[forthetrees]

Are you asking that the home is solely yours? It must be hard to have her coming like a visitor but acting like a resident.

[OffRoad]

I hope everything goes in your favor. I am just wondering, could you get full custody of the kids? I mean, stable home and all, so I was wondering if that was even possible.

[FrenchHuman]

Hi FTT and OR !

Are you asking that the home is solely yours? It must be hard to have her coming like a visitor but acting like a resident.

Yes I am asking. And there is no doubt that I will get the home  : the usus and the fructus, not the abusus (I could not sell the home without W consenting). Against the court W is agree to let me in the house (and, as she has chosen to live in a different country, it would be difficult to say
 
It is no so hard for me to see her behaviour since I have no more expectation. And at least the children see her mother at their home.

I hope everything goes in your favor. I am just wondering, could you get full custody of the kids? I mean, stable home and all, so I was wondering if that was even possible.

Yes there is only the option of full custody for the court. Shared custody is now encouraged but in our case it is impossible : W lives in deep Switzerland, I am in Southern France. 700 km. 7 hours driving.
Full custody in France is usually given to the mother (71%) and in few cases to the father (12%). T who the judges will give the full custody in our case ?
A normal father who lives alone with the children since 10 months and with whom the children are blossoming ? OR
A mother who left the house, the marriage, the children, her job, all her responsiblities ?  A mother who has lied to the court when she pretended to live at our home and that the children don't want to be heard by the judge ? (now the truth is established IMO)

Will my children continue to live in the place where they want to live, with their friends, their school, their activities ? Or will they move in a different country where they have no friend, they can not continue their activities, they don't even know where the school is ?

I will know the answer in 2 months. Until this time the children continue to live a normal life with me.

[Baxter1]

Yes, thoughts and prayers your way that it goes or your favor.

[FrenchHuman]

Thanks B1 for your thoughts and prayers, actually I needed them but not for the hearing.

Hearing postponed and consequences

The hearing is delayed to June the 5th. The reason is the judge was not available (sickness). At least I was informed 2 days ago, I heard that some people went on the Court and were informed here. This decision was no good news for me and I have been depressed then during weeks. The decision means for me living 3 more months in the current situation : no clarification of the child custody and the alimony, W can come and go at will.

S7 birthday

S8 had a very nice birthday with many of his friends. Like last year I organized the birthday together with one of S8's friend's parents. I knew since September that they are separated but they are in very good terms. In the last months I was closer to the mother, so I had mainly her point of view about the separation. I was a bit surprised that she jumped directly to a new Relationship and discussed about it in front of the children (7 and 3). Then for the birthday she did nothing and left all the responsibility to the dad's shoulders. She said she had something else to do… Now I am pretty sure that she is actually in mild MLC.
S7 is definitely in year 2 at school now. He is enjoying life fully and bringing joy around him. Now he wants to become astronaut and is passionated by everything related to space.

D16
D15 has turned 16. I made for her a sugarless cake that was a failure, then she made herself a very good cake. She is cooking more and more at home and that is very nice. She is still successfull at high school and she is learning to drive. She is growing very well, we are fine together. She is cooking more and more at home and in healthy way.

D18
she is very happy in her student life, she has very good marks at school, in the top 3 of the university. Currently she is with us for one week and all her plans for this summer are related to "us", meaning her siblings and her dad.

holidays.
After a lot of discussions and changes, W finally went a few days with S7 in holidays to see her brother in another town in France. I am glad they are reconcilied now, because they were angry between themselves some years ago. She spent also 1 day in Lourdes (place of pilgrimage) and 1 day with D18 in her student town.
Then I took some holidays with the children : we spent 2 days in the Futuroscope (great theme park), then 3 days in the student town with D18. It was a really nice time together. D18 shared with us a lot of her student life, she has made great friends and she wanted us to meet them. One is from Brasil and will come at our home in June (news for me  ) and one wants to participate to our trek in June.
Then we went all at home and D18 stays with us a full week at home during which D16 and S7 are at school. This is great to be all together, every day is a nice day.

FrenchHusband

when I suscribed here on this forum almost 2 years ago, I felt I was an husband, but I was wrong. I had been already reputiated, fired from this job. Now I don't feel anymore I am married. So I want to change my profile's name with a login that fits more who I am. And I want you, my friends to keep the memories we shared here, so I want to keep an "H" as a second initial of a meaningful word in English. From today my new username will be FrenchHuman.

Familial allowance

I got a call few weeks ago from the "caisse d'allocations familiales" (family allowance fund) as I have notified the separation to the CAF. First good news is that the allowance payment is raised now, and the person on the phone asked me many questions about what is happening. She asked me whether W is giving an alimony, I said yes (it is lower than what she should give, but at least it is better than Nothing). Then she said that the CAF can take actions if W stops to give the money.
And just a few days after this call, W stopped to pay the amount ! First I sent a simple text, then after a few days I submitted a request to the CAF… From my POV it is a really nice solution for left behind parents, the CAF can give the money instead of the fleeing parent and in that case can do the legal proceedings.
After some weeks W sent finally the money to our account 

[forthetrees]

Fellow Human,
You sound quite good considering the unwanted court delay. Whereas before you may have not contacted the CAF, you now have as it is your right to do so. The natural consequences of your wife´s actions are starting to occur-; not your circus, not your monkeys.

Have fun with having D18 home for the summer! You all have proven that you ARE a family unit of 4.

Take care,
FTT

[FrenchHuman]

Thank you FTT for your comment, yes the situation with the CAF is exactly how you describe it.
Now is time for me to give some news

Children
they are very fine. School year is finishing and it is a success. My children are growing really well, they are close to me and there is a lot of lot between them. What could I expect more ?

Family gathering
My oldest brother was ordoned a deacon last week and it was a big opportunity for the family to gather. My children were with me, as all the children of the brothers (a big challenge because some of them live in the whole France, one was in Germany and one in the Isle of Man. The mass was great : 2h30 seemed very short. And we had a very nice dinner together the day before. I spoke with the young sister of my mother, she told me about some old stories of my mother and her parents, I was happy to hear these stories.

Divorce news and end of W's comes and goes
The hearing is set up for this Thursday June 5th. I have the intuition it will happen (this time after 3 postponements). My lawyer is really confident and we are prepared. I have asked my lawyer how to put an end to W's comes and goes, and he has provided one way to me. Just after the hearing, I will give (or send) a letter to XW telling that I have changed the locks of the house and I invite her to get all her personal stuff from the house within 2 months.

New relationship in my life
I have met a month ago a wonderful woman and I want to go ahead with her. She is 49 yo, 3 children D26 S18 and D16. She has been a LBS (without knowing it) and had BD in 2019, final divorce in 2024. Her XH was clearly in MLC with many symptoms. It is really early for us and it is great to meet someone with a similar mindset and similar will to build together. We are agree to take the necessary time. What is challenging for me is to find time and space in my life for this new relationship as I have the children with me almost all the time. We have done things together : dancing together, restaurant, 1 day trekking, and the feeling is optimum between us.

[MadLuv]

FrenchHuman- great choice on the name change. I also changed mine a couple years in as well. I just want to applaud you on being a dedicated father and  your moving forward with such strength. Congratulations on meeting someone you enjoy time with. I aee a very positive future for you and your family.

[FrenchHuman]

Thanks MadLuv for your kind encouragement and your wishes !

Today I had the hearin (finally) and it went well. xW was not here and I was not really surprised. I feared that xW's lawyer would be not here, and a new postpone, but fortunately it did'nt happen ! So our case has been heard today, the first in the morning.

The new lawyer is an African one (like xW). My lawyer told me he sees more than often this kind of "communautarian temptation" and it is a bad signal towards the judge. I think (my lawyer too) that the previous lawyer would have done better, because the new one was really confused, confusing and very long, the judge seemed not pleased at all. From the beginning of the divorce xW has been really bad advised. Well as I have been fired from my position of advisor, I find it a bit sad.

At the end of the hearing it seems really really unlikely that I loose the full custody of the children.
The judge told us that she will give her decision June 30th (an unexpected good news). Then I sent to xW the letter to ask her to pick up her possessions at our home within 2 months.

Now I feel really relieved that it is done. I feel supported by a few friends who pray for me, I got a nice call from my new friend.

PS : D16 has done successfully the driving theoritical test, she will soon be able to drive with me the car.

[forthetrees]

That´s a load off your mind! I´m sorry that it came to this and took such a toll in time, energy, emotion and money. At least we are living in an age when judges can see that the assumption of maternal custody is not necessarily the appropriate outcome. May the bruises to your self-esteem fade and may joy be a constant in your life.