[KayDee]

I have my sad moments. Last night after therapy, I was a mess. She supposes my wife simply fell out of love. Which I guess happens, but why all the nasty, cold, mean, often immature, actions, thoughts, words and texts? Why the flip-flopping on feelings? Or any of the other antics?

And I would almost prefer it to be MLC- the result is basically the same but at least I am loveable

No disrespect your therapist, but on basis does she make her suppositions? Isn't she better placed to support you and your feelings. Is she listening hard enough? I am often tired after therapy, but rarely a mess. My therapist works hard to keep the focus on me (despite my best efforts to derail this  ) And it was really useful for me to hear her say 'what is true, is that you are suffering from the actions of a traumatised man' - she doesn't let him off the hook or allow me to make any excuses for him (which I haven't done for a long ol while now), but she does listen to what has happened and sees the crisis.

Well, I know you were fishing and maybe UM will throw in an appropriate gif, but of course you are loveable. You were loved by your W for all those years, and I expect by many around you. You are the one showing up with compassion and a desire to understand. If you love, you are loveable.

Keep soldiering on (Liverpool has enough cash for another great player  )

[mcm64d]

Hi KayDee....

He is not a player but a very charismatic, intelligent coach. But yes you are correct either way!!

I cannot blame my mess all on her, but yes she wasn't on her game last night. She is a little forgetful and I do nudge her on occasion. She truly hopes I never hear from my wife again and has been appalled by my descriptions of her past behaviour and reasons for divorce.

Thank you for your care. I'd like to think someone out there, IRL, would find me a nice person. I do try. And yes, I have flaws.

[mcm64d]

To journal....

Onto a new high today. Woke up and had a nice lay-in this morning. The first Saturday I have not gone to work in a while, so I decided to treat myself to extra bed time with the now world's most famous cat.

From there I did some heavy cleaning and laundry. I have forgone my meetup in Learning French to devote time Saturdays to cleaning. (Geist- take note- this from Treasur (paraphrase)- cleaning and scrubbing are terrific releases of negative energy.)

I love the feeling of my clean apartment and the pain of losing my house is slowly dissipating. Sets up my favorite thing about Sundays- having a day of rest at home with maybe some wine and definitely something in the oven or on the stove for hours creating such a beautiful warm feeling inside. Used to love this with my wife and again, that pain is slowly dissipating.

I love her. I miss her. But today I am not letting that hurt. Instead I am trying to focus on how great of a person I feel knowing that after all the pain and destruction she has caused that I can and do love her. That's the true difference. She has decided to focus on those negative things about me- some very real and others perceived or from so long ago it doesn't make any sense anymore, while I focus on her beautiful qualities.

One such- last year at this time my Eagles were in the Super Bowl and lost. (I am disliking American football more by the day- too many commercials and not enough actual playing). Anyway, she was more upset for me that they lost than I was. She bought me a few things to cheer me up in the weeks following. Very strange for a person who now claims she was wanting divorce for a while now.....

Trying on the positives today to see how they fit. So far, so good. Highly recommend this for everyone.

But then those here that know me best know the downs are on the way.....but I choose not to see them today. Maybe later this week or next.....

Hoping you all are as well as can be during all of this.......

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

She supposes my wife simply fell out of love.

There is a truth to the statement. However, she didn't fall out of love with you, she fell out of love with herself.

You never know what is going through another person's mind or feelings at any given moment. Having been on this planet for many years, I have begun to realize we all are close to the edge and all it takes are a few chemical imbalances and traumatic events to trigger our own crisis.

Think how all of this has impacted you and your world. Feeling as if you are not worthy of love. Been there too and the feeling is really awful. Just remind yourself that this is not about you. Your job is to recover and move forward. Trust me, there are lot of people out there and you will find another, but don't rush. Take this time to heal and as you clean, focus on your positives.

One such- last year at this time my Eagles were in the Super Bowl and lost.

Yes, they lost, but they played a great game. I am a diehard Broncos fan since I was twelve and learned all about football listening to the radio as the Broncos went to their first Super Bowl in 1978. They played terrible and proceeded to play three more Super Bowls losing each one in even more horrible fashion. It wasn't until 1998 that they finally delivered a Super Bowl win. Now the team is in complete disfunction and can't even make it to the playoffs let alone a Super Bowl. However, I am still a fan and will be looking forward to another year of misery.

But then those here that know me best know the downs are on the way.....but I choose not to see them today. Maybe later this week or next.....

We all will have our downs. It's one thing to feel as if you will be down forever, or you can work to create a win for you to pull yourself out of a down period.

Have an awesome day,

(((Ready)))

[UrsaMajor]

Yes, they lost, but they played a great game. I am a diehard Broncos fan since I was twelve and learned all about football listening to the radio as the Broncos went to their first Super Bowl in 1978. They played terrible and proceeded to play three more Super Bowls losing each one in even more horrible fashion. It wasn't until 1998 that they finally delivered a Super Bowl win. Now the team is in complete disfunction and can't even make it to the playoffs let alone a Super Bowl. However, I am still a fan and will be looking forward to another year of misery.

(((Ready)))

I knew there was something I liked about you!



I was in the High School Marching Band that played at the half-time show in Mile High for the AFC Playoff game between the Broncos and the Raiders in 1980.......

[mcm64d]

Six month anniversary of bomb drop today. What a ride this has been. Its finally, seemingly calming down externally....internally it comes and goes.

I really have the urge to be childish and rip into her today, congratulating her on her swift obliteration, udder destruction of everything I held dear. But I know it will only come back to hurt me worse. Very unfair.

[UrsaMajor]

I really have the urge to be childish and rip into her today, congratulating her on her swift obliteration, udder destruction of everything I held dear.

But I know it will only come back to hurt me worse. Very unfair.

Just like this guy.....


Don't poke the Monster....

[JohnnyBravo]

Having been on this planet for many years, I have begun to realize we all are close to the edge...

Grandmaster Flash is now inspiring my Monday, so thanks for that.

JB

[mcm64d]

So a new update from how this world turns....

I have been receiving a tom of calls on my cell the last two days from unknown numbers and a text addressed to my ex wife. Apparently she is trying to buy real estate (presumable with the proceeds from my house). I finally had enough, created a new bank account and transferred my savings into it and texted her that my social security number had better not be involved with whatever she is doing.

She replied it better not be....whatever.

Then went on to ask if she can meet me at my work to give me the check for the sale of our assets and to exchange back up keys to our cars. I said in no uncertain terms do I want her at my work and to mail the stupid thing. Also told her that she needs to get my number off of her business dealings.

I went further to tell her that its bad enough she yelled at me plenty of times for setting everything aside so I could work and go back to college to provide a better future and cited that as a reason for divorce and now she is reaping the benefits of it so get me off these dealings.

I also told her I did not deserve divorce but she already knew that. I know I shouldn't have contacted her and spewed but I could not resist it. I think I did things respectfully.

I will have to call the county next week to see where she is with whatever final filing she has to do to make sure this divorce gores thru. Sorry world... now back to your regularly scheduled programming!!

[mcm64d]

and a little more to be sorry about....guess it is just been built up so long....

she cannot understand why she has to mail the check, so I explained that her grandmother will not help me out, so I have no other choice. I told her (which is what she said to me after she MONSTERED big time on me) that I can be around her unless there is someone around to help me if she goes psycho. She is the psycho timebomb that is proud to have built a legacy on death and divorce.

After all that, she still says she cannot understand why she has to mail the check and will it get to me (I asked her to mail it to our old address as I will not give my new address)

Not sure why the constant question over and over but whatever. I am sorry to each of you for this. Not really the example I would like to be.