[UrsaMajor]

UL,

Of COURSE he's being snarky... You are holding him accountable for something he said that he would do..... Accountability = Responsibility and Mid-Lifer's HATE to be held accountable or responsible....   To the Mid-Lifer, that is, of course, pressure.... For you, it is important to get the peace of mind that the debt is, in fact, paid. I guess that MLCH feels that, since you paid it, he is off the hook.....

As long as you keep asking, he will likely keep delaying... And if you do NOT keep asking, he won't do it anyway.... His "I work from x to y" excuse is just that... Watching films is not a necessary or required task. Checking that your taxes have been paid and that the account is now zero IS a required task....

Oh, and no, you don't need to let Mr. 14 year old teenie boy talk to you like that.....

[Seahorse]

UL -
I am new to your story (although not new to HS).

I am sorry that this last bit of detachment and finalization is so frustrating.
Perhaps the IRS would be able to tell you if it appears to be paid - if it's a joint filing?  Eventhough his SS# is primary, if your name is also on it, I would think they could tell you that.  If you explain the circumstances...

Good luck.  It sounds like you're in a happier place and peaceful now. 
Good luck with the radiation.

[UnconditionalLove]

Thank URSAMajor and Seahorse,
So, since I was home I tried again to call the IRS and finally got the answer I needed. Turned out the money did get credited but not in the right account.  We have a mirror account which is the way they do this when money is due, not been paid and you have divorced.  So, they put it in the mirror account and now it says I have a $150 credit do.  I did ask if that would come back to me and he said yes because it was paid under my SS #. 
I emailed my MLCer and said
Hey, thanks for your willingness to help in opening the IRS account but that is not necessary now.
Thanks again

Passive aggressive YEP but I’m over this stuff with him.  URSAMajor you are right...I bug him about it he’s not going to move.  I don’t bug him about it, it’s not going to get done.  I feel so disrespected.  I mean, I’m a single lady who took the money out from my IRA account and you want to tell me you are too busy with work to do this one thing then give me a snarky reply?  It’s done and I’m glad to be out from it.  Freed from everything he created now.
Thank you Seahorse,  I am at a happier place and it’s very peaceful now.  It’s been a long time coming.

[Thunder]

See how things get done when you take charge yourself.  Never count on a MLCer...waste of time...

Good for you, UL.  You rock!   

I hope you continue to have no side effects from the radiation.
How many treatments are they going to do?

{{Hugs}}

[UnconditionalLove]

Haha Thunder,  you know everything was done by me (us) that’s the issue. LOLOLOL!  Thanks!
I am having 4 rounds of what they call PRRT which is radiation through a IV to target the tumors I have from my cancer.  It’s a lower version of radiation then others get for other cancers.  But does come with side effect a long term possible effect done the road years later but...I’m already now 60 so...    Anyhow, I have 4 rounds and just had my 2nd.  I have another on in January and my last one is March.  I hope they don’t shut down the US and I don’t get all 4 done in a timely manner.   How have you been Thunder?

[OffRoad]

Great job! Now he has no control over you. That is what it was, that combination of "You're not the boss of ME!" And "Hah, if I don't do this, it will tick her off. I have all the control."

Best wishes on the prrt. I would like to pass on my father's recommenadton of "Drink lots of water". He swore that not flushing his system enough was what did him in. May you have little to no side effects.

[Seahorse]

UL -
So proud of you for freeing yourself from the uncertainty - AND getting a little bit back!

I can't believe that your H is still in such a deep for after 6+ years.  UGH.  So frustrating.
I'm only 3.5 years in, and it seems like eternity... but it also seems like yesterday!  If that makes sense.

I get what you said in your first post about feeling like you're controlling because everything was heaped on you to do, so you did it because you had to otherwise it might not get done.   So strange how we think we're helping, but only later looked at as controlling... 

Best of luck with prrt. 
Celebrate with a toast to independence and happiness tonight (even if it's just sparkling water~!)...

[UnconditionalLove]

Thanks Off Road.  Doing my best to keep moving forward!  Did your dad have PRRT?  YES, I am drinking my water and running to the bathroom.  Then...repeat! LOL!
He has come out.  I thought he was over this kind of stuff but...I think after he said he would start paying me some alimony and he soften up he thinks he needs to harden up now.  I’m hoping this new found aggressiveness isn’t going to be around in Dec when he said he would start paying something.  He might be looking for something to make him made so he can use it against me and not pay. 
I know what is felt like still be be 3.5 years out.  I feel for you. This started for me in 2014 and it feels like yesterday as well and yet so far away.  Now that he is back in the state I am I feel like he has gone in a circle.  I can’t believe he is here.  Neither of us are from here, it’s just where he left me.  He has a license here so my guess it was easy to get back in the state in a place he can hide and doesn’t know anyone.  Even though he doesn’t try to contact me.  He didn’t hide that he was back here. 
He has no control over me.  I think he would like to when gets the snarky thing going but he knows he doesn’t.  He’s moods are changing.  I haven’t seen this one in months so somethings going on.

Thanks everyone!

[UnconditionalLove]

Oh NO, I know what this is about.  Stupid me! I just remember something.  I sent him a email that I probably shouldn’t have an he’s been weird ever since.  I probably broke a rule.  I’m pretty sure his snarkiness is because of this.  I can’t believe it.

Hey, this has been on my mind a lot and I just was hoping to put this to rest.  I think you already know this but wanted to write it.  Early on the divorce you told me that you told your parents I divorced you.  That really bothered me and still does because...You set me up to start the proceedings by going to an attorney first.  You wanted me to divorce you so it wouldn’t fall on you because of my illness and so you could say I did it.  I hate that your parents think I didn’t love you and I know they don’t have the whole story on what really happened. I think you know that I loved you and will always love you as you are the man God gave me and that a divorce doesn’t change that fact.  I guess what I wanted to put to rest is I didn’t do it to leave you, I did it because that is what you wanted.  I did it out of love knowing I had to let you go.  I know your parents will never know that but it does break my heart they think I left you.  They don’t need to know the story but it still hurts that  they think the worst of me.  I also really believed that God would fix it before it came to that but well...that didn’t happen either.  I do always wish the best for you, pray for you daily.  When I say daily I mean for 7 years daily multiple times a day.  I just want you where God wants you.  Anyhow, welcome to Sunday!  Dead battery stuck in my car.  God has this covered too!

His attitude is from me.  I totally forgot I wrote this. 

[Seahorse]

UC - I think that's a lovely email, and I wouldn't even bat an eye at sending it.
It's not like you've been pursuing him and pushing him away.
You merely sent him your thoughts, and wanted to get it off your chest.
It probably DID make him feel like a jerk, but that's okay too. -- Truth darts, albeit unintended...
I wouldn't give it a second thought.

His snarkiness will fade, or it won't.  Doesn't matter.
What matters is that you got it off your chest...  like the tax issue.... BAM - Done.
Now forget about it and celebrate those small victories.