Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story She's My Kind of Rain - 2

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 5252
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: She's My Kind of Rain - 2
#150: September 18, 2022, 12:31:03 PM
Treasure- Yes, the point you make about C is a good one. I have thought about this a great deal lately. I don't want to become so jaded that I change who I am. Have I learned some things along the way and have perhaps been less apt to trust? Yes. However, I don't want to become so cynical and guarded that my nature changes too much. I do believe in there being good people and I also believe at some point those people who have wronged others are hit with some type of karma.

In C's case, I am hoping at his young age, that the karma comes in a form of a lesson that perhaps makes him snap back to attention and realize he has messed up. It is not me needing an apology or expecting something that either S or I get to witness. My hope is that the lesson is something that carries over and simply makes him not repeat the behavior.  I may never know and that is okay.

I also know that in C's case that I have drawn my line in the sand. Having been a victim of his antics, in his current state of mind has made me promise myself that while I won't ever be unkind and will be civil, I also will not offer any help. I said to S that for instance if C were to be stranded by the side of the road with a broken down vehicle, I would no longer go to his rescue. I wouldn't be unkind. I might instead say "gee that is too bad, and here is the number of a good towing service". I am not going to at this point allow myself to do anymore than that. And I struggle with how sad that is, but those are the consequences with the choices C made. It is very much like the MLCer and the laws of cause and effect.

I had to work yesterday for an event. It was something I committed to weeks ago and I was okay. Ms M was not on the schedule originally, but it was an event that provided an opportunity for her to look good. My coworker was there briefly, and then had to leave, so we stayed together and worked. After she left, I found things to keep myself occupied and made it my mission to keep as much space between Ms M and I as possible. If she was in one room, I found a way to find something in another room. It wasn't always possible, but those were the times that I was approached by the owner's S and other people that I know well.

Ms M kept pouring on the fake charm when those little things happened. They would say hello to her and make their way to see me. What Ms M doesn't realize is most of those people I have known from networks and connections I have had for years and nurtured. Professional contacts. Between teaching for nearly 30 years, with sometimes 100 students a year in various college classes and my one job that required working with nearly 300 artists a year for nearly 10 years, I have encountered a lot of people over the years. One couple came into the gallery and I have been invited to their house over the years to see their art collection, etc. You could see Ms M was green with envy and one person who knows the situation was there and commented how Ms M tried to wiggle into the conversation in such an awkward manner. I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

The truth is, those connections that have occurred for me have happened with genuine interest and sincerity. I have never chased after relationships of any sort with the idea of "what can I get out of it". I won't say that I don't see opportunities, but usually those are along the lines of how can we all benefit and it is more of a genuine excitement of making good things happen. I won't work with anyone or be with anyone that has those types of aspirations that require stepping on someone to get there. I also won't say that I don't see something and know how to work around situations to benefit myself. That would be a lie. But I certainly will not be one who someone can say uses people. They can accuse me all they want, but those who know me know better. And, I have been accused of that simply by being my F's daughter. I have had plenty of people make grand assumptions of how I have gotten things because of who my F is. I have grown a rather thick skin about that. I know the truth and it is why I don't regret sometimes that I kept my married name. I am proud of my F and being his D, but I also know it could easily open doors for me or have the effect where people don't consider I got somewhere on my own merit. Hence, I still use my married name professionally. I have often considered changing it and more and more, I am leaning that way. The kids have actually begun to ask me why I don't drop the married name, since they now understand that if I were to change it, that it is not out of some desire to wipe out my history or the memory of Xh. They know exactly how I feel.

Having to work the entire day with Ms M, while I didn't have to spend a lot of "quality time" with her  ::) I found avoiding her terribly exhausting. I came home and instead of getting anything done at all, I made dinner and found myself snuggled up on the couch with the puppy. She too had a very exhausting day. Since she has had all of her shots now, D decided to take her on an adventure and start socializing her in public. She went to the pet store and two stores that are very dog friendly to buy some puppy related items, like new food for her. Then for a walk along the lake. D was so thrilled that puppy is very social and the only issue is she likes to jump. At 20 lbs right now that isn't a big problem, but one that needs addressed.

When the puppy and D came home and the neighbor brought over his month old granddaughter and his 3 year old granddaughter to visit. The youngest S came over as well. The three year old now has a beef with me, D informs me. I did a bad thing and D said the 3 year old was all giggly and happy with the puppy but then stopped and threw her hands on her hips as she noticed that something was missing from the big maple tree in the yard. She was not amused. Yah- I am in deep doo doo. I had S remove the tire swing that hung there for years. That branch was looking less than stellar and I figured the kids haven't used that swing in years. I forgot that the granddaughter next door swings on it when she visits. So, I now have to make that right. I can't have a 3 year old who I just made points with giving her paper and crafty things now not speaking to me. Who will I carve pumpkins with? LOL

All of that activity and puppy and I were both asleep on the couch at 6 pm. It was 8:30 when the puppy got up and disappeared. I was curious as to where she went. Normally, she naps after dinner but is up and playful until at least 10 pm. She had put herself in her room and when I went in, she was not going to move. I put her to bed and decided I too would just call it a night. S asked if I was okay. I laughed and said I was just done for the day. I went to bed and stayed up for a bit longer. I woke up later than I anticipated this morning, and realized I had a date to walk with my friend. I rushed around to get going and reached out to her. She was laughing as she said she fell back asleep after having taken her H to the airport earlier. She wasn't even up yet. We met up and both laughed deciding coffee and breakfast were really more the speed today and we have rescheduled the walk for early this coming week.

We had a lovely visit and I was glad we chose to do that instead. It was her birthday yesterday and we always try to have dinner or go out to celebrate. Her H had taken her out for dinner, but she was having a rough weekend overall and it wasn't her usual birthday routine in any way, not that she is one to have to have a fuss made, but usually her M is on top of it. Because her M is currently taking care of her ailing sister, my friend said that it was just an odd feeling and her M forgot. She wasn't mad, just pondering life and changes.

We laughed a lot. She picked on me about having met my visitor. She has been with me through every possible version of relationships I have had. She likes to pick on me, because I dated on and off for a time a variety of guys, but that was not me. I have had 3 serious relationships including Xh, but she knows as she likes to call it "the body count" which I always laugh since she is including the boy who had a crush on me in 7th grade. Yah, she is that friend.  ::) What was amusing was she mentioned my visitor was not at all what she pictured. I of course took that time to give her a hard time and tease her. She knew she had stepped into it. I joked did she expect me to find a man who reminded me of Xh. I thought she would spit her coffee out laughing. She then said as she thought about it, I have never had a physical type. That is, I always dated people for their character and personality. But there was one type I avoided for a long time - anyone athletic which is what she was trying to get at.

I started laughing and had to remind her that if she recalled it wasn't that I avoided athletes it was the ones that asked me out, I avoided. We went down the list and she kept saying "yah, good call on that one". There was only one that she was rather curious as to why I said no to a date. He was the had been the captain of the rival high school's basketball team. Tall and very handsome, but insanely shy. He and I went to the same college by then and we were in class together. I was shy as well, but because he was taking an art class that was not part his major, I was comfortable by then with the crew I hung around with. I am sure in that setting I seemed comfortable and outgoing. His one outgoing friend approached me in the cafeteria and I knew him from when I was in church school classes on Sundays. He was a joker and always had been. He said that this guy wanted to ask me out. I thought he was kidding me and trying to pull a fast one, so I said no. It wouldn't be until many months later that I found out that wasn't the case. So as I was talking to my friend, I giggled and said that may have been a mistake back then. LOL.

She conceded that perhaps I somehow didn't have a thing against athletes. I knew she was having way too much fun with me. She commented on how tall this person is and I had to remind her I had a very tall farm boy I dated. Oh, she was grilling me, with me full well knowing she was just giving me a hard time like she would have in high school. After all was said and done, she told me she noticed something aside from the good looking guy with me and that was I haven't looked that happy and comfortable in such a long time. I was myself around him. That made her incredibly happy for me.

I came home to find puppy flat out on the floor of her room again. I spoke to D and asked what that was about. Seems they went for a walk along the lake and the puppy was happy to greet people and let them pet her and fuss over her. The little social butterfly is wiped out. I took her out to the orchard for a treat - a pear from the tree. She has learned not to eat the ones on the ground and waits for me to pluck a ripe one from the branch. She was so tired she didn't want to play fetch with it first. She flopped onto the ground and ate it. She didn't even want to get up off the ground and would have napped there. If the rain hadn't started falling, I would have let her sleep and I would have worked on finding a new limb to put that tire swing on. Instead, I carried her in and she is napping under the barstool in the kitchen.

Ms M may throw off my mood. C may have taken advantage of me. Xh may have thrown life in a tailspin, but somehow it is all of these little moments that make none of that matter in the end. I am pretty content listening to the puppy snoring away under the stool and having other good things in my life now.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 18, 2022, 12:36:40 PM by MourningDove »

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11816
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
She's My Kind of Rain - 2
#151: September 19, 2022, 01:43:38 AM
You took down the tire swing?

You'se in BIG trouble now, Sistah! an angry 3-year old is nothing to be messed with...

And.... yep... you need a new thread

  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 19, 2022, 01:45:29 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 5252
  • Gender: Female


Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (, and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.