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Our Community / Wife Of 14 Years Began MLC in July
« Latest by OffRoad on Today at 07:52:20 PM »
Yes, you did the right thing, imo. Your kids will do much better in a stable environment.

Are you sure the older ones "sided" with her? Or just happened to be there and don't know how to get back without alienation her? Most kids want to stay on good terms with both parents if they can.
Our Community / Stopping the insanity
« Latest by Tornup on Today at 04:24:41 PM »
Well just when I think the crazy will end it starts back up. XH OW last week at work demanded my S28 help her right then and there. Despite him telling her he would in a minute after he completed a task. Today at work she was asked to work on a project and she refused. Said she would leave if she had to do it. Her manager called my XH and he came down and said he would deal with it. He walked in office and her manager asked S28 to leave and he said no he could stay he will take OW out of office to talk. He proceeded to do that for over an hour. In the open.  I find it odd he chose to do that in the open rather than have her even sent to his office. Maybe he thought she would stay composed. My S28 said he told his Dad this is a $hit show and he is ready to quit.

And the craziness continues. I am listening, but no longer reacting or getting involved. Working on my zen on all of this!
Definitely following along, Nav! Doing that tough work on ourselves is among the most challenging, but most rewarding, things we can do.
Lovely to hear from you Nav.

Interesting you feel ‘grown up’. Delighted you have worked through that and had such good results!

Glad you updated. Stay well!
Rose 🌹
Our Community / JohnnyBravo's story
« Latest by JohnnyBravo on Today at 02:18:27 PM »
Thank you, Thunder.

The fog would definitely be the best case, but I imagine W has at least enough gumption to try again, and if not one of her enablers will probably keep her going.

I do think the wall of reality is a possibility; Treasur and Marvin had similar thoughts. She won't get a chance to explain that she wants a big sack of cash until she has a scheduled consultation, and that's when they would tell her it doesn't work that way.

Time will tell...
Our Community / Stopping the insanity
« Latest by Tornup on Today at 02:02:38 PM »

That is it exactly. I felt I couldn’t completely detach with the wedding. Wanted to be able to be in an ok place with XH so the day and night would go smoothly. When talking with therapist last week I said I think after this wedding is over the flood gates will open and the relief will start to come. Detachment should come easier and if not I will need some help with her on that. She said we will work on that and to start taking care of me as I have focused on everyone else for too long. I feel like today is the beginning of a new life.
Thank you for the update, Song. I think the bit that resonates most for me is your choosing yourself. Reaching that place where you can love these people, genuinely want them to find their healing and a happy path forward - and recognizing that in order for them to find that healing and for you to continue on your path forward, it may be necessary for your paths to diverge, at least for a while… well, each story is unique but I feel like that part is true for many of us, and it’s such an important part of this process.

Completely agree. There isn't any way in this world or the next that I could have undergone the necessary personal growth had my wife and I not been separated for five months. We could actually have done with being apart considerably longer than this.

Great to see you're in a good place, Song and Dance.
Does anyone still read my hilarious thread?

Hope all are well.

Still moving onwards and upwards.

Earlier this year I completed an epic project on dealing with my past. Ended up writing 25,000 words - very tough work but the benefits have been amazing (I never use the word "amazing" unless I really mean it).

Feel the most "grown up" I've ever felt in my life.
Our Community / Stopping the insanity
« Latest by Treasur on Today at 01:25:41 PM »
Isn’t it wonderful when people are kind? I increasingly see kindness as a bit of superpower when used with care, whereas entitlement is a rather horrid disease  ::)

I hope you will be rather kind and gentle with yourself for a little while, Tornup. I suspect you might have a bit of an emotional dip bc intentionally or unconsciously you may have been pressing the pause button on some inner work in progress or some levels of detachment or acceptance until after your daughter’s wedding.
Which is understandable.
So go slow, breathe and tread gently with yourself. Be gently selfish about where you invest your energy while you recharge and refocus, hopefully with support from your IC and good friends.
Our Community / Re: JohnnyBravo's story
« Latest by Thunder on Today at 12:35:39 PM »
You know JB, it could IF she IS looking she may be having trouble finding a reputable attorney who will agree with what she wants.

They may be telling her, her portion (since you have been married, 5 years) of your 401k is usually not given in cash.  It is put in a retirement account for her, which she will pay very high taxes on if she takes it out before age 59.

They may be telling her she is responsible for half of any debt you have, which means the credit card she used she will be liable for.

Her new car is half yours.
Her voluntarily selling her house before you were married has no bearing on anything, unless possibly she used some of those funds to buy the new house you purchased together.  But they will look at what funds you put in also.

She is young and healthy and will not get alimony for a long time.  They will expect her to keep working to support herself, eventually.

Oh, blah, blah, blah...I'm not saying this is what is happening, just a possibility.

Best case scenario, she is in a fog and just doing nothing....expecting you to do the work for her.  Some do that.

Sit tight, you are making all the right moves right now for yourself. I'm glad to hear you are getting out with friends and keeping your attorney updated.  I know none of this is easy but it gets easier with time.  Keep friend and just pray for the best outcome.


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