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Author Topic: My Story New life here I come...

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My Story New life here I come...
#140: April 13, 2021, 02:56:59 PM
That sounds like a really good idea Rope. Those tiny houses or any kind of fabricated homes are really nice. I think it would be a huge help if you change the "view" .
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

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#141: April 30, 2021, 12:52:44 PM
Mmmmmm butter pecan ice cream. Self care at its best.

I like the idea of putting a house on your moms land. I think it will be liberating for you too.

Hope the foot heals quickly!
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Me 50
H 49
S15
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

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#142: May 11, 2021, 01:33:43 PM
  I have cone to a safe place to talk about something only me,mom and ex knows .
   We had been married only 3 wks  when he got a job out of town. I was used to him doing this while we dated so I was fin e with it . He stayed at the job site 2 wks came home and acted like  he could not get enough of me . He stayed 3 days then went back to job site.
   I noticed I was itching in the nether region s I figured it was an allergic reaction to something . I had body lice ,crabs, went to Dr got meds for us both took care of me and left him a note on his . I went to my moms she said dont tell your dad ,he doesn't need to know ,so we told dad I didn't want to stay alone anymore so I was going to stay there till ex got back.
    He came back and it didn't take him a hot minute to get to moms. I told him not there we would talk ,fight,later. We went to house him talking the whole time me saying nothing,I walk in start getting my clothes and he pushed the button one to many times . Not proud of the things I said but I don't think I have ever been as mad before or since.
    I'm so much a fool he told me he got them from a port o potty , I believed him and stayed  . I know now how dumb I sound ,I truly believed him . Please don't pass judgement ,I needed a safe place to tell my story of this.
    I was so happy ,for such a short period of time . I realize my marriage was really over that day. I never 100 percent trusted him around females again ,how many times have I wondered what life would have been like if I had just left.
     I'm glad I stayed because of having my kids ,and we kid a good marriage, I put it all out of my mind ,but lately it has really been bothering me and I needed to talk about it, I'm to ashamed to talk to my girlfriends,am ashamed right now at how niave I was.
  More later I need to quit for a bit
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#143: May 11, 2021, 02:37:34 PM
Rope you have nothing to be ashamed of. The only person who should be ashamed is 100% him. You chose to forgive and move on. And you had your beautiful children and now grandchildren. Nothing to be sorry for at all. You are a loving kind hearted sole and your  ex is just lost. Seems he’s been lost for a while.

Thank you for sharing. It was very brave of you.
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Me 50
H 49
S15
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

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#144: May 11, 2021, 07:29:16 PM
Very brave to share RB.  NO shame girl.  Sending you (((HUGS))) and lots of them.
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#145: May 11, 2021, 11:48:17 PM
Kit and faith
  Ty brave? Coward for not letting myself think about it for 30 yrs yes . But I have moved on ,yes he is lost and remarried now ...her problem with all his lies..
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#146: May 12, 2021, 12:14:05 AM
Rope....well, i wouldn’t call it cowardice tbh and I hope you can see that young self through our kind eyes. You were young and you had just been married for a couple of weeks ffs; it must have been unimaginable that your new h would cheat. And it wasn’t right in front of your nose in a way you could not deny.

Now, sure, you have had more life experience and you see it differently.....and it does take courage to look at our own mistakes honestly let alone share them....but I often think one of the most insidious bits of damage from betrayal is to blame ourselves for all our good normal human stuff. For being trusting, loving, generous, kind....nope, those are good qualities in humans, things that make a huge difference to the quality of life with other humans and they are not diminished by someone else’s abuse of them. We just learn to choose more wisely where we share them.  :) And you are quite right....your xh is not miraculously better just bc he has changed the face on the other side of the dining table....I suspect that is the reality of how karma actually shows up in the lives of disordered folks tbh.....they reap exactly what they sow.....
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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New life here I come...
#147: May 13, 2021, 12:39:25 AM
Treasur
  Ty  i needed to hear that im not dumb ..yes I was young and very much in love.
  I feel bad because I have not faced this until now ,but I kew I could come here and have no judgement passed.
  No he realizes ,by hear say,that he acted to fast and he should have talked to me .
 
  I'm healing though because I can see him now and not fall apart, and I don't wish him harm. I'm not niave enough to think we could be friends ,nope,he was my best friend .

  I still will have bad days I know and I do but they are short and farther between now . And I think getting this off my chest will help even more.

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#148: July 06, 2022, 01:20:11 AM
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Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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