[Biscuit]

Happy Easter HS folks!!

Not a grest deal to report really.... I continue on my journey much the same as since I last posted. Work is absolutely ON FIRE! I'm very very busy working on a dream project and it's going pretty well - it keeps me busy, in touch with my team the whole day and brings me a lot of joy. It's so much fun that if I haven't got parental responsibilities in the evenings, I just carry on working. My job is pretty much what I'd do for a hobby if it wasn't my job, so I'm happy to just work into the night sometimes - I absolutely love it. This new project has brought about a renewed enthusiasm in my work that I've not had since BD, and I'm sure everyone around me can feel it... I'm just constantly buzzing about it!

I had suggested  the other night over text to W that we spend Easter Sunday together and go for a roast with the kids. She replied the next day - "thanks for the invite but you go with the kids". OK, I thought, that's fine by me, at least she was polite and gracious in replying (that's a change from a year ago when such invites were either greeted with - yes please, no thanks, or thats not approriate to ask me!    Literally 5 minutes later she sent another text saying on second thoughts she would like to get together on Easter Sunday.... then another one saying maybe... Ha ha - the indecision!   Anyway, I'm pretty sure she is coming to it now.
Tonight I dropped D13 at a mates house and then just came home and did some washing and then was relaxing with the cats on the sofa. The phone rings and it's W... "Hi Biscuit, I know you're on your own tonight as D is out, would you like to come over for dinner with me, S18 and MIL, I thought you might want to hang out for a few hours with us?"   Whaaatttt? This never happens, I sometimes hang around when we drop the kids off with each other - but this was different. She actually thought about me sitting in on my own for the evening and invited me over, nice one!   So I went for dinner and took little Easter gifts for S18 and W with me (chocolate with little hand painted cards for them both). Well, she's actually got me something for Easter too - again, a really nice surprise. Lovely dinner with them all too - definite progress there with the thoughtfulness.

Just recently she's opened up a little about feeling "foggy" and how she feels like perimenopause has affected her thinking - again progress.

Very very slow progress, but progress all the same - and I'm doing great regardless!

B

[Helpnewc]

This is wonderful to read Biscuit.

Everyone’s journey is different. My wife will no longer come to the door of the house or come outside her house when I drop the kids off.

I continue to hope for improvement in our interactions but I realised there is nothing I can do.

Our litigation about the kids is also obviously unhelpful.

It is a joy to read of your family being together.

[xyzcf]

Happy Easter Biscuit!

So happy to hear how excited you are with your work! We truly do have a life outside of our marriages and MLC and you are a shining example of accepting your wife for who she is at the moment and enjoying life as it is at the moment...this moment is all we really have and it's important to find the "joy" in our days as well as acknowledge the difficulties.

Lovely dinner with them all too

I am so happy that you share your story here. As all of our stories are different, there really can be room for them in our lives..if we are open to them. That doesn't work for everyone, I know...but it's nice to read how things are going for those, who like me, continue to have a relationship with their spouse.

Some will call it gaslighting or cake eating or that somehow we cannot build a life if they are still involved with us. But others here have shown that there are ways to "connect"...... and still explore and develop in our own lives.

We go away as a family, spend holidays together, have times when the two of us have dinner, or sit and watch the Master's or I have taken care of him when he's had surgery...I have no expectations for our future but there are lots of text messages and contact because I have allowed that to be so. My decision, my choices and what seems to have worked best for us as a family.

Life is passing by so very quickly, the world has changed drastically in just a matter of a few weeks...nothing is for
sure" anymore.

Enjoy your Easter with your family and embrace all the blessings that you do have in your life.

[Biscuit]

Thanks for reading along Help and XY,

I think you hit the nail on the head XY, I'm continuing to explore and have my own life whilst still leaving the door open to interaction with my W. It doesn't feel like cake eating at all, I'd shut it off if I thought she was taking the p1$$. We're giving each other space and continuing our own lives whilst also enjoying time together as a family. We don't ask each other anything really, aside from regarding the kids or finances, but slowly, slowly each of us feel more comfortable with sharing what is going on in our personal lives outside of family stuff. I don't think there is another OM in the picture, but I'd probably reconsider our interactions, and standing if there was. But for now it's all progress. W and I spent almost 2 decades as a loving and very close couple, she's been a great mother to our kids too, aside from a year or so after BD, so I think I'm indebted to her to hang on a while and support her through a difficult time in her life.
Sample of one obviously!

B x

[xyzcf]

W and I spent almost 2 decades as a loving and very close couple,

I almost wrote something similar earlier in response to your post...we spent 35 years together and the memories of what was are still there, and they make me smile.

There also doesn't seem to be someone else in his life, at least not a serious relationship...I too don't ask much about his life.

Yet, I am comfortable when we are together...it's  surreal how comfortable it is.

It has been a very long time..over 15 years...we have both changed. There is still love ...just a different type of love...there is no doubt that he trusts me, probably more than anyone else.......

I am at peace and feel calm....I also though am lonely and miss having a partner to share my life with...but at my age, more and more of my women friends are becoming widowed and so I am not the only person in the world who is alone...

Sample of one as you said!

[Biscuit]

Thanks XY,

Yes, I think my W trusts me more than anyone else in her life  too (not reciprocal yet though, given the nonsense that went on around BD!). She did come to the Easter pub roast - we spent more than 3 hours having a lovely meal, laughing, joking, talking about films and playing cards - and had a lovely meal and a bottle of wine together.
That will probably be that for a while now - she generally takes a big step back after weekends when we spend loads of time together. That's what happened at Christmas - but let's see if there's a different response this time?
Anyway, happy easter - I'm off to eat some chocolate.

[Baxter1]

B-

Posts like this are what keep me going! I know no one has a crystal ball but I think giving space and making your own life is the way to go.  I’m so happy that your project is going well. I also love my job(electrician here) doing something you enjoy and getting paid for it? Win Win

Also I love that you are supporting her during this time. I agree with you, after all these years of a loving relationship I think it’s worth holding on for a bit.

Enjoy your chocolate and your day . 🍫

[Biscuit]

Hi all on HS,

Not much to report in the last month or so really. We continue on our lives pretty much as we have in the last couple of years. We get a little closer and then there's a bit of a recoil from W.  Then a couple of days later it's business as normal!
Today was D13's sports day at school - I arrived a little later than most parents due to a work commitment, but it was a fun afternoon. Sat with W and some of our mutual friends for the last few events, but I missed D in any of hers (a couple of 2nd places for her so she was pleased!).
I got there in time for the parents race though which I lost - ha ha - but W videoed it and sent it to me later and said nice one for even trying. I think D was hoping I'd win it as I run a bit - but 100m is very different to 13 or 26 miles pace wise! I'd happily have gone toe to toe with the other dads over distance and seen them drop off at mile 3 whilst I happily got to 15 or so!
Speaking of running I did a half marathon a couple of weeks ago - I said I'd do it for a mates charity -  but in the run up to it I got bombarded with a ton of work. I literally didn't have a day off work in May, apart from the Sunday of the run. Anyway, I completed it and raised about £1000 for a great kids charity in East London. My entire training schedule consisted of one 3 mile run and one 7 mile run in the week leading up, so my time was awful (sorry Watcher!!) but I raised the money, had a great day out and had a great bonus of getting a load of new running gear thanks to nike who back the charity I was running for, which was very much appreciated. Sometimes doing a good deed does lead to an unexpected and instant positive!
I continue my LBS journey full of gratitude for the positives in life, I have the very odd off day, but I let myself be upset, I don't hide it from anyone. The stock answer when anyone from the UK says to their friend - "Alright?" is "I'm alright yeah, you alright?" . But if I'm not alright I'l just say, "I'm having a bad one tbh but it's ok to somedays feel like that isn't it?"  I don't hide or avoid my emotions at all. Which I think is good for me.

Anyway, things aren't bad in Biscuit land, work is unbelievably good, the kids are ok and things are just chugging along between me and W, we talk everyday still, text loads and have a laugh when we're together. I'd have bitten your hand off for that just after BD.

Oh, I almost forgot! The football team we all support, Tottenham Hotspur, won the Europa league!! First European trophy in 40 years! I watched the game on massive TV's at our home ground with W and the kids (and about 50,000 other Spurs fans). It was amazing, we had the best night - me and the kids joined in a pitch invasion at the end whilst W videoed our shennaigans. We continued the celebrations into the weekend with me and S18 going to a parade of the cup and then all 4 of us going to the last home game of the season and celebrating again. Just brilliant - and I was really happy for the kids to experience the win with both their parents - as I had done 40 years ago with my mum and dad - a memory that is such a happy one for me.

B x

[MadLuv]

Such a lovely update,Biscuit . I’m hoping for that next year. I love your honesty on the basic how are you’s. I was just talking to a friend the other day about after my daughter died and having that simple question asked at even the grocery check out and once tired of saying I was fine I said, You don’t want to know . Luckily I got a nice clerk that said, I understand. I hope it gets better. That I was able to say Thank you  😊

[Biscuit]

Happy 4th of July to those across the pond - hope you're having a good one!

Not much to report but just back from a really lovely night out with W and D13 and S18 and his girlfriend (who is great and a very positive person for S18 to be with).
It was kind of an awards ceremony for the performing arts school our kids attend at weekends. The organisation is fantastic, they teach the kids to act, sing and dance - but it's so much more than that. It's difficult to grow up anywhere these days, but these guys are just everything I love about London, inclusive, loving, non judgemental - the kids can just be themselves - the confidence they gain from performing in front of their peers is just incredible. Anyway, it was a great evening. We all enjoyed it a great deal. The kids were off dancing at the end and W and I had a chance to share a glass of wine, have a laugh and marvel at what talented kids we have. We even had a little sit down dance together at the end. Lots of smiles and good family time together.
These type of interactions are pretty much effortless for me now, although I could feel W getting tired by the end of the evening.

Tomorrow we've got D13's school fete to go to - probably together as a family again - which should be fun.
Anyway - almost exactly 2 years to the week into reconnection now and still on an upwards trajectory. Still hopeful, but not to the detriment of me enjoying my life.

B