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Our Community / Re: In home MLCer
« Latest by Akkie1973 on September 26, 2022, 01:37:36 PM »
Oh Yes.

As one of the few "live at home MLC" LBSers - I can confirm that going dark is sometimes the only way to survive.

That is spot on! I hated it when me and my H had fun talks with each other while he was at home but he still  went to OW on Thursday. So now I don’t talk with and leave him all by himself I don’t miss him when he’s gone.
Our Community / BLUE ON BLACK
« Latest by Watcher on September 26, 2022, 10:33:31 AM »
Hi Curiosity, UrsaMajor, MomOfSteel, Treasur, FTT.

So I made it to Berlin Hbf this morning early because I couldn't afford to miss the train. The train station is massive so it took me awhile to find my track. They announced it on the big board 30 minutes ahead of time anyway.

I had a seat reservation thankfully and maybe I should do so on all my ICE trains. The train was crowded and I luckily had a place to store my luggage. I did wonder about this seating honor system as someone was in my seat as I passed looking to store my luggage. They did get up by the time I returned.

However , I did notice other people simply telling the person they were in their seat and that was it. I sat at a table with 3 other people. I asked the lady next to me if I were in the right seat and showed her my phone because each car is numbered.

That's what the lady did to me on the platform the other day at the ticket machine. She showed me her phone with Google translate and it was in German, LOL....I can pick out a word or two so I can understand it a bit.

Today on the platform an elderly German man approached (I know this is getting ridiculous). I said I only speak English and he just kept on in German ignoring me. So I was on Ice 93 and he was on Ice 1093 so I had to show him where to go.

The other day at Tempelhof Station this elderly woman was attempting to walk up the stair with a walker. So one guy grabbed the walker and I had to grab her because how else could she climb the stairs. Oh I'm staying out of these trains stations from now on, lol. It actually did look very sad that she probably has to climb stairs that way normally.

I've seen elevators at most these stations but
I didn't notice at Tempelhof.

So the ticket lady checked my ticket on Deutsche Bahn. I had to show my rail pass and passport. She had to fill out my dates of use and she told me that I have to write in the date for the day I'm using the ticket next time before the conductor stamps it.

The lady sitting next to me asked if I understood the ticket lady who told me once in English but then let it rip in German as she walked away, lol. The lady next to me had seen my ticket earlier so she told me she had been to Regensburg when her kids were younger.

The trip took 4 hours and 20 minutes and I had a 6 minute walk to my hotel. I walked around a bit to stretch my sore legs but it appears that most places are closed on Monday's in the month of September from the signs I was reading in the store front windows.

I stopped at a cafe and there are many of them. I kept defaulting to Spanish as I was ordering. Sometimes that happens. The more I kept telling myself to stop ordering in Spanish the more I kept doing it, lol. Dom St. Peter has scaffolding up. I'm just going to rest tonight and go exploring tomorrow.

Have a good night
Our Community / Re: In home MLCer
« Latest by Songanddance on September 26, 2022, 10:02:32 AM »
Oh Yes.

As one of the few "live at home MLC" LBSers - I can confirm that going dark is sometimes the only way to survive.

I hated seeing him so "happy" singing and dancing in the kitchen as he readied himself to go out with OW. I found that the only way to preserve my sanity was to stay away from him, retreat to my bedroom and go as dark as possible.   

However when he was clearly in a mood or had a row with OW (which they did almost daily whereas H and I rowed only on occasion) I would be bright, breezy and more dim than dark with him.

It took time to establish that pattern but I managed and it has served me very well even now he is pretty much over the MLC and  we are separated but in regular contact.  He has to call me and I choose how to respond.

Always look after yourself and of course the children. The MLCer certainly won't.
Our Community / Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 14: "I want my M(LC)-TV!!!"
« Latest by Standing Strong on September 26, 2022, 09:22:46 AM »
Back from vacation  8)


It was so nice getting to escape for a week. Going to an amusement park was amazing, I've missed it so much.
One thing I had been worried about over the years of not going to a park was the fear that time would go by and I wouldn't be able to ride rollercoasters anymore. I've seen people who used to love them get older and then it upsets their stomach or whatever. I didn't want that to be me!!  :D
Well, I started out with the fastest and most thrilling (it was great) and wouldn't you know it.... my stomach got upset.... Oh no!!! So then I went on every rollercoaster just to show the body who was in charge and wouldn't you know it... the upset stomach went away.  ;D
They also had haunted houses at night (they were sooooo well done, the best I've ever seen). The odd thing was, nothing scared me. That LBS conditioning I guess...... the ghosts and ghouls were jumping out at me, getting in my face... they did a great job, and I'd stick out my tongue at them, or go "BOO" back at them. A couple times I may have scared them as I popped towards their hiding place and yelled as they waited to scare someone from their hiding place.  8) A couple times I could see the puzzled look in their eyes..... HAHAHAHAAHAH!! I don't know if that is healthy or normal, but it is what it was. I enjoyed it. I kinda like being completely unphased, but it would have been fun to be surprised too.
Very happy to be home. I missed the little animals. My family all chipped in to take care of the birds. That was so nice of them. I think they worry about me, and are happy that I'm trying to have as normal a life as I can.

I got a message from W last night (the typical one reach out during one of her larger trips): two pictures of a bird..... then after I responded a bunch of pictures from her trip. We had a couple lines of text and then *POOF* (as usual). After three and a half years I still get surprised at how fast and abruptly "conversations" end with the MLC'er. It's not surprising, I know it will happen, and then right in the middle of talking *POOF*..... gets me every time!! HA!!! I know it's an anchor check. She gets what she needs: "Are you still there?", and once she knows.... that's it. It's just a little funny (to me) that I STILL get tricked in this way. It's like (me thinking to myself) "Ok W, you're going to pop out.... I know you're going to pop out...... wait a min, did you just pop out? YOU DID!!! How could you!!" HAHAHAHAHAH!!  :P ::)
I take it as an encouraging sign that hope is still alive, especially when so often emotion is deadened, null and void. There is still a spark in there..... and it's encouraging to me that somewhere in there she is still anchor checking too. The flames haven't totally gone out, just burning so low that sometimes I can't tell if the pilot light is still lit. 

One day at a time,

Our Community / BLUE ON BLACK
« Latest by Curiosity on September 26, 2022, 08:46:48 AM »
Congratulations, Watcher! What an amazing experience that must have been. I love your description of it… but then, I always enjoy your descriptions of your runs and being out in nature.
Our Community / In home MLCer
« Latest by Akkie1973 on September 26, 2022, 08:08:46 AM »
A little update

There is a bit of a "war" going on in the house. I don't cook for my H. If he wants he can get a plate with food but he doesn't touch it. I ate alone with my kids. Most of the time is sits on the couch watching tv while my kids and I have dinner at the table. After dinner I clean up the kitchen and then I go upstairs where I sit in my bedroom till I go to sleep. I actually enjoy my evenings alone. I can watch what I like and I can read if I want.

Last week my H came home Friday morning instead of Saturday afternoon. I think he and OW had a fight. I expected it wouldn't last long and I was right. A few days later he left work early (I can tell, bc he works for the same government agency as I do and I can see when he shuts down his computer) and he came home late. I knew for sure he was with the OW. So when he returned home that evening I decided not to speak to him anymore. Going dark as they say. I think he doesn't mind bc he doesn't speak to me either. Normally, he was the one who initiated the contact but now he doesn't. It's okay. It's been a week now since I've last spoken to him. Have you ever gone dark with your inhome MLC'er?

Our Community / Is this midlife crisis?
« Latest by WHY on September 26, 2022, 07:53:35 AM »
I'm so sorry you're here D.  You will find a wonderful support group here.  People that have gone / actively going what you're going through.  Most people in the real world will never understand so save your oxygen. 

As for your H, this smells a lot of MLC, but more info leading up to this event can be helpful.  Were there any triggers, like a death of a parent etc?  What about his physical appearance leading up to this?  Dressing differently?  Working out excessively?  Hyper focused on appearance?

For me at least, it was important to understand if its a walk-away spouse situation, a straight up affair, or midlife meltdown/depression.  Not that it changes your course of action either way.  But through greater understanding, I managed to reach a place where I could get my balance back.

It's taken me too long to realize this.  But the only way to get through this thing thing is to fully let go of the rope and live your own life.

Please ask whatever is on your mind.  We're here to help.
Our Community / MLCer is home after 10 years and 9 months - now what do I do?
« Latest by Akkie1973 on September 26, 2022, 07:49:07 AM »
Is it something like paranoia? I remember Mr xyzcf years ago being at my home when I had a church function here and afterward he said to me "I can read a room full of people really well and those people did not like me" perception was very different. The people were friendly, chatted with him and I saw no evidence that they "didn't like him".

Oh wow.... You described my H here. He also thought that people didn't like him. And just like you I ha a different perception. :-0
Our Community / Re: Is this midlife crisis?
« Latest by Songanddance on September 26, 2022, 06:25:11 AM »
Hi D

My BD was over 9 yrs ago now and H and I are separated but still on good terms after a very tumultuous 4 yrs or so.  The "I'm not in love with you anymore" is one of the most painful things to hear from those in whom we had invested our time, energy, desires, love and commitment.

The advice you have been given is sound. 

My advice - keep posting on here.  Anyone else that has not truly experienced this in your daily world will not understand.  That kind of advice will be to perpetuate your feelings of being a victim with a  "kick him to the curb" approach or to "get revenge" or to plan his downfall. 
We don't do that on here.  We stand in your corner- we stand side by side with you.  We walk forward with you and we then help you walk forward for yourself. We offer you virtual tissues, hugs and our advice comes from a place of knowing. We learned from those before us and we pay it forward.

So if you have any questions - no question is too small or silly - fire them here.  We get it! We get what you are going through.

Finally tough though it is - get control of the financial situation.  If it is MLC and it could be- MLCers have a habit of spending money even if it's not theirs. Get your self financially stable as much as possible and remember you are not alone on here - ever!
Our Community / MLC Rollercoaster ride
« Latest by titleholder on September 26, 2022, 06:14:31 AM »
It keeps getting crazier and crazier.. Luckily I’ve distanced myself from my crazy MLC’er. I hardly talk to him and only see him short amounts of time. He’s now even monstering at our friends (saying things like “you’ve got $h!tety jobs and are good for nothings”) and has told his mom that his only goal is to reach rock bottom. He really is destroying everything and my friends told me he looks and acts like a depressed douche. Every time I’m thinking how much lower can you go? You’ve lost your house, marriage, see your D only 25% of the time, pushed away your wife, friends and family and hardly andybody has any respect left for you. What the hell! Stop it!

All MLC-script I suppose..?

Me? I’m doing pretty okay weirdly.. Enjoying time with my D, friends and family. So glad that this firetrucker isn’t living in my home because he would totally destroy me. I wish that I could help him, but he still doesn’t want any help..

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