[Biscuit]

And then today I asked if w and the kids wanted to come over for some food and to hang out this weekend.

W texted back saying she wasn’t comfortable being asked over for lunch.
Then 2 minutes later was back to sending funny photos etc.
The flip flopping doesn’t really bother me at all anymore but it is pretty odd!

[UrsaMajor]

And then today I asked if w and the kids wanted to come over for some food and to hang out this weekend.

W texted back saying she wasn’t comfortable being asked over for lunch.
Then 2 minutes later was back to sending funny photos etc.
The flip flopping doesn’t really bother me at all anymore but it is pretty odd!

flipity flopity flip flip flop

[Biscuit]

Hi all,

It's been a month or so since I posted on my thread so I thought I would do a bit of journalling.

I've taken on a big project at work, which has been both great as it's kept me really busy and focussed on something far removed from family or domestic situations but also very stressful. The stress came to a head earlier this week. I think it's actually a culmination of all the personal stress from BD, and the trauma associated with that as well as trying to navigate everything with W and family. Added into the mix is this really high pressured project at work with a delivery schedule of about a quarter of what would be considered normal.
Well, I thought I was coping kind of OK, but I had some chest pains in the night last weekend which woke me - I went straight to accident and emergency as you don't muck about with that sort of thing in my view. They ran some tests and discharged me a few hours later confident that it wasn't anything too sinister.  On Tuesday morning I finished leading a meeting, and as I wrapped it up I felt incredibly dizzy - like I was going to faint. I went outside and one of the production staff walked by and said he thought I looked quite unwell and called the medic. (luckily I woke in an industry that has a trained nurse / medic on site around the clock). The medic took my BP and heart rate, and took a good look at me and said he was sending me straight to hospital for more checks.
After many tests (blood, ECG, Xray etc) the hospital said they were confident I wasn't having a cardiac episode or or stroke and again discharged me but have requested that I get more tests done. The lovely doctor that saw me asked about stress at home and at work and said he thought that I was presenting classic signs of stress.

I'm back at work but have got my team to get me some additional help so not all the pressure of the job is on my shoulders. Obviously the stress of the last 2 years has kind of caught up with me a bit this last week. I'm pretty sure I've handled jobs as stressful as this before BD, but maybe it's all just got to me a bit.

Home life has been kind of OK, Even before the hospital stuff I asked W for a bit more help with the kids and she's stepped up in a major way - basically being really supportive and doing the lions share of the childcare.

We are continuing in our reconnection, we talk often about the kids and our company and combined finances. We also chat about other stuff, send each other photos, and share some of what we are doing. None of it is particularly deep really. It does feel like she is opening up more and gradually sharing more of what is going on in her life. We had a big chat a few weeks back and I told her that I wanted to continue to try and build back the bridges that had been burned down at BD and try and restore our friendship and see how it goes. She said, "what, do you mean, reconciliation?"   I said yes, I'd like us to get to that point in the future. She said she didn't want to give me false hope and that she needed space and wasn't sure about all of that. I just told her I was happy to try and mend our broken friendship and take things naturally and slowly and see what happens, and she could have all the space she wanted. I expected a withdrawal after this conversation but none came really.
So we continue at a snails pace and I try to have zero expectations from her. It's a really tough balancing act because you see positive signs and think, yeah, they are coming out of it and it's all going to be fine - but it's not like that at all - it's baby steps and expectation and going too fast definitely scare her off and often set things back a bit.

I'm hoping getting some help at work will redress some of the balance I'd achieved recently in my life, because for the last month or so it's been work, sleep repeat!

Biscuit

[Treasur]

Strangely enough there is a syndrome seen in some people after periods of extended stress https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/conditions/cardiomyopathy/takotsubo-cardiomyopathy

I’m so sorry though, Biscuit, bc that must have been pretty scary for you. What it suggests though is that you might need to prioritise how you approach things (and people lol) that increase stress in your life, and find some new ways of managing it. Have you already explored anything like that, any somatic therapies? Or got a thorough overall check up by a doc? Either way, please don’t be blokish about it lol….take it seriously and make your physical health a priority. Your kids need you to stay on the planet, please!

Doesn’t surprise me though that you experienced it now as opposed to post BD. I think our fight/flight system keeps us going for quite a while but disgorges stuff when we are just out of the emergency trenches. pTSD for me only really reared its head in about year 3.

[Biscuit]

Thanks Treasur,

Wise words from your good self as always!

I actually did know about that syndrome - kind of indirectly through HS. Another member who no longer posts but whom I have continued contact with suffered from this a few months post BD. She's better know thank goodness - and for those here that like to know what happens to people that no longer post - she's got a new and amazing person in her life whilst her X continues to be an asshat and is dragging his feet over the divorce.

B