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Author Topic: My Story BRAND NEW MAN 13

W
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My Story BRAND NEW MAN 13
OP: July 10, 2021, 04:38:13 AM
Hi UrsaMajor,

Well she is also gaslighting S18 regarding the dermatology treatment I learned the other morning at breakfast. She is trying to convince him that there never was a problem and she has shown him old photos of himself as proof of evidence.

So I know its gaslighting and I just listen as S18 does seem to be figuring things out on his own. S18 says he has had the issue since he was 12 yrs old so I accept his truth. He did tell her the photos she presented are heavily filtered.

She has that winners and losers mentality. She always has to win even when it comes to our kids and their dermatology treatment. So do you see how screwed up she really is in her head. She sees something like acne, in this example, as a failure as a mother and she cannot accept it. Just one more failure on top of all her other imaginary failures in her head.

Plus I'm sure it doesn't help matters that I am the one organizing the dermatology treatment since I'm supposed to be on team losers. Afterall that is why she got rid of me, lol.

I worked late last night and S18 texted me at 7pm wanting to know when I was getting him, lol. So maybe I will have to go back to working a half day on the Friday pickup. I arrived at his house at 930 pm just in time for a thunderstorm so he had to wait inside until 10pm.

Our weather patterns have been 100 degrees during the day followed by a hurricane each night this week. He was hungry ,of course, so we stopped for pizza, which he never eats, but it was late and he was hungry. So my parent guilt says to take a half day at work next time.  ::)

Today is 3 meals Saturday. OMG. The pressure. Overall its part of the grander 6 meals weekend with a sprinkling of activities. He used his new travel bag and I swear he must have packed bricks.

The weather looks good today so I will wake him up at some point as this looks like a road trip day with meals of course. And, yes, I will have to wake him up since I do not like to leave at noon. Do you know the pressure of having breakfast and lunch within 1 hour, lol. Breakfast at noon followed by lunch at 1pm, lol.

Enjoy your day everyone

Thanks UrsaMajor

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11774.0
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« Last Edit: July 10, 2021, 05:19:02 AM by Watcher »

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BRAND NEW MAN 13
#1: July 10, 2021, 06:19:13 PM
Watcher -
Regardless of what your wife thinks, you are taking (great) care of your son.  And that is all that truly matters.  I'm sure your son is beginning to figure that out by this point.
The weekend sounds great, and yes, 2 meals an hour apart sounds challenging.

If you can swing half day on Friday - that would probably be great.  I'm sure S18 would appreciate it.

Enjoy your weekend with him.

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W
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BRAND NEW MAN 13
#2: July 10, 2021, 07:29:23 PM
Hi Seahorse,

This morning S18 was up early. He said he has no control over his sleep patterns.  ::) So we had an early start for hiking.

We went to High Point State Park where we went on a moderate 4 mile hike. I have to say, though, this place is more impressive in the Fall when the leaves are changing colors.

I did see the black 🐻 warning sign so I did tell him we could drive to the summit, however he insisted we hike. We found many similarities with Wharton State Forest where we kayak which is probably a 3 hour drive away.

He wanted to know if this was part of the Pine Barrens. We did see many pine trees but I have found them to be indicative of northwest NJ. We also did find a creek that had the same tea colored water that is native to the Pinelands in South Jersey.

Apparently this is one of the rare instances where the American White Cedar is found on a mountain and hence the distinct tea coloring of the water. This cedar bog is the remnant of a glacier that became trapped in the mountains.

The view from the summit is beautiful as this is the highest point in NJ and it sits right on the Pennsylvania and New York borders. Temps were in the 70's with humidity on an overcast day so I would say the weather conditions were ideal.

The redtail hawks put on a nice show once one arrives at the summit as they just effortlessly glide within view. The trail was also covered in blueberry and blackberry plants which is also indicative of most hiking areas in NJ.

He slept for the most part on the drive home. We did stop for lunch. He did surprise me when he nonchalantly told me that the prodigal S21 would be returning home soon as he has had enough of Florida. ;D

So tomorrow I will wait and see what time he wakes up. Sunday is usually a practice driving day as we stay closer to home.

Have a good night.

Thank you Seahorse
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BRAND NEW MAN 13
#3: July 10, 2021, 08:33:19 PM
Sounds like a fun hike today.
MLCers are such a hoot with thier win/lose mentality. Oh you must be wrong about how you felt. Here are doctored pictures to prove you didn’t feel that way.  :P  What a joke.
Good thing you are getting it sorted for him now.
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Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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BRAND NEW MAN 13
#4: July 10, 2021, 08:33:44 PM
Sounds absolutely beautiful Watcher.
Glad that you had some time together with S18.
Enjoy driving practice tomorrow, and perhaps you'll get to see S21 soon.

Sea
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BRAND NEW MAN 13
#5: July 10, 2021, 09:26:34 PM
Gosh, you describe your hikes so beautifully, I can almost see it.
And the Berlin trip sounds like it is going to be fab too. Oh yeah, and a marathon  :) plus a beer with the Big Bear, from the sound of it which is worth the trip on its own!

Your xw has normalised a lot of crazy s$it for a long time imho, hence your son being so nonchalant about telling you that S21 is returning....he has no idea of how you feel or what is normal for father’s and sons, I suspect....and that this isn’t it. Aargh, guess it is just another example of OPs Time being the thing  ::)

I hope that means you will get to see your other son too, Watcher. Being of a more jaded MLC bent now, I am also supposing that this might mean that xw’s Florida plans have changed and that she/they think the house is going to be available for them all to live in for a while longer.....any update on it being sold? Bc, of course, in many ways it is the last thing preventing you from getting a home of your own and rebuilding a more stable new life for yourself I assume? But idk....maybe you no longer care about the house issue as you once did or your plan has changed?
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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BRAND NEW MAN 13
#6: July 12, 2021, 12:31:22 AM
OK, I had to laugh about the packing bricks comment because D30 actually did something like that when she was D12.... She came to visit (she must have been.... 12?) and I ended up having to pay excess weight fees for her suitcase.... When she got to Colorado where I was at the time, I picked up her suitcase from the belt and it was freaking HEAVY!

I looked at her and asked, "What did you pack in here? Rocks?" and she laughed and said it was presents for me and her grandparents...

Later, when we got home, she unpacked and gave us the presents... Yep, you guessed it... ROCKS!  She had painted ROCKS (BIG rocks) and brought them from the East Coast.... It was really quite sweet but it gave a whole new meaning to the rhetorical question about packing rocks in a suitcase...

On the subject of the gaslighting, Mid-Lifers seem to have this innate need for competition too in order to make themselves look good (at least in their own eyes) and they are not afraid to rewrite history to do it. I suspect that they have so much innate guilt over the stuff they have pulled, despite all denial of responsibility or accountability, that they find other ways to make themselves look good, including faking photos and so on in order to provide "proof" that they were still the "good" one - you know, the "Winner."  ::)
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« Last Edit: July 12, 2021, 12:34:50 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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BRAND NEW MAN 13
#7: July 12, 2021, 06:24:37 PM
Hi UrsaMajor, Treasur, Seahorse, Dumbfounded.

Yesterday S18 woke up at noon so we got off to a late start. I really didn't push him to get up early since we were only going to practice driving. The driving school car is much smaller than mine says S18 so he prefers that one now as he can maneuver it easier.

So S18 drove for an hour and he probably is getting bored of it since he knows how to drive now. He needs to practice parallel parking but he says he will do so with the instructor and the smaller car.

Afterwards we went for lunch and then I took him clothes shopping as he continues to wear the same clothes. I asked him if he needed more shirts and he said yes. I think he just doesn't have enough Summer clothes.

He stayed late last night and I dropped him back home around 10pm. He announced at dinner that his mom was picking up S21 at the airport so there was no rush to go home. So his mom appears to just feed S18 piecemeal information.

On Saturday S21 was set to return "soon" and on Sunday she was going to the airport to pick up S21. She was home when I dropped S18 off but I have no clue if S21 is really back home.

I knew S21 would grow tired of Florida. Neither boy wants to live there. S21 was gone for 3 months.

I don't think she brought S21 back because of the house situation. She does see me spending money on S18 so maybe she wants me to do the same with S21. We will see what happens.

Well the home sale appears to be dead in the water at the moment because she doesn't want to sell it. So its going to cost me another 5-10K to force her out of the home through the court.

She has been difficult since she was served so I know this is going to drag on for a bit longer. Tonight I was able to attend Kickboxing and tomorrow night I will have dinner with S18. Yes at some point this will have to progress forward as we do need to sell the home now in order to sever our ties.

So we will see.

Have a good night

Thank you
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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 13
#8: July 12, 2021, 08:14:58 PM
Watcher please do not think the sale of the house is dead in the water.

You had a court order for her to sell the house if she could not buy you out, by March of this year that she agreed to.
I seriously don't see this costing you a lot of money.

All you would need to do is..file a contempt of court for her failing to perform per the agreement, failing to agree to perform per the terms of the settlement.   If she is refusing to place the house on the market.  She is in contempt of court.

All your attorney needs to do is file a motion with the court alleging that your ex is refusing to comply with the terms of the agreement.

From what I understand Contempt is an inexpensive action as far as litigations go.

I truly think she just thinks you will forget about selling the house so she can continue living there rent free.

It will be interesting to see how things go with S21 returning and what all she will expect from you.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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BRAND NEW MAN 13
#9: July 12, 2021, 11:52:36 PM
Seriously.  xW had a deadline that she agreed to in court. She has failed to abide by the agreement and failed to even attempt to provide an alternative. She is simply now in contempt.

I agree with both you and Thunder that xW is using S21 as a sympathy card at the moment and that she is probably expecting that you "forgot" about the agreement. However, what xW "expects" from you is totally irrelevant. What matters is your R with S18 (and S21 if he so chooses) and the interactions with them. xW can go take a long walk off a short pier.
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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