer sees his kids who despise him. I hate him too and hope their marriage fails. We have not exchanged any words since before I discovered their 3/16 affair.
BF - former best friend of XW for 22 years, she lives with her kids a state away and has no contact with OM. Shes had a boyfriend for several years.
AF, CH, AG, GW - former girlfriends since separation. No contact in five years.

I have a very active social life throwing theme parties at my home almost monthly, attended by no less than 20 single friends. I also lead monthly hikes and other group activities in the singles group my gf KA and I belong to.

Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11471.0
My very first thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4735.msg300673#msg300673
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« Last Edit: November 14, 2022, 10:52:31 AM by STP »
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STP

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•• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#1: November 14, 2022, 10:33:22 AM
Journaling

S20 contacted me asking about Thanksgiving plans, indicating his two cousins on XWs side won't be in town until Friday. Traditionally, since before my kids birth, Thanksgiving Day has always been seeing XWs family with mine getting the shaft (er, next best day of Black Friday). If my kids all opt to visit XWs family on Fri. none at the out-of-state family gathering will see them this year. I've thought of contacting XW and messaging my kids... but will just let it be without conflict. KA texted me her opinion: My kids are adults and can make up their own minds, although I know, there is no way they will deny my XW their presence. Thursday is not as option as my parents will keep to the 30+ year tradition of Friday and it would effect too many others to change it. I will be at KAs with her parents for Thanksgiving and take her to my parents on Friday. I could see some of my kids possibly trying to attend both gatherings with a two hour drive between. We'll see.

This Saturday I am leaving KAs for a few hours and going to a hike hosted by another retired guy outside the singles group. The people attending his hike are older and there are many I don't know, which is fine. I haven't see this friend in a year. I met JS and MM in his hiking group six years ago.
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« Last Edit: November 14, 2022, 10:43:12 AM by STP »
M57 XW55
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STP

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#2: November 21, 2022, 07:34:33 AM
Journaling

My elderly friends hike was cancelled due to cold so I went with KA and D10 to the girl scout pottery painting event. The rest of the weekend was pleasant.

BF messaged me
Quote
I had this crazy dream. You were living in the same house as when I met you in IL. We were older and I was over to help you paint and remodel. We had plans on the renovation but as we were discussing it you had switched all the things we talked about and made new renovation plans. I was a little upset and asked why you didn't tell me when your XW walks in and says because we are back together again and this is the way I want it. I started to cry and asked you why you would ever take her back after all these years and everything she had done and you said “She’s the mother of my children, I still love her” then you asked me not to be mad at you. I just wanted to get away from her.
I replied I wouldn't go back to XW or IL. That life was all about her. XW belittled everything I was interested in.
BF replied
Quote
I have a feeling at some point she will try to get back together.
I can't see that ever happening unless OM drops out of the picture and she wouldn't fit in the life I have now.

I found myself looking through pictures from 2016 last night. The very last photo of XW and I was at a pirate festival and we are dressed in period garb on a ship. There are some photos I took of her with my real sword (being pointed at me) and the look in her eyes is reminiscent of the month after the first bomb drop. It's a MLC look I refer to as scratchy eyes. I don't like that look. She was attractive back then besides crazy.

A year ago today I was URBEX exploring an old abandoned church with two newer photographer friends and S27. One of the women left almost right away leaving the other CYS to photograph the ruins with my son and I. I had met her previously when the two of us photographed a cemetery together. A rare 'married' friend who bears a resemblance to XW-an appearance I naturally like. Of course I haven't seen CYS since- theres been no attempt to go out and photograph with others. It did make me think how unimportant my marriage may have appeared in the eyes of OM when he started his affair with XW. I know better and would consider an others relationship status.  I think I wasn't considered at all by OM. He just saw her and went for it amongst her MLC flirting. As we know just because someone is married or in a relationship it doesn't make them safe from other peoples advances. It was just a passing thought that if CYS was avail, I'd enjoy being around her more.

I'm in a good thing with KA. It sounds like at least some of my kids will be there FRI as mentioned in my previous post.
Happy thanksgiving to you.
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« Last Edit: November 21, 2022, 07:38:14 AM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#3: November 21, 2022, 08:34:57 AM
Glad things are working out for the holiday, and with KA, STP!

I've seen your posts about BF over the years, and I understand her pain and why she would still cling so much to what's happening with your xW and OM. If I'm not wrong, didn't they have a few young children, with at least one being special needs, that he abandoned her with? That would create some super heavy neural pathways of resentment. But she just seems so stuck. It's like she always contacts you with dreams or other innocuous things to try to get you on the same wave she's on, focusing on them instead of seeing that you've moved forward. It's really sad, and should be a wake-up call for all of us to not make our former spouses a trauma hobby. It doesn't help, with our own lives or in relationships with others.

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•• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#4: November 21, 2022, 09:23:18 AM
Hello,

Quote
Of course I haven't seen CYS since- theres been no attempt to go out and photograph with others. It did make me think how unimportant my marriage may have appeared in the eyes of OM when he started his affair with XW. I know better and would consider an others relationship status.  I think I wasn't considered at all by OM. He just saw her and went for it amongst her MLC flirting. As we know just because someone is married or in a relationship it doesn't make them safe from other peoples advances. It was just a passing thought that if CYS was avail, I'd enjoy being around her more.

I do agree that OM didn't care. Of course, my ex was quick to accept his advances so I still throw it out on my ex as the main issue. After all, she should have said no and didn't. She was the one that made the vow to me not him. With that being said, that does mean that I am a particular fan of OM and I absolutely hate his guts. I rejoiced when he and my ex broke up. My ex can date and have a great relationship with anyone but him.

Having gone through everything that I have dealt with regarding cheating and all the lies and manipulation that follows an affair, I would never be a cheater. Never ever. Even if I was single and I knew it was just a fling, would I participate in such an activity. It just ends up messy and I just don't want to have anything to do with that type of mess. If you are married, stayed married and if you are single and want to be a player, play with other players. Simple and no mess.

Quote
I'm in a good thing with KA. It sounds like at least some of my kids will be there FRI as mentioned in my previous post.
Happy thanksgiving to you.

Sounds amazing, Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!

((((Ready))))




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STP

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#5: December 06, 2022, 08:45:25 AM
Thanks for comments R2T and Ready

Yes BF has two kids that are like 28 and 25 now? The younger one has all sorts of medical ailments. It's been over 4 years since I saw BF and she's never been strong willed.

Journalling

All my kids came to Thanksgiving at my parents house as usual and stayed late. I think they went to their other cousins after 9pm. I'm glad they kept to the tradition.

I got out of Facebook jail and resumed the fun there. I removed KM from my party group but am still friends with her. There's been no contact since I scolded her. I saw on Facebook a Thanksgiving post from S23s gf about the people closest to her. Of course my XW is pictured there as the girl works in her metaphysical shop.

I changed my health/dental benefits at work and informed the kids they are not covered by me any longer. S30 and S27 are too old and S21 and S23 have their own union coverage. I considered informing XW but prefer to not text with her. I will text her "happy birthday" tomorrow as she did for me. In about two weeks is her anniversary married to OM for 4 years.

Saturday night is my Christmas party. I have 20+ friends coming right now including MM and her old man bf. Haven't seen them in like 8 months. Back to an end time of midnight for KA to get her sleep. Sunday we are attending the singles group Christmas party of 50 people. The group has since been renamed 'singles and couples social group' as many are in relationships with other members and its not a dating group. The party will be alright with a lot of newbies.
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« Last Edit: December 06, 2022, 08:49:43 AM by STP »
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#6: December 12, 2022, 11:17:28 AM
Journalling

My Christmas party was fun with 27 friends attending. I got a bad taste in my mouth when two important people left at 9:30 (before my group photo) to go to another party and KA pulled up a few Facebook pics as they were being posted live. I knew everyone there and at one time or another they've all been in my house. Some are current good friends and some are people that are no longer close with me as they seem to prefer "The H gang" as I have named it. Whatever. Their party host is someone dubbed the Ice Queen by MM for her coldness.

Speaking of MM she came without her old man bf and stayed until midnight. It was wonderful to see and talk with her. I did think how attractive she is. She gave KA a hug and told me a couple times she doesn't know what she is doing (in her relationship). Seems like everything was rosy during the summer on his boat but now that's over til next summer and she's the one making the long drive to see him weekends. I've missed MM but it's on her to make more effort to come around.

During the party DC texted me
Quote
I was going to make it tonight but couldn't. Sorry. Hope it was a fabulous or is a fabulous party.
I responded (the next day) that I'm pleased she's still interested in attending as she hasn't in 3 years. I invited her to my 'second chance party' this upcoming weekend as she considers herself an excellent baker. It's a Sunday afternoon cookie swap. I have 10 people coming to that.

This past Sunday afternoon party of 54 from the social group was a mix of some people from my party and the H gang. I made it a point to chat with all of them. Their 'leaders' gf was talking to me at one point and I swear she was running her fingers along my arm and shoulder. Odd. I don't hate any of them but it is a very cliquey group while I try to be open to everyone.

Other than things with KA and my family the rest of the year looks to be quiet of events. I will go over to buddy JSs house this week to check out his growing expensive light display.
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« Last Edit: December 12, 2022, 11:19:57 AM by STP »
M57 XW55
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#7: December 12, 2022, 09:15:12 PM
What a busy and fun life!!! 27 guests, that's amazing.... HA!!!

I'm so glad there is a person legend up top  ;D One moment I think I know who you're talking about and then have to check to be sure!!  8)

Sounds like you have having a great holiday season with more to come. I'm so glad.

-SS
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W - 43
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Together 28 years, M 25
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BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012

STP

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#8: December 15, 2022, 08:54:01 AM
Journalling

Thanks for your comment Standing Strong. I am living large and seeking fun.

Buddy JS texted me last night asking how I feel. I feel fine while he has contracted Covid-19 for the second time. I saw him 4 nights prior in my house. So KA and I both took rapid tests which came back negative. I scheduled my 4th booster vaccination, 13 months after the last one.

KA texted me this morning she took the day off as she has a 101º fever. I kissed her two night ago and feel fine today. I expect this to cancel our girl scout troop outing with her D10 to the South Bend zoo tomorrow.

DC texted me she had to cancel attending my cookie swap this Sunday as her daughter is flying in a couple days earlier than she knew. I said I was gonna hand her a Christmas card and asked to mail it instead getting her new address.

A friend of mine known 50 years lost his father this week. It got me thinking about how precious and short life it. Don’t waste your time being miserable. Unmet expectations of others often leads to misery. Ya gotta look out for yourself and surround yourself with good people.
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M57 XW55
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STP

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#9: December 27, 2022, 08:21:39 AM
Journalling

I hope you all had an enjoyable Christmas with your kids and the MLCer caused no negativity.

I was a little disappointed Christmas morning when only S21 came over before the trek out of state to my parents. I found out that his three brothers were at XWs... again. They were there Christmas Eve but apparently didn’t open all their gifts as S27 wanted presents to look forward to on Christmas morning. Hello, what about the gifts I have for you? S21 told me all sorts of in-the-house happenings like XW apologizing for being so drunk she didn't remember anyone opening presents.  ::)

I guess my ex father-in-laws one-story house was destroyed by the FL hurricane putting 8 feet of water in it for several weeks in September. Shortly after, his 15-yr younger, second-wife left him, not wanting to take care of him anymore. S30 later said ex-FIL has dementia and there’s not much going on in his head with no short term memory. XW and her brother are paying $4,000 a month to have him living in provided care up here. Quite sad as he’s younger than my parents. His sister, the opinionated older aunt and my XW are no longer on speaking terms either. S21 said there’s talk about getting another cat... this one without hair as OM is allergic to cats. As S30 said, XW is always trying to find that elusive happiness but we know she won’t. No manner of new pets will fix her brokenness. S21 said XW and OM argue often, but of course she wins everything. OM traded in his masculinity when he joined her. He has no contact with any of his family apparently, not even his parents. He is her puppet, a role I know and escaped from.

My Christmas Eve and time at KAs was terrific. I’m considered one of the family by her parents and, I’ve been told D10 has missed me on occasion. Christmas Day at my parents was wonderful with all my kids and family there. Even my brother from WI, who hadn't made an appearance in 4 years came and everyone stayed late.

New Years Eve isn't a big deal. I will be at KAs as she has D10 and we will just stay in to quietly ring in 2023.
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« Last Edit: December 27, 2022, 08:25:10 AM by STP »
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STP

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#10: January 09, 2023, 06:37:38 AM
Happy New Year!

My NYE was quite entertaining. KAs D10 had a sleepover at a friends, so we found plans and went to the casino where we had front row to see Everclear for free. It was a fun time and broadcast on NBC in Chicago.

XW contacted me
Quote
Hi, just wanted you to know S21 and his gf broke up (after 4 years). Hes taking it really hard, naturally. Please help me keep an eye on him. He says he's been unhappy for a long time. Maybe invite hime to go see a movie?
I've been feeling really bad for S21 since receiving the message and had him over to eat and watch a movie. Now I know boys may not want to discuss relationship topics like this with their dads, but I approached the subject. Surprised to hear it was his choice to end it and he's hanging out with friends more. He said they grew apart but may talk in 4 weeks. He said he's fine.[/quote]

I had my hike this past weekend for 22 singles. Buddy JS came and I met and friended a few new people. One brand new woman BB was really fun and I sat by her at lunch. She had some ideas for my next hike and will attend my next party.

In two weeks is my white wine party where everyone brings a bottle and I pour small dixie cup samples for everyone to try. I have about 30 people atm signed up. It's very important to keep making new friends as old ones fade and move on.
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#11: January 09, 2023, 06:51:43 AM
Love the white wine party idea!! Sounds like you have some good things in place. I might steal that one from you!
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife

STP

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#12: January 09, 2023, 03:30:21 PM
Love the white wine party idea!! Sounds like you have some good things in place. I might steal that one from you!

Thanks MadLuv. It's quite fun. I promise guests they will taste 20 wines in a hour. Rate each 1 oz taste on a provided score sheets and vote for their top 3! Pic from last years event after I'm done pouring. It's grown over six years-first one was 5 bottles. Pour from dryest to sweetest, plus, I keep all the leftovers.  ;)

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« Last Edit: January 09, 2023, 03:33:32 PM by STP »
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#13: January 09, 2023, 03:55:01 PM
That’s my kind of night….
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STP

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#14: January 24, 2023, 07:31:04 AM
Journalling

Electrician S30 came over and installed my outdoor hue lights. He really is a generous kid. Said he plans to get engaged to his gf of 4 years in Aug. I imagine it would be better if his wine maker brother S27 didn't live with them.

KM messaged me the morning of my wine party on Sat.
Quote
Hey, hey - I met you 4 years ago at your white wine party.  I had moved to your city in November and you were the first person I met.  KA and/or LD were the second.  I don't like not having you and KA in my life.  I don't like not going to your parties.  Is there any way I can make this go away and be friends?
I chatted with KA about it and left it up to her. She said it was fine that KM be allowed back after dropping her at Halloween for kissing me. KA gave her a hug and I over heard one line: KA telling her she would kick her ass if she did that again! They didn't really mingle during the rest of the night. With over 30 people and 31 open bottles of wine it was a super fun time. New hiker woman friend BB contacted me the day of backing out as she has covid. MM sent me a message
Quote
I so want to make the white wine party, my friend! (My old man) bf’s been back to work for two weeks and he’s just wiped out. We’re just gonna go out to dinner with one of his coworkers and his wife and that’s our swingin’ Saturday night. Keeping it local.
Whatever. I HATE getting reasons people don't come. You don't have to explain why.

DC messaged me last week asking about something we talked about 3-1-17:
Quote
DC is wanting me to photograph her in different dresses and recreate the famous Sophia & Jane photo from 1957. I said "I kinda get into professional photographer mode so no worry about me being gropy bear". She replied "May the odds be ever in your favor ....once you see me in those dresses"  ;D She will be photoshopped to play both roles. She replied "Kinda sexy you have all that talent"
I offered up some dates but she couldn't for various reasons. Yesterday I mentioned to her I have leftover wine (the last time I saw her was when she stopped by to take some) and could bring bottles over whenever I photograph her. Silence. She's either flaky or has decided against her idea, again.

Things look to be quiet for awhile now. KA has D10 all this week so I'll make the 44 mile drive to her place tonight for our 3 hr Tuesday night visit. We've been invited to see a Van Halen tribute band with friends Feb 3rd.



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« Last Edit: January 24, 2023, 07:46:59 AM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#15: February 10, 2023, 08:42:22 AM
Journalling

I now have Fridays off. The day after we got a raise at work, our company eliminated the half day Fridays due to slow sales, so I'm getting paid for just 36 hrs a week. I should be ok as long as it doesn't last. On top of the nearly $3,800 a year loss in pay, my mortgage went up like $56 month. sigh. A very good thing my happiness isn't tied to money.

I had a popular hike last weekend for 22 hikers and the 41º made it pleasant. I made one new Facebook friend outta it and strengthened some other connections.

Next weekend is my masked Mardi gras party. I have 29 coming right now including KA, buddy JS and a few people I have never met. DC messaged me this morning saying she couldn't make it having a work function at the nearby casino that night. I texted her she could stop by on her way home if her event doesn't go late, because my party goes to midnight. She hasn't attended in three years so I've dismissed her.

Reading anothers post on here got me thinking just how much does my XW think of me, or even refers to me in conversation. The OM husband of hers knew me as well for 20+ years. Not that it matters, just a passing thought. My XW comes up in conversation weekly in some way or another in reference.

Sunday is the singles group SuperBowl party. There hasn't been one since '20 and I've attended the last four. KA unusually has her D10 and will not go this time. I know most of the people there and have been promoted by the organizer to be a group assistant, rather than just an event organizer. The one in charge just wants me for my superior photo taking.  ;D

Tuesday is Valentines Day and also my 5th anniversary with KA. She is a wonderful, levelheaded, no drama girlfriend. I made reservations at the local steakhouse she's never been to and will come back to my place for wine by the fire after. xoxo. We first met at my mardi gras party in '18 and had our first date on that Valentines Day.

Keep on enjoying life. We don't get these days back!

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#16: February 21, 2023, 08:47:51 AM
Journalling

Today is mardi gras. I've never been to the festival but celebrated it this past Saturday hosting a lively party in my house. I had 42 attend and it was a great time. Sometimes I wonder why KA puts up with me as she clearly doesn't enjoy my parties and opted out of one group photo and is frowning in another. One person asked her if I should have an event for her friends and she said she doesn't have any friends. I hate hearing that. At least she has her daughter to occupy her time. I don't think KA is open to meeting new people. New hiker woman friend BB had a blast and asked me to dance at one point and I had to tread that carefully. My next hike location was BBs idea. KAs closest thing to a bestie )who she made up with) KM, did not attend, nor did I hear anything from MM.

I'm quite worn out and due to scheduling changes with KAs XH, she has D10 the next 3 weekends so little alone time, other than our brief Tuesday nights, so I'll be going there. I'll stay over on FRI but be back home on SAT for a MUSE concert with my lifelong best friend, S21 and S23. The first Sunday in March I am leading a hike in IL for 18 friends & singles.

I hope everyone is doing as well as they can and living their best life. You really do have lots of control over your actions. Don't let anyone control you and don't empower anyone to be your everything.

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« Last Edit: February 21, 2023, 08:50:13 AM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#17: February 21, 2023, 10:38:31 AM
You really walk your talk, STP! I gotta admit, I had to smile and nod to how you aren't letting the difference in social styles between you and your partner dictate your activities (and that's both of you - good of her to not try to curb your parties, even if they're not her thing). If she wants to make new friends, that is her job, and not trying to force your friends on her (or vice versa) is a very healthy detachment.

I was the happiest in my marriage, truthfully, when I just focused on myself and met my xH where we connected, and left him to be in the places where we didn't. Even when we are separated as LBSs, but still over-think what our spouses are doing or feeling, it's unhealthy for us as individuals (IMO - and I was guilty of it after BD, too). I worry I won't be able to have that kind of relationship again, but then I see things like this, and I feel hopeful. Good on ya! "Don't let anyone control you and don't empower anyone to be your everything." - indeed!
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#18: March 08, 2023, 10:51:02 AM
Thanks for the reply R2T. Happy you could find some inspiration from my post.

Journalling

Since my last post I've dropped 14 lbs doing my annual sugar detox, which runs 28 days. I tend to lose 29-30 lbs days on it but may go longer this time. After the first three days its not difficult at all and I'm rarely hungry. I am cold though. Bought some new running shoes and have gone a few times.

This past Sunday I led a group of 17 singles/hikers at Starved Rock in IL. It was a full day and I met a new recently divorced woman and added her on Facebook as a friend. Everyone else, including buddy JS I've known awhile. It was a good trip and I decided to host hikes more often than every four weeks and have another in three weeks. 

KA is a maybe for my Saint Patrick's Party on the 18th. I know she isn't pleased. I asked her if she'd prefer I have them when she has her D10, but she wants the option to be able to attend. She doesn't seem to enjoy them. I had already decided to not entertain in my house in April. She has joined a group called Women Just Wanna Have Fun and I'm pleased that she might make some friends. KM is going with her to a brewery event on the 17th and then bowling on the 29th which both take away from 'us' time. Teaching me a lesson? I'm fine with it.

I'm not Irish like KA and XW are, but wanted to try my hand at hosting a St. Paddys event. I have twenty coming atm, and my events are not to be missed!  :D  Wash away the negative feels of the holiday I have from 2016.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#19: March 27, 2023, 07:49:59 AM
Journalling

My St. Patrick's party was good fun with just 19 guests. KA did attend but at one time she went into the dark bedroom away from it all. When I found her she said she had a headache and she rejoined the group later. Another frown in the group photo from her. I've learned to talk about my parties as little as possible when we're together as I'm sure she feels like they are ever present on my mind. I'm on a break from them until the end of May. I deleted 11 people from my party group including DC, JW and others whom haven't made an appearance in 15+ months. I view it like this... I invite you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and you can't RSVP or respond? Clearly they are busy with other things and have no interest. Being invited into my home is a privilege for good caring friends. As it stands MM can miss the entire year and still be included a year from now.

KA had me pencil in the first weekend in June as 'us' time. No other plans allowed. We do have this Friday as a date night and are deciding what to do. Saturday is my nephews 30th birthday party in Chicago. That should be a fun time seeing family with her.

I've been trying for over 2 weeks to take out S28 for his birthday dinner but now he has a sprained wrist and didn't reply to my latest attempt. I'm hopeful one day he can get a place of his own and not have to keep living with S30 and his gf.

Yesterday I led a group of 28 singles/hikers on a trail hike. It was almost too many people and I get mild anxiety thinking about parking and how to tell a restaurant I have that many coming. It worked out well this time and really... it always does. During lunch conversation my XW was brought up and I really don't have negative things to say about her. She released me from the prison of being married to her.  ;D

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« Last Edit: March 27, 2023, 07:59:35 AM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#20: April 10, 2023, 11:47:41 AM
Journalling

Easter was very good. All four of my kids made the drive to IL to see my parents and the rest of the family. I was happy XW did not have any plans that woulda kept them away. It's my dads 80th birthday this week and S30 mentioned to me how much better his health is than XWs dad who is younger and is dealing with Alzheimer's disease. KA had plans with her family and could not attend.

This upcoming Friday night KA and I are going to a casino to see a local band for dancing. I saw my new hiker woman friend BB is listed as going to the Facebook event as well. KA will not like it if our date night becomes anything else. Saturday we have different plans and will not be together once they get started at 11am. (I'm going to an out-of-state concert with a guy and therefore shes trying to host a hike for her womens fun group). Sunday night I am leading my first 10-mile bike ride of the year. Buddy JS, BB and a dozen other friends are signed up.

A guy friend of mine I met Oct. 2017 died this past weekend at age 71. I last saw him at my mardi gras party in Feb. It's sad and we are all waiting to find out about funeral arrangements, etc. Being such a photographer I put together 30 some pics I had taken of him over the last five years. Several of the pics are him and MM. She had told me a couple times, the mutual friend wanted to date her. I have not reached out to MM. I don't even think she knows he's gone or had a heart attack. She's so in the clouds and oblivious with her old man bf. Maybe wrong of me to not reach out and let her know whats all over Facebook. We haven't texted in two months and my last two messages to her she has not read. I'm not gonna say anything and when I do hear from her, I'll speak my mind how her bf has ruined who she used to be. Like other women friends have done, once they get in a relationship, they ignore all their friends. Soooo wrong to do that! Ya gotta find balance. Don't make anyone your everything.
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« Last Edit: April 10, 2023, 11:58:41 AM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#21: April 19, 2023, 10:06:38 AM
Journaling

Quote
This upcoming Friday night KA and I are going to a casino to see a local band for dancing.
KA and I had a fantastic time dancing at the casino until midnight. The highlight of my busy weekend. The weather flipped on us here in the midwest dropping 50º in two days, thus I postponed my bike ride to this upcoming Sunday night. Saturday, KA has girl scout duties with her D10 and troop, thus I am leading my hike that day. Once again, it it full... with several friends even on the waiting list. I'll let them in and figure out parking.

I got a message from KM yesterday. She's the friend of KAs (the one who kissed me at Halloween when the coast was clear). I've not seen her this year.
Quote
Hey there - I saw your post about ghosting or fading away.  While I'm sure that isn't about me - I wanted to respond.  I don't want to be fading away from your life - I have been extraordinarily busy - I opened my own practice  (!), and I have been slightly uncomfortable since Halloween. That being said- can I ask a favor- will you take a picture of me for the website?
KM is a very camera shy person. We decided I will go over to her house (for the first time) this Friday afternoon to photograph her. Although I considered not bothering KA with my visiting our friend, decided it's best to let her know beforehand. I'll tell her the day before in person.

The final weekend in April is my annual Games Weekend with my bro, best friend and S21 (S23 can't make this year) so I won't see KA at all, other than our Tuesday before. I try to plan weekends I can't be with her to be the ones she has D10 to not take away from us alone time.



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#22: April 19, 2023, 12:26:54 PM
Ok, is KA still friends with KM? I thought she was dropped as a friend. That is nice for you to help, but seems strange she has been out of the picture for a year and then requests a favor.  I would be uncomfortable if I was KA. KM doesn’t seem like a trustable friend, but my trust radar is often on high alert 😂🤣
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#23: April 20, 2023, 04:19:27 AM
Thanks for your post MadLuv.

They made up in January. KM had messaged me the morning of my wine party saying she didn't like not having KA and I in her life. I chatted with KA about it and she said it was fine that KM be allowed back. KA gave her a hug that night and said she would kick her ass if she ever did that again! They haven't really mingled since as KM has not come around. I know KM bought girl scout cookies from KAs D10.

I know women don't like secrets so I will be transparent going forward. I am known in my social circles as a photographer.
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#24: April 20, 2023, 06:34:00 AM
Awww, that’s great. Love her her kick her a$$ warning. Too funny!!!
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Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#25: April 24, 2023, 11:44:20 AM
Journalling, or I could call this interacting with women. Having four brothers and four sons, it's always interesting to me when I meet one.

A strange occurrence I forgot to mention from Sat night 4/15. Following the concert I attended with two friends, we were hanging around the venue at 10:30 pm hoping to meet the band (something that happens often) and a couple started talking to me. C+JJ They probably spent half an hour focused on me and then insisted I come with them up the elevator to the speakeasy. I told my friends I'd be back and went up where it was like a time warp back to 1926 decor. Most of the patrons and staff were dressed as if it was the roaring twenties (flappers and mobsters). There was a six-piece band with horns and people dancing to ABBA songs. It was surreal. Blonde gal C, who was my age, kept high-fiving me every time she found something in common with me. At one point I felt like they wanted me to go to their hotel room. I mainly walked around taking pics and took one of us three and them in the various rooms of the era (even a room dedicated to Charlie Chaplin). It was mostly couples dining and having no one to dance with, I stayed just 30 mins. A very weird unique experience.

Follow up to my taking photos at KMs house. We talked for an hour before getting around to her head shot pics. Used her bedroom wall as plain backdrop and she made a joke about this not being what she imagined with me in her bedroom. Nothing happened between us other than like 10 mins of hugging. Glad she didn't try to cross the line again.

Last week brunette NJ messaged me to go kayaking with her. NJ is DCs bestie, and I usually only see NJ when they are together. I was busy that day but said perhaps this Fri. I last saw her at my Christmas party in 2018. DC once told me she thought I'd be good with NJ. Nah, shes obsessed with her dogs! The first time I saw NJ was on the POF dating app, but she ignored my text.  :D

JKR is someone I don't think I've ever talked about. Shes a widow who came to my Christmas cookie swap and is frequent at all my hikes. Shes a photographer as well and is very choosy on who can give a hello hug to her. This past weekend she initiated it. I had 15 hikers and as often JKR is at the back, frequently stopping to take pics. About 3/4 of the way done I turned around and she had made an effort to get  right behind me. So we chatted as everyone does while walking. I stopped to collect everyone on a board walk and fell backwards when a damage plank broke falling into the water. JKR felt bad for not being able to rescue me from the fall. Ha, theres no way anyone coulda, so I was half wet. Anyway she texted me the next morning to ask how I was and again last night informing me about about missing my photographers botanical garden walk this Sunday. So we made plans to go Wed night before the group meeting so she can see it. Shes a super shy person, so it's good to see her warming up to people other than her bestie who is usually with her.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#26: May 11, 2023, 08:06:14 AM
Journalling

S21 mentioned to me he is planning to move out of XWs house in June and into a HS friends place in a neighboring city. This will finally make XW an empty nester. I wonder to what degree she will get Empty Nest Syndrome? How intense will the restlessness and loneliness get? Will she get irritated with the OM? Will she have less energy and less motivation to do things? Adopt more pets to pursue her elusive sadness? While I don't wish her ill, I do hope her marriage fails. Let her find a guy whose not a home wrecker. I had her the best 25 years, so what do I care.

I went to a friends memorial service and lo and behold MM showed up. It was good to see her. It was a lil awkward to talk with her with KA beside me, knowing her disdain for my friend. I texted MM inviting her to hang out before her return to MI, but that didn't happen. She's more about spending her avail time with girlfriends.

KA and I went to her cousins sons wedding in TN. We disagreed... her saying it's her second cousin. I say her first cousin once removed. It was a blast. Her D10 did not go but her mom was with us.

I went kayaking yesterday with two friends and invited NJ to come along. I hadn't seen her since my Christmas party in 2019 when she attended with her bestie DC. She's had health issues and on top of covid, explained why she hasn't been coming around. I told her I deleted her from my party group. She thought I was kidding.

This weekend I'm going to KAs, but Saturday am driving to IL to attend my nieces HS graduation, unless it rains. I'll still go to see my mom for Mothers Day.


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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#27: May 16, 2023, 07:26:30 AM
I hope you all had a pleasant Mothers Day. I went the day before to see my niece graduate from HS and visit with my parents after. On places like Snapchat and Instagram I saw what my four sons were up to with XW and OM. It's moments like this I see how wrong it is for anyone but me to be there. OM could've gone to see his own parents. It's worth noting my XW has teal green hair on part of her head. Is this normal for a 55 yr old woman? Always was a signal to me she changed into someone I didn't know.

On the 27th is my 'yellow' party where I ask guests to wear a yellow shirt. KA said yellows not really her color. Then said all she has is summer clothes and May is too cold to wear them. I reminded her of the yellow sweater I bought her two Christmases ago (that she asked for and hasn't worn yet) but she instead said she's not gonna wear yellow. WTF? I think she might be trying some passive aggressive things on me to downplay my parties. A lot of women would welcome the chance to buy something for an occasion but not her.

I don't like to look but next to KAs bed on her nightstand is a small notebook. She keeps track of every time we are together with or without her D10. Alone with her time is very important. There are up and down arrows beside dates. I don't look that closely but it's like a quick guide into her feelings about me. (I've only looked in there twice in 5 years). I just plan on being me and hopefully that works for her.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#28: May 29, 2023, 07:01:52 PM
Ups and down and a sequin.

I hope you all had a great memorial day weekend. I sure did with varying degrees of fun. Thursday I had my annual physical and have had chest congestion, so my doc ordered an x-ray to check my lungs over. All clear.

Friday, I had the day off and went in for followup blood work which required 12+ hrs of fasting. Normally I do fine with this sampling of my blood, but this time broke out in a sweat, got nauseated and had my blood pressure drop to 80/50, so they checked me in to the ER. Sheesh. Just for fun I had shared my x-ray online on Facebook and now commented, I was in the ER. Anyway, I got out after an EKG and resting. KA arrived and we went to a comedy club that night and were all laughs. KA later found a sequin on my bedroom floor and wondered who it fell off? It may be joking fun but she then went and put a framed picture of us from my bedroom out on the fireplace mantle... so the new women know I'm taken. C'mon, everyone knows.  ::)

Saturday we went to the outlet mall and I got a "Hey STP!" and it was DC shopping with her son. She asked about my ER visit and we chatted a minute. KA didn't remember her. That night was my yellow party. KA decided to go to a local food truck event with a few others she didn't know before coming back for my party. She did not wear yellow, which I mentioned in my previous post. I made an error in my alcohol consumption and didn't make it until the end of my own party, passing out in bed by 10:40pm. KA kicked everyone out by 11:30. When I woke for a bathroom visit, I saw her sleeping on the couch. Eventually around 6:30 am she joined me. When asked about the couch stay she said I was taking up the whole bed and there was no room for her. I think maybe she was upset as she refused to stand next to me in the group photo as well. She said it was because she didn't wear yellow... and was bothered i was drunk. Pure accident as the drink I made filled the pitcher so high there was no way to put the lid on so I poured myself too big a glass full. It was strong!

Sunday we decided to just stay around my house relaxing after a lunch out. I posted my pics in my Facebook party group. KA got a lot of flak about why she was wearing purple and everyone else in yellow. Groan. Then I got a PISSED off message from DC discovering I had deleted her from my party group. My explaining she hadn't come in three years was taken as disinterested was viewed by her as me ghosting her and wanting to end our friendship. Criminey! I used my skills in negotiating with irate women and invited her back into my group although she then said she didn't want to be back in and has had reasons for not coming that she didn't want to say to me as they might hurt our friendship. Bejeezus. Well we kinda worked it out as I apologized for the blindside removal of her. She has not rejoined yet.
KA and I had a good night watching a movie although she seems less affectionate.

Today I planned to go with KA to her neighborhood rummage sale (40 miles away) but instead rang up S21 and S28 and played 18 holes of disc golf. Been chatting with KA about our days this evening. Next weekend, I'll see her evenings only as I have a memorial to go to in IL followed by my nieces grad party. KA and her D10 were invited but has to stay to have her pool opened. Sunday I have a hike for like 25 people including buddy JS.
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« Last Edit: May 29, 2023, 07:29:42 PM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#29: June 19, 2023, 08:11:16 AM
Journalling

Just living life and keeping busy. I missed a day of work having a fever for two days but got through it fine. Was it COVID-19? No idea. Went for a physical and routine blood work and ended up getting a chest x-ray, EKG and being checked into the ER. I'm fine but sheesh. Saw a covers band one night with some friends, and went kayaking twice with others. KA and I had our date weekend and it was lots of fun going to a botanical garden and sand sculpture contest as well as eating out a few times.

Last week I invited DC to meet for a drink to catch up. She's only in the office one day a week (in my city). I hadn't seen her in 9 months and we had a good two hour chat at the pub by her work. I asked her some direct questions about her wishy washiness... and got satisfying answers to better understand her motives. It's been a tough time for her with difficult kids (She has 5, of which two are adopted siblings). Her bfs recovery from surgery has been ultra slow and it seems slim chance he will move here for her soon. I took some selfies with her and ended with a quick kiss and she asked me to send them to her. I sent her my summer party invite already knowing she can't come. The next day she sent me a funny meme. Saturday I sent her a clip of an 80s song from the radio (which is her favorite) I've heard twice in the last two days. As I was typing this, a photo of herself from 1987 arrived. I guess we're back to communicating.

Friday KA is coming over and we are leaning towards seeing a Queen/Lady Gaga tribute band. Something to dance to.Saturday is my Summer party and KA is attending a Blues Fest with other friends in the singles group. She said she needs a break from my parties and most coming are my newer hiking buddies (not entirely true). She will come back to my house after the concert. I said I'm hoping she clicks with someone at my party (since losing her bestie LD) and she replied
Quote
Maybe in another meetup group.  The people that go to your parties are your friends.  I need to find someone that you didn't meet first.
I understand that. It's hard for her because she can't just hang with the girls.  Her life is too busy with adulting. Most women age 50 don't have a D10. Sunday we will do something together and I am leading a sunset 10 mile bike ride at night. Buddy JS and six other friends will attend that.

Fathers Day was fantastic with my four sons. We played 18 holes of disc golf and went to dinner after. I was pleased all four individually at different times requested a selfie with me. I need to schedule more things together with them.
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#30: June 19, 2023, 08:35:36 AM
Sounds like a good life and father’s with your son’s :)
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
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Oct 2020 BD2
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#31: June 26, 2023, 06:12:55 AM
Thanks for the comment MadLuv

Journalling

I did not mention in my previous post about last weekend when I was at KAs. After dinner we watched a movie and in her recliner I fell asleep. This has happened before. She was not pleased and I learned when she's not feeling close to me she withholds sex. I can understand that. I just had the one night with her and left Saturday morning for my day with S24 and my oldest brother at the worlds largest arcade. 8 hr's of playing videos games. It was late, so I did not go back to KAs.
Tuesday she came over for the usual night of me making dinner and watching a series or movie on tv. I fell asleep and she was angry and left by 7:20pm. We texted later and lately she hasn't been feeling close to me. Less emotional connection. This news coming a week before my summer party on Sat... that she was not attending. gulp.

This past Fri we had a date night to go see a Queen/Lady Gaga tribute band. Four friends were also going, but we opted to not sit with them as it was "a date night". We had a great time and reconnected. Saturday I took her out to lunch, and around 4:30 she left to meet others in the singles group for a BBQ/Blues fest as my summer party began. I had about 25 friends come over. Around 10:30pm KA returned and we finished out the night together with many staying until midnight, when I started kicking them out. Our Sunday we went to garage sales, an afternoon delight, out to lunch and a visit to my neighbors sons birthday party before she left. Later she texted me she had a great time this weekend. The fun she needed and Love you."  :)

My mom had texted me that perhaps I needed to have less parties to not damage my relationship with KA, as they all like her. No party in July as we have two vacations together. Looking forward the next party I have planned is for 8/19. KA told me she is going to an all women outing with KM, so I may as well have it as I'm not invited to her thing and it worked out well this past weekend. I feel shes striving for some time to create her own friendships outside of mine or our shared ones in what limited time she has without me, and her D10.

This week I'm thinking about a kayak outing on WED and am hosting a singles group event for 23 at a Styx cover band outing on Thursday. S24 will go with me. The weekend then will be at KAs watching fireworks etc. I will make sure to be rested Fri and not doze on her couch.  ;)
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#32: June 29, 2023, 06:35:54 AM
I cancelled my kayak outing as the Chicagoland area is under an Air Quality Warning and just to breath outside is very unhealthy from the Canadian fires smoke particles here. Hoping the rain helps as I'm leading a hike on Sunday west of Indianapolis.

BF contacted me this am to say her D28? is getting married today and asked me to get that info to OM as he has her blocked on all forms of communication. I sent one sentence to XW and got back "Yep, he knows. Thx" We're not sure how he knows when he has NC with his kids or his one sister allied with BF. In this case I hated reaching out to my XW and feel ill to my stomach. Her reply was simple but seemed smug.

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#33: June 29, 2023, 07:17:49 AM
Hello,

Quote
My mom had texted me that perhaps I needed to have less parties to not damage my relationship with KA, as they all like her. No party in July as we have two vacations together. Looking forward the next party I have planned is for 8/19. KA told me she is going to an all women outing with KM, so I may as well have it as I'm not invited to her thing and it worked out well this past weekend. I feel shes striving for some time to create her own friendships outside of mine or our shared ones in what limited time she has without me, and her D10.

I agree that she is trying to build relationships outside of your gregarious life. From my perspective, your situation is more about balancing things between your activities and KA. For one thing, she doesn't want you to completely stop your outside life and I think  on one level she loves that you can do your own thing and don't need her 24/7. It's just communicating when are the times she needs you and vice versa. She has a busy life, you have an even busier life. However, you make it work and that's the best you can do.

Quote
I sent one sentence to XW and got back "Yep, he knows. Thx" We're not sure how he knows when he has NC with his kids or his one sister allied with BF. In this case I hated reaching out to my XW and feel ill to my stomach. Her reply was simple but seemed smug.

Don't you disdain being asked to make contact with your ex in these situations? I would rather unclog the toilet than deal with my ex. Your situation is tougher because she is with OM. I couldn't stand OM then and I still can't stand him now and I never met or even saw a picture of him.

I think you handled it well  and I hope your weekend plans are fun and safe.

Have a great weekend,

(((Ready)))
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#34: July 27, 2023, 08:35:11 AM
Thanks for reply Ready

Rereading your post again (about not wanting to see your ex) helped me decide my course of action tonight. I texted S23 if he was going to a Doobie Brothers tribute concert tonight and he said yes and that XW and S28 will be there. For a moment I considered going... for a strange reason besides the music (Last month after a Styx tribute concert a good woman friend and guy shes dating invited me back to his house to drink at his basement bar and play tunes. It was a fun time until well after midnight and they wanted me to sleep over but I declined. Saw they were gonna be there tonight and thought maybe a repeat could happen-l :D)
There's an 80's cover band concert tonight in another city where I might have a few women friends. Without knowing fer sure who's going, I'm gonna pass on that. I can stay home. Just got home yesterday from vacation.I have an Avenged Sevenfold concert tomorrow night with S23 and S21 along with their guy friends. Just last week I was at Foreigner and Loverboy with KA and all four of my kids which was a first and fun time!

Speaking of KA, we've had two vacations this month and will have seen each other a record 22 days this month. I had just one hike early in the month and one kayak night a couple weeks back. This weekend I'm at her house and Monday night am having another kayak night for friends that have one. August is a busy month of activities.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#35: August 21, 2023, 08:52:38 AM
Journaling

Nothing real exciting but just noting events as of late. A couple weeks ago I went afternoon kayaking on a Friday with two women I have gone with before. One is NJ, who is DCs best friend and the second is kinda ditz. After lunch, NJ invited us to her house to float in her pool. The ditz declined but I went... not wanting to pass up an opportunity to experience something new. It was kinda surreal to be in NJs pool with her and just her. She's attractive and like 7 years ago I wanted to date her, but she's a friend and glad to have her back in my life after 3.5 years. I stayed about an hour, as I had to get back home before KA arrived. I'll see NJ and several others WED for a group kayak venture and following dinner. One of those attending to paddle is ML who I don't think I've ever talked about.

ML is a much younger Mexican gal. Very pretty and always with red lipstick, she's a world traveller having gone to Iceland, Hawaii and Japan in the last year. Met her about a year and half ago on one of my hikes. Shes kayaked several times with the group and messaged me last week with some questions about botanical gardens nearby.
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I want to get away and relax for the weekend.  I will probably go there tomorrow. I will just kayak on Wednesday with my best friend
I asked who that was and she replied
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You silly ha ha
I don't recall anyone ever calling me their best friend... especially a woman (other than MM). Flattered by that, it makes me want to act more friendly to her.

MM was in town this past week and mentioned getting together on a WED. I had plumbing issues (A bathtub that wouldn't stop raining into my crawlspace) and didn't have the chance to see her.

I went to several concerts this month: One with S23 and his gf, where she Facebook friended me after. The girl works for my XW. Another show with S28 and next week with S21.

At one of the smaller local tribute bands I saw DS. She's my realtor/yoga instructor/local actress who I hadn't seen in over a year. Without MM around anymore it's rare I run into her. She's a tease and knows KA doesn't like her. I sat next to RB, a blonde lawyer friend for six years and couldn't believe all the dirty sex talk coming out of her mouth. She even complained that I've always been with someone.

KA and I have done all sorts of wonderful things this month... renaissance faire, boat races, dutch festival, and she fully attended my party this weekend of 30 guests. She's not enthused for my parties and said she knows she can't change me but smiled for the photo and had a good time talking with our friends. Well not with my buddy JS.

Thursday I am hosting a singles group event to see a Santana tribute band. RB will be there. This weekend I'm at KAs for D10s birthday. I got her a 69 Hole Pink Bazooka Bubble Gun.

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#36: September 05, 2023, 05:13:06 AM
Journaling

I received a message from MM asking for help moving a couch out of her place. She said a lot was going on and she was getting new furniture and carpet and could have people over. That's odd news to me as I have never been in her trailer home, I assumed due to her bedridden husband. There's even been speculation he doesn't exist as she basically moved to MI to be with her bf. Then this came.
Quote
Hi, I don’t need help but thank you. Be nice to see you. BB and I broke up so I’m back in Indiana. I just got here and have to unload my car. There’s a lot of stuff in there.
I let KA know MM is back and more than likely will begin coming to my parties again. ::) I might see MM later this week to catch up. I'm happy she's not with that old man anymore. It was probably mostly financial she was with him... to not work.

Otherwise life has been terrific between kayaking midweek with friends like NJ and ML and doing all sorts of things with KA on weekends. Labor Day weekend for instance we saw Duran Duran in concert, went to an Oktoberfest, marched in her cities parade with girl scouts and saw fireworks. I also went to a concert with S24 and another with S21. I heard they went to a show with XW too which is surprising to me... to see a hard rock show. I saw one pic and her stressed out gray hair is half turquoise. Still in the MLC apparently.

In the next week there's two kayaking excursions planned. KAs house for the weekend and I am also leading a hike on Sunday and have 21 singles coming to that including buddy JS. I wonder if MM will start coming to them again? I won't push for it.

We also got notice that LD, KAs best friend, was found not guilty on the first manslaughter case. Crazy to me she apparently got off on a loophole being tried for one thing and her defense blamed her actions on another. Second trial in DEC.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#37: September 11, 2023, 11:36:33 AM
Journalling

Last Thursday MM came over and we talked for 5 hrs. I made KA aware of the visit and told her this was a very serious tell all. MM mostly told of her break up with her old man bf. The final straw with him came when he turned his boat sharply on their way out of the harbor and MM fell overboard. The bf was very cold afterwards about it and refused to make it up to her with affection. There was a dinner event then at a guy friend of his place, and she felt ignored. When they got back, she was talking to his neighbor as he made some remarks from the front door. He went inside and she just left. Got most of her things from his kid a few days later. He had a temper at times, I guess similar to her dad. Good riddance I say.

MM said her husband has gone into a day care home for constant round the clock care so her place is just her. She had been renting and has to either buy it or get out within a year as her renting options end. Her sister is moving two hours away and MM doesn't want to be away from her, so she may move to IL (although, WTH she was further away in MI.) The job she was taking years of college classes for didn't pan out as she doesn't like the occupational therapy field. She may now go into realty and spent the next night with mutual friend DS, my realtor. After seven years knowing MM she revealed her real age: 18 mos older than me.

KAs dads health has taken a nose dive at age 88. He had been using a walker and then sitting on it to get around. He's fallen twice as his legs are too weak to hold him up. He's bed ridden basically now. She had a hospital bed delivered. This past weekend he yelled for her at 4:30 am. KA is not able to give him round the clock care he requires. Hospice took away his medicine and made the switch from trying to help him to making him comfortable with mophine etc. They said he has 6 months of life left. He gets free VA health care having been a veteran. I will probably never see him again as she today is meeting with a place he will move to for more care. This will start the ball rolling towards KA downsizing as well in a couple years. Shes very stressed and has asked going forward for a full wine glass awaiting whenever she comes over.
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#38: September 12, 2023, 09:03:49 AM
Hello,

Quote
KAs dads health has taken a nose dive at age 88. He had been using a walker and then sitting on it to get around. He's fallen twice as his legs are too weak to hold him up. He's bed ridden basically now. She had a hospital bed delivered. This past weekend he yelled for her at 4:30 am. KA is not able to give him round the clock care he requires. Hospice took away his medicine and made the switch from trying to help him to making him comfortable with mophine etc. They said he has 6 months of life left. He gets free VA health care having been a veteran.

My parents are also in their 80's and it's been tough for them. My father is losing his vision and I can see a cognitive decline as well. My mom fell last year and had a brain bleed and now she has good days and not so good days. They both live in a small apartment near my brother in Texas. The sad thing is they just don't get out much. They went to the Senior Center a couple of times and then my Dad had some issues and two surgeries. They have not gone back since. They do get meals on wheels and my brother and Sister in law do a lot of work for the both of them. They take them out to eat once a week, take them shopping, and go to the apartment to help with medical procedures and help my mom take a bath. I

Other than that, my parents stay in the apartment and watch TV. Not exactly the most productive way to spend your time, but they are very limited. I will be out in March to see them and I have been trying to get them enrolled in medicaid but it's a tough process and being out of state doesn't help.

All of this is complicated and tough on everyone involved. After all, it's her father. She's going to need that support so that she can deal with all the pressure she feels at this time.

Have a great day!

((((Ready)))
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#39: September 13, 2023, 09:11:45 AM
Thanks for the reply Ready. It sure can be hard to tend to ailing parents at a distance. My parents are both in their 80s and of their five kids, I am the furthest away. Three of my bros live within 10 mins so much will fall on them.

My parents have a very set schedule each day:
My dad goes out to breakfast while my mom sleeps in. He reads the paper and watches TV until she comes downstairs. They fetch McDonalds for lunch together and eat at a park. If they feel strong, they will climb a hill there. Back home then, my moms on computer/Facebook while he's in his recliner watching something. She makes them dinner and more of the same, often watching Chicago Cubs or Bulls. They go to bed after midnight.

KAs dad went to a home yesterday. Her mom helped pack his clothes/bathroom stuff and an ambulance took him. She knows he's in a better place, but she still feels like crap. Deep down she knows he's better off. It's best for his health, which he needs. I'm proud of her for making the big decisions. Our weekday together has switched to Mondays as she has a dog that needs to be let out on Tuesdays (her work day in the office). All Fridays look to have me going there now because of her dog. Her mom will help out Saturdays so she can come over.

Tonight I am going with MM to see a cover band outside. Many other single friends are going as well. She asked me to go with her on FRI to get her things from her old man boyfriends son as she isn't comfortable going alone. I expect MM will be back in my life a lot more, having signed up for my wine party and next hike.

Saturday KA and I are going to a bacon festival and then seeing a U2 cover band. Sunday, I am hosting a 3 hr kayaking voyage on a lake. I'm really good at keeping busy.

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#40: September 19, 2023, 05:06:06 AM
Journaling

KAs father passed away yesterday at age 88. It was probably the best way to go, in his sleep, in the middle of the night. She messaged me at 2:20 am after getting the call from the nursing home where he had been just six days. Her and her mom had visited him just 7 hrs earlier and he didn't even seem to know they were there. I took a sick day to be with her. Her XH brought over D11 to tell her in person. KA told me she hadn't cried yet. Despite him living with her, they were not close and he wasn't in her life much growing up.

I went kayaking over the weekend with eight friends which included MM borrowing a friends kayak. Tonight, I had agreed to go with her to her ex bfs sons house to get her stuff. Tomorrow will be more kayaking and she will be there. I had forgotten just how prevalent she is in my life. There was a time when she drove me crazy and I may be getting back to that seeing her twice a week. She's pleasant and all that but has strong opinions and is forceful, not taking no.

This weekend I will see KA just Friday night as I go to a grade school friends annual party in IL. I'll sleep over at my parents house in my old room and celebrate my moms birthday with family on Sunday. My weekday get together night with KA has switched to Monday on account of her dog.

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#41: October 02, 2023, 10:59:26 AM
Journalling

Over the weekend, KA and I went to a Bizarre Bazaar which was mostly artistic horror and unusual oddities. XW had a booth there which was a little unusual but not surprising. I did not look over and just ignored passing right by it. KA said XW and OM looked right at her. If he wasn't there I woulda considered stopping and introducing her.

That night was my red wine party where we had 32 open bottles brought by the 39 guests who attended. Four people became new friends on Facebook. I had texted DC days prior about giving her the leftover dry wines instead of dumping them down the drain and as a way to see her... but now I'm not feeling it. She knows the alcohols avail. Let her be the one contacting me to pickup.

MM spent most of the party night telling other friends about her plans to move to FL, as there is no longer any reason to live here. I guess friends don't count? Her H is in constant care, her parents died and sister and niece moved to IL. She's not in a relationship, has no job, and needs to be out of her mobile home by next Sept. So her plan involves moving to FL to live with a former coworker until she gets settled and finds a job... not in her chosen field having gone through years of classes to be an occupational therapist and now realizing she doesn't have the passion to do it. She hopes to meet a man with a boat and have a cushy tropical relationship. She eluded to the fact she's never done a cross country trek... ever, and wants me to drive her car down and fly back. UH.... What will KA have to say about that? We'll see what really transpires.

Although I've wrapped up kayaking adventures for the year, people are still wanting to go this week. I said no to the one organizing it in my stead, but I'm sure MM will question my not going. She's very insistent on carpooling everywhere together and trying to change my mind. I'll be seeing her on Sunday as it is for my monthly hike. After that I hope to lay low and concentrate on Halloween decorating. I'm hosting a costume party on the 28th.



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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#42: October 11, 2023, 08:02:36 AM
i forgot to mention in my previous post that XW still has blue color in half of her hair. Obviously still in the MLC tunnel 14 yrs later.

MM messaged me wanting to come over and discuss her plan of moving to FL. I said
Quote
I know you wanted me to drive you down there. If I'm honest it's not something I want to do. The first weekend in November I have circus tickets and some Taylor Swift event with KA and the next weekend I'm seeing Dragonforce with my kids. I don't mind helping you with certain things around here but a cross country drive is a challenge.

I had considered it, as a friend, but when I mentioned it to KA, being my gf and all, she let out
Quote
Omg. That women needs to get some balls and just go.  She could always fly.  Just either ship her stuff or have a moving company drive it

So naturally I feel between a rock and a hard place. I told MM no, which is very hard to do, and makes me feel like I'm letting her down, but upsetting KA isn't ideal either and my available time is seldom to make such a trip. ARGH!
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#43: October 26, 2023, 05:50:17 AM
Journalling

I had my birthday: took the day off work to relax at home and finish decorating for my Halloween party this upcoming Saturday. KA came over that night and we exchanged gifts as her birthday was two days prior. I got a bunch of 'happy birthday' comments on Facebook, as people tend to do. Second year in a row, no comment from DC: she's not a good friend and no reason to bring her up or reach out to her again.

I invited my realtor, DS the yoga instructor, to Halloween and she is coming along with her sister. She hasn't come to a party in four years. KA doesn't like her, but she's friendly, attractive and a good friend of MMs. After running into her this past summer I'm pleased DS is returning even if KA gives her the evll eye.

Speaking of MM, she texted me shes leaving for FL on 11/3. I fully expect to never see her again after she leaves. Neither one of us is the kind to jump on a plane to see a friend. She showed me this glamour photo of a younger woman that looked a lot like her when she was that age...

She was considering using this as a profile picture (instead of young pictures of Stevie Nicks). I said "The image certainly would fool people. Looks a lot like you." She replied
Quote
Careful, I may just have to marry you 😉
which set my mind ablaze. How would it have been if something like that had occurred? In the early days MM drove me crazy but over the seven years I've known her, I've only grown more emotionally attached to her. We get along very well and I will miss her. I told her that and she replied the same. We never had a chance to ever date, even if that was an option, as I had a gf within a week after meeting her. MM and I went out for a drink 11 days after meeting but I was already on to GW. Do I kiss her goodbye? Just a hug probably. How does one say goodbye to a best friend like that?

In two days I'll have close to 40 costumed people in my house including buddy JS, KA, MM, S21 & S24. I asked KA about running the party later than midnight due to the thirty hours of Halloween decorating I have done, and she said OK. She hasn't said anything about leaving early (like she did last year because of Sunday School, which she doen't have anymore when her D11 is with her dad) so I assume she's staying (and will be watching the drunks & flirts, to make sure nothing inappropriate happens this year, like last year after she left.) I am kinda planning to not drink alcohol. A few weeks ago S28 and I did a '14 bottles of pumpkin beer taste test' and that left me not wanting to feel drunk like that again! I also want to be completely level-headed and enjoy conversing with friends and maintain boundaries. Halloween brings out the mischief in people!
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#44: October 29, 2023, 03:23:55 PM
Hello,

Glad you are having a great party for Halloween. I just want to make it through the day. Lucky for me, it is conferences this week and Halloween is only a half day with the scholars so I will be happy to have a quiet day.

Quote
So naturally I feel between a rock and a hard place. I told MM no, which is very hard to do, and makes me feel like I'm letting her down, but upsetting KA isn't ideal either and my available time is seldom to make such a trip. ARGH!

I think that is a wise choice. You've got limited time and a girlfriend. MM was really imposing by asking you for such a commitment. I understand a day to help a friend move, but this is a lot and a huge headache for you with KA. Not worth it, after all, like you said, chances are you are never going to see her again.

I hope you have a great time at the party, the Taylor Swift thing, the circus (I didn't even think they had those anymore), and Dragonforce. Sounds like a lot more fun than a cross country trip to Florida.

High Five

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#45: October 30, 2023, 05:26:31 AM
Thanks for the reply Ready

My jack-o-lantern TV area


My party was a smashing success! I had 48 in the house until 1:40 am. Both KA and I have chest congestion, went to our doctors on Friday and are on antibiotics, so neither of us drank alcohol, which was fine. My 6'9" bare chested S21 won scariest costume for being the sword carrying Mountain from GOT. My realtor DS, won sexiest costume, which as KA says "is because of her cleavage". DS is helping MM with her cross-country drive on Friday. I may go see MM on Thursday. She has all her things in storage here so one day will have to come back for them.

I was happy to see S21 and S24 come to my party. XW is not having one this year, and I gleaned she is leading a walking ghost tour of her city. S24s gf is her shop manager and was at my party.

This upcoming November weekend KA and I go to the Ringling Bros & Barnum/Bailey circus and see the Taylor Swift: Eras movie with her D11. oboy! Remember to keep having fun everyone, you don't get these days back. Detach the negative emotions.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#46: November 29, 2023, 04:35:46 AM
Just passing thru

Living the good life: concert with kids, hikes with friends, thanksgiving with family and outings with KA etc. I love working four ten-hour days to have three-day weekends as a constant. This Saturday is my Christmas party. S24 is coming with his gf along with buddy JS and forty other people. That does seem kinda crazy to have that many people in ones house. :o KA will not be there as she has a girl scout event with her D11. The singles group we belong to nabbed the following weekend for their party, so I was kinda forced to have mine earlier than desired and without KA. She gets all antsy... like some misbehaving' drunk woman will try to kiss me. That won't be happening. My punch doesn't even have alcohol.
Then I have a hike the following weekend and a cookie swap after that. It only feels weird when I stop and think I'll have 12 women coming over to trade cookies with me. If you're a guy reading this and are in a bad place, let me tell you, you can make your life a beautiful thing. Just gotta try.

Stay warm, winter is coming.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#47: December 06, 2023, 10:47:16 AM
Journalling

My Christmas party was great fun with 48 people in my house which included S24, his gf, buddy JS and my busty realtor DS. KA had girl scout events and didn't try to get her mom to watch her D11. It was a fun, loud night going until 1am. Ornaments and Christmas socks were exchanged. Like my previous party, I scarcely drank alcohol and was fine with it. Buddy JS hung around another 45 mins at the end to talk about things.

I woke up with a message from DC asking about one of my newer friends who came to my Christmas party, wine party in Sept, and Oct. hike. It turns out it's her boss! She says it's so weird yet fabulous he's getting out there trying to meet someone or broaden his social circle. I see DC has resumed following me on Instagram today too. I've guessed she stopped when she got mad with me for dropping her from my party group. I extended an offer to her if she ever wants to get together to watch comedy and drink wine to let me know (her fave things to do).

I didn't see KA this week as she wanted to clean her messy house while D11 is away. Tonight S22 and I are going to see Godzilla Minus One movie. KA will be over FRI for pizza and a movie and Saturday we are going to a symphony. Sunday I am hosting a hike and have 21 people signed up.

I realize my story has little if anything to do with MLC at this point, having NC with XW. It is her birthday tomorrow and I will text her a happy one. Thanks for reading.
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•• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#48: December 06, 2023, 02:00:51 PM
I didn't get as many people as usual at my co-worker Christmas party this year... I run it from 4:00-9:00 so people can come straight from work. At the end it was just my manager, another manager, and their wives. I was wiped out from tending bar and thought it was 11:00-midnight or so, so I told them I was going to kick them out and start cleaning up. Turns out it was only 9:05, so I felt a little bad. :) Maybe I need to stop inviting managers so more co-workers show up, but I figure if the British and Germans can pause WWI to play soccer on Christmas day, workforce and managers can get along for a few hours.

I had my bandmates over for a party the next night, that was more fun. I should stick with them.
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Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of stops and starts. They're ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable and we have to face them. That's what being human is all about.  -Jet Black, Cowboy Bebop

STP

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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#49: December 19, 2023, 07:28:01 AM
Thanks for the comment JohnnyBravo,

Seems like fun work holiday parties are a thing of the past. Ours was a 2 hr luncheon. The food wasn't very good, and we had only water to drink. I've always complained these are the worst employees I've ever worked with. Just a bunch of old, joyless people. I do love my job and that's what's kept me here for 13 years. I was reading yesterday that 17% of all office work affairs start at the annual company Christmas party.  That wouldn't be an option here, as there's no one I'd even give an affectionate thought to. I'm certainly not considering it, as I'm plenty happy with my girlfriend KA.

KA asked me this week to let her know when I add women friends on Facebook and more importantly when I add them to my party group. This will keep me accountable/transparent and her informed on who is new in my friendship circle. This past weekend I had a Christmas cookie swap in my home and had three guys and six gals attend. One woman TPB brought me 'hosting gifts', like she did for my Christmas party too. KA said, half-jokingly she'll tell TPB to stop bringing gifts to her bf. The best/longest convo of my Christmas party was with TPB. She's just a good, frequent appearing friend who I have a lot in common with hiking, photography and music.

This weekend is Christmas and just for a moment I thought back to my first bomb drop and how XW's EA came out at this time of year fourteen years ago. No reason to give it more mind-space. The kids are with XW on the eve and with my family on the 25th. I think XW even persuades them to come over Christmas morning for breakfast (always was important) which technically infringes on my time. As I told KA, being male and single, I am the least important one to my kids. KA will help me establish a tradition with my kids next year. Perhaps a dinner on the 23rd?

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone.
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« Last Edit: December 19, 2023, 07:32:53 AM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#50: January 04, 2024, 02:34:43 PM
Journalling

Happy New Year!

I spent mine at KAs with her D11 and three of her school friends. They were a little wild and coming from having four brothers and four sons, this was quite a different NYE experience. I made a few resolutions for the year but am keeping them pretty much to myself. Those being:
1. Lose 35 lbs before I bake cookies again. I went back on my annual sugar detox which I do every year and shed lots of weight. Hope to succeed by mid FEB.
2. Run more than I did last year, which was a paltry 50 miles and will be easy to do.
3. I deleted all my personal messages and decided I will not initiate contact with anyone. Up to them to reach out first.
4. I gave up Instagram for 6 months. I find it can depress me a tad so no point in going there. In July I will certainly be back because that's when Halloween decor starts hitting shelves and the majority of people I follow post their finds.

This weekend is my 7th annual white wine party where everyone brings a bottle and I become bartender and blind pour each guest a sample of each bottle. KA assists me with the process which takes just over 90 mins. I'm expecting A LOT of people this time... like 50! Just imagine 50 people in your house. I keep telling myself I've had 48 guests and that worked out fine. It most certainly will be a new record of bottles. I have a bit of anxiety which I am trying to put into words as to what exactly is bothering me. I'm concerned it will be too crowded, too loud, and too many wine samples for some. I'm sure it will all work out-it always does.
I had posted my event on the Meetup page as well as in my party group. I put it on Meetup to attract new strangers and turn them into new friends. There is a faction of the hiking group I belong to coming. A bunch of women that pal around together and have only been in the hiking group a couple years. I've met them all twice as I really don't go to that hiking groups events anymore, as I host my own. I'm sure KAs not thrilled to have 7-8 more women friends added to my life. There are just more women coming around.

Next weekend I am having my hike and have over 30 signed up for that. Of course buddy JS will be there, as he is my shadow. I love having lots of attendees but it really wrecks any plans of going to a restaurant after. Although we always have gone and it has always worked out fine. Just freaks me out a bit about trying to make reservations for a group that large. I stopped doing it and just wing it.

It's kinda crazy XW has been married to OM for 5 years now. S24s gf works for XW, by managing her shop. Their pride and joy seems to be a hairless Egyptian cat. My kids have shown me pics-it's weird looking. I guess my former FIL had dementia real bad. I am so glad to be out of that relationship.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#51: January 22, 2024, 01:37:50 PM
Journalling

Things always have a way of working out. Maybe not as expected but to a degree, I'm pleased with the result. My wine party a couple weeks ago was great fun with 34 open bottles. I decided to not keep adding people to my party group. I have a pool of just over 100 that can attend my monthly events and can add more when that number drops (I delete people if they fail to attend one of my events within 15 months.)

Fitness is important in 2024, and I've run a couple 5ks on the treadmill at Planet Fitness. I feel good about myself to be able to do so having taken 9 months off from running. Slow 'n steady. KA is determined to get in shape as well as has rejoined a PF compatible with mine. I've had a couple stumbles but so far this year I've lost 12lbs.
My hike this past weekend was just 14 people due to the cold and snow here in NW Indiana. I have 11" in my yard of the white fluffy stuff which is fine.

S24 proposed to his gf and they are engaged. The girl is alright. A bit obnoxious, spunky and adores my XW, as she is her store manager in her metaphysical/jewelry shop. I guess the day will come when KA and I are at their wedding with XW, OM and her family. I get along fine with all of them except the OM, who I've not said a single word to since 2016. XW will be more fearful of being around my family, whom shes only seen once since DEC '09 and that was before BD #2.

This week and next I'm just focusing on working out and eating well.
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« Last Edit: January 22, 2024, 01:40:30 PM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#52: January 30, 2024, 06:07:01 AM
Journalling

I browsed over to JWs Facebook page. I tend to think of her as a blonde fireplug-short and stacked. We met in '16, fooled around a few times in '17 and through one of my hikes in '21 she met this cop. They last came to my Halloween party in '22. That was the last I heard from her. Well, she married him on NYE. They only knew one another because of me. Another one of those women who makes their mate their everything and forsakes all friendships. I wonder if they live apart? No way she'd leave her fancy remodeled home and mom in MI and his place is 45 mins away where hes a cop. No matter, out of my circle.

I knew MM moved back to her former bfs place in MI in early DEC to take care of him following a surgery, after just moving to FL the month before. She was so upset about the breakup she had me be the go-between to get the last of her things from his local son. She told me it was just gonna be a temporary stay-like 5-6 weeks. It's been 8 now and I bet shes still there. I had sent her a message two weeks ago and she still hasn't read it. Who doesn't check their messenger for that long? WTF! Another case of a woman ignoring everyone for their guy. That's so unhealthy to make someone your all. I did that in my marriage. Your significant other should add to your life and not take away from how it is. smh

Frequent kayak pal NJ is moving to FL. I offered to help her with clearing out a room of packed boxes, to declutter the place for her photographer to shoot. She gave me some of her Halloween decor and a couple mirrors too. 7 years ago I had wanted to date her. The next morning, I got a text from DC (her bestie) saying she went over to help but I was the rock star who got it all done first. Incredibly sweet and generous of me. DC also texted me two days prior asking if I'm avail and willing to help her with a professional headshot for work, as hers is 5 years old. I said sure and picked out a couple days I know she doesn't have her son (SIDENOTE if you're ever gonna date someone it's imperative that you know their schedule). DC responded this week is not the best because of the silly reason she went to the dermatologist to get some spots removed and wants to wait 'til they heal. Gee, I could remove them being a professional photo retoucher but whatever works for her I'll just keep doing my own thing over here being a rock star. A high maintenance woman!

KA and I took S24 and his fiancee out to dinner one fine evening to celebrate their engagement. The girl, who had been XWs store manager, was let go the day after they got engaged, due to slowness in the store. She griped who's gonna watch the store when XW and OM got to Ireland this summer? I was a bit bothered he said they plan to keep the wedding small and only invite people who have meant something to them and basically said none of my family would be invited. I can just hear XWs words being placed in their heads to not invite those she doesn't get along with. Trying to let it go, as weddings not until Oct. 2026 and a lot could change before then.

Its warming up here in the midwest, so Winterfest this weekend, KA and I were planning to go to, may not happen. May go see some live music as well. Sunday I have a hike and the trail I scheduled is so near my house, I opted to make chili and have up to 24 signed up come over for it after. Nearly all of them have been to my house before.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#53: January 31, 2024, 11:10:17 AM
Journaling - just a day after my last post but I'm trying to post more frequently.

MM messaged me wanting to talk on the phone. It was a good 37 min talk and she never once mentioned her bf, if he is indeed that? She did go back to FL and spoke of living there but mostly wanted to know what was going on in my life. I don't think it's fully set in I won't see her anymore.

DC texted me after seeing my Facebook post about S24 getting engaged. She wrote
Quote
Saw the post about your son getting engaged. That's pretty cool. Hope you like the girl. Hope you're ready to have to interact with XW and her husband OM. My ex-husband, the father of my four oldest children is incredibly easy to work with and we are friends. But my fifth's dad is a dumbass and it's always going to be a struggle.
We chatted a bit about small weddings and she griped about not getting invited to her nephews this April.

Attendance for my hike this Sunday has grown too large for me to entertain and make chili for 25 so lunch after is going to be at a restaurant. ML who I last spoke of back in Aug, was heartbroken to not get to try my chili, so I invited her to come over before the group hike and I'll go ahead and make it. This is the Mexican gal who told me I'm her best friend. Based on a chili competition at work last year, I know mine isn't very tasty so I sent DC a request for hers, as I know shes competed with it in her old neighborhood before.

RB is a ditzy blonde lawyer friend of mine for seven years. She texted me wanting to know how I would describe her in five words. I wrote: pretty, relaxed, soft-spoken, adventurous, positive. A couple days later I asked how she'd describe me: Fun, energetic, adventurous, kind and well-travelled. (I disgree with the last one.) She refused to comment on my appearance. When asked why she replied, Inappropriate, same reason you will never describe me as sexy, right? I said she was right. I have weird convos with her.

Winterfest stil looks to be happening in WI, so I'm psyched to go there with KA on Sat. I ran four 5k runs this month and see S31 is running again too. I dropped 16+ lbs in January.
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« Last Edit: January 31, 2024, 11:35:07 AM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#54: February 26, 2024, 04:57:28 PM
Journalling

My company has new owners (since being founded in 1930) so I am being vigilant and only using the internet for work, as it it being monitored,  thus it’s less convenient for me to post here.

Pretty much the usual occurrences. I led two hikes in Feb. I'm running a 5k on the treadmill every Tuesday improving my time each week. Valentines Day was my 6th anniversary with KA. I did not see her that evening as she had D11 and I was with S28 at a concert. Her and I got together two days later. There were no gift exchanges or even cards. I did give her an amethyst and diamond ring to wear as an anniversary gift. Not an engagement ring. My Mardi Gras party was great fun with just over thirty friends coming to the masquerade.

I've begun to attend events with the old hiking group I joined back in ’16. There's some good people (OK, women) that are fun to chat with. One of the hike leaders ET (who came to my Mardi Gras) invited me and another women to check out a Tiki Bar in a nearby city on a weeknight. Funny thing is she got confused and invited the wrong KM from her address book... and the leader of the Connections group came instead. I'm friendly with her, and she was under the impression we wanted to do events in her group.  ;D Not the case... I quit that group 5 years ago.

Ditzy blonde lawyer friend RB had computer issues a couple weeks ago, so I went over to try and help her.  She’s hard for me to figure out other than just being an airhead. She wasn't bothered bumping into me or casually touching me but when I did so to her, it's like she was burned and recoiled. Her texts are at times suggestive and strange. Whatever. Harmless.

I went over to NJs house to have a last visit with her before she moves to FL. I've often wondered how does one say goodbye to a friend? I'm certain I will never see her again as she has no reason to come back with her family all there. I left with a picture of us, hug and joke in the driveway. Her bestie DC was made aware I was going over, as she was also, that evening. DC apologized for pushing back her business headshot she asked me to take. She’s busy with an influential women of IN bingo event she is hosting. After March 6th we'll try to find a time.

Friday, KA and I are going to see a hair metal cover band she's wanted to see for years. There will be other friends there. Saturday we will relax and stay in. Sunday, I'm attending a short hike and bonfire with my old hiking group, led by ET. March 16th is my St. Patricks Day party.



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« Last Edit: February 26, 2024, 05:03:01 PM by STP »
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#55: February 27, 2024, 02:36:40 PM
Happy anniversary, STP! Congrats on establishing a life that includes (but isn't revolving around) a relationship on your own terms.
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Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
#56: March 24, 2024, 04:47:03 PM
Thanks for the comment R2T.

Lifes been pretty good here. My St. Patricks Day party last weekend was a lot of fun with 35 friends attending in my house all decorated up with green lights and a pot of gold scavenger hunt. A few people were removed from my party group having not attended in over a year (the one rule of my group).

Today I had my hike and 23 people came including buddy JS. Lunch was enjoyable and two women friends said they know my XW as they went on her ghost tour last year and had fun with her. I made a new woman Facebook friend today and as instructed told KA about her and she wondered why I didn't make any new guy friends. They were just in a different part of the trail; didn't get to talk to them.

Giving DC one last chance this week to have me take her business headshot. She responded with
Quote
I checked my calendar. My bf and I are looking for a house and we may be signing some documents and putting the deposit down. Might be a busy week but I'll know more by Tuesday
I didn't reply but wanted to say "Just have him do it. You don't need my camera or skills for your stupid LinkedIn headshot". Sounds like their 8+ yr commitment is stepping up a level, so g'bye.

No parties in April as I want to give KA two full date weekends of just us. This follows two weekends we don't see one another: the first as shes on Spring Break vacation with her D11 in FL and the second is my annual game weekend with brother, friend and S22 and S24. April 7-8 buddy JS and I are staying at a woman friends of ours home (she moved away last Sept and now lives downstate Indiana) in the path of eclipse totality.

May you all have joy in your life always!


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