Yep, some people are serial cheaters. And in the 60’s, in a deep catholic souther European country, with no divorce, well… My MIL is/was deep catholic and from a small hinterland village. By then things were not like now, let alone in such place, and she grow in what we can call an old fashioned way.
Your husband could be a womanizer that it was not acceptable to separate or divorce him. But, when they meet, I don’t think she had any idea he was a womanizer. No way she could know. He lived in the big city, was from a good family, younger than her. She married at 30, too late for a woman her age. And there was no dating like we know it. They would never be alone until they married. FIL would only see her at her family house or at the village ball, always with her mother or father near by.
And, well, it was expected of a man to have other women. The wife was for having children. However, at first, they got along well, went abroad on their honeymoon, went to exhibitions. First kid come (SIL) and thing remained good. Second kid was on its way and FIL went back to his single days and never stopped. He had been having affairs since by husband was inside his mum’s belly. A thing that has always deeply hurt husband. Husband totally despised is dad because of it and what come after. MIL both withdrew into herself and played the social part of a woman of that social circle: husband does as he wants since he is a man. No questioning it.
My FIL was never remorseful. And, cammon, he had been a cheater since his son was on his mum’s belly. FIL never left MIL or the kids with any financial problem. Always provided for them, even after divorce. But the situation, especially when a primary and permanent (until a couple of years ago) OW come along, husband was devastated. Of course husband would had prefer FIL to have done more for the marriage but FIL wanted OW better. FIL was living between OW and MIL. And everyone had to walk on eggshells because of FIL. Everyone but me that did not fear or care less about upsetting “the great man”. I was always civil but pretty much ignored him.
My FIL left years before MIL agreed to the divorce and moved in full time with permanent OW (of course he cheated on OW a million times), when the kids were already in their 20’s.
But is was tough. Having dad escaping Christmas, not attending kids birthdays, not going on holidays with them and saying he had to work when everyone, kids included, knew he was going to meet OW.
Once, when I already dated husband, we were very young, 20 maybe, we had went to the movies and we meet FIL with OW downtown. Husband was livid, did not said a word. I said hello. OW asked husband how he was, was very sweet with him. Not a word from husband. FIL also never untold people that the kids were not his and OW. People though (except a chosen few) that FIL and OW were the kids parents. They had no idea MIL existed.
I would hit the roof with the whole thing and though MIL should divorce. When MIL finally did she confess me she regretted not had done much earlier but there was her mother, and her religion, and she used to thing she could not do it. She end up realising she had been wasting her life with FIL, being the good obedient wife.
MLC affairs are not the same as having a womanizer for a dad.
And, now, here we are, with husband being his dad, pretending OW2 is the wife and having no one knowing (or nearly no one) that he has a wife.
My husband was not happy with anything he had done prior to BD and until OW1 was no more. From then on I don’t know for sure, but I don’t think he is proud of himself. And worries a lot of what I think of him. He panics that I have a bad image of him. Wish for now I do. And he knows it.
So, I guess it is not easy becoming the thing your fear and despise the most: your cheating dad and beyond. I have no idea how one deals with it or heals from it. Husband has to heal from the past and from his own actions. Seems to much for a mere human being to bare.
Agree, if an MLCer was in its right mind would never risk subjecting is own children (and spouse) to such thing. But I truly don’t know how, in my husband’s case, he is going to deal with the whole mess. It has so much to process, to address, to get through… running sounds more appealing, I think… But don't think it will work forever.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)
"I Don't Buy It" - One woman's story of her H's MLC
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