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Author Topic: My Story Changed. Change. Changing!

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My Story Re: Changed. Change. Changing!
#140: July 15, 2021, 10:11:59 AM
66 -  So glad you stopped by.  I was able to catch up on your. 

You sound so GOOOOOOD!   I see so much more strength in you.  Keep going and keep doing you!

Love to hear more!  Take care!
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10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.18 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away 
Summer of 2020 Less help with chores
Spring 2021 - helping with chores again

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -32 Married with 3 children 
S - 30 Married and is now a Dr.
3 Dogs-he left them all behind

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Re: Changed. Change. Changing!
#141: July 15, 2021, 10:14:33 AM
Ready,

I agree with you!  This is watching and expecting and there is watching and observing to me.

I try to keep expectations at Zero.

I do watch and observe.  So much is always in front of me that I can't miss it. 

I think of it like a science experience.....you watch with is growing in the petrie dish....but it will be some time before you know what comes from it.  It could be a success or a failure.  If it fails, then back to the drawing board!

Take care and thanks for your wise words and observations!

Sam!
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10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.18 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away 
Summer of 2020 Less help with chores
Spring 2021 - helping with chores again

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -32 Married with 3 children 
S - 30 Married and is now a Dr.
3 Dogs-he left them all behind

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  • Posts: 1730
  • Gender: Female
  • https://affaircare.com/the-180
Re: Changed. Change. Changing!
#142: July 15, 2021, 10:37:45 AM
July Update:

2017 - Son left for school last week.  After he left, H started to really change.  Thinking back....more and longer rides.  More times he was gone but always had a valid excuse.  Now I know it was lies...but not then.

2018:  Yesterday was the anniversary of H moving out of state to follow ow1 nearly 16 hours away.  Leading up to yesterday, I noticed that I really felt nothing about that date anymore.  No triggers at all.  Yeah!

2019:  H took a ride on his MC all day long.  Of course he told me he was going alone but the truth was he was with OW1 the whole day.  I know this because he posted pics and the pics he posted...someone else had to take...no way for him to take while he was driving on the bike.  Like portrait pics of himself.  Later....ow 1 also had some pics that were brought to my attention.  Yep....they celebrated the day.

Makes me wonder if the A becan at this time in 2017.  Explains why he left to get to her in 2018 and why he spent the day with her again this particular year on this particular date.  He had to take this day off from work for a MC ride.  It was not his normal day off.   Things that make you go Hmmmmm.  HA HA

2020:  H was away again on this date...but this time with OW2...not OW1.   Hmmm.  Was he avoiding OW1 by fleeing to go to OW2?  I know things ramped up for them this time last year when she came to town for a reunion. 

2021:  Once again, H is away on this date.   Silly MLCer.  Again with OW2! 


Other changes I am seeing in him:

He is getting more and more distant.
-calls less
-texts less
-comes by less unless he has an excuse and usually the excuse is to mow or to see grandbabies.

He has less attention to detail in all areas
- skips showers or teeth brushings at times
-skips shaving for a few days
-is getting old man catapillar eyebrows more often
-will drive around a stick in the yard and leave a skip vs moving it and mowing
-more time lapses between weed whacking resulting in an unkempt yard


Forgetfullness comes in batches and is really bad when it is affecting him.
-emailed me a picture of a project....4th time in the last year.  I asked him if he was getting around to finally making it....he said NO....I saw this and liked it and wanted to share it with you.  Little does he know it was the 4th time.
-he got angry because I was unaware of something....insisted he told me.  He didn't....I just ate crow and said...I apologize....I guess I forgot.

He is referring to the dogs as his dogs more often.  He said they are his dogs too and will help to take care of them.  Recently he bought new fence collars for them.  It wasn't cheap.  I offered to pay half.  He ignored me so I just thanked him.

He asks more often when the grandbabies are gonna visit and tries to get there when they are visiting.  He seems near normal most of these times but occassionally he is still a bump on the log who just sits there on his phone.

He has disappeared a few times and later tells me he went to see son.  I am happy he is able to do so.  He tells me he just decided to go visit so he packs up and goes at the last minute and drives hours to visit for a day or two and then come home.  Yet he won't drive 30 mins most days to visit D.

Sometimes he is a chatty Cathy.  Just rambling.  Then he is a lump not communicating at all.  Seems to be one or the other.

Still getting complaints about sister now and then.  The last one was.....she is on me to get the weed whacking done.   Been on me for 3 days.  I guess I better go and get it done before she gets home tonight.  He sounded like a kids about to be punished if it wasn't done before MOM got home from work.  LOL.




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10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.18 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away 
Summer of 2020 Less help with chores
Spring 2021 - helping with chores again

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -32 Married with 3 children 
S - 30 Married and is now a Dr.
3 Dogs-he left them all behind

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  • https://affaircare.com/the-180
Re: Changed. Change. Changing!
#143: July 15, 2021, 10:48:15 AM
Changes with me....

I have had moments where things just seem to blow up.  Like I will be great for weeks and then I get monkey braining.  It lasts a day or two but then I come out of it.

When I do come out of it....I am better than before I headed in.  Triggers stink....yet I try to embrace them.  I know there is "something" I need to address and I stay on it until I figure it out.

Sometimes I figure it ou on my own...sometimes my dear friends bring things to my attention and I get the AH HA moment based on their feedback.  I love my LBS friends.  They call BS when they need to but they don't ever give up on supporting each other as we each deal with different things at different times.

I still work on detachment.  It slowly over time gets better and betters.

I listened to a pod cast about a month ago.  It helped a lot.  I am a very visual person.  In the pod cast it actually says.....envision taking a pair of scissor and cutting the cord to whatever issue is holding you back.  I started doing this.  I even use my fingers to make scissors and cut an invisible cord in the air and visually watch an issue float away.  It is so liberating.

Most of the time I cutting the cord to shennigans with H.  But I also use it in other areas of my life.

Something so simple has been so helpful to me.  Love it!

Other than that....I am scheduled for knee surgery in the late Fall.  Can't wait to be rid of pain. 

Work is picking up and new employees are awesome.  Still have a learning curve but these gals have so much potential.

Health is good.  Knee issues is causing me to fight weight gain because I can't exercise....I struggle but I refuse to go back to where I was.  Not worth it. 

Blood pressure up a bit...here again...a side affect of not being able to exercise. Dr is monitoring and staying in front of it. 

Only temporary set backs.  Give me until Spring and I'll be walking, hiking and playing PB again.  Sadly no more trail running but I am thinking about maybe taking up trail biking to see that need to travel faster and further through the woods and mountains.  Something to think about and something different to do!

Hope you are all having a great summer!  Until next month!   -Sam
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10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.18 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away 
Summer of 2020 Less help with chores
Spring 2021 - helping with chores again

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -32 Married with 3 children 
S - 30 Married and is now a Dr.
3 Dogs-he left them all behind

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Changed. Change. Changing!
#144: July 24, 2021, 08:11:04 AM
Great updates Sam.  I'm sorry to hear about the health issues.  My hip gives me pain fits now and again, so I understand.  Keep on keeping on!
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Changed. Change. Changing!
#145: August 02, 2021, 11:50:40 AM
Good to hear from you Sam. I love the idea with the scissors as visual ...might have to try that. Sorry about your knee and I hope the surgery in the fall will bring the relief you seek so that you will be back to tackle all your outdoorsy stuff in the spring. You have been such an inspiration throughout the years to me and you continue to be. Always positive, always working through the monkey braining and always grateful to the many blessings in your life.
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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

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Re: Changed. Change. Changing!
#146: August 18, 2021, 12:08:50 PM
Faith....sorry to hear about your hip!  Hope all is well in your part of the world!  I really gotta catch up!  You always amazed me.  No matter what came at you...you were positive and upbeat!  Very supportive to others too!
  • Logged
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.18 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away 
Summer of 2020 Less help with chores
Spring 2021 - helping with chores again

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -32 Married with 3 children 
S - 30 Married and is now a Dr.
3 Dogs-he left them all behind

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1730
  • Gender: Female
  • https://affaircare.com/the-180
Re: Changed. Change. Changing!
#147: August 18, 2021, 12:10:10 PM
66 -  Thanks for your kind words.  Your making me blush!

Make sure you turn that mirror around on yourself too.  Give yourself credit for all you are overcoming!  You deserve kudos too!

Take care and stay in touch!

Sam
  • Logged
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.18 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away 
Summer of 2020 Less help with chores
Spring 2021 - helping with chores again

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -32 Married with 3 children 
S - 30 Married and is now a Dr.
3 Dogs-he left them all behind

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  • Posts: 1730
  • Gender: Female
  • https://affaircare.com/the-180
Re: Changed. Change. Changing!
#148: August 18, 2021, 12:37:46 PM
My but a month can be so much different in MLC world.  So different....yet still so much of the same!

2017 - 8.10 was our anniversary.  H was out of bed before me and I found him in the living room in a grumpy mood on his phone.  Claimed his gout was acting up and he didn't want to do anything but be left alone.  Gulible me believed him.  In hindsite, he was not happy to have to be around me this day.  He was already deep in a PA with OW1.

2018 - 8.09:  We almost lost our grandson.  I called him long enough to tell him that he wasn't breathing.  Ambulance was called.  Life support was being done in the front yard by his father and a paramedic.  He hung up bawling.  He sent his sister to the hospital to get updates and she kept him updated all night.

8.10  Our 2nd grandchild was born.  He texted me one time to see how things were.  No word...was still waiting for the Dr to come to us.  I didn't lie....but at the same time, I was told not to release info to him.  D would update him when she was good and ready.  She was mad.  He was with ow1 with no intention of coming home.  He wasn't working but couldn't come back for her birth.  She contacted him when she was ready then sister kept him informed.

2019 - 8.10  H was forced to spend some time in my presense.  It was GD 1st b day party.  I still remember how odd it was.  I was there early helping to set up.  He came in later and followed me around.  He got food first...I watched where he sat.  I went to another table and sat with my parents.  He picked up his food and joined us.  Didn't talk....but I felt like I had a shadow.

2020 - 8.10  H forced to spend time in my presence again.  He was friendlier this year.  Celebration was at my house since covid shut down the church.  He was courteous and friendly from what I remember.   As he was leaving at the end of the day...I told him that no matter what transpired in the past, I was glad he was still in  my life.  He choked up....walked away and said me too.

2021 - 8.10  H once again was forced to see me due to celebrating a party.  He didn't mention anniversary and neither did I.

Besides this particular date, H is once again behaving oddly.  But then again.....when isnt he.  HA Ha

What I am noticing:

He is vanishing for short spurts of time.  Life 2 to 6 days with no communication at all.  No texts, snaps, calls, visits....just total silence.

When he vanishes, he sometimes comes back and tells me he went to visit S and sometimes he just pops back like he never went away.  Just shows up and starts updating me on his life.

When he does visit, there are times he is very near normal for a few days....but then he gradually distances...less and shorter visits....less and shorter calls...business like texts only.  Then POOF....he vanishes. 

His appearances are baaaaad.  He is almost grey in color tone.  Just not normal.  He is packing on pounds.  He is sneaky drinking and overtly drinking.  When he overtly drinks....he boasts.

His cheeks are sunken in despite him putting on weight.  it is odd.  He looks very aged at times.  There is nothing much attractive about him right now.

His sense of humor that was returning...is steadily disappearing again.  As well as his memory lapses are greater. 

Very often he seems like he is on the verge of wanting to say somthing...then stops or quickly changes his mind.

Ex:  The other day, he called and told me he was going to Resturant X...told him MMMM  that sounds good.  He quickly said...do you want something.....I said If I was going, i would get chicken.  He then got very sullen...said I am turning into the parking lot.  Gotta go.   Just told him to enjoy.

He has done this several times in the last few weeks....a complete switch and recision of an offer in seconds.

So he is changing and not always in good ways. 



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10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.18 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away 
Summer of 2020 Less help with chores
Spring 2021 - helping with chores again

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -32 Married with 3 children 
S - 30 Married and is now a Dr.
3 Dogs-he left them all behind

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  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1730
  • Gender: Female
  • https://affaircare.com/the-180
Re: Changed. Change. Changing!
#149: August 18, 2021, 12:47:12 PM
Update on Me.


Despite all the pulling away that H seems to be doing.....I seem to be doing better than ever attitude wise.

I think of H less and less.

I monkey brain less and less.  I just don't let my thoughts go there.

When I need to make a decision....I no longer consider him....I actually say....what is best for me in this situation and I move forward based on that.

I feel light and free again.  It didn't happen all at once.....I have been a work in progress for nearly 4 years now.  That is ok too.  I needed it

I can see a lot clearer now too.  See him trying to manipulate.  If it doesn't benefit me....i just tell him NO or I'll think about it.  I no longer sweat the small stuff.

I hope this is the next step in detachment. 

I had a few moments over the last 6 months when I got sucked backwards.  That is ok too.  I realized there were things I had to deal with and work on.  Good news....I came out of the funk much much much better than what I went in. 

More clarity!  More happiness!  Less Stress!  Less cares about the MLC world.

Not selfish....just self concerned but in a good way.  A very good way!

I don't know how to really describe it other than I am in a good place.  A very good place and it feels really good to be here!
  • Logged
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.18 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away 
Summer of 2020 Less help with chores
Spring 2021 - helping with chores again

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -32 Married with 3 children 
S - 30 Married and is now a Dr.
3 Dogs-he left them all behind

 

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