I meant to mention this yesterday in regards to “truth”, but The Affair is a show that really was cathartic for me to watch after BD. It’s a show about a man going through a midlife crisis that covers more than a decade of his journey. It’s not a masterpiece by any means, but it’s super interesting to see so, so much of what we have all encountered in our own experiences with MLC. It employees the narrative style I mentioned of telling the same story from each person’s point of view (it’s called Rashomon). I think I’ve probably talked about it here before but I also just mentioned it to someone IRL and it made me want to come back and post.
Rashomon effect is so interesting because you see each person’s perspective that differs because of their individual biases, background, psychological states, etc. So sometimes when we ask “why can’t they see x, y, or z, it seems so obvious” it can be hard to remove ourselves from our version of the story. Watching The Affair at the time I did was actually comforting because I employed the same technique to my real life - by stepping out of the confines of my own perspective and considering how the same story played out for my former H, the OW, it became less about me, less personal. It didn’t make it any less destructive. And in fact, trying to consider the situation from the point of view of the two people who did what they did without any consideration of me was at times deeply painful, but also healing. And I’ve continued to find that helpful in other difficult situations.
Anyway, just wanted to pop back here and mention that show. As I said, it’s not a masterpiece by any means and the last season falls apart because one of the main actresses quit unexpectedly and they had to alter the storyline. But especially the early seasons, a lot of things will ring so true for those of us who have lived through this experience, and I found it particularly interesting to watch it through the lens of the man having the crisis.
“The desire to be loved is the last illusion. Give it up and you will be free.” ~Margaret Atwood
You can either be consumed or forged. It’s up to you; the fire doesn’t care either way.